Marriage: Still Worth It?

Off Topic
61

[quote]gainera2582 wrote:
Its also a good idea that both husband and wife each work so that it creates more chance for stability and less chance for affairs and problems down the road. [/quote]

I don’t think this is true. It can be a problem if both people work. With men and women both in the workplace, it creates more opportunities to have friendships with members of the opposite sex that detract from the marriage.

When one partner comes home from work, he or she has to do more work around the house, because the other one has been at work all day as well. There’s less financial incentive for the woman to stay with the husband, and less of a feeling of obligation of the husband to take care of his wife. Gender roles are confused.

I don’t think two income households are all bad, but they are not unqualifiedly good.

62

[quote]Zap Branigan wrote:
BigRagoo wrote:
Tithonus81 wrote:
I think a lot of the “Dr. Phil” types on here would get a decent dose of cynicism (or perhaps reality) if their lovey dovey, together-forever left them tomorrow. It can happen to anyone.

Absolutely. People can change their minds like they change socks. But usually there are signs that shit is about to happen. You have to be keen enough to pick up on it, which means communication is paramount. If you can’t communicate with your spouse, you have a great chance of winding up single.

If you don’t see it coming your cluelessness is probably the cause.[/quote]

EXACTLY

63

[quote]gainera2582 wrote:
Ill wait as long as it takes to get married. I know a lot of my friends couldn’t wait an got hooked up with girls as fast as possible, and are already engaged and marrying with in the next year or two(and their only 23, 24ish).

A prenup is actually a good thing to sign. Honestly, if you have funds that you have built up before you tie the knot, it would be a good way to protect those from being taken away if somehow a divorce did happen. And don’t forget, if she won’t sign a prenup, she ain’t the one to marry(shes a golddigger). A girl who agrees to a prenup actually cares about you more than the almighty dollar.

Its also a good idea that both husband and wife each work so that it creates more chance for stability and less chance for affairs and problems down the road. [/quote]

Good call man, don’t rush in too young just because all your friends are getting hitched. You’re still figuring out what kind of woman will make you happy for the rest of your life, and whether the two of you will continue to grow and change together, in a similar direction. When people get married too young, things are often great for awhile, but they’re not finished learning what works for them, and they’re not finished growing - they end up changing and growing further apart.

64

[quote]
Tithonus81 wrote:
I think a lot of the “Dr. Phil” types on here would get a decent dose of cynicism (or perhaps reality) if their lovey dovey, together-forever left them tomorrow. It can happen to anyone.

BigRagoo wrote:
Absolutely. People can change their minds like they change socks. But usually there are signs that shit is about to happen. You have to be keen enough to pick up on it, which means communication is paramount. If you can’t communicate with your spouse, you have a great chance of winding up single. [/quote]

There are other more inherent early warning signs. I think that if you find you are with someone who changes her mind easily on big items, you may want to re-think marrying her – and IMHO your early warning lights should also go off if you know a person has cheated on a committed adult relationship (i.e. not in high school…).

65

I agree w/ popeye.

“Marriage is great for guys that ain’t single”

68

[quote]gainera2582 wrote:
Its also a good idea that both husband and wife each work so that it creates more chance for stability and less chance for affairs and problems down the road. [/quote]

And no time to spend together, do things together, share life together.

My soon to be ex-wife is a restaurant manager with completely different work schedule than me. After a few years of this I started expressing that I’d like to be able to spend more time together. She ultimately decided that I couldn’t be happy unless she compromised her career, even though I was compromising mine by taking frequent days off when she had a day off so that we could spend them together.

And this was after we helped put each other and supported each other through most of college, being poor, etc.

Sorry, feeling a little bitter at the moment.

69

[quote]BigRagoo wrote:
Tithonus81 wrote:
I think a lot of the “Dr. Phil” types on here would get a decent dose of cynicism (or perhaps reality) if their lovey dovey, together-forever left them tomorrow. It can happen to anyone.

Absolutely. People can change their minds like they change socks. But usually there are signs that shit is about to happen. You have to be keen enough to pick up on it, which means communication is paramount. If you can’t communicate with your spouse, you have a great chance of winding up single. [/quote]

That’s why you marry someone with principles, who WON’T drop her panties when Brad Pitt comes calling. Women such as this do exist — just find a woman whom you can honestly trust.

I know, I’ve been lucky. I’ve actually had 2 women in my life like this. The first died of a heart arythmia 2 days before her 24th birthday.

70

[quote]Jinx Me wrote:
Better to die a bachelor than live in a shitty marriage, imo.
[/quote]

I am doing well then! :stuck_out_tongue:

71

[quote]ProjectX wrote:
how about this… unemployed lazy guy, not a hardworker or ambitious, buys a lottery ticket, wins powerball, owns a mansion and three lambos.

do you think he might just get an attractive girlfriend too?

is it because his material things reflect his ambitions and hard work?

nope.

Of course you’re right. And the same goes for a lazy guy who inherits money.

Nevertheless, I think my point remains true as a general rule. After all, most of the money in this world is earned, not won or inherited.

I guess we would both agree that how the money is made is at least if not more important than how much. Fortunately, there are women who feel the same way, and they are inevitably the ones worth pursuing.[/quote]

yeah i agree. just wanted to point out that the material wealth itself is a huge factor regardless of how it was earned (spoiled rich kids, children of royalty get tons of hot girls).

but aside from that kind of money, yeah women respect a man that earns his keep instead of sitting around being a worthless stump.

72

[quote]jwillow wrote:

When I blurted out during one of these grilling sessions “I don’t know why people would get married unless they’re ready to have kids”, I think what she heard me say was “I don’t love you enough to marry you; I don’t think you’re the one for me.” I’m not certain. We never discussed it afterwards. But that may have been the beginning of the slow unravelling of our relationship.[/quote]

Man, that is so similar to an experience I had in my early twenties. I was at my cousin’s wedding reception, and told somebody that I wasn’t going to get married until I was ready to have kids. My girlfriend of 2 years overheard that, and pulled me aside. She had a confession to make: 6 months earlier, she had an abortion. Felt she had to tell me now for whatever reason (I forget exactly how she put it, this was 25+ years ago).

That was definitely the beginning of the unraveling of our relationship. Lies and deception, I hate that. I’ve hated abortion ever since, as well. The crying I did that night, I will never forget.

73

I always had to wonder if the alpha males bang the wives(with their connivance, of course) of beta/gamma/delta males to the genetic advantage of the wives: they’ve security of owning a man who’s bangin’ above his pay-grade, yet she gets superior genes from her furtive casanova.

One trick is to marry a really religious woman, but then she tries to convert you… ugh!

74

My only contribution to this thread will be to say that I have recently come to believe that the ‘50% of marriages fail’ figure is misleading.

The reason that I say this is because a buddy of mine, through his job, works with a lot of people who would be considered, for lack of a better term, trash. Take that as you will. The relevant part is that he was telling me about one individual (who has caused him a disproportionate anmount of grief) who has been divorced THREE times. She’s 32.

Think about that. It takes three good, solid marriages just to get the stats to 50%. All because of one psycho head case. I don’t think this necessarily has to do with social standing, as we’ve all heard of wall-streeters who work 100 hours a week and drift, CEOs who bang their secretaries and PLENTY of rich hollywood stars who have ahd multiple failed marriages.

I have no idea how many people with multiple failed marriages there are, but it really makes me believe more along the lines of what db44 wrote when he said he and his wife both came from large families with stable marriages. Our parents are our models for A LOT of what we aspire to, why not marriage as well?

75

I grew up in an obnoxious suburb of NYC(redundant?) where divorce was the norm: I almost felt left out when I was little because I didn’t have any step-family!

76

[quote]pushharder wrote:
I get a kick out of some the posts here from single people who are giving out advice on marriage, especially from singles who have never been married.

Shall we draw some weight- training/gym/nutrition analogies here? No, it would be waaaaay too easy.[/quote]

I’m not married (yet), although it does seem to be looking like it will be happening within the next 2-3 years.

Yet, I can’t help but say that this post by pushharder was exactly what I was thinking when I read up to his post.

“Another unmarried marriage councellor,” as the old saying goes.

77

[quote]CaliforniaLaw wrote:
Only marry if your spouse outearns you. Period.[/quote]

that advice is gold. pure gold

78

[quote]pushharder wrote:
I get a kick out of some the posts here from single people who are giving out advice on marriage, especially from singles who have never been married.

Shall we draw some weight- training/gym/nutrition analogies here? No, it would be waaaaay too easy.[/quote]

I don’t know if this was aimed at me or not but I feel I should clarify my intention with my original post. I wasn’t trying to give advice on marriage, I was just pointing out that being single is a viable option that is often overlooked.

However I now do want to add that I have seen many marriages fall apart in my years on this earth, and my observations are not effected by any personal experience either good or bad. Sometimes it takes a person with no personal involvement to see what is really going on in a situation without their conclusions being biased by their own personal experiences.

79

[quote]Headhunter wrote:
I know, I’ve been lucky. I’ve actually had 2 women in my life like this. The first died of a heart arythmia 2 days before her 24th birthday. [/quote]

Jesus - that’s awful. I’m really sorry to hear that, I can’t imagine your grief at the time.

But yes, Headhunter is right - there are good women out there. You just need to find them. This idea that unless you’re a cynical prick you’ll get fucked over by your woman as soon as someone “better” comes along is pretty misguided. Yes you can get screwed - my ex-girlfriend did a number on me not long before I met my wife, but in retrospect I certainly should have seen it coming.

You definitely need to keep your eyes open, but the inference that anyone with a positive outlook on marriage is a “Dr. Phil type” - eh, please, spare me the stereotypes.

My wife is my best friend. We were friends for a year before we dated, then went out for 3 years before we got engaged. Then we were engaged for a year. We just passed our fourth wedding anniversary in December. We were 36 (me) and 29 (her) on our wedding day. About 2 years into our marriage my wife’s mother was diagnosed with stage 4 small cell lung cancer - 4 inch tumor in her chest. My wife’s an only child and her father died suddenly when she was a senior in high school, so it was just the two of us for 9 months, totally consumed with caring for her until she died. And it just made our relationship that much stronger. I’d cared for my sick grandparents for years when I was younger, so taking this on was daunting, but there was no question - I did anything that was necessary without complaint, because she’s so important to me and because it was simply the right thing to do.

We also bonded through bodybuilding, since when we met she was fairly clueless about training - 8 years later she’s built an impressive body and has a tremendous knowledge of training and nutrition protocols. As I said - that’s something that bonded us, and continues to bond us to this day.

Could something happen to us to ruin it? Of course, the potential is always there. That said, having a good marriage takes some effort, but it should be something you have no problem complying with if you truly care for your partner and the quality of your marriage.

Too many people just don’t see that they need to be considerate of their partner all the time. Not just occasionally. We always think of each other in our every day actions, and that makes it work nicely.

You wouldn’t expect to build a muscular body based on a foundation of shit, so why would marriage be any different?

80

There are no good reasons to get married. No bad ones either. The life you plan is not the life that actually happens.

There is no “ideal mate”. No person should ever be expected to live up to your expectations. And if you think you found your perfect soulmate, what makes you think he or she would want to marry your sorry ass anyway?