Let's Process Our Feelings

Off Topic
101

[quote]SkyzykS wrote:

[quote]Severiano wrote:

[quote]SkyzykS wrote:

[quote]Severiano wrote:
Are there ordeals in your hegemony of processes, rationality and emotion? Or are ordeals considered part of a process? The ordeal I’m thinking of is mourning.

[/quote]

Is what you are asking more along the lines of “Does thinking influence emotion?”- or “Does emotion influence thinking?”?

There is a cart horse relationship there that gets confusing sometimes. I would like to believe that for myself thinking influences emotion, but the simple fact of the matter is that it is emotion which influences thinking.

[/quote]

I don’t think it’s necessarily one way or the other when it comes to what the alpha is between emotion and thinking depending on how you want to think about it. An example are emotions we can experience when we reminisce which is in part why this is kinda slippery and mysterious.

I was more wondering about the hegemony or template Emily buys into since she’s educated and a professional, and measuring it against the way I at least think I do things. The way I understand her explanation is that reason can over-ride emotion. The way I read her, it kinda seems like we can avoid feelings like hearbreak and sorrow if we just reason through those emotions. But when you are in the process of mulling through the memories and good times, that rational side of me that is more calculated and rational can’t always over-ride, I guess we can call it the throws of emotion. All it does most of the time is allow you to withhold an expression of those feelings.

You may not cry but you feel sorrow. You may not get into a fight but you feel angry. I’m saying it’s not just the rational aspect of us that helps us deal with things, time is also a factor. We aren’t using, nor are very many of us familiar with the technical language, I was wondering if by processing, she meant reason + time, kinda like a food processor analogy. [/quote]

Ok. I didn’t intend to answer for her. It’s just that I find the topic very engaging and interjected at a point that piqued my interest.

[/quote]

Please feel free to answer for me, from your perspective! That’s what a discussion is, and I’m only an expert on what I think or have read, heard, or observed. Given that my job is to understand people and their unique experiences, hearing from others is of more value to me than applying my own already-formed notions to the world.

Plus I love knowing what people think and why they believe what they do. Which is why I feel so lucky to do what I do.

EXCEPT, yesterday I got a referral for a 17-year-old girl who’s seen another (maybe a couple) of other therapists and doesn’t want to work with them again. So good, if it’s a girl that age I’ve got a good shot at getting through (no one knows why, but teens are my thing). Except the mom asked if I take X insurance and I wasn’t sure, so went to ask and ultimately it was determined that she should go to my colleague since it usually takes several months to get provider authorization. The colleague is this very proper older lady (60s?) almost Dana Carvey’s Church Lady-looking (but very nice). And I’m bitter! Because I know it’s going to be a fail. I work with 60-year-olds who’ve retained their cool and are great with kids, but this lady - no. Her hair and clothes look like they’re from the 70s.

So there, that’s my today’s feeling. Bitterness. I want my 17-year-old! (Whom I’ve never met.)

102

[quote]jbpick86 wrote:
Me and the wife just found out for sure that we are having our first child. She is 8 weeks along and I am pretty stoked but extraordinarily nervous as well. It has been a tough road, tried for a year, she had surgery to remove Endometriosis lesions in August, and we were pregnant by October. That’s a lot of emotion packed into a couple of months ha. [/quote]

Yay! Best wishes to all of you!

103

[quote]nephorm wrote:

[quote]Uncle Gabby wrote:
But the anger and sadness themselves are just natural biological reactions to life events, and I would probably let them run their course, like a virus. Primarily, thoughts would be directed towards minimizing their damage, rather than endless self reflection. For example, I would convince myself to keep going to work, because I need a job. Limit thoughts of revenge, because for most wrongs it’s just not worth it, as they always say.
[/quote]

I appreciate the idea that what most characterizes us as human beings is our ability to reason. However, we use reason in service of our emotions. In Freudian terms the id forms the desire but the ego deals with reality to satisfy it. Rationality, on its own, is directionless.

Bringing reason to bear on our psyche - putting words to what we feel - not only organizes our experiences, but allows us to steer intelligence toward meaningful pursuits and avoid damaging behaviors. Talking about emotions in terms of mad, happy, and sad is reductive in a way similar to saying that music is just a collection of notes chosen from the musical alphabet. Such an oversimplification might have pedagogic or therapeutic value for some people, but it is still an oversimplification.[/quote]

I’ve worked primarily with kids ages 6-18 to this point, most trauma victims, and many forced by parents, protective services, court, or schools to come in. I have two metaphors I like to use for what we’re doing, depending on the kid. One is of a spooky old house, all shuttered up and filled with stuff; some of it good and some of it bad. Our goal is to open the doors and windows so light and fresh air can come in and we can begin to assess what’s there. Most things will need to remain in the house, but we can organize and clean and put the difficult stuff off to the side so we don’t keep bumping into it in the dark. The things that are nice will be put to rights and will make the place a good place to be.

The other metaphor is of a messy, piled-up closet. You open the door and things start tumbling out. A soccer ball falls off the top shelf and bounces off your head, and you wind up overwhelmed and just shoving everything back in and quickly closing the door. Our job is to pull everything out, see what’s worth keeping or has to be kept, and then put it all back in neatly. So the top shelf is stacked with neatly labeled memories, etc.

Simplistic, obviously, but also a decent representation of what happens when people avoid or suppress difficult feelings. Self-control suffers because you have no handle on what drives you.

In summary, I agree with you. lol

104

Also, after reading rrjc’s post I have guilty feelings about going so off-topic in the words/phrases you hate thread.

I don’t know yet whether I’m going to apply reason in an effort to stop the negative behavior or just acknowledge my feelings of guilt and continue on.

106

[quote]jbpick86 wrote:
Me and the wife just found out for sure that we are having our first child. She is 8 weeks along and I am pretty stoked but extraordinarily nervous as well. It has been a tough road, tried for a year, she had surgery to remove Endometriosis lesions in August, and we were pregnant by October. That’s a lot of emotion packed into a couple of months ha. [/quote]

Congrats!

107

Thanks for all the congrats. It is a very exciting time.

108

[quote]jbpick86 wrote:
Thanks for all the congrats. It is a very exciting time.[/quote]

I’m a tad late. Congratulations. I can’t imagine what that’s like.

109

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Also, after reading rrjc’s post I have guilty feelings about going so off-topic in the words/phrases you hate thread.

I don’t know yet whether I’m going to apply reason in an effort to stop the negative behavior or just acknowledge my feelings of guilt and continue on.[/quote]

Hah! Em, almost all of your contributions are invaluable. I doubt many people mind about you veering off topic in a thread.

Easy with the cognitive dissonance :stuck_out_tongue:

110

[quote]Chushin wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]SkyzykS wrote:

[quote]Severiano wrote:

[quote]SkyzykS wrote:

[quote]Severiano wrote:
Are there ordeals in your hegemony of processes, rationality and emotion? Or are ordeals considered part of a process? The ordeal I’m thinking of is mourning.

[/quote]

Is what you are asking more along the lines of “Does thinking influence emotion?”- or “Does emotion influence thinking?”?

There is a cart horse relationship there that gets confusing sometimes. I would like to believe that for myself thinking influences emotion, but the simple fact of the matter is that it is emotion which influences thinking.

[/quote]

I don’t think it’s necessarily one way or the other when it comes to what the alpha is between emotion and thinking depending on how you want to think about it. An example are emotions we can experience when we reminisce which is in part why this is kinda slippery and mysterious.

I was more wondering about the hegemony or template Emily buys into since she’s educated and a professional, and measuring it against the way I at least think I do things. The way I understand her explanation is that reason can over-ride emotion. The way I read her, it kinda seems like we can avoid feelings like hearbreak and sorrow if we just reason through those emotions. But when you are in the process of mulling through the memories and good times, that rational side of me that is more calculated and rational can’t always over-ride, I guess we can call it the throws of emotion. All it does most of the time is allow you to withhold an expression of those feelings.

You may not cry but you feel sorrow. You may not get into a fight but you feel angry. I’m saying it’s not just the rational aspect of us that helps us deal with things, time is also a factor. We aren’t using, nor are very many of us familiar with the technical language, I was wondering if by processing, she meant reason + time, kinda like a food processor analogy. [/quote]

Ok. I didn’t intend to answer for her. It’s just that I find the topic very engaging and interjected at a point that piqued my interest.

[/quote]

Please feel free to answer for me, from your perspective! That’s what a discussion is, and I’m only an expert on what I think or have read, heard, or observed. Given that my job is to understand people and their unique experiences, hearing from others is of more value to me than applying my own already-formed notions to the world.

Plus I love knowing what people think and why they believe what they do. Which is why I feel so lucky to do what I do.

EXCEPT, yesterday I got a referral for a 17-year-old girl who’s seen another (maybe a couple) of other therapists and doesn’t want to work with them again. So good, if it’s a girl that age I’ve got a good shot at getting through (no one knows why, but teens are my thing). Except the mom asked if I take X insurance and I wasn’t sure, so went to ask and ultimately it was determined that she should go to my colleague since it usually takes several months to get provider authorization. The colleague is this very proper older lady (60s?) almost Dana Carvey’s Church Lady-looking (but very nice). And I’m bitter! Because I know it’s going to be a fail. I work with 60-year-olds who’ve retained their cool and are great with kids, but this lady - no. Her hair and clothes look like they’re from the 70s.

So there, that’s my today’s feeling. Bitterness. I want my 17-year-old! (Whom I’ve never met.)

[/quote]

That makes me sad – that she won’t get the treatment most likely to succeed.

Are you sure nothing can be done about it?[/quote]

Nah, I’m only a week in and there’s no way to insist without throwing the colleague under the bus (“Look at her! What self-respecting 17-year-old would want to work with THAT?” lol). Which would be inappropriate, obviously. And the organization would have to eat the loss, which is also not the goal.

Also, I have a lot of energy, somehow, and when I’m cheery, which is almost all the time, it’s good, but when I move into advocacy mode I tend to blow people’s hair back with my intensity. Best I keep that on the down low until people know me better and like me well enough that it’s perceived as dedication rather than aggression. I’ve always been well-regarded at work, in large part for being passionate, so it’s not a problem, just something I have to be careful with.

111

In other Penelope Pitstop news, I called a guy to schedule a first appointment yesterday, and we got on the topic of names (I was asking what he prefers). Anyway, we were on the phone for maybe five minutes at most, and at the end he announced me funny in a delighted way that made my eyes widen in terror, because having newly discovered that I’m some sort of femme fatale for Men With Issues, I’m freaked out that my regular me will be problematic in a therapy context.

I had dinner with my best friend last night and she first suggested that I develop some boundaries, but what, I’m not going to be enjoyable to talk to and still somehow do the work? I’ll just sit there flatly to prevent middle-aged male clients from liking me? Then she said I should wear a wedding ring at work to set a visual boundary and then not worry if they develop a little crush. But that seems weird and dishonest to me.

We were rolling over the idea that I could explain that my private caseload is full currently (ex-boyfriend, Tim, popped up in email yesterday morning, probably drunk Wednesday night when he sent them, still don’t feel clear of the hunter yet, and of course ex-husband is still in the picture platonically) and so I’m not currently accepting boyfriends.

It’s funny, but sort of - not.

112

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]Chushin wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]SkyzykS wrote:

[quote]Severiano wrote:

[quote]SkyzykS wrote:

[quote]Severiano wrote:
Are there ordeals in your hegemony of processes, rationality and emotion? Or are ordeals considered part of a process? The ordeal I’m thinking of is mourning.

[/quote]

Is what you are asking more along the lines of “Does thinking influence emotion?”- or “Does emotion influence thinking?”?

There is a cart horse relationship there that gets confusing sometimes. I would like to believe that for myself thinking influences emotion, but the simple fact of the matter is that it is emotion which influences thinking.

[/quote]

I don’t think it’s necessarily one way or the other when it comes to what the alpha is between emotion and thinking depending on how you want to think about it. An example are emotions we can experience when we reminisce which is in part why this is kinda slippery and mysterious.

I was more wondering about the hegemony or template Emily buys into since she’s educated and a professional, and measuring it against the way I at least think I do things. The way I understand her explanation is that reason can over-ride emotion. The way I read her, it kinda seems like we can avoid feelings like hearbreak and sorrow if we just reason through those emotions. But when you are in the process of mulling through the memories and good times, that rational side of me that is more calculated and rational can’t always over-ride, I guess we can call it the throws of emotion. All it does most of the time is allow you to withhold an expression of those feelings.

You may not cry but you feel sorrow. You may not get into a fight but you feel angry. I’m saying it’s not just the rational aspect of us that helps us deal with things, time is also a factor. We aren’t using, nor are very many of us familiar with the technical language, I was wondering if by processing, she meant reason + time, kinda like a food processor analogy. [/quote]

Ok. I didn’t intend to answer for her. It’s just that I find the topic very engaging and interjected at a point that piqued my interest.

[/quote]

Please feel free to answer for me, from your perspective! That’s what a discussion is, and I’m only an expert on what I think or have read, heard, or observed. Given that my job is to understand people and their unique experiences, hearing from others is of more value to me than applying my own already-formed notions to the world.

Plus I love knowing what people think and why they believe what they do. Which is why I feel so lucky to do what I do.

EXCEPT, yesterday I got a referral for a 17-year-old girl who’s seen another (maybe a couple) of other therapists and doesn’t want to work with them again. So good, if it’s a girl that age I’ve got a good shot at getting through (no one knows why, but teens are my thing). Except the mom asked if I take X insurance and I wasn’t sure, so went to ask and ultimately it was determined that she should go to my colleague since it usually takes several months to get provider authorization. The colleague is this very proper older lady (60s?) almost Dana Carvey’s Church Lady-looking (but very nice). And I’m bitter! Because I know it’s going to be a fail. I work with 60-year-olds who’ve retained their cool and are great with kids, but this lady - no. Her hair and clothes look like they’re from the 70s.

So there, that’s my today’s feeling. Bitterness. I want my 17-year-old! (Whom I’ve never met.)

[/quote]

That makes me sad – that she won’t get the treatment most likely to succeed.

Are you sure nothing can be done about it?[/quote]

Nah, I’m only a week in and there’s no way to insist without throwing the colleague under the bus (“Look at her! What self-respecting 17-year-old would want to work with THAT?” lol). Which would be inappropriate, obviously. And the organization would have to eat the loss, which is also not the goal.

Also, I have a lot of energy, somehow, and when I’m cheery, which is almost all the time, it’s good, but when I move into advocacy mode I tend to blow people’s hair back with my intensity. Best I keep that on the down low until people know me better and like me well enough that it’s perceived as dedication rather than aggression. I’ve always been well-regarded at work, in large part for being passionate, so it’s not a problem, just something I have to be careful with.

[/quote]

Wait, I didn’t peg you for one, but are you an introvert?

113

[quote]Severiano wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]Chushin wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]SkyzykS wrote:

[quote]Severiano wrote:

[quote]SkyzykS wrote:

[quote]Severiano wrote:
Are there ordeals in your hegemony of processes, rationality and emotion? Or are ordeals considered part of a process? The ordeal I’m thinking of is mourning.

[/quote]

Is what you are asking more along the lines of “Does thinking influence emotion?”- or “Does emotion influence thinking?”?

There is a cart horse relationship there that gets confusing sometimes. I would like to believe that for myself thinking influences emotion, but the simple fact of the matter is that it is emotion which influences thinking.

[/quote]

I don’t think it’s necessarily one way or the other when it comes to what the alpha is between emotion and thinking depending on how you want to think about it. An example are emotions we can experience when we reminisce which is in part why this is kinda slippery and mysterious.

I was more wondering about the hegemony or template Emily buys into since she’s educated and a professional, and measuring it against the way I at least think I do things. The way I understand her explanation is that reason can over-ride emotion. The way I read her, it kinda seems like we can avoid feelings like hearbreak and sorrow if we just reason through those emotions. But when you are in the process of mulling through the memories and good times, that rational side of me that is more calculated and rational can’t always over-ride, I guess we can call it the throws of emotion. All it does most of the time is allow you to withhold an expression of those feelings.

You may not cry but you feel sorrow. You may not get into a fight but you feel angry. I’m saying it’s not just the rational aspect of us that helps us deal with things, time is also a factor. We aren’t using, nor are very many of us familiar with the technical language, I was wondering if by processing, she meant reason + time, kinda like a food processor analogy. [/quote]

Ok. I didn’t intend to answer for her. It’s just that I find the topic very engaging and interjected at a point that piqued my interest.

[/quote]

Please feel free to answer for me, from your perspective! That’s what a discussion is, and I’m only an expert on what I think or have read, heard, or observed. Given that my job is to understand people and their unique experiences, hearing from others is of more value to me than applying my own already-formed notions to the world.

Plus I love knowing what people think and why they believe what they do. Which is why I feel so lucky to do what I do.

EXCEPT, yesterday I got a referral for a 17-year-old girl who’s seen another (maybe a couple) of other therapists and doesn’t want to work with them again. So good, if it’s a girl that age I’ve got a good shot at getting through (no one knows why, but teens are my thing). Except the mom asked if I take X insurance and I wasn’t sure, so went to ask and ultimately it was determined that she should go to my colleague since it usually takes several months to get provider authorization. The colleague is this very proper older lady (60s?) almost Dana Carvey’s Church Lady-looking (but very nice). And I’m bitter! Because I know it’s going to be a fail. I work with 60-year-olds who’ve retained their cool and are great with kids, but this lady - no. Her hair and clothes look like they’re from the 70s.

So there, that’s my today’s feeling. Bitterness. I want my 17-year-old! (Whom I’ve never met.)

[/quote]

That makes me sad – that she won’t get the treatment most likely to succeed.

Are you sure nothing can be done about it?[/quote]

Nah, I’m only a week in and there’s no way to insist without throwing the colleague under the bus (“Look at her! What self-respecting 17-year-old would want to work with THAT?” lol). Which would be inappropriate, obviously. And the organization would have to eat the loss, which is also not the goal.

Also, I have a lot of energy, somehow, and when I’m cheery, which is almost all the time, it’s good, but when I move into advocacy mode I tend to blow people’s hair back with my intensity. Best I keep that on the down low until people know me better and like me well enough that it’s perceived as dedication rather than aggression. I’ve always been well-regarded at work, in large part for being passionate, so it’s not a problem, just something I have to be careful with.

[/quote]

Wait, I didn’t peg you for one, but are you an introvert?[/quote]

No, not at all. Why do you ask?

114

[quote]rrjc5488 wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Also, after reading rrjc’s post I have guilty feelings about going so off-topic in the words/phrases you hate thread.

I don’t know yet whether I’m going to apply reason in an effort to stop the negative behavior or just acknowledge my feelings of guilt and continue on.[/quote]

Hah! Em, almost all of your contributions are invaluable. I doubt many people mind about you veering off topic in a thread.

Easy with the cognitive dissonance :P[/quote]

Thank you! But of course THE INTERNET HAS RULES, and one must try to comply insofar as one is able.

115

[quote]Severiano wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]Chushin wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]SkyzykS wrote:

[quote]Severiano wrote:

[quote]SkyzykS wrote:

[quote]Severiano wrote:
Are there ordeals in your hegemony of processes, rationality and emotion? Or are ordeals considered part of a process? The ordeal I’m thinking of is mourning.

[/quote]

Is what you are asking more along the lines of “Does thinking influence emotion?”- or “Does emotion influence thinking?”?

There is a cart horse relationship there that gets confusing sometimes. I would like to believe that for myself thinking influences emotion, but the simple fact of the matter is that it is emotion which influences thinking.

[/quote]

I don’t think it’s necessarily one way or the other when it comes to what the alpha is between emotion and thinking depending on how you want to think about it. An example are emotions we can experience when we reminisce which is in part why this is kinda slippery and mysterious.

I was more wondering about the hegemony or template Emily buys into since she’s educated and a professional, and measuring it against the way I at least think I do things. The way I understand her explanation is that reason can over-ride emotion. The way I read her, it kinda seems like we can avoid feelings like hearbreak and sorrow if we just reason through those emotions. But when you are in the process of mulling through the memories and good times, that rational side of me that is more calculated and rational can’t always over-ride, I guess we can call it the throws of emotion. All it does most of the time is allow you to withhold an expression of those feelings.

You may not cry but you feel sorrow. You may not get into a fight but you feel angry. I’m saying it’s not just the rational aspect of us that helps us deal with things, time is also a factor. We aren’t using, nor are very many of us familiar with the technical language, I was wondering if by processing, she meant reason + time, kinda like a food processor analogy. [/quote]

Ok. I didn’t intend to answer for her. It’s just that I find the topic very engaging and interjected at a point that piqued my interest.

[/quote]

Please feel free to answer for me, from your perspective! That’s what a discussion is, and I’m only an expert on what I think or have read, heard, or observed. Given that my job is to understand people and their unique experiences, hearing from others is of more value to me than applying my own already-formed notions to the world.

Plus I love knowing what people think and why they believe what they do. Which is why I feel so lucky to do what I do.

EXCEPT, yesterday I got a referral for a 17-year-old girl who’s seen another (maybe a couple) of other therapists and doesn’t want to work with them again. So good, if it’s a girl that age I’ve got a good shot at getting through (no one knows why, but teens are my thing). Except the mom asked if I take X insurance and I wasn’t sure, so went to ask and ultimately it was determined that she should go to my colleague since it usually takes several months to get provider authorization. The colleague is this very proper older lady (60s?) almost Dana Carvey’s Church Lady-looking (but very nice). And I’m bitter! Because I know it’s going to be a fail. I work with 60-year-olds who’ve retained their cool and are great with kids, but this lady - no. Her hair and clothes look like they’re from the 70s.

So there, that’s my today’s feeling. Bitterness. I want my 17-year-old! (Whom I’ve never met.)

[/quote]

That makes me sad – that she won’t get the treatment most likely to succeed.

Are you sure nothing can be done about it?[/quote]

Nah, I’m only a week in and there’s no way to insist without throwing the colleague under the bus (“Look at her! What self-respecting 17-year-old would want to work with THAT?” lol). Which would be inappropriate, obviously. And the organization would have to eat the loss, which is also not the goal.

Also, I have a lot of energy, somehow, and when I’m cheery, which is almost all the time, it’s good, but when I move into advocacy mode I tend to blow people’s hair back with my intensity. Best I keep that on the down low until people know me better and like me well enough that it’s perceived as dedication rather than aggression. I’ve always been well-regarded at work, in large part for being passionate, so it’s not a problem, just something I have to be careful with.

[/quote]

Wait, I didn’t peg you for one, but are you an introvert?[/quote]

I like trying to figure people out too. I initially pegged you as an extrovert, but when you talk about your normalcy vs. your intensity mode it kinda reminds me of an introvert. Where you will be cheery and get along, but when something bothers you that is important you surprise/ ruffle feathers a lot of the people who are used to you being mellow, or going with the flow.

You like to discuss things you are knowledgeable about and enjoy, and it’s on an internet forum which is more anonymous and where introverts might be a little more open.

I’ve been profiled as an introvert, but the strange thing is I tend to enjoy high risk ways of entertainment, both social and private. If I could skydive by myself, like be the only one jumping I’d totally do it. I’ve had friends catch me cliff jumping by myself as well during a camping trip. I think some people do things for the group experience while I’m cool doing it with them or even by myself nobody watching. I also tend to be the first to try things… So…

116

[quote]Severiano wrote:

[quote]Severiano wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]Chushin wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]SkyzykS wrote:

[quote]Severiano wrote:

[quote]SkyzykS wrote:

[quote]Severiano wrote:
Are there ordeals in your hegemony of processes, rationality and emotion? Or are ordeals considered part of a process? The ordeal I’m thinking of is mourning.

[/quote]

Is what you are asking more along the lines of “Does thinking influence emotion?”- or “Does emotion influence thinking?”?

There is a cart horse relationship there that gets confusing sometimes. I would like to believe that for myself thinking influences emotion, but the simple fact of the matter is that it is emotion which influences thinking.

[/quote]

I don’t think it’s necessarily one way or the other when it comes to what the alpha is between emotion and thinking depending on how you want to think about it. An example are emotions we can experience when we reminisce which is in part why this is kinda slippery and mysterious.

I was more wondering about the hegemony or template Emily buys into since she’s educated and a professional, and measuring it against the way I at least think I do things. The way I understand her explanation is that reason can over-ride emotion. The way I read her, it kinda seems like we can avoid feelings like hearbreak and sorrow if we just reason through those emotions. But when you are in the process of mulling through the memories and good times, that rational side of me that is more calculated and rational can’t always over-ride, I guess we can call it the throws of emotion. All it does most of the time is allow you to withhold an expression of those feelings.

You may not cry but you feel sorrow. You may not get into a fight but you feel angry. I’m saying it’s not just the rational aspect of us that helps us deal with things, time is also a factor. We aren’t using, nor are very many of us familiar with the technical language, I was wondering if by processing, she meant reason + time, kinda like a food processor analogy. [/quote]

Ok. I didn’t intend to answer for her. It’s just that I find the topic very engaging and interjected at a point that piqued my interest.

[/quote]

Please feel free to answer for me, from your perspective! That’s what a discussion is, and I’m only an expert on what I think or have read, heard, or observed. Given that my job is to understand people and their unique experiences, hearing from others is of more value to me than applying my own already-formed notions to the world.

Plus I love knowing what people think and why they believe what they do. Which is why I feel so lucky to do what I do.

EXCEPT, yesterday I got a referral for a 17-year-old girl who’s seen another (maybe a couple) of other therapists and doesn’t want to work with them again. So good, if it’s a girl that age I’ve got a good shot at getting through (no one knows why, but teens are my thing). Except the mom asked if I take X insurance and I wasn’t sure, so went to ask and ultimately it was determined that she should go to my colleague since it usually takes several months to get provider authorization. The colleague is this very proper older lady (60s?) almost Dana Carvey’s Church Lady-looking (but very nice). And I’m bitter! Because I know it’s going to be a fail. I work with 60-year-olds who’ve retained their cool and are great with kids, but this lady - no. Her hair and clothes look like they’re from the 70s.

So there, that’s my today’s feeling. Bitterness. I want my 17-year-old! (Whom I’ve never met.)

[/quote]

That makes me sad – that she won’t get the treatment most likely to succeed.

Are you sure nothing can be done about it?[/quote]

Nah, I’m only a week in and there’s no way to insist without throwing the colleague under the bus (“Look at her! What self-respecting 17-year-old would want to work with THAT?” lol). Which would be inappropriate, obviously. And the organization would have to eat the loss, which is also not the goal.

Also, I have a lot of energy, somehow, and when I’m cheery, which is almost all the time, it’s good, but when I move into advocacy mode I tend to blow people’s hair back with my intensity. Best I keep that on the down low until people know me better and like me well enough that it’s perceived as dedication rather than aggression. I’ve always been well-regarded at work, in large part for being passionate, so it’s not a problem, just something I have to be careful with.

[/quote]

Wait, I didn’t peg you for one, but are you an introvert?[/quote]

I like trying to figure people out too. I initially pegged you as an extrovert, but when you talk about your normalcy vs. your intensity mode it kinda reminds me of an introvert. Where you will be cheery and get along, but when something bothers you that is important you surprise/ ruffle feathers a lot of the people who are used to you being mellow, or going with the flow.

You like to discuss things you are knowledgeable about and enjoy, and it’s on an internet forum which is more anonymous and where introverts might be a little more open.

I’ve been profiled as an introvert, but the strange thing is I tend to enjoy high risk ways of entertainment, both social and private. If I could skydive by myself, like be the only one jumping I’d totally do it. I’ve had friends catch me cliff jumping by myself as well during a camping trip. I think some people do things for the group experience while I’m cool doing it with them or even by myself nobody watching. I also tend to be the first to try things… So… [/quote]

Hmm, no. There’s always energy, it’s just generally diffused or spread rather than spent in single-minded pursuit of something important to me. I’m definitely an extravert, though I value alone time. I’m rarely described as mellow, more like “good-natured.” I’m a bit like a labrador retriever.

117

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]Severiano wrote:

[quote]Severiano wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]Chushin wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]SkyzykS wrote:

[quote]Severiano wrote:

[quote]SkyzykS wrote:

[quote]Severiano wrote:
Are there ordeals in your hegemony of processes, rationality and emotion? Or are ordeals considered part of a process? The ordeal I’m thinking of is mourning.

[/quote]

Is what you are asking more along the lines of “Does thinking influence emotion?”- or “Does emotion influence thinking?”?

There is a cart horse relationship there that gets confusing sometimes. I would like to believe that for myself thinking influences emotion, but the simple fact of the matter is that it is emotion which influences thinking.

[/quote]

I don’t think it’s necessarily one way or the other when it comes to what the alpha is between emotion and thinking depending on how you want to think about it. An example are emotions we can experience when we reminisce which is in part why this is kinda slippery and mysterious.

I was more wondering about the hegemony or template Emily buys into since she’s educated and a professional, and measuring it against the way I at least think I do things. The way I understand her explanation is that reason can over-ride emotion. The way I read her, it kinda seems like we can avoid feelings like hearbreak and sorrow if we just reason through those emotions. But when you are in the process of mulling through the memories and good times, that rational side of me that is more calculated and rational can’t always over-ride, I guess we can call it the throws of emotion. All it does most of the time is allow you to withhold an expression of those feelings.

You may not cry but you feel sorrow. You may not get into a fight but you feel angry. I’m saying it’s not just the rational aspect of us that helps us deal with things, time is also a factor. We aren’t using, nor are very many of us familiar with the technical language, I was wondering if by processing, she meant reason + time, kinda like a food processor analogy. [/quote]

Ok. I didn’t intend to answer for her. It’s just that I find the topic very engaging and interjected at a point that piqued my interest.

[/quote]

Please feel free to answer for me, from your perspective! That’s what a discussion is, and I’m only an expert on what I think or have read, heard, or observed. Given that my job is to understand people and their unique experiences, hearing from others is of more value to me than applying my own already-formed notions to the world.

Plus I love knowing what people think and why they believe what they do. Which is why I feel so lucky to do what I do.

EXCEPT, yesterday I got a referral for a 17-year-old girl who’s seen another (maybe a couple) of other therapists and doesn’t want to work with them again. So good, if it’s a girl that age I’ve got a good shot at getting through (no one knows why, but teens are my thing). Except the mom asked if I take X insurance and I wasn’t sure, so went to ask and ultimately it was determined that she should go to my colleague since it usually takes several months to get provider authorization. The colleague is this very proper older lady (60s?) almost Dana Carvey’s Church Lady-looking (but very nice). And I’m bitter! Because I know it’s going to be a fail. I work with 60-year-olds who’ve retained their cool and are great with kids, but this lady - no. Her hair and clothes look like they’re from the 70s.

So there, that’s my today’s feeling. Bitterness. I want my 17-year-old! (Whom I’ve never met.)

[/quote]

That makes me sad – that she won’t get the treatment most likely to succeed.

Are you sure nothing can be done about it?[/quote]

Nah, I’m only a week in and there’s no way to insist without throwing the colleague under the bus (“Look at her! What self-respecting 17-year-old would want to work with THAT?” lol). Which would be inappropriate, obviously. And the organization would have to eat the loss, which is also not the goal.

Also, I have a lot of energy, somehow, and when I’m cheery, which is almost all the time, it’s good, but when I move into advocacy mode I tend to blow people’s hair back with my intensity. Best I keep that on the down low until people know me better and like me well enough that it’s perceived as dedication rather than aggression. I’ve always been well-regarded at work, in large part for being passionate, so it’s not a problem, just something I have to be careful with.

[/quote]

Wait, I didn’t peg you for one, but are you an introvert?[/quote]

I like trying to figure people out too. I initially pegged you as an extrovert, but when you talk about your normalcy vs. your intensity mode it kinda reminds me of an introvert. Where you will be cheery and get along, but when something bothers you that is important you surprise/ ruffle feathers a lot of the people who are used to you being mellow, or going with the flow.

You like to discuss things you are knowledgeable about and enjoy, and it’s on an internet forum which is more anonymous and where introverts might be a little more open.

I’ve been profiled as an introvert, but the strange thing is I tend to enjoy high risk ways of entertainment, both social and private. If I could skydive by myself, like be the only one jumping I’d totally do it. I’ve had friends catch me cliff jumping by myself as well during a camping trip. I think some people do things for the group experience while I’m cool doing it with them or even by myself nobody watching. I also tend to be the first to try things… So… [/quote]

Hmm, no. There’s always energy, it’s just generally diffused or spread rather than spent in single-minded pursuit of something important to me. I’m definitely an extravert, though I value alone time. I’m rarely described as mellow, more like “good-natured.” I’m a bit like a labrador retriever. [/quote]

What kind of labrador retriever? A maid from Canada or one that comes in chocolate, yellow or black?

:stuck_out_tongue:

118

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]rrjc5488 wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Also, after reading rrjc’s post I have guilty feelings about going so off-topic in the words/phrases you hate thread.

I don’t know yet whether I’m going to apply reason in an effort to stop the negative behavior or just acknowledge my feelings of guilt and continue on.[/quote]

Hah! Em, almost all of your contributions are invaluable. I doubt many people mind about you veering off topic in a thread.

Easy with the cognitive dissonance :P[/quote]

Thank you! But of course THE INTERNET HAS RULES, and one must try to comply insofar as one is able.

[/quote]

I only know rule #34

119

[quote]theBeth wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]rrjc5488 wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Also, after reading rrjc’s post I have guilty feelings about going so off-topic in the words/phrases you hate thread.

I don’t know yet whether I’m going to apply reason in an effort to stop the negative behavior or just acknowledge my feelings of guilt and continue on.[/quote]

Hah! Em, almost all of your contributions are invaluable. I doubt many people mind about you veering off topic in a thread.

Easy with the cognitive dissonance :P[/quote]

Thank you! But of course THE INTERNET HAS RULES, and one must try to comply insofar as one is able.

[/quote]

I only know rule #34[/quote]

So follow rule #34 and post more pics!

Wait, that’s rule #1.

120

A party full of men is a sausage fest.

A party full of women is a clam bake.

A party full of trannys is a _________?