Let's Process Our Feelings II

Off Topic
1021

[quote]LoRez wrote:

[quote]debraD wrote:
I don’t agree with your analogy. As a student of computer science you learn how to program not how to use a language. Any programmer who understands the concepts should be able to switch to another language without a lot of difficulty–especially between Java and C# which are fundamentally the same in syntax, objects etc. The biggest challenge is adapting to a new IDE which is a pain in the ass but not difficult. Most developers I work with regularly switch between several languages depending on which system or app they are working on that moment. or what the next thing to fall into their laps from mergers and re-orgs was written in.[/quote]

I didn’t get into details then.

The Java vs C# thing is actually minor, even the change of IDEs. It’s the switch from a monolithic server model to a highly distributed AWS based cloud model with best-try style algorithms… try for data consistency, but no guarantees. A lot of the developers switching over have felt a major loss of control because of it.

From one of the guy’s status updates:

That, combined with the new language and IDE, new development platforms (we’ve been a Windows shop), new deployment models, new source control system, and for the most part, new technical leadership… it’s a pretty significant change.

But yeah, C# to Java in and of itself isn’t much of a change. The C++ devs switching to Java have it quite a bit harder.[/quote]
#clarity

1022

Just a random sidenote. If you’re shipping a pet cargo in the US, United is much nicer to deal with than American Airlines. AA is helpful, but their program is nowhere near as good, and they have some issues.

Case in point. I called twice last week about shipping my cat on Sunday; the first was to see which flights were available, and the second to actually set up the flight. They gave me a reservation number, told me where to drop my cat off, and to be there two hours ahead of time.

So at 5:20 this morning I was sitting outside the cargo building, waiting to get in. Their sign wasn’t on the door, but I could see in a bit. It looked like maybe they opened at 6 instead of 5, so I napped a bit and went over at 6. Still closed.

The cargo helpline isn’t available until 7am local. Flight was at 7:30.

So I drove to the parking garage at the terminal, went to the ticket counter, and tried to figure out what’s going on. They had no idea, were rude and unhelpful, with a curt “we have nothing to do with them, maybe they’re just not open on Sunday”. I then found and called the main AA number, and the first person I talked to told me the same thing and to try calling the cargo number again (and she couldn’t/wouldn’t transfer me).

After another attempt at calling the cargo number, I retried the main AA line. This new person was really helpful, she and her supervisor were very surprised at what happened, and they tried but they couldn’t get any information either.

I made a tour of all the other airlines, and nobody else was shipping pets cargo on Sunday either. (Southwest was shipping cargo, but they don’t ship pets.)

Finally it was 7 and I talked to someone in cargo. They apologized, said it shouldn’t have happened, and that was it. No solution for me.

Two hours wasted at the airport…

Then later tonight, after checking with my girlfriend’s schedule, I tried to set things up again. First call I was on indefinite hold. Second call disconnected me with an automated “we’re too busy, try later”. Third call was 30 minutes, and the lady tried many different combinations, including several departure cities (I’m driving, so it was a possibility), a couple different departure days, but nothing was working. The temperature at pickup, drop-off and connections can’t be more than 85 degrees, and their flight schedules + my girlfriend’s pickup availability didn’t line up.

So the AA lady actually looked up United’s flights, and suggested I give them a call.

15 minutes on the phone with United and everything was booked, no issues with scheduling, no issues with temperature ranges (pets are both temperature and climate controlled throughout). Surprisingly pleasant experience.

Lesson of the story: if you’re shipping a pet, use United.

1023

Feelings: Very annoyed (at AA). Very tired (because of AA). Very overwhelmed (because of lost time due to AA… and just a lot of stuff to do yet).

Movers come tomorrow. Cat leaves the next day. Then driving cross country, taking my time. I’m looking forward to the break. Minimalistic traveling usually does me a lot of good. Pretty much a backpack with clothes, binoculars, a couple knives, my wool and canvas bedroll (old-school bivy sack), cold-weather gear, some tools, my work laptop, and a few bottles of liquor I couldn’t fit with everything else.

Still a bit more than I’d really like, but not by much. I could easily become very nomadic, especially now that I’m officially a remote employee. There’s wifi everywhere these days. I may actually do that for awhile someday.

1024

Safe travels, LoRez. I had a dog lost in shipping hell for two excruciating days several years ago. American Airlines. Very, very upsetting and stressful and unnecessary.

I’m back from vacation. Hockey and I are actively looking at houses now, with a planned move as early as December. I should be frightened and worried, but I’m not. I’m just excited. We’re ready to have our things in one place and our families in one place and be working together on our home. It may take time to find the right place - he wants land and has certain requirements (my requirement = cozy and happy or capable of becoming so). We’re prepared to rent while we continue looking and/or bite the bullet and build.

If things don’t work out (I think we both feel very good about our odds) we’ll simply decide whether we want to sell the place and divide according to our initial investment or whether he’ll keep it (he would be able to afford it alone, I wouldn’t). I don’t think either of us fears the other turning into a psycho ex. We’re just not psycho types.

1025

Feeling: gratitude. I’ve stumbled onto the world’s best man and he somehow feels similarly about me, I love what I do for work and it seems to like me, too, and I’m happy and comfortable at home. I like waking up and I like going to bed at night and I generally enjoy the in-between.

It’s nice and I’m very lucky.

1026

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Feeling: gratitude. I’ve stumbled onto the world’s best man and he somehow feels similarly about me, I love what I do for work and it seems to like me, too, and I’m happy and comfortable at home. I like waking up and I like going to bed at night and I generally enjoy the in-between.

It’s nice and I’m very lucky.[/quote]
It seems like all of your needs are meet and you like how your time is spent. Cheers. :slight_smile:

1027

First of all congratulations, and gratitude is a wonderful and important part of life. I’m glad you are doing so well!

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
he somehow feels similarly about me[/quote]
I had to pick this out though. I had a good laugh when I read this, only because it’s so weirdly ubiquitous amongst females of any age who are in a new relationship that they’re really excited about. Maybe this mentality of “I can’t believe I’m good enough for him!” is integral to the foundation of successful long-term relationships, I dunno. I just thought it was funny how it always seems to be there.

Maybe it’s some kind of broader confidence thing. You know if a dude lands a really awesome girl most of the time he thinks “damn I’m awesome” rather than “omg I can’t believe she actually likes me back!”. I even saw a study once on a bunch of high school kids who all had a C in their math class. They were asked to self evaluate their mathematic ability. A large percentage of the males said “Yeah I’m pretty good at math.”, whereas an overwhelming percentage of the girls said “I’m terrible at math.” despite the fact that they all had the same grades lol.

1028

[quote]csulli wrote:
I even saw a study once on a bunch of high school kids who all had a C in their math class. They were asked to self evaluate their mathematic ability. A large percentage of the males said “Yeah I’m pretty good at math.”[/quote]
lol

1029

[quote]csulli wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
he somehow feels similarly about me[/quote]
I had to pick this out though. I had a good laugh when I read this, only because it’s so weirdly ubiquitous amongst females of any age who are in a new relationship that they’re really excited about. Maybe this mentality of “I can’t believe I’m good enough for him!” is integral to the foundation of successful long-term relationships, I dunno. I just thought it was funny how it always seems to be there.

Maybe it’s some kind of broader confidence thing. You know if a dude lands a really awesome girl most of the time he thinks “damn I’m awesome” rather than “omg I can’t believe she actually likes me back!”. I even saw a study once on a bunch of high school kids who all had a C in their math class. They were asked to self evaluate their mathematic ability. A large percentage of the males said “Yeah I’m pretty good at math.”, whereas an overwhelming percentage of the girls said “I’m terrible at math.” despite the fact that they all had the same grades lol.[/quote]

Interesting, I’ll have to think about whether it reflects real differences in confidence levels or merely differences in communication styles. I suspect the latter. I’ve read that women are raised to equalize and make others comfortable, often through admissions of vulnerability, whereas men are raised to compete for position and conceal weakness.

I don’t know that I really question whether I’m good enough for him - I would say that we’re nicely matched and that each of our respective friends would call the other a good catch. I think I’m expressing something more like delight. What a happy coincidence that someone I find myself adoring would reciprocate that feeling.

Although I’ll certainly acknowledge that this relationship represents a significant role change for me, which has caused some uncertainty.

1030

One of my great-grandmother’s died a couple days ago. I found myself feeling sad, but only in the way that you feel sad about an acquaintances parent passing. Sympathy for those who were close to them, but not hurt personally.

It’s cuz of stuff like that, I often question whether or not I have ASD or some form of sociopathy.

1032

[quote]nkklllll wrote:
One of my great-grandmother’s died a couple days ago. I found myself feeling sad, but only in the way that you feel sad about an acquaintances parent passing. Sympathy for those who were close to them, but not hurt personally.

It’s cuz of stuff like that, I often question whether or not I have ASD or some form of sociopathy. [/quote]

I don’t know - I think that’s within the range of normal reaction. A great-grandparent is probably going to be fairly old and have been so for the lifetime of the great-grandchild. So a benevolent presence, but not necessarily a key player in his or her life.

I don’t recall being particularly upset when my grandfather died. We weren’t close, though I loved him. My grandmother, on the other hand, was a huge loss to me.

I also think grandparents’ deaths are expected, and consequently pre-mourned to some extent.

1033

[quote]Chushin wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Feeling: gratitude. I’ve stumbled onto the world’s best man and he somehow feels similarly about me, I love what I do for work and it seems to like me, too, and I’m happy and comfortable at home. I like waking up and I like going to bed at night and I generally enjoy the in-between.

It’s nice and I’m very lucky.[/quote]

I feel awful writing this, but:

Sounds like you haven’t “landed” yet. Like you are still “falling” in love.

Nothing wrong with that, but it may be wise to be aware.[/quote]

Why feel awful writing it? Thank you for having my back!

I would say you’re right, though I think I’m giddier about big picture things right now than Hockey himself, though the big picture certainly contains and flows from the relationship.

Although two 11 hour post-vacation work days have me feeling significantly less floaty about everything than I did a day or two ago, I’m still very excited about my job. I’ve been pretty consistent in loving what I do; the context in which I now do it is beautifully suited to me and I adore it. (Although yesterday I got fired by a patient after a second extended ass-crawl, which wasn’t a high point. A current-feelings post last night might have consisted of “meh.”) My feelings toward my job are similar to those I feel for Hockey - gratitude that I’ve stumbled into it, although aware that I have earned it. I also have an awareness that my position could conceivably be cut, which is possibly not optimal, but that’s me and I think it fosters gratitude. “Life’s brief span,” and all.

I’ve made a lot of changes internally and am enjoying the results. Hockey is the result of some of the changes I’d made before meeting him and the precipitant for others. He’s very calm without being complacent and I find it both contagious and a nice model for how I want to be.

But back to the giddiness - we’re looking at houses and land at present and it pushes every single one of my romantic fairytale-loving buttons. I love houses! I love porches and fireplaces and yards and windows and old and new and weird and funky and ugly-but-potential-having. But meanwhile I love where I’m living, so I don’t feel any sense of urgency. Just happy anticipation.

I’ve spent my entire life in a state of flux. My ex-husband was restless and unhappy and it made it very difficult for me to create a feeling of permanence for myself. I was endlessly reactive to his moods and need for the thing over the horizon that would fill the void. Tim was more of the same, though much more fun and lovely to sleep with. I also grew up with instability - a similarly restless, unhappy father and a mom who wandered off.

By the time I met Hockey I’d determined where home was going to be and what the broad outlines of it were going to be. Hockey’s dreams match, or perhaps compliment is a better word. I’m giddy about beginning to make a home for myself that I believe will be permanent and real. I’m excited about winter, and then about next summer.

1034

Do you ever accidentally call him Hockey in real life?

1035

[quote]csulli wrote:
Do you ever accidentally call him Hockey in real life?[/quote]
LOL

1036

One other thing: I may have a rotator cuff tear.

1037

Because of this, i’m feeling irritated, frustrated, antsy, flustered, pissed off, and slightly depressed. I’ve been trying to get healthy for about 15months now and keep waking up with injuries, or getting injured walking or stupid stuff. I’m so over it.

1038

[quote]nkklllll wrote:
One other thing: I may have a rotator cuff tear.[/quote]
Now here’s something that actually instigates feels :frowning:

Sorry to hear that man. Just keep at it. It can be a long haul sometimes, but nowadays they can often rebuild you even better than before! And also try to remember all the big name lifters who have come back after catastrophic tears and injuries. Sometimes it takes years, but thankfully in strength sports you really do have practically you’re entire life.

Hope things clear up dude.

1039

[quote]csulli wrote:
Do you ever accidentally call him Hockey in real life?[/quote]

No, I always call him Pumpkin.