[quote]LoRez wrote:
[quote]orion wrote:
However, that takes time and is emotionally draining and you might not be up to it.
So, is she worth it?
[/quote]
I think so.
[/quote]
Of course, she is worth it.
Everyone is “worth” it.
What I would ask myself is: Do you want the instability?
Are you ok with embarking on a ship with no anchor?
And do you have the courage to abandon ship should a shipwreck be looming ahead?
Do you have a life jacket?
[quote]Alpha F wrote:
[quote]LoRez wrote:
[quote]orion wrote:
However, that takes time and is emotionally draining and you might not be up to it.
So, is she worth it?
[/quote]
I think so.
[/quote]
Of course, she is worth it.
Everyone is “worth” it.
What I would ask myself is: Do you want the instability?
Are you ok with embarking on a ship with no anchor?
And do you have the courage to abandon ship should a shipwreck be looming ahead?
Do you have a life jacket?
[/quote]
I dont think that there has to be instability.
Maybe some kind of stability he is not used too?
She seems to scream her needs from the mountain tops.
[quote]orion wrote:
[quote]Alpha F wrote:
[quote]LoRez wrote:
[quote]orion wrote:
However, that takes time and is emotionally draining and you might not be up to it.
So, is she worth it?
[/quote]
I think so.
[/quote]
Of course, she is worth it.
Everyone is “worth” it.
What I would ask myself is: Do you want the instability?
Are you ok with embarking on a ship with no anchor?
And do you have the courage to abandon ship should a shipwreck be looming ahead?
Do you have a life jacket?
[/quote]
I dont think that there has to be instability.
Maybe some kind of stability he is not used too?
She seems to scream her needs from the mountain tops.[/quote]
What do you mean?
Stability of her emotional needs? She is responsible for fulfilling them herself.
You can only get unconditional love from God, or your parents. Most of us didn’t.
That does not mean your chosen sexual partner is now responsible for that.
I was struck by the fact that the sexual attraction is not strong enough.
I do agree with you completely that a man’s be “is an extension of his dick”.
I also laughed out loud at your “Thank God.” reply.
I agree also, thank God.
It just seems she perceives him as a “girlfriend” more then a horny girl who is screaming for some daddy love.
I will be surprised if he gets any “dirty love” out of her at ALL.
I am assuming she is young, so she should be horny, no? At this day and age? Is she religious?
Or maybe she is doing the “withholding the sex” as a manipulator.
That is unstable to me. ( "I might want you - I don’t want you - I might want you - I don’t want you ).
So why go into an unstable vessel if he is going to be left swimming with blue balls?
[quote]Alpha F wrote:
[quote]orion wrote:
[quote]Alpha F wrote:
[quote]LoRez wrote:
[quote]orion wrote:
However, that takes time and is emotionally draining and you might not be up to it.
So, is she worth it?
[/quote]
I think so.
[/quote]
Of course, she is worth it.
Everyone is “worth” it.
What I would ask myself is: Do you want the instability?
Are you ok with embarking on a ship with no anchor?
And do you have the courage to abandon ship should a shipwreck be looming ahead?
Do you have a life jacket?
[/quote]
I dont think that there has to be instability.
Maybe some kind of stability he is not used too?
She seems to scream her needs from the mountain tops.[/quote]
What do you mean?
Stability of her emotional needs? She is responsible for fulfilling them herself.
You can only get unconditional love from God, or your parents. Most of us didn’t.
That does not mean your chosen sexual partner is now responsible for that.
I was struck by the fact that the sexual attraction is not strong enough.
I do agree with you completely that a man’s be “is an extension of his dick”.
I also laughed out loud at your “Thank God.” reply.
I agree also, thank God.
It just seems she perceives him as a “girlfriend” more then a horny girl who is screaming for some daddy love.
I will be surprised if he gets any “dirty love” out of her at ALL.
I am assuming she is young, so she should be horny, no? At this day and age? Is she religious?
Or maybe she is doing the “withholding the sex” as a manipulator.
That is unstable to me. ( "I might want you - I don’t want you - I might want you - I don’t want you ).
So why go into an unstable vessel if he is going to be left swimming with blue balls?
[/quote]
But I think that her swaying back and forth is because he might or might not be the kind of dick she really needs.
I also think that she needs someone to be as strict as she needs it to be and as loving as she also needs it to be.
There are very few men who can actually do that, so she is naturally reluctant.
I know that she is fucked up, but if he thinks ahe might be worth it, she actually might be.
But, when in doubt she seems to fall on the side of the total pricks, so, when in doubt he should err on that side.
She needs the prickish aspect more than she needs trust, or love, or anything else really.
It would be up to him to lead her to that and that cannot be done without hitting her dick craving abyss of a soul first.
[quote]Alpha F wrote:
[quote]orion wrote:
[quote]Alpha F wrote:
[quote]LoRez wrote:
[quote]orion wrote:
However, that takes time and is emotionally draining and you might not be up to it.
So, is she worth it?
[/quote]
I think so.
[/quote]
Of course, she is worth it.
Everyone is “worth” it.
What I would ask myself is: Do you want the instability?
Are you ok with embarking on a ship with no anchor?
And do you have the courage to abandon ship should a shipwreck be looming ahead?
Do you have a life jacket?
[/quote]
I dont think that there has to be instability.
Maybe some kind of stability he is not used too?
She seems to scream her needs from the mountain tops.[/quote]
What do you mean?
Stability of her emotional needs? She is responsible for fulfilling them herself.
You can only get unconditional love from God, or your parents. Most of us didn’t.
That does not mean your chosen sexual partner is now responsible for that.
I was struck by the fact that the sexual attraction is not strong enough.
I do agree with you completely that a man’s be “is an extension of his dick”.
I also laughed out loud at your “Thank God.” reply.
I agree also, thank God.
It just seems she perceives him as a “girlfriend” more then a horny girl who is screaming for some daddy love.
I will be surprised if he gets any “dirty love” out of her at ALL.
I am assuming she is young, so she should be horny, no? At this day and age? Is she religious?
Or maybe she is doing the “withholding the sex” as a manipulator.
That is unstable to me. ( "I might want you - I don’t want you - I might want you - I don’t want you ).
So why go into an unstable vessel if he is going to be left swimming with blue balls?
[/quote]
Well, this got out of control. There’s some missing information.
I don’t mind having this conversation, just not in public.
Having said all that, he did mention he was still sleeping with someone else.
Some women can tell and they are not attracted to the type that “we are still friends” with their ex.
I believe she was also still attached to her ex?
This is a huge sign of weakness to me.
I consider it a huge lack of courage and value for both sexes if you can’t just walk away from a failed relationship before you can make a fresh start.
Funny, because that was my pre-requisite for a new love interest: to be completely unattached.
Psychological autonomy.
It adds to your value, in my opinion, if you can stand on your own two feet, without “still being friends…” with your failures.
Ok.
Sorry, LoRez.
For what is worth; I also really like your posts.
“Keep swimming”.
[quote]LoRez wrote:
[quote]Alpha F wrote:
[quote]orion wrote:
[quote]Alpha F wrote:
[quote]LoRez wrote:
[quote]orion wrote:
However, that takes time and is emotionally draining and you might not be up to it.
So, is she worth it?
[/quote]
I think so.
[/quote]
Of course, she is worth it.
Everyone is “worth” it.
What I would ask myself is: Do you want the instability?
Are you ok with embarking on a ship with no anchor?
And do you have the courage to abandon ship should a shipwreck be looming ahead?
Do you have a life jacket?
[/quote]
I dont think that there has to be instability.
Maybe some kind of stability he is not used too?
She seems to scream her needs from the mountain tops.[/quote]
What do you mean?
Stability of her emotional needs? She is responsible for fulfilling them herself.
You can only get unconditional love from God, or your parents. Most of us didn’t.
That does not mean your chosen sexual partner is now responsible for that.
I was struck by the fact that the sexual attraction is not strong enough.
I do agree with you completely that a man’s be “is an extension of his dick”.
I also laughed out loud at your “Thank God.” reply.
I agree also, thank God.
It just seems she perceives him as a “girlfriend” more then a horny girl who is screaming for some daddy love.
I will be surprised if he gets any “dirty love” out of her at ALL.
I am assuming she is young, so she should be horny, no? At this day and age? Is she religious?
Or maybe she is doing the “withholding the sex” as a manipulator.
That is unstable to me. ( "I might want you - I don’t want you - I might want you - I don’t want you ).
So why go into an unstable vessel if he is going to be left swimming with blue balls?
[/quote]
Well, this got out of control. There’s some missing information.
I don’t mind having this conversation, just not in public.[/quote]
How bad can it possibly be?
[quote]Alpha F wrote:
Ok.
Sorry, LoRez.
For what is worth; I also really like your posts.
“Keep swimming”.
:)[/quote]
Was that a Finding Nemo reference?
[quote]Alpha F wrote:
Having said all that, he did mention he was still sleeping with someone else.
Some women can tell and they are not attracted to the type that “we are still friends” with their ex.
[/quote]
Yeah, but they can blow me.
If women want to fuck upwards, always, the necessary corollary is male polygamy.
Also, if men have to work for sex, women have to work for committed relationships and what better incentive is there but to let her know that she has competition?
If she lets him jump through hoops to get to da poonany, she should be prepared to jump through hoops to get to sweet, sweet monogamy.
If she thinks that he should rise up to the challenge while she can just expect to have committment dropped in her lap she is totally the ghey.
[quote]orion wrote:
I also think that she needs someone to be as strict as she needs it to be and as loving as she also needs it to be.
There are very few men who can actually do that, so she is naturally reluctant.
[/quote]
You points make sense, Orion.
Just for the general public reading this, I still would like to say that she is worth it because every human is worth it. And to go with your point of “very few men who can actually do that”/ strike that balance, so to speak, then…
He needs to be highly stable and able to sustain that stability; be steady for him and for HER.
Equanimity.
I think it was, at least implied, in one of the 35 points of value.
[quote]orion wrote:
But I think that her swaying back and forth is because he might or might not be the kind of dick she really needs.
I also think that she needs someone to be as strict as she needs it to be and as loving as she also needs it to be.
There are very few men who can actually do that, so she is naturally reluctant.
I know that she is fucked up, but if he thinks she might be worth it, she actually might be.
But, when in doubt she seems to fall on the side of the total pricks, so, when in doubt he should err on that side.
She needs the prickish aspect more than she needs trust, or love, or anything else really.
It would be up to him to lead her to that and that cannot be done without hitting her dick craving abyss of a soul first.[/quote]
I think you’ve hit on my mistake. In the beginning I had that, then toned it down. Thanks.
And yes, I know she’s fucked up. But these issues aren’t really implicit in who she is. They’re problems from how her personality has related to the real of the world up until now. She’s not good at playing by the rules, she’s gotten burned for it a few times, and hasn’t quite recovered yet, nor figured out why she needs to change her approach. In terms of the more important things; trust, fidelity, respect, encouragement, she’s fine.
[quote]imhungry wrote:
[quote]Alpha F wrote:
Ok.
Sorry, LoRez.
For what is worth; I also really like your posts.
“Keep swimming”.
:)[/quote]
Was that a Finding Nemo reference?[/quote]
Yes!
I find it very encouraging.
( I used to be a competitive swimmer in Brazil, so I am specially fond of it ).
[quote]Alpha F wrote:
I consider it a huge lack of courage and value for both sexes if you can’t just walk away from a failed relationship before you can make a fresh start.
Funny, because that was my pre-requisite for a new love interest: to be completely unattached.
Psychological autonomy.
It adds to your value, in my opinion, if you can stand on your own two feet, without “still being friends…” with your failures.[/quote]
To be fair, that is a factor in things. There’s an interest, but it’s been drawn out because it’s not quite time yet. I wasn’t when I met her, and I don’t think she’s there yet, even if she’s told me she’s over him.
I’m just impatient is all.
[quote]LoRez wrote:
And yes, I know she’s fucked up. But these issues aren’t really implicit in who she is.
[/quote]
Oh yes, they are. They define her.
[quote]
They’re problems from how her personality has related to the real of the world up until now. She’s not good at playing by the rules, she’s gotten burned for it a few times, and hasn’t quite recovered yet, nor figured out why she needs to change her approach. In terms of the more important things; trust, fidelity, respect, encouragement, she’s fine.[/quote]
What is this jibber jabber?
You are excusing her behavior to me?
She should explain herself to you.
[quote]orion wrote:
[quote]LoRez wrote:
And yes, I know she’s fucked up. But these issues aren’t really implicit in who she is.
[/quote]
Oh yes, they are. They define her.
Ha, you made me laugh.
I guess I was referring to other issues that I guess I didn’t mention. Just a very mild example, she has classic adult adhd symptoms, which manifest themselves in ways that tend to piss people off, and makes aspects of relationships absolute hell for the other person. I’m the exact same way. So there’s a certain kinship on many issues, and she can be herself around me, and likewise, without excessive judgment. That’s pretty important.
As I said, I’m evaluating this as a serious relationship.
Now, I’m not excusing her current behavior. I’m not 100% sure what’s going on yet. What I do know is 5 hours ago it was time to walk away unless something changed; then things changed.
What hasn’t changed is I still think I’m too emotionally invested.
[quote]orion wrote:
[quote]Alpha F wrote:
Having said all that, he did mention he was still sleeping with someone else.
Some women can tell and they are not attracted to the type that “we are still friends” with their ex.
[/quote]
Yeah, but they can blow me.
If women want to fuck upwards, always, the necessary corollary is male polygamy.
Also, if men have to work for sex, women have to work for committed relationships and what better incentive is there but to let her know that she has competition?
[/quote]
There is always competition in the present.
Past, exes are not competition, they are rejects and failures.
“Didn’t want you enough/wasn’t good enough” for YOU.
Or just FAIL.
The competition in my eyes is IF, I let myself go physically, emotionally and intellectually ( and spiritually to those who are four dimensional ).
If I don’t look to satisfy him sexually.
If I fail to feed him properly as an expression of my love.
If I don’t want to contribute to the relationship and became a taker. Or a care taker of “others”.
If neglect or abandon or devalue him in any way.
Then, yes, I would not blame him for looking to other women in the present who might do that.
But look back at women who already failed him?
Mostly, it is not the sex with the ex. The worst part and what I really perceive as weakness is the mantra of “but, we are still friends”…no sex involved. Just that lingering inability to deal with rejection.
Rejection is present.
Just deal with it instead of holding hands with it as if it were a virtue.
A lot of the things you say make sense, Orion.
But I am a free person and I value and consciously exercise my free will.
I am in touch with my animal instincts and I can also transcend them with my human spirit.
Sometimes I read your explanations and it seems like you are highly intellectualizing your primordial existence.
There is more than that to a man.
[quote]Alpha F wrote:
[quote]orion wrote:
[quote]Alpha F wrote:
Having said all that, he did mention he was still sleeping with someone else.
Some women can tell and they are not attracted to the type that “we are still friends” with their ex.
[/quote]
Yeah, but they can blow me.
If women want to fuck upwards, always, the necessary corollary is male polygamy.
Also, if men have to work for sex, women have to work for committed relationships and what better incentive is there but to let her know that she has competition?
[/quote]
There is always competition in the present.
Past, exes are not competition, they are rejects and failures.
“Didn’t want you enough/wasn’t good enough” for YOU.
Or just FAIL.
The competition in my eyes is IF, I let myself go physically, emotionally and intellectually ( and spiritually to those who are four dimensional ).
If I don’t look to satisfy him sexually.
If I fail to feed him properly as an expression of my love.
If I don’t want to contribute to the relationship and became a taker. Or a care taker of “others”.
If neglect or abandon or devalue him in any way.
Then, yes, I would not blame him for looking to other women in the present who might do that.
But look back at women who already failed him?
Mostly, it is not the sex with the ex. The worst part and what I really perceive as weakness is the mantra of “but, we are still friends”…no sex involved. Just that lingering inability to deal with rejection.
Rejection is present.
Just deal with it instead of holding hands with it as if it were a virtue.
A lot of the things you say make sense, Orion.
But I am a free person and I value and consciously exercise my free will.
I am in touch with my animal instincts and I can also transcend them with my human spirit.
Sometimes I read your explanations and it seems like you are highly intellectualizing your primordial existence.
There is more than that to a man.
[/quote]
Good post!
“Keep swimming” is a good mantra, Alpha
What other choice is there?
[quote]orion wrote:
How bad can it possibly be?[/quote]
Just don’t want some things getting back to her. What I’ve shared so far is fine. I’m trying to maintain a balance between sharing enough information to get good advice, and respecting her privacy.
[quote]LoRez wrote:
To be fair, that is a factor in things. There’s an interest, but it’s been drawn out because it’s not quite time yet. I wasn’t when I met her, and I don’t think she’s there yet, even if she’s told me she’s over him.
I’m just impatient is all.[/quote]
Yeah, I can’t help you with that.
Talk to Orion.