she moved away, we broke up, went our seperate ways.
few months later, ran into one of her old friends, hooked up with her friend a few times.
friend moves to another state. friend and i are not activly talking
more months later, run into old gf. hit it off. asks me if i hooked up with any of her friends.
i deny, assuming it would only ruin chances of us having a good time together.
we hang out a bunch, road trip, blah blah.
i go off to army training. get a txt msg saying she knows about the friend and she doesn’t date liers. done deal.
so what was the right answer here? should i really of admited to sleeping with her friend? this question was brought up after we had hung out a few times and we both knew we wanted to see each other again.
i just feel like bringing that up would of ruined any chance of me and the ex being able to have a good time.
This is a double edged sword situation. In which case you are better off do the decent thing and just being honest. That way even if she hates you for it you aren’t a liar.
You did the right thing and it was just bad luck that you were found out. You could go on to deny it, tell her her friend is just being crazy and potentially salvage the whole situation.
Or, you know, be honest and talk about your feelings. But that’s just boring.
Get freaked out that she was talking about you to her friend. Make her feel bad for bringing you up, talk about how sensitive you are when it comes to discussion of relationships you’re in.
You weren’t with her when you hooked up with her friend so it shouldn’t matter. Especially if she lived in another state. However, when she asked you should have told her. If she gets all pissed off about it then fine let her go on her way, it’s not worth the headache. If she doesn’t then you are golden.
[quote]CapnYousef wrote:
Get freaked out that she was talking about you to her friend. Make her feel bad for bringing you up, talk about how sensitive you are when it comes to discussion of relationships you’re in.
Shes the villain here.
(itd be awesome if that worked btw)[/quote]
This has the word “insecurity” written all over it.
Be a man, stand for the things you’ve done/
I think it’s odd that she asked you the question in the first place. If you had answered honestly, she may have said this is a no go and walked. I was married to a compulsive liar so after the divorce honesty became a “thing” with me. I’ve had guys give me honest answers to some tough questions. They always got my respect, even if I didn’t love the answer. 9 times out of 10, the answer wasn’t a deal breaker for me. A lie was 100% a deal breaker, though. With all of the modes of communcation today, it’s safe to assume that a person will eventually find the truth and you should go with honesty.
Seriously dude, in Austria we´ve got a saying that “there are many beautiful daughters from other mothers”, there are plenty of other girls to check out. You tried to hide, didn´t work… Fuck it. Don´t do it again in the future, that´s all there is to say
You should have said yes, nrah! Girls don’t have that whole “dont fuck my friend” thing…prolly because she has fucked her friend…you cprobably just blew yourself out of a 3way by not being truthful.
A) If you just want to hit it, lie your ass off to get what you’re after.
B) If you want an actual relationship, lying is never the right choice.
B1) If you don’t want to lie but think the truth will be messy - simply choose not to answer!
Contrary to seemingly popular belief, there is an alternative to lying and to telling the complete and unabridged version of every waking second of your life. It’s called respecting your own privacy. You are under no obligation to spill your guts to anyone. When the “who did you sleep with while we were apart” question comes up, you can simply say, “We were apart and our lives were our own to live. I’m not going to ask you for a sexual accounting of what you did; you’re not a child to have to answer to me for anything. I’d ask you give me the same respect I’m showing you. Now, I’d love to tell you about how my job/school/hobby is going…”
Same concept goes for when the whole “how many sex partners have you had” question comes up. There is NEVER a good answer to this for either party. And what’s more, none of it really matters whatever the number happens to be! But for some reason folks like to make up shit about what a “too high” or “too low” number means and then judge the person negatively for whatever their answer is. So don’t answer! Protect yourself, LOVE yourself enough not to put yourself at another’s judgmental mercy. Not answering also protects the OTHER person from making crazy shit up about what your ‘number’ means.
Sometimes, it’s a very loving thing (to both parties) to do to NOT answer prying, privacy invading questions. People have often been lead to believe that in relationships, there are no lines between the parties but that both parties have absolute right to know everything about the other person when they want to know it. Soooo not true. That’s about as codependent a dynamic as can be. Just remember, not answering is very different than avoiding or lying by omission. You have to verbalize that you are choosing not to answer and verbalize your reasons why. Otherwise, it’s a lie of omission and can bite you in the ass.
