Sorry to hear about your current depression, want to pass along my support. As an addict and someone who suffers from depression, I’m glad to hear you are seeing someone to help. So many times, I’ve tried to “power” through only to still feel dead inside. I know from experience how hard that can be on a family and I wish nothing more for you than a speedy recovery. Like addiction it will always be in remission, but it sounds like you are able to see it and address it quickly which is key to living a full life without depression sabotaging your progress. Keep your head up brother.
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I mentioned your situation to an old friend who’s been an actively practicing psychiatrist over 45 years, and he said
Bait is the perfect word the chief made him impotent vulnerable destroyed self confidence and morale
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Bingo. We were sent down the street under-trained, under-equipped, and outnumbered. Worst feeling of my life.
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9.25.20
Last day of training for the next week.
DAILY SQUATS
45 x 5
135 x 5
185 x 5
225 x 5 singles all paused
DT
As written with 155 lbs. That extra 20 lbs was devastating.
Time: 15:05. 
I forgot to mention I had a bad miss on round three. I did three push jerks and tried to use momentum to keep going. I tried to absorb the bar’s descent and go right back up with it. It failed. My body moved up, my hands moved down. The bar got just over my head and for some reason I caught it on my back like a squat. I dropped it from there and had to do another clean to finish the set.
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Thats disgusting.
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I watched an event from the 2015 CF Games where they did heavy DT with 205 lbs. 1st place finished in 7:55.
The women used 145 lbs and the winner did it in 8:25.
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Hey, buddy. Good on you for getting some help, and thanks for sharing what you’re going through. Hang in there, reach out if you need to.
Much love, brother.
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I was too late to tell you to get help, because you were already making the right decision. Good job
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Sorry to hear that you’re battling some tough times right now J. I don’t have any words of advice beyond what others have posted, but sending good vibes your way and wishing you luck getting past it!
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Happy full cake day J, hope you’re able to have some time off and fun!
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Happy B-Day man!
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Happy birthday man
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Happy birthday to ya, happy birthday.
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Just checking in, my man. Hope things are going okay.
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Happy belated birthday J. Hate to hear about the hard times. Just thought I’d send a little brotherly love your way.
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He is on holiday off the grid I think.
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Happy belated b-day bro, just checkin in again - hope you’re well.
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@flappinit @littlesleeper @alex_uk @dagill2 @simo74 @TrainForPain @Cyrrex @burien_top_team
Thanks for the well wishes and happy birthdays. I almost forgot my own birthday. I was camping in the mountains and attempting to fly fish. Fishing was terrible for me but it was a beautiful and great trip. I needed the break. I’m back to work and on a special assignment until about Christmas. It’s nice to have one focus instead of 10.
My mental health feels better but it’s because I had a cheat week. I’ve determined that work is a huge factor in my depression. It’s going to be a battle but I’ve been blessed with this new opportunity. I started taking some meds for depression. I’m not really feeling any side effects yet. It’s been about two weeks and I was told it’ll take 3-4 weeks to get in my system. Everything is going well now but I’m not going to stop seeking help. I know this is a long term endeavor.
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Good that you are smart enough to recognize a little extra help is needed.
And congrats on the secret undercover ninja assault force assignment!
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Fantastic to see you back and fighting! Mental health is such a battle, I see it daily and it’s harrowing - good on you for being so determined and having the foresight to know it’s a long term commitment. Great news about the assignment as well!
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