Sorry to hear your news and hope you’re doing ok considering. Life is strange, but it’ll all work out eventually.
For me, it always goes both ways, yes you should definitely treat your lady as your queen, but in return she should also treat you like her king. If you don’t then why are you together? You should definately both be able to say ‘no’ to one another as well.
You should be the most important person in each other?s lives, but not the only ones. You need to keep yourself and be able to stand alone.
Ebbs & flows. The individuals shouldn’t be lost, but both do need to compromise at times.
Every now and then, it’s more important to say sorry, then to be right. You have no idea how many times your partner may do this for you without you even realising.
J.
Just remember, the sun will shine again tomorrow with or without you. Embrace it.
My buddy Bob told me this, and my buddy Johnny told me this, and my buddy Kevin also told me this… Marriage is great! It’s wonderful and fulfilling and everything you’ve ever imagined it to be and even more!
For about two to three months, and then its the biggest disappointment, frustration and anger and resentment building excercise you’ll ever go through. So I later calculated that that is the best time for a man to get married. Yes, I figured out the timeing. The best time for a man to get married is clearly two or three months before you die!
[quote]Galvatron wrote:
My buddy Bob told me this, and my buddy Johnny told me this, and my buddy Kevin also told me this… Marriage is great! It’s wonderful and fulfilling and everything you’ve ever imagined it to be and even more!
For about two to three months, and then its the biggest disappointment, frustration and anger and resentment building excercise you’ll ever go through. So I later calculated that that is the best time for a man to get married. Yes, I figured out the timeing. The best time for a man to get married is clearly two or three months before you die![/quote]
if thats how you really feel tell her that, it may not be too late,
Im only 20 but dont take all the fucking retarded advice some of the people here, they are bound to make up for divorce statistics, once you are married its not a game anymore, that pussy on a pedestal doesnt apply to shit and no that advice of that “girl” you had for 1month doesnt apply either, my parents are one of the few couples still married in all the friends that i have, its definitely sad to see whats happening these days
I agree with this actually. once you’ve taken the plunge, stop reading Cosmo (or even atomic Dog and SAMA for serious advice). its no longer something you can wing around with…if there’s a problem, you got to SIT DOWN and fucking work around it.
At the same time, don;t be in a hurry to get married till you know exactly how neurotic, excitable, stable and committed the person is.
[quote]believedat wrote:
Once you are married its not a game anymore, that pussy on a pedestal doesnt apply to shit [/quote]
I dressed up twice this week, once for my anniversary on Thursday and then again last night for a Christmas party, after which my husband left town for a week. He’s treated me like a queen through pretty much all of it. He went into high formal manners-mode for the party last night (except for when he picked up a reindeer clothespin-y thing and made perverted eyebrow gestures at me).
I like being treated like a queen. I think it’s necessary for a successful marriage, but it doesn’t work as an all-the-time thing. I’d be irritated if it was all ooh-ing and ahh-ing about how pretty I am…how nice I look…here, can I hold your coat for you? I like it that I can be myself with him. For me, that means swearing and wrestling and giving unsolicited advice and walking into walls. Not all of that lends itself to reverence. There has to be room for roughhousing and being teased and acting like a couple of children.
[quote]tribunaldude wrote:
I agree with this actually. once you’ve taken the plunge, stop reading Cosmo (or even atomic Dog and SAMA for serious advice). its no longer something you can wing around with…if there’s a problem, you got to SIT DOWN and fucking work around it.
At the same time, don;t be in a hurry to get married till you know exactly how neurotic, excitable, stable and committed the person is.
believedat wrote:
Once you are married its not a game anymore, that pussy on a pedestal doesnt apply to shit
I was not saying that we should be “putting the pussy on a pedistal”. I was only saying that as a man I think we have an obligation to act like one. Be the first to extend true love and if you don’t get it in return…then she is not the one.
Be the leader in the situation so that you can hold your head high…regardless of how it ends.
and I was not saying that one should walk out at the first sign of trouble either, I think marriage is worth fighting for…I know I am fighting for mine.
I am saying you reap what you sow, and if you are not acting the part of a true T-Man…then don’t expect to be treated like one. In retrospect, regardless of our situation, I can say that it had been a while since I stood up and acted the part of a true man.
I think too many people get Married these years because they don’t feel like they could do any better. Those are the marriages that ultimately fail because the resentment grows that the person you married isn’t exactly who you want them to be. Then again, I haven’t been married, so who knows.
I still believe in Marriage though, even if statisticall it’s unlikely that it will work out (while under 50% of people get divorced, I bet theres plenty of people out there in unhappy marriages as well). I think I mostly believe because I’ve seen my parents married for a long time and two of my best friends got married over a year ago and are still the happiest people in the world.
What I would like to share with all married men is this:
No matter what the situation, treat her like the queen she deserves to be treated like. Love her daily, tell her what she means to you, buy her flowers, let her know the difference she makes in your life.
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Your setting yourself up to be whipped and stepped on. There is a thin line between being respectful, treat her like a queen, type of guy and being a doormat. Poontang is easily replaceable, there are billions more out there. Find the one who can handle all your faults and don’t change to fit her or she will not respect you and use you.
I am sorry to hear of your loss, but truth be told, I don’t think you were the only one at fault. Like previously mentioned, she angered you for some reason, which is also valid among her complaints she might have towards you. You can fault yourself for the things you are at fault for, but don’t blame yourself for the total breakdown of the marriage. She had her part in it, regardless of what accusations are made.
My old football coach told me something I will never forget… You are never quite as good or as bad as you appear.
[quote]ActionJackson wrote:
and I was not saying that one should walk out at the first sign of trouble either, I think marriage is worth fighting for…I know I am fighting for mine.
I am saying you reap what you sow, and if you are not acting the part of a true T-Man…then don’t expect to be treated like one. In retrospect, regardless of our situation, I can say that it had been a while since I stood up and acted the part of a true man.[/quote]
Again, I think you need to provide specific examples.
Sorry to hear you are going through a rough spot. Rule #1 I’ve learned from being with my current gf, now fiance for 5 years is no matter what the circumstance may be, whether youre in the middle of a fight or not, always treat her with respect. This is of course under the pretext that she hasn’t slept with someone else or cut my dick off while I slept etc. Under those circumstances, respect goes out the window.
My old football coach told me something I will never forget… You are never quite as good or as bad as you appear.
[/quote]
That must be part of the coaching handbook, I heard the same thing from my rugby coach. He also told me I was a legend in my own mind.
But I tend to compare married life to sports, anyway. There are lots of valuable lessons that are really just common sense.
Put the effort in, get the points out.
Respect your teammate and play fair.
Practice, practice, practice.
You must decide what you really want from the relationship in order to be happy. If you both don’t play by the same rules, then there’s no game. Disputed calls must be arbitrated and the decision respected, like it or not. Break the rules and eventually a player is penalized and the team loses.
And the rules of love will depend upon both partners own personal values, not what your parents or society want to force upon you.