Speaking of Volkswagens – Dude, if this is yours that I’m sitting on, I’m, like, totally sorry. You know how it is, get a few beers in me and I’m liable to park my ass anywhere.
Speaking of flatten… of flatten… offf… (Dude, I’m so drunk!)… flattenwagenzzzzzz…
Dude! Your mom is, like, SOOOO hot! Do you think she’d (hic!) she’d (hic!) she’d be my mom, too?!? 'cause that would be (hic!) like, totally…
Zso, speaakinnng of flattt shittt, what, uh???..
Dude, I would totally annihilate Jenna Jameson’s ass… especially since I’m an elephant an’ all – Shhhfuck Tito Ortiz! Y’hear that, Titty? Suck me!!! Shuuu…
(Stumbles, falls, passes out in a gutter. Wakes up w/o wallet and a funny feeling “back there.”)
Ungh. Well, that was sobering. I was about to say, “Speaking of things that have gone flat, whatever happened to the T-Nation…” but then I wasn’t sure how to finish? Sense of humor? What’s a word for “a state of being less likely to engage in pointless pissing contests?” (Which, by the way, I would win, 'cause I’m an elephant.)
Oh well. Listen, if that Feist dude comes around, don’t direct him to this thread. I don’t want him to know about it, the stupid shit I did over the weekend, or all the porn I watched on his computer. I’m supposed to be watching his !#$!#$ house while he’s away – you know, taking out the garbage, getting the mail, cleaning the birdcage and shit. He finds out what I’ve been doing, it’s gonna be ugly – and I can’t hear another lecture about how I gotta get a job an’ move off his couch an’ shit. Guy comes across as nice, but he’s a @$%@#$%#@ asshole if you cross him. I’m a bull !$#%@!$% elephant. You don’t want to know what that @#$%@@ is.
Peace – I’m outtie.
-Hannibal.