[quote]Aleksandr wrote:
Neuromancer wrote:
No offence taken,I was thinking of the child aspect before I read your post and,yes they get respect too.
Teenage boys,now they are starting to be seen more as 'men 'and get treated accordingly,which is to say they get respect but no deference.Same goes for middle aged and young men.
So perhaps in my mind it’s more my use of what may be considered deferential treatment to more overtly show a certain amount of respect,rather than just the respect per se.
Of course the same deferential treatment may also be seen by some as condescending and demeaning,but that then goes down to what my intent may or may not be in acting the way I do.
The problem is that positive attitudes about women are associated with hostility against women. It seems paradoxical, but it’s well documented. If you want to learn more about this, take a look at Peter Glick’s Ambivalent Sexism Inventory. It’s pretty interesting stuff.
At the most basic level, by opening a door for a woman, you may be reducing her status to that of a child or an elderly person. That’s patronizing, and I bet doesn’t always feel very good (of course, some women may like to be treated this way, but clearly, some don’t).
Personally, I’ll open a door for anyone, because like you say, it’s just being courteous. That’s right, show courtesy to other men, too![/quote]
I agree that that is a valid perpective.
So how do I,as an individual,differentiate between those that will take offense and those that will not?
If one cannot decipher this before the fact,then one is left with a personal choice of how to approach this situation when it arises.
Mine has ,for better or worse,been instilled in me from my upbringing,and I am personally content with it.
Let us now split a hair or two as regards courtesy.I have been working under the assumption here that when we talk about opening doors for women,it’s me holding the door open and where possible,allowing her to pass through first.Or opening her car door.
If I walk through a door and I know there is someome behind me ,regardless of age or gender I will hold it open for them too,as like you rightly point out,that is common courtesy.
