[quote]Stinkfist wrote:
[quote]countingbeans wrote:
[quote]csulli wrote:
How can they know they didn’t just get lucky?[/quote]
Because marriage is a pain in the ass. [/quote]
Why?[/quote]
You want analogy version or actual thought out post explaining it version?
(I’ll do either or both, but not until tomorrow.)
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]LoRez wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
*Infatuation is, by definition, a short term experience. But I don’t know what other word represents that euphoric feeling you get early on in a relationship. Adoration is defined as “deep love and respect,” which partly covers it but leaves out the mad attraction part.[/quote]
The “honeymoon period”?[/quote]
But is it limited to that? That’s my question.[/quote]
I don’t think so. I’d say the intensity of it fluctuates with time, but it really hasn’t faded. Sometimes stronger, sometimes weaker.
I’ve known my current girlfriend for 15 years, and we’ve been together for most of the past 6 or so. I think that’s a large enough sample size for me to be able to say something about it.
Another of my ex girlfriends that I’d stayed friends with for several years, that feeling also never waned, even though there were very good reasons we weren’t still together and didn’t get back together.
But I’d agree that part of it is tied to sex. It’s not the only thing, but it’s an essential component. It’s not purely physical attraction though, more of a “beauty in the eye of the beholder” thing.
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]Severiano wrote:
I actually know of a couple successful long term marriages where the guy is an introvert, and he balances out his wife. It’s not always the guy that has to bring the spark, a lot has to do with understanding who the other person is and what they bring to the table for your relationship.
Usually if one person is extremely outgoing it’s good for the other to be able to temper that person. And vice versa from what I’ve seen. It’s about how you can compliment one another and make one another better in the end… But, we usually don’t figure that out until we have already maybe had some kids. [/quote]
I don’t know about this. Once upon a time I thought so, opposites attract and all, but not so much anymore. I think they don’t so much balance each other as wind up forced to take turns having their needs met, and one will wind up less satisfied as the other’s preferences come to dominate. Most likely the extrovert lives a dull, quiet life so the introvert doesn’t get grumpy.
Much nicer to enjoy going out and staying in at the same rate. Sucks to be someone who likes to have parties and never can, or someone who hates crowds but has to tolerate them.[/quote]
The thing is introverts aren’t introverts all the time. We flash extroversion especially when we become familiar with situations and people we like. You should check out more info about introvert and extrovert relationships and dynamics. I think that if we are open to one another we tend to compliment one another.
The thing is, I’m pretty mortified of the more extroverted women I know. And, I know of one example that is very close to home… A good marriage that started off with a very extroverted lady seeing a certain guy and saying, “That’s going to be my boyfriend.” Years later they are happily married with kids. She’s a bit of a go getter, just finished her masters. He’s an art major that is into efficient interfaces and has some of the most amazing organizational skills I’ve seen. They are amazing together.
What’s really weird is that they are together by chance. It just kinda turned out that they make a great couple, because neither one was initially attracted to the others qualities, they were attracted physically and with time discovered how they compliment one another. Luck is a big part of it because of how we tend to hook up is the way I read it.
The other thing that keeps getting me is our attraction to our parents… Like how most women marry a man similar to their fathers. I know this is off topic, but does that sort of ingrain an ideal for the opposite sex for most people? We think we know what we like and what is good for us, and what is a good match. But we are pretty clueless most of the time.
Hmm, maybe I am describing adoration, “deep love and respect,” paired with sexual attraction. Okay, good, then. And we’ve determined that this can last forever?
Good, then. That’s what I want.
[quote]nkklllll wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]nkklllll wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]nkklllll wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
I don’t ever have sex with anyone I won’t want to spend time with afterward, so I don’t have to worry about that part. I’m more asking about the long term of these feelings. If you’ve made a good match, does the adoration just go on and on?
Tim and I were together off and on for a little over two years, and I feel like I actively adored him right up until I realized that he wasn’t just complicated, he was broken beyond repair. And even then it took me a while to process that I was heartsick over someone I’d largely created in my imagination.
So if you find someone who is genuinely worthy of adoration, do you get to keep that moonstruck/infatuated feeling forever?
[/quote]
My great grandparents say they are more in love now than when they first met, and they’ve been married for 72 years. (92 and 89)[/quote]
Wow! Not to take us all in a direction no one wants to go, but . . . do you think it’s passionate love? Or friendship? [/quote]
If you mean passionate as in sexual . . . I have no idea. I know my great grandfather seems to be a spry old man, but my great grandmother, while still very much in control of her mental faculties, has had some health problems over the last 5-7 years. She now uses oxygen just about 24/7, just recently fell and I think broke a bone in her arm? But I wouldn’t be surprised if they occasionally engage activities that I do not want to imagine them doing. [/quote]
I suppose at their ages, and viewed from your perspective, I’m talking about passionate as in drawn to one another and indicating physical intimacy - standing close, lots of eye contact, displays of affection, laughter, that sort of thing. Being passionate about each other.[/quote]
Definitely. I have some pictures of them together and they appear to be absolutely in love with each other. If they’re sitting next to each other and she’s telling a story about the two of them (he’s usually a quiet guy) then she’ll grab onto his arm. I’ve seen him give her a kiss. They don’t travel much, but they do travel together. The went to Rome maybe a decade ago. They just went to Texas to visit some of their children, I think a two weeks ago.
I think I could say they are still very passionate about each other.[/quote]
Aw, this makes me very happy.
Although now you’ve gotten me invested in them and I’m worrying what’s going to happen when one of them goes and the other is left alone. I think one of the sweetest things I’ve read on these boards was someone hoping that his wife dies first so she won’t have to be alone. I can’t remember who it was, but it struck me as very protective and loving.
[quote]Severiano wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]Severiano wrote:
I actually know of a couple successful long term marriages where the guy is an introvert, and he balances out his wife. It’s not always the guy that has to bring the spark, a lot has to do with understanding who the other person is and what they bring to the table for your relationship.
Usually if one person is extremely outgoing it’s good for the other to be able to temper that person. And vice versa from what I’ve seen. It’s about how you can compliment one another and make one another better in the end… But, we usually don’t figure that out until we have already maybe had some kids. [/quote]
I don’t know about this. Once upon a time I thought so, opposites attract and all, but not so much anymore. I think they don’t so much balance each other as wind up forced to take turns having their needs met, and one will wind up less satisfied as the other’s preferences come to dominate. Most likely the extrovert lives a dull, quiet life so the introvert doesn’t get grumpy.
Much nicer to enjoy going out and staying in at the same rate. Sucks to be someone who likes to have parties and never can, or someone who hates crowds but has to tolerate them.[/quote]
The thing is introverts aren’t introverts all the time. We flash extroversion especially when we become familiar with situations and people we like. You should check out more info about introvert and extrovert relationships and dynamics. I think that if we are open to one another we tend to compliment one another.
[/quote]
I’m pretty familiar with the dynamic. A) masters degree in This Sort of Thing, B) long marriage to an introvert, C) listen to people tell about their disappointments for a living, D) have numerous long marriages to observe up close as they succeed or fail.
It isn’t that I lack information. I simply disagree with you that it’s a model one should seek out. Certainly you shouldn’t run screaming from someone who is more or less outgoing than yourself, but having in common your basic ideas of what constitutes a good time is important, in my opinion.
[quote]countingbeans wrote:
[quote]Stinkfist wrote:
[quote]countingbeans wrote:
[quote]csulli wrote:
How can they know they didn’t just get lucky?[/quote]
Because marriage is a pain in the ass. [/quote]
Why?[/quote]
You want analogy version or actual thought out post explaining it version?
(I’ll do either or both, but not until tomorrow.)[/quote]
He wants the though out version. 
[quote]Chushin wrote:
[quote]angry chicken wrote:
I don’t think there was a question about successful marriage or cohabitation asked… The question was how to avoid passionless familiarity.
To answer your question, I’ve had several year+ cohabitations, some while married, some while not, some with the same people but different times.
[/quote]
How to avoid it long term, assumedly while living together.
[quote]angry chicken wrote:
And with all due respect, how long you can stand living under the same roof as someone else (often times reenforced by legal contracts that can strip you of your wealth and livelihood) has VERY LITTLE to do with avoiding passionless familiarity.
[/quote]
Of course. But my question was about “successful” marriage / cohabitation. “Standing” has nothing to do with that, IMO. Success means “and be happy doing it.”
[quote]angry chicken wrote:
I’m not “qualified” to give anything other than electrical advice. Everything else is decidedly “unqualified” LOL
[/quote]
So that rumor about you swinging sticks is unfounded? :-p
[/quote]
I’ve been known to swing a stick or two around in my day LOL
I wish I could have time to play more today and contribute to the conversation, but I’m completely slammed at work and will be for the next few days 
Silly utility outages, short circuit coordination study deadlines and such. So I’ll catch up next week. Have fun, guys.
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]Severiano wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]Severiano wrote:
I actually know of a couple successful long term marriages where the guy is an introvert, and he balances out his wife. It’s not always the guy that has to bring the spark, a lot has to do with understanding who the other person is and what they bring to the table for your relationship.
Usually if one person is extremely outgoing it’s good for the other to be able to temper that person. And vice versa from what I’ve seen. It’s about how you can compliment one another and make one another better in the end… But, we usually don’t figure that out until we have already maybe had some kids. [/quote]
I don’t know about this. Once upon a time I thought so, opposites attract and all, but not so much anymore. I think they don’t so much balance each other as wind up forced to take turns having their needs met, and one will wind up less satisfied as the other’s preferences come to dominate. Most likely the extrovert lives a dull, quiet life so the introvert doesn’t get grumpy.
Much nicer to enjoy going out and staying in at the same rate. Sucks to be someone who likes to have parties and never can, or someone who hates crowds but has to tolerate them.[/quote]
The thing is introverts aren’t introverts all the time. We flash extroversion especially when we become familiar with situations and people we like. You should check out more info about introvert and extrovert relationships and dynamics. I think that if we are open to one another we tend to compliment one another.
[/quote]
I’m pretty familiar with the dynamic. A) masters degree in This Sort of Thing, B) long marriage to an introvert, C) listen to people tell about their disappointments for a living, D) have numerous long marriages to observe up close as they succeed or fail.
It isn’t that I lack information. I simply disagree with you that it’s a model one should seek out. Certainly you shouldn’t run screaming from someone who is more or less outgoing than yourself, but having in common your basic ideas of what constitutes a good time is important, in my opinion. [/quote]
Wow that sucks to hear. Totally true about what having a good time is all about… I always thought that extroverts helped introverts stretch things and open us up…
I was thinking that a lot of introverts don’t really know the difference between fearing something and not liking it… In that sometimes we need to get over fears of things to realize we enjoy them… Like, say dogs. If you are afraid of a big 1 year old Rottweiler, it’s going to run all over you and not respect you. But, once you genuinely have the confidence and aren’t experiencing feelings of apprehension, nervous energy, or actual fear, dogs will respect you.
Maybe too idealistic as usual. That’s kinda how I was thinking of it… Knowing the difference between say your fear of dogs, that could turn into a love for dogs… And say confirming you don’t like going out and dancing salsa.
As an introvert I try things to see. I have a good idea of the sorts of things I like and dislike, but it wasn’t always like this for me. Especially learning to swim as a kid after I nearly drowned, as well as getting trampled by dogs and being afraid of them to really, really liking dogs.
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
He wants the though out version. :-)[/quote]
haha.
Well analogy version:
One day, after you’ve been together for a certain amount of time, you’ll be in the shower. It will be a wonderful, maybe even glorious shower. The water will be perfectly hot, the bathroom steamed to the perfect degree. You will be enjoying this shower, no doubt, more than you’ve enjoyed other showers in your life.
But then, because she is feeling a little bit under the weather that day, your wife will walk into the bathroom, sit down and absolutely destroy the toilet with the most violent and atrocious defecation the world has even seen. It will stink more than anything has ever stunk in the history of indoor plumbing.
Being married is finishing that shower, and still loving, respecting and wanting to have sex with that woman when you’re done washing in her stink.
I’ll do the thoughtful version in a second.
[quote]countingbeans wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
He wants the though out version. :-)[/quote]
haha.
Well analogy version:
One day, after you’ve been together for a certain amount of time, you’ll be in the shower. It will be a wonderful, maybe even glorious shower. The water will be perfectly hot, the bathroom steamed to the perfect degree. You will be enjoying this shower, no doubt, more than you’ve enjoyed other showers in your life.
But then, because she is feeling a little bit under the weather that day, your wife will walk into the bathroom, sit down and absolutely destroy the toilet with the most violent and atrocious defecation the world has even seen. It will stink more than anything has ever stunk in the history of indoor plumbing.
Being married is finishing that shower, and still loving, respecting and wanting to have sex with that woman when you’re done washing in her stink.
I’ll do the thoughtful version in a second. [/quote]
See Beans I am on 15 years of marriage and this has NEVER happened.
I have yet to do that to her or vice versa.
We have other bathrooms to go to.
[quote]Derek542 wrote:
See Beans I am on 15 years of marriage and this has NEVER happened.
I have yet to do that to her or vice versa.
We have other bathrooms to go to. [/quote]
lol dude… It isn’t intended to be taken literally.
[quote]countingbeans wrote:
[quote]Derek542 wrote:
See Beans I am on 15 years of marriage and this has NEVER happened.
I have yet to do that to her or vice versa.
We have other bathrooms to go to. [/quote]
lol dude… It isn’t intended to be taken literally. [/quote]
Well fuck man. I never took you for being anything other than literal.
[quote]Derek542 wrote:
[quote]countingbeans wrote:
[quote]Derek542 wrote:
See Beans I am on 15 years of marriage and this has NEVER happened.
I have yet to do that to her or vice versa.
We have other bathrooms to go to. [/quote]
lol dude… It isn’t intended to be taken literally. [/quote]
Well fuck man. I never took you for being anything other than literal. [/quote]
lol. well, keep in mind I used the man in the shower and not the woman because I assumed Stink was a dude. You could swap the sexes and it is still valid.
I’m working on the real version, hold on.
[quote]Stinkfist wrote:
[quote]countingbeans wrote:
[quote]csulli wrote:
How can they know they didn’t just get lucky?[/quote]
Because marriage is a pain in the ass. [/quote]
Why?[/quote]
Because there is at least two of your involved on the most basic level, and potentially massive families too.
There are so many relationships that go into a marriage, managing them, working on them, and maintaining them takes effort, desire and all around adjustments in not only your day-to-day life, but in your attitude and perceptions of the world too.
Take your relationship with yourself. Setting aside those with drastic cognitive dissonance issues living in denial, people tend to change over time, evolve if you will. Political views may change, desires may change, facts and circumstances may bring one to alter their perspective in one way or another. Your spouse my very well influence those changes, but your interaction with the world outside your spouse will also influence those changes.
Not only are you dealing with the change of yourself, but you have to deal with the changes to yourself as it relates to your relationship with your spouse, and more likely kids and extended family as well. This takes communication, honesty and effort to task. Because if you change in a vacuum and expect your spouse to just “go along for the ride because she/he loves me” you’re in for a rude awakening.
Now take your relationship with your spouse (non-sexual), relationship with your spouse (sexual), relationship with your family, your spouse’s relationship with your family, your relationship with your spouse’s family, their relationship to you… It goes on and on, and each one of these takes effort, planning and communication to maintain.
Don’t forget finances. Financially stressful environments aren’t exactly the best to foster healthy relationship and communication. The outside stress of living pay check to pay check can wear on a family and erode a bond through resentment, anger, frustration, or yearning for something different just to name a few.
Time… Time is one of the most cherished things we have. You’re part of a couple now, you can’t just go out and do what-ever-the-fuck you want anymore. You have someone else’s plans, feelings and desires to take into consideration. Add in kids and suddenly you have no free time if you want to sleep, lol.
The point is marriage, or any honest long term committed relationship, takes effort in order to be fulfilling. Like most things in life, you have to put effort in to get reward and enjoyment out. Sharing your life with someone you love, trust and can rely on to be there for and have there for you is one of the most wonderful rewards life can offer. But it isn’t a gift, it is very much a reward.
The love that brought you together in the first place may be a gift, but what keeps you together is a reward. Best parts of being together, they are the result of the effort you put in.
[quote]Severiano wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]Severiano wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]Severiano wrote:
I actually know of a couple successful long term marriages where the guy is an introvert, and he balances out his wife. It’s not always the guy that has to bring the spark, a lot has to do with understanding who the other person is and what they bring to the table for your relationship.
Usually if one person is extremely outgoing it’s good for the other to be able to temper that person. And vice versa from what I’ve seen. It’s about how you can compliment one another and make one another better in the end… But, we usually don’t figure that out until we have already maybe had some kids. [/quote]
I don’t know about this. Once upon a time I thought so, opposites attract and all, but not so much anymore. I think they don’t so much balance each other as wind up forced to take turns having their needs met, and one will wind up less satisfied as the other’s preferences come to dominate. Most likely the extrovert lives a dull, quiet life so the introvert doesn’t get grumpy.
Much nicer to enjoy going out and staying in at the same rate. Sucks to be someone who likes to have parties and never can, or someone who hates crowds but has to tolerate them.[/quote]
The thing is introverts aren’t introverts all the time. We flash extroversion especially when we become familiar with situations and people we like. You should check out more info about introvert and extrovert relationships and dynamics. I think that if we are open to one another we tend to compliment one another.
[/quote]
I’m pretty familiar with the dynamic. A) masters degree in This Sort of Thing, B) long marriage to an introvert, C) listen to people tell about their disappointments for a living, D) have numerous long marriages to observe up close as they succeed or fail.
It isn’t that I lack information. I simply disagree with you that it’s a model one should seek out. Certainly you shouldn’t run screaming from someone who is more or less outgoing than yourself, but having in common your basic ideas of what constitutes a good time is important, in my opinion. [/quote]
Wow that sucks to hear. Totally true about what having a good time is all about… I always thought that extroverts helped introverts stretch things and open us up…
I was thinking that a lot of introverts don’t really know the difference between fearing something and not liking it… In that sometimes we need to get over fears of things to realize we enjoy them… Like, say dogs. If you are afraid of a big 1 year old Rottweiler, it’s going to run all over you and not respect you. But, once you genuinely have the confidence and aren’t experiencing feelings of apprehension, nervous energy, or actual fear, dogs will respect you.
Maybe too idealistic as usual. That’s kinda how I was thinking of it… Knowing the difference between say your fear of dogs, that could turn into a love for dogs… And say confirming you don’t like going out and dancing salsa.
As an introvert I try things to see. I have a good idea of the sorts of things I like and dislike, but it wasn’t always like this for me. Especially learning to swim as a kid after I nearly drowned, as well as getting trampled by dogs and being afraid of them to really, really liking dogs. [/quote]
It kind of sounds like you’re equating a kind of social anxiety with introversion. And I’d also like to point out that extroverts would be just as likely to have problems with swimming and dogs as you did, assuming they had similar experiences with those things.
Also, I know personally, as another introvert, that I don’t enjoy when people try and “stretch me [out] and open me up [to new things].” It’s seldom a case of being afraid of a situation or afraid of new things (although that does play into it around large groups of people, they make me uncomfortable if I don’t know anyone), and more a case of “I just feel like staying in tonight because I’m tired, and being around a bunch of people is more taxing than it is rewarding.”
I’m not sure if I’ve ever dated an extrovert, and I’m pretty sure that my girlfriend at the moment is an introvert (though I think less of one than I am) but I definitely think introverts and extroverts could be very happy together. Provided of course that they aren’t exceedingly selfish. You know, they make time for each other’s interests, not because they should, but because that’s what happens when you care about another person, especially deeply.
[quote]nkklllll wrote:
but I definitely think introverts and extroverts could be very happy together.
[/quote]
They absolutely could, and do. My marriage, my sister & brother in law also, are mixed marriages to this extent.
They can compliment each other very nicely.
[quote]nkklllll wrote:
[quote]Severiano wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]Severiano wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]Severiano wrote:
I actually know of a couple successful long term marriages where the guy is an introvert, and he balances out his wife. It’s not always the guy that has to bring the spark, a lot has to do with understanding who the other person is and what they bring to the table for your relationship.
Usually if one person is extremely outgoing it’s good for the other to be able to temper that person. And vice versa from what I’ve seen. It’s about how you can compliment one another and make one another better in the end… But, we usually don’t figure that out until we have already maybe had some kids. [/quote]
I don’t know about this. Once upon a time I thought so, opposites attract and all, but not so much anymore. I think they don’t so much balance each other as wind up forced to take turns having their needs met, and one will wind up less satisfied as the other’s preferences come to dominate. Most likely the extrovert lives a dull, quiet life so the introvert doesn’t get grumpy.
Much nicer to enjoy going out and staying in at the same rate. Sucks to be someone who likes to have parties and never can, or someone who hates crowds but has to tolerate them.[/quote]
The thing is introverts aren’t introverts all the time. We flash extroversion especially when we become familiar with situations and people we like. You should check out more info about introvert and extrovert relationships and dynamics. I think that if we are open to one another we tend to compliment one another.
[/quote]
I’m pretty familiar with the dynamic. A) masters degree in This Sort of Thing, B) long marriage to an introvert, C) listen to people tell about their disappointments for a living, D) have numerous long marriages to observe up close as they succeed or fail.
It isn’t that I lack information. I simply disagree with you that it’s a model one should seek out. Certainly you shouldn’t run screaming from someone who is more or less outgoing than yourself, but having in common your basic ideas of what constitutes a good time is important, in my opinion. [/quote]
Wow that sucks to hear. Totally true about what having a good time is all about… I always thought that extroverts helped introverts stretch things and open us up…
I was thinking that a lot of introverts don’t really know the difference between fearing something and not liking it… In that sometimes we need to get over fears of things to realize we enjoy them… Like, say dogs. If you are afraid of a big 1 year old Rottweiler, it’s going to run all over you and not respect you. But, once you genuinely have the confidence and aren’t experiencing feelings of apprehension, nervous energy, or actual fear, dogs will respect you.
Maybe too idealistic as usual. That’s kinda how I was thinking of it… Knowing the difference between say your fear of dogs, that could turn into a love for dogs… And say confirming you don’t like going out and dancing salsa.
As an introvert I try things to see. I have a good idea of the sorts of things I like and dislike, but it wasn’t always like this for me. Especially learning to swim as a kid after I nearly drowned, as well as getting trampled by dogs and being afraid of them to really, really liking dogs. [/quote]
It kind of sounds like you’re equating a kind of social anxiety with introversion. And I’d also like to point out that extroverts would be just as likely to have problems with swimming and dogs as you did, assuming they had similar experiences with those things.
Also, I know personally, as another introvert, that I don’t enjoy when people try and “stretch me [out] and open me up [to new things].” It’s seldom a case of being afraid of a situation or afraid of new things (although that does play into it around large groups of people, they make me uncomfortable if I don’t know anyone), and more a case of “I just feel like staying in tonight because I’m tired, and being around a bunch of people is more taxing than it is rewarding.”
I’m not sure if I’ve ever dated an extrovert, and I’m pretty sure that my girlfriend at the moment is an introvert (though I think less of one than I am) but I definitely think introverts and extroverts could be very happy together. Provided of course that they aren’t exceedingly selfish. You know, they make time for each other’s interests, not because they should, but because that’s what happens when you care about another person, especially deeply.
[/quote]
It’s kind of the point of introverts that we have extroverted qualities and we have entire extroverted periods of time when we are flowing and at our best socially… When we are like this it’s a LOT less draining than when we are our typical socially awkward selves.
People, big groups of people don’t ALWAYS cause that sort of fear/ anxiety is what I’m saying. And it’s really up to us to discover when we are really fearful, vs. simply don’t have the energy or the presence and desire to take part in social things. I know I make a bigger effort to get comfortable with social situations by preparing for them mentally well ahead of time, making sure I’m rested. The only hitch is if I start thinking about a date or a party too much, then I might actually lose sleep over it.
Also, certain things extroverts only really enjoy socially, I enjoy doing them by myself or with them. I’m usually the first to cliff dive in my group not because I seek approval of the group or want to be cool, but because I love the feeling of falling through the air. Where most of my peers only want to do it once, and will only do it if they can have their picture taken etc… There I am climbing up and down jumping in and out not waiting for anybody.
Often I have different reasons for the things I enjoy and why I take part in them than my extroverted friends. I lift for maximal strength and the primal rush of conquering heavy weight, where most of my peers lift for aesthetics or to be part of the community of fitness crossfit is another example.
For me I don’t enjoy going to the clubs and I wouldn’t do it on my own. But, I find myself having a good time depending on my dates energy and whether she is having a good time. What’s weird for me is seeing someone I’m close with, or growing close with having a good time is often a reward in itself for me, moreso than others who might just do things to part of the social dynamic and group. For me I like to try things to find out for myself what sort of fear I’m having. Whether it be anxiety and genuine lameness, or if it’s actually fear and something that if I get over it, I may enjoy.
I think a lot of introverts hide and don’t bother to learn the difference.
Maybe that has to do more with how empathetic, and into other people we are that has nothing to do with introversion or extroversion. I thought for a long time that we introverts were more empathetic, because with introspection we tend to put ourselves in the shoes of others in very forward, hypothetical and imagined situations.
[quote]countingbeans wrote:
[quote]nkklllll wrote:
but I definitely think introverts and extroverts could be very happy together.
[/quote]
They absolutely could, and do. My marriage, my sister & brother in law also, are mixed marriages to this extent.
They can compliment each other very nicely. [/quote]
Me too. It takes a little work and can get tricky sometimes, but overall I think it works out pretty good for us.
I think it depends on how far on the continuum of introvert/extrovert the two people are and how pervasive throughout their range of activities this trait is.
My wife is a people person and manages a sales campaign. Her volume of communication in one week probably exceeds mine for a year and she loves it. I would go nuts in about an hour. I could spend 10 hours with earplugs in behind a welding hood, never say a word and be as happy as a clam- which would drive her nuts equally fast. On the weekend though, we can take the kiddo to the amusement park and both have a great time though.