Lines That Aren't Funny Anymore

Off Topic
101

[quote]postholedigger wrote:

[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:

[quote]postholedigger wrote:

[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:

I think we’re actually arguing now. Would be impossible if not for the internet.[/quote]

I know, right?

…I mean…

To be honest, at the end of the day, this is NOT good.

My bad.[/quote]
It’s cool man. I mean really other than research, shopping and porn, what amount of time spent on the internet isn’t retarded?[/quote]

None of it, my Level 0 brother. None at all.[/quote]
I totally agree. Although, being retarded can be entertaining.

PS, I have two secrets:

  1. There are multiple supp companies though this site has great articles
  2. Most supps are derived from the foods already in my diet.

Just saying, with all due respect, BOOM!

102

Hero asks damsel in distress or comic relief sidekick:

“Do you know how to fire a gun?”

Love interest or sidekick tries to fire the gun. Nothing happens.
Hero follows weapon fail with one of two hilarious punchlines:

“The safety’s on”

or

“You need to put the safety off”

Smug grin from hero says it all: “That’s why I’m the lead and you’re hapless support”.

103

[quote]polo77j wrote:
“That’s what she said”

It wasn’t even funny anymore when Steve Carrell did it every fuckin’ episode of the Office.[/quote]

That predates the office by decades, but I agree none the less

104

[quote]bond james bond wrote:

[quote]PimpBot5000 wrote:
“SAY! Don’t get sore!..SEE??”

Actually, this never gets old. If you want to amuse yourself and confuse the hell out of friends and colleagues, add a circa 1920’s “SEE??” to the end of every statement. It makes it a very strong imperative.

Bonus points if you refer to women as “Dames”
[/quote]

Holy shit, I said both at work the other night in a conversation joking around lol, NYeah, Nyeah sniffsniff* It only works with a James Cagney voice.

[/quote]

If you watch old movies or read stories from back in the 30s and 40s, you notice the dialog is different. Don’t know if it was a just a tough guy thing invented for the movies, or if real people talked that way, but it seems like everyone – women and men – spoke in brief sarcastic quips. Plus you had lots of cool slang. A guy might tell his friend, “Willya get a load of the gams on that dame? I’d like for us to pile into my heap and go catch a flick at the drive-in.” To which his “pal” might reply, “Go on, Valentino! You’re too yellow to even talk to a hot tomato like her.”

105

[quote]postholedigger wrote:
Anything Steven Seagal says in a movie when trying to be witty.

ie 1:

Seagal (totally deadpan): Come on, give me your best shot.
Bad guy:
Seagal (still expressionless): no, I said your “best” shot.
Bad guy:
Seagal: If that’s the best you’ve got, I’m going to have to kill you

ie 2:

Seagal sees a campaign poster for a bad guy who is running for office. The campaign poster contains the bad guy’s campaign catch phrase “…and you can take that to the bank.”

Seagal: I’m going to take YOU to the bank…the BLOOD bank.[/quote]

Belly of the Beast: the most appropriate Seagal movie title ever.

106

[quote]bond james bond wrote:

[quote]Nards wrote:
I like to say “Why I oughta pound you!” in that Jimmy Cagney voice.[/quote]

Guilty.

“I hit Kraco, Kraco hit’s me”. I’ve tried that line a few times and sadly nobody gets the referance :frowning:
[/quote]

But you knew I would right? :wink:

107

“I emptied the entire clip into him…and he just kept on coming!”

108

[quote]roybot wrote:
“I emptied the entire clip into him…and he just kept on coming!”[/quote]
I have indeed heard that line about 5 times.

109

[quote]roybot wrote:
“I emptied the entire clip into him…and he just kept on coming!”[/quote]

Sounds like a line in a gay porn film.

Not that I would know from experience.

lol

110

[quote]Iron Dwarf wrote:

[quote]roybot wrote:
“I emptied the entire clip into him…and he just kept on coming!”[/quote]

Sounds like a line in a gay porn film.

Not that I would know from experience.

lol[/quote]

I hear that it’s the cornerstone of Zimmerman’s defense.

111

“He’s already dead…he just doesn’t know it yet”

112

Every single line in The Avengers

113

“Fasten your seat belt…it’s gonna be a bumpy ride!”

I just saw this one on a commercial for CSI Miami and it made me want to murder everything that is capable of producing human speech.

114

[quote]Steel Nation wrote:
“Fasten your seat belt…it’s gonna be a bumpy ride!”

I just saw this one on a commercial for CSI Miami and it made me want to murder everything that is capable of producing human speech.[/quote]

Yep…the seat belt thing is old and was never funny even the first time.

115

When one person is doing something that could be annoying and another person, instead of saying something straightforward like “Please stop that” they say “Um could you like NOT do that?”

Fuck I hate that.

116

Also, if we’re also talking about forum-speak, everything listed here:

117

[quote]Professor X wrote:
“I’m too old for this shit”
[/quote]

Hold on now… This one is awesome. Danny Glover is gettin too old for that shit, but he does it anyway cuz he’s a grizzled old badass. Fuck yea.

118

[quote]Steel Nation wrote:
Also, if we’re also talking about forum-speak, everything listed here:

[/quote]

Ha! I have that very article opened already in another window right now!

119

[quote]csulli wrote:

[quote]Professor X wrote:
“I’m too old for this shit”
[/quote]

Hold on now… This one is awesome. Danny Glover is gettin too old for that shit, but he does it anyway cuz he’s a grizzled old badass. Fuck yea.[/quote]

It was awesome when they used it in the Lethal Weapon series, because it was original then. The problem is it’s still being used.