This shows the truth about aliens and their intentions:
“They’re made out of meat.”
“Meat?”
“Meat. They’re made out of meat.”
“Meat?”
“There’s no doubt about it. We picked several from different parts of the planet, took them aboard our recon vessels, probed them all the way through. They’re completely meat.”
“That’s impossible. What about the radio signals? The messages to the stars.”
“They use the radio waves to talk, but the signals don’t come from them. The signals come from machines.”
“So who made the machines? That’s who we want to contact.”
“They made the machines. That’s what I’m trying to tell you. Meat made the machines.”
“That’s ridiculous. How can meat make a machine? You’re asking me to believe in sentient meat.”
“I’m not asking you, I’m telling you. These creatures are the only sentient race in the sector and they’re made out of meat.”
“Maybe they’re like the Orfolei. You know, a carbon-based intelligence that goes through a meat stage.”
“Nope. They’re born meat and they die meat. We studied them for several of their life spans, which didn’t take too long. Do you have any idea the life span of meat?”
“Spare me. Okay, maybe they’re only part meat. You know, like the Weddilei. A meat head with an electron plasma brain inside.”
“Nope. We thought of that, since they do have meat heads like the Weddilei. But I told you, we probed them. They’re meat all the way through.”
“No brain?”
“Oh, there is a brain all right. It’s just that the brain is made out of meat!”
“So… what does the thinking?”
“You’re not understanding, are you? The brain does the thinking. The meat.”
“Thinking meat! You’re asking me to believe in thinking meat!”
“Yes, thinking meat! Conscious meat! Loving meat. Dreaming meat. The meat is the whole deal! Are you getting the pictue”
“Omigod. You’re serious then. They’re made out of meat.”
“Finally, Yes. They are indeed made out meat. And they’ve been trying to get in touch with us for almost a hundred of their years.”
“So what does the meat have in mind?”
“First it wants to talk to us. Then I imagine it wants to explore the universe, contact other sentients, swap ideas and information. The usual.”
"We’re supposed to talk to meat?
“That’s the idea. That’s the message they’re sending out by radio. ‘Hello. Anyone out there? Anyone home?’ That sort of thing.”
“They actually do talk, then. They use words, ideas, concepts?”
“Oh, yes. Except they do it with meat.”
“I thought you just told me they used radio.”
“They do, but what do you think is on the radio? Meat sounds. You know how when you slap or flap meat it makes a noise? They talk by flapping their meat at each other. They can even sing by squirting air through their meat.”
“Omigod. Singing meat. This is altogether too much. So what do you advise?”
“Officially or unofficially?”
“Both.”
“Officially, we are required to contact, welcome, and log in any and all sentient races or multibeings in the quadrant, without prejudice, fear, or favor. Unofficially, I advise that we erase the records and forget the whole thing.”
“I was hoping you would say that.”
“It seems harsh, but there is a limit. Do we really want to make contact with meat?”
“I agree one hundred percent. What’s there to say?” `Hello, meat. How’s it going?’ But will this work? How many planets are we dealing with here?"
“Just one. They can travel to other planets in special meat containers, but they can’t live on them. And being meat, they only travel through C space. Which limits them to the speed of light and makes the possibility of their ever making contact pretty slim. Infinitesimal, in fact.”
“So we just pretend there’s no one home in the universe.”
“That’s it.”
“Cruel. But you said it yourself, who wants to meet meat? And the ones who have been aboard our vessels, the ones you have probed? You’re sure they won’t remember?”
" “They’ll be considered crackpots if they do. We went into their heads and smoothed out their meat so that we’re just a dream to them.”
“A dream to meat! How strangely appropriate, that we should be meat’s dream.”
“And we can mark this sector unoccupied.”
“Good. Agreed, officially and unofficially. Case closed. Any others? Anyone interesting on that side of the galaxy?”
“Yes, a rather shy but sweet hydrogen core cluster intelligence in a class nine star in G445 zone. Was in contact two galactic rotations ago, wants to be friendly again.”
“They always come around.”
“And why not? Imagine how unbearably, how unutterably cold the universe would be if one were all alone.”
i’ve heard that short story before. it’s a good one.
[quote]SkyzykS wrote:
[quote]Ct. Rockula wrote:
Can any of you guys hook me up with your weed man?.[/quote]
The aliens absconded with it. They just stopped by China for some opium to smooth it out.
[/quote]
When will they be back?
[quote]novocaine wrote:
it’s like in the V. they play nice, but…
anyways, can someone explain to me, WHY THE FUCK did no one in that stupid series ever wonder why aliens look like us?!? they come from a different planet. different evolution. the chances of them looking exactly like us are… astrocomical![/quote]
Becuase if u think about it, humans evolved the way we did because it was the only way possible for us to evolve. The same would apply for intelligent life anywhere else.
[quote]Ct. Rockula wrote:
[quote]SkyzykS wrote:
[quote]Ct. Rockula wrote:
Can any of you guys hook me up with your weed man?.[/quote]
The aliens absconded with it. They just stopped by China for some opium to smooth it out.
[/quote]
When will they be back?
[/quote]
Probably not for a long, long time. They asked me to front them a couple keys, and as soon as they got their hands on it they bozaked me with the anal probe and split through the time frame.
Did the same thing to one of my boys in China.
They’ll probably hit South America next, wanting to rub cocaine on their space skanks non-mammalial protuberances.
My post is long, but bear with me. This topic fascinates me.
-Regarding alien UFO’s visiting us: First off, I’ll say that I very much believe in “aliens” and love conspiracy theories, but I don’t believe that alien UFO’s are likely to come to visit us. Right now, it is believed that the speed of light is the absolute fastest you could go and the nearest star to us is over 4 light years away. It is highly unlikely that if a civilization is advanced enough to be able to travel for hundreds of years at the speed of light throughout space, they would even be interested in observing us. It’s just that we think we’re so interesting. To them, we probably wouldn’t be. We’d be extremely simple compared to them, like worms to us. The Drake equation estimates that there are 10,000 other planets in our galaxy alone that have life on them, let alone other galaxies like Andromeda. Whether or not they’re intelligent is obviously unknown.
-Regarding the cave drawings and such: Also, to use cave drawings and carvings from primitive civilizations as evidence for alien UFO’s having visited our planet is a little irrational. There are some extremely smart people in today’s age who believe there is an invisible and magical man in the sky who rules everything (Christians, Muslims, Jews, for example, although I feel absolutely no disdain towards them. I was one, at one point.), and we don’t use what they believe as evidence for the existence of that very invisible and magical man in the sky, do we? And these people (Some of them) are not primitive in the least. These civilizations probably danced naked around fires and sang for the gods to send them rain, and yet we choose not to believe in those things. We pick out what we want to believe to support the beliefs that we already have.
-Regarding government cover-ups: To argue that the governments of the world cover up UFO’s is also a bit irrational, as the exact opposite argument can be made, which is that the governments of the world fabricated the whole idea of UFO’s in the first place to make other governments believe they had some kind of advanced technology crashland onto their soil, and that they now have alien technology in their hands (Roswell). Btw, TheBodyGuard made a hilarious point stating that it is highly unlikely for such an advanced civilization with technology lightyears beyond our own to have one of their vehicles accidentally crashland onto our planet, as if they wouldn’t have some type of sophisticated auto-pilot in the first place.
But once again, I do believe in “aliens,” and would love to be proven wrong regarding their having landed here. Also, I took an astronomy class with Michio Kaku, a founder of string theory and a general expert in this field, who explained much of this to us.
Speak of the devil. ^^^
Btw, quotes from a hilarious fictional novel I’m reading by Christopher Buckley called “Little Green Men.” Truly funny:
“It had started during that golden Cold War summer of 1947. It had staged the first sighting of unidentified flying objects over Mount Rainier on June 24 and followed that debut two weeks later with the Roswell “crash” of alien spacecraft. The idea was simple enough: convince Stalin that UFO’s existed and that the United States was in possession of their technology. That would keep Uncle Joe on his toes… They decided that as long as they were at it, MJ-12 could serve another, even higher purpose: keeping the taxpaying U.S. citizenry alarmed about the possibility of invasion from outer space, and therefore happy to fund expansion of the military-aerospace complex. A country convinced that little green men were hovering over the rooftops was inclined to vote yea for big weapons and space programs. So what began a half century ago with the towing of some pie-shaped reflective disks behind a camouflaged aircraft over Washington state soon evolved into a “black” program with a yearly budget running into the tens of millions of dollars. But Americans are easily bored. The program quickly became how do we keep them interested? After a while, mere sightings of flying saucers just weren’t enough… MJ-12 had no choice but to start providing glimpses of the alien darlings themselves. This was trickier. For one thing, it meant finding dwarfs with security clearances. For this reason, aliens have gotten considerably bigger over the years. The public was content with these diversions for a while, even quite delighted. But soon alien visitations became a Hollywood movie cliche. Again, MJ-12 had to raise the ante. Policy and Planning (MJ-3) went to work and came back with fresh delights like crop circles… These did the trick for a while, but before long, the public was jaded again. So MJ-12 decided that something more interactive was called for. So began the era of alien abductions… They were taking off their big suits. This particular mission profile called for Tall Nordics, the Aryans of alien ethnology. Tall Nordics were the most humanoid of aliens. They were less frightening than the Short Ugly Grays, who looked like the winged monkeys in The Wizard of Oz. One (admittedly overweight) Nebraska farm wife had a heart attack when she woke up to find herself strapped to a table and surrounded by a half dozen Short Uglies. What a mess that was. They’d had to defibrillate her and get her to the hospital. Ever since, every bagger team had to have someone certified in CPR. They’d cut down heavily on the Short Uglies, which was just as well, since that also eliminated the dwarf security clearance problem… They had her on the table and were getting ready to probe when suddenly she pulled out a bottle of Mace–the real stuff, not that pepper gas–and started spraying like a spooked skunk. During the debrief, Mike admitted to Scrubbs that he and the others had made some pretty human-sounding noises of distress, along the lines of “Shit!” and “Fuck!”–words perhaps unusual in your typical alien’s vocabulary…staff mathematicians devised a credibility algorithm for determining whom to abduct. The idea was that alien abductees should be just credible enough to spread the word but not so respectable that their testimony would precipitate an urgent search for the truth. They would not, for instance, want to snatch someone as prominent as, say, the chairman of the Federal Reserve.”
Such a great book. I doubt anyone will read what I just typed, though. =P
Some of these sightings are probably just billionaires having fun. This is real and actually happened:
“On March 31, 1989 thousands of motorists driving on the highway outside London looked up in the air to see a glowing flying saucer descending on their city. Many of them pulled to the side of the road to watch the bizarre craft float through the air. The saucer finally landed in a field on the outskirts of London where local residents immediately called the police to warn them of an alien invasion. Soon the police arrived on the scene, and one brave officer approached the craft with his truncheon extended before him. When a door in the craft popped open, and a small, silver-suited figure emerged, the policeman ran in the opposite direction. The saucer turned out to be a hot-air balloon that had been specially built to look like a UFO by Richard Branson, the 36-year-old chairman of Virgin Records. The stunt combined his passion for ballooning with his love of pranks. His plan was to land the craft in LondonÃ???Ã??Ã?¢??s Hyde Park on April 1. Unfortunately, the wind blew him off course, and he was forced to land a day early in the wrong location.”
How badass is that? Richard Branson is my hero. The fucking guy windsurfs with naked models draped around him. Not even kidding.
[quote]FlameofOsiris wrote:
A picture for reference. ;)[/quote]
Apparently the dude is a douche, but that is badass.
Haha, you’re definitely right. There are definitely both smart and dumb aliens. I was referring to aliens that are smart enough to possess the technology to be able to travel lightyears through space. Lol at the smart-dumb thing at the same time. I’m not saying that I’m smart. I’m merely saying that they would definitely have to be infinitely smarter than us to be able visit our planet. I don’t really think there’s any arguing that. Are you saying that they could possibly know how to use a wormhole without having advanced spacecraft? That wouldn’t even make sense, unless you’re saying they just happened to get sucked through the thing unknowingly. But that would assume that the damn thing spits you out right into the atmosphere. And yes, I obviously agree that no one knows whether they exist or not, but what’s the point of discussing such things if you’re just gonna throw that out there? It’s like discussing philosophy and just saying, “what does this matter anyway?” Yes, it’s a valid question, but it doesn’t really help. And yes, let’s hope the dumb one’s say hello.
[quote]DickBag wrote:
Well I think that they don’t necessarily have to be all that advanced to find us. Thats not really all that ratonional. Thats assuming you need to build some super space craft that travels at the speed of light. THAT would take superior technology. What if there was a much simpler method under our nose, you never know, because remember we are dumb worms right?
[/quote]
At the risk of being given the kook of the month award, there is a ‘simpler’ method under our noses: biology. Too many people see the mastery of physics as the key to long distance space travel, when our knowledge of biology (cloning, the transfer of the human mind into man-made technology) gives us the same end result and is already outstripping our knowledge of astro physics.
The spacecraft only needs to be fast because of our limited lifespan.
[quote]DickBag wrote:
You Know that light can go faster than light.
so the speed of light isn’t the fastest.
[/quote]
Not sure what you’re arguing, but the speed of light in a vacuum is constant.
[quote]roybot wrote:
The spacecraft only needs to be fast because of our limited lifespan.
[/quote]
Actually the limiting factor is the amount of decent films and TV programs available.
[quote]Rational Gaze wrote:
[quote]roybot wrote:
The spacecraft only needs to be fast because of our limited lifespan.
[/quote]
Actually the limiting factor is the amount of decent films and TV programs available.[/quote]
So cloning isn’t something that can be applied to long-distance space travel?
I suppose it might be a bit like Moon, you could replace the clones regularly so that they don’t go nuts watching repeats of Top Gear.
[quote]Rational Gaze wrote:
[quote]DickBag wrote:
You Know that light can go faster than light.
so the speed of light isn’t the fastest.
[/quote]
Not sure what you’re arguing, but the speed of light in a vacuum is constant.[/quote]
Light can be slowed down, resulting in moving “slower” than light in vacuum. The opposit it pretty damn impossible though…
Hey Dickback (Not trying to insult, haha), you’re right. I definitely don’t know if they would want to visit us, and there very possibly could be an easier way for them to get around that we can’t comprehend. I’m only using what we (In this case, I) can understand. I have a feeling you took the “worms” thing a little too personally. I’m sure you’re a great person. I’m not at all trying to make us sound like turds. I merely took the simplest organism that came into my head to compare us to that could actually be seen, unlike protists or other such beings. Oh, and I actually wasn’t the one who said they weren’t made out of meat (carbon-based), although that could be the case. Maybe they’re silicon-based life forms, like Transformers. How cool would that be? Even though we’re only discussing this, there really isn’t any winning this argument. None of these things can be proven, and each person has to make an opinion based on what information they think is relevant, so everyone’s opinion is valid.
Roybot, I completely agree, although I personally believe both areas of study are extremely interesting. Are you talking about things like nanobots that could potentially destroy foreign bodies within ourselves, like HIV and cancer? That type of technology is already coming to fruition, as I’m sure you already know. I think they had some kind of competition at MIT for programming nanobots with a specific command. Awesome stuff.
Nanobots and the fear of Grey Goo.
discuss.