Well here is the deal. I’m rooming in an apartment with one of my good friends at college and what’s really been bugging me lately is the amount of time that his gf is over. I’m currently working full time this quarter, and with my gym schedule, I literally spend about 2 waking hours in the apartment each day of the week, and a good amount of time there on the weekend. Now I wouldn’t have a problem if she was over a few times a week or so, but she essentially lives there with him. I’m talking 7 days a week she is there and sleeps over, and is always there whenever I come home from work. She is literally there more than me at this point, yet her name is not on the lease.
The first thing that should be noted is that we split rent, utilities, cable, etc right down the middle, so there also is this money issue to consider with my roommmate. His gf is there, uses things like gas, watches the tv (cable), stays there every night, and does not contribute money. She isn’t a pain in the ass, like taking my food or whatever, but she does dirty dishes and only recently has she become better with cleaning.
Now to be fair, I don’t dislike his gf, but I certainly don’t like her as I think she is too shy/introverted and not very sociable. I’m told I can be a bit intimidating, but she acts weird around me and in my home I don’t want to have to deal with that. Most people, when seeing each other for the first time of the day, are rather cordial, ask questions, communicate, etc.; well she does none of this in terms of friendly reciprocation. Generally keeps to herself or her activities and does not try to be cordial. Should I not have a right to be recognized in my home? Also, I have a gf who spends time over here as well, but maybe one night during the week, and usally Friday night and Saturday night as well (2-3 nights in total). And during the day on Saturday we are generally out doing something anyways.
Based on the facts of the situation I just want to know whether I seem to be going overboard or am I justified in telling my friend that his roommate needs to GTFO a few times a week? Should she be able to stay over more but chip in for some rent or something? How would people handle this, or am I just a pansy?
Explain to your roommate how you feel about the situation. If he doesnt care, if his GF thinks she is hot shit ,if she dont even try to be nice and overlook you in your own house, start the fucking war.
Had a similar problem. My roommates girlfriend moved in and was a total bitch to me even though I always tried to nice to her. Whenever she was home alone she’d crank up the heat. She doubled our gas bill for the two months she as there and didn’t pay a dime.
I’d leave his girlfriend be. She might be intimidated by you, may be shy, may not have anything to say to you, or she may just not like you. She also might not be ‘warmed up’ to you yet, and sometimes it will take some time to get her to feel comfortable around you.
Anyway, I don’t see the situation changing very much and if you talk to your buddy/her boyfriend and he mentions it she will probably continue to do it out of spite. I don’t know about the health of her relationship w/ her boyfriend, but I don’t know if he will dump her for the sake of your sanity.
I’m like that too, and cordial conversation for the sake of having it doesn’t interest me at all and pulls me away from some of the stuff I got going on. I’ll talk to certain people, but other people I will ignore to various degrees for various reasons. I’ll ignore them even more if they try to force something that I have made obvious I want no part of. I’ve found it really sets a certain breed of people off.
I understand its your house too, but thats the price you pay for having roommates. Do your thing, let her do hers, and try not to get worked up about it.
Regardless, I think its fair to tell them to GTFO a couple nights a week if you are busting your ass and want some time for yourself. I doubt you’ll get money from her, but telling them to go to her place to hang out is reasonable. If she was hanging out at your place constantly by herself w/o your roomate being home, I’d put a stop to that shit right away.
Try to not to start prodding your buddy about his girlfriend personally though or you might end up pissing him off as he probably doesn’t want to hear it.
I would do two things. Since she isnt a big bitch…just there alot but not annoying I would ask them to give you a little space. Spend some time at her house or w/e because you feel a bit uncomfortable with her always there. I would also try to start conversations with her… be warm and friendly…well you know how to make a girl comfortable Id think.
One thing that has taken me years to – and I am still learning, is that contentment comes not from moulding your surroundings to your liking, but accepting things as they are. You’re probably thinking “But it’s my house! I shouldn’t have to adapt!” Well, if you don’t you’ll just end up more irritated than you are now.
It’s natural that if the view from one’s window of the mountains are blocked by a tree, that they should want that tree cut down. But then the neighbour’s house is in the way. After the house is torn down, there are more trees, more houses, whole cities, etc.
If you get your friend’s GF out, you will be irritated that he’s never there to hang out, or that he’s not there to do his share of the chores, etc.
I’m not saying always be a push-over, but check your post. How petty are most of those things? Does it matter she’s watching ‘your’ cable? How long does it take to wash an extra dish? Does your roommate ever do your dishes?
You’re completely justified in feeling the way you do but if you value this particular friendship, you’re better off NOT confronting him. I mean what, you’re going to call out his girl for being an aloof homebody?
[quote]johnnytang24 wrote:
One thing that has taken me years to – and I am still learning, is that contentment comes not from moulding your surroundings to your liking, but accepting things as they are. You’re probably thinking “But it’s my house! I shouldn’t have to adapt!” Well, if you don’t you’ll just end up more irritated than you are now.
It’s natural that if the view from one’s window of the mountains are blocked by a tree, that they should want that tree cut down. But then the neighbour’s house is in the way. After the house is torn down, there are more trees, more houses, whole cities, etc.
If you get your friend’s GF out, you will be irritated that he’s never there to hang out, or that he’s not there to do his share of the chores, etc.
I’m not saying always be a push-over, but check your post. How petty are most of those things? Does it matter she’s watching ‘your’ cable? How long does it take to wash an extra dish? Does your roommate ever do your dishes?[/quote]
[quote]johnnytang24 wrote:
One thing that has taken me years to – and I am still learning, is that contentment comes not from moulding your surroundings to your liking, but accepting things as they are. You’re probably thinking “But it’s my house! I shouldn’t have to adapt!” Well, if you don’t you’ll just end up more irritated than you are now.
It’s natural that if the view from one’s window of the mountains are blocked by a tree, that they should want that tree cut down. But then the neighbour’s house is in the way. After the house is torn down, there are more trees, more houses, whole cities, etc.
If you get your friend’s GF out, you will be irritated that he’s never there to hang out, or that he’s not there to do his share of the chores, etc.
I’m not saying always be a push-over, but check your post. How petty are most of those things? Does it matter she’s watching ‘your’ cable? How long does it take to wash an extra dish? Does your roommate ever do your dishes?[/quote]
Walk around with your wang out … seriously, I had housemates who put me in similar situations … I just started walking around in my birthday suit like it was no big deal (which it shouldn’t be … it’s your house foo’) … So, seriously, walk around with your wang out … I started making breakfast in the nude and now it’s a habit … my gf loves it
[quote]polo77j wrote:
Walk around with your wang out … seriously, I had housemates who put me in similar situations … I just started walking around in my birthday suit like it was no big deal (which it shouldn’t be … it’s your house foo’) … So, seriously, walk around with your wang out … I started making breakfast in the nude and now it’s a habit … my gf loves it [/quote]
Lol, don’t think I have the balls for that (no pun intended), but it does piss me off to no end to have to always wear pants around my house. I’m in work slacks all day long and its always been a habit of mine to not wear pants when I get home, but I can’t do that in case the wang wants to say ‘hello’ in front of his gf.
Be honest, it isn’t the cable, water usage, dirty dishes, you just don’t want her around all the time. That’s fair and if you want to say something to him about it you’re well within your rights to do that. Just be prepared to accept the worst; losing him as a friend, both of them being pissy with you for weeks/months, him moving in with her and leaving you without someone to take 1/2 the bills, trying to move you out, etc. Not saying that’s going to happen, but be prepared for it.
As far as accepting the situation, maybe. But if you’re going to be kicking yourself for acting like a pussy, better to do something about it than let it go. Acceptance is too often used as an excuse for not taking action. Ex. Some wuss saying “I can’t deadlift because it hurts my back.” instead of someone fixing their back and learning how to lift properly so it doesn’t hurt.
And walking around having your junk “accidentally” fall out is pure win.
[quote]theuofh wrote:
I’m like that too, and cordial conversation for the sake of having it doesn’t interest me at all and pulls me away from some of the stuff I got going on. I’ll talk to certain people, but other people I will ignore to various degrees for various reasons. I’ll ignore them even more if they try to force something that I have made obvious I want no part of. I’ve found it really sets a certain breed of people off.
I understand its your house too, but thats the price you pay for having roommates. Do your thing, let her do hers, and try not to get worked up about it. [/quote]
I’m not big on super trivial conversation for the sake of it as well, but do you think that its just polite to at least acknowledge the only other person who lives at the house besides her bf? Thats what kind of pisses me off. I’m not saying we have to get into deep conversation or talk about ‘say yes to the dress’, but a ‘hi, how was your day’ would be nice rather than simply ignoring me and pretending like I don’t live there or something.
Try just talking with your roommate about the issue, how you feel, and how her paying for some of the utilities might better both of you. Maybe see if he would be willing to spend the night at her house from time to time so you can have some peace.
If he’s adamant about it though, you may just have to yield. You admit this is a pretty minor issue, and I don’t know if it’s worth a huge fight.
[quote]polo77j wrote:
Walk around with your wang out … seriously, I had housemates who put me in similar situations … I just started walking around in my birthday suit like it was no big deal (which it shouldn’t be … it’s your house foo’) … So, seriously, walk around with your wang out … I started making breakfast in the nude and now it’s a habit … my gf loves it [/quote]
Lol, don’t think I have the balls for that (no pun intended), but it does piss me off to no end to have to always wear pants around my house. I’m in work slacks all day long and its always been a habit of mine to not wear pants when I get home, but I can’t do that in case the wang wants to say ‘hello’ in front of his gf.[/quote]
Baby steps man … baby steps. Start out by wearing sweats and a t-shirt and socks … you know like pj’s or something … then after a week or two of that move onto boxers or shorts and wife beater and socks … then after that move onto boxer briefs and a wife beater with socks … after that, just briefs, wife beater, socks … after that briefs and socks … then after that, socks…always wear socks, that’s the easiest way to avoid catching a cold is always wear socks
