I am by nature pretty introverted. I am comfortable being alone for extended periods of time provided I am not bored, and usually I am not bored. However, if I don’t go out for a while (a while meaning a good part of a day or a day) I feel like I am being a recluse and family starts to harp on me and offer me opportunities to go out for the sake of going out.
How do the other true introverts on the board here cope with the pressure from mainstream extroverted to go out and be social?
I just tell people I am busy and then they think it is a big deal when I do decide to go out. I am very busy on top of being somewhat of a introvert so I feel run down if I can’t get some time to myself.
I am an introvert, although I used to be a lot more introverted than I am now. Over the last year I’ve found that there is a lot of fun to be had from going out and being sociable AS LONG AS I get some time to myself every day or at least once in a while.
I realised always being by myself WAS boring, like everybody always told me - and that actually achieving a balance between spending time with people and spending time alone was the best way to go.
Then again - don’t just go out to keep other people happy. They don’t understand that you’re content the way you are because they’re not like you - they’re only trying to help. Just tell them you enjoy being by yourself and there’s nothing wrong with that.
Just don’t spend your whole life sitting in your house by yourself - try some new things and when you get tired of it, spend some time alone.
Balance dude - balance is the key.
When it comes down to it, I think I’m an introvert. I deal with it, now, by default now since my social life consists of hide-and-go-seek with my kids and watching Nemo with them every single night. (the perfect life for an introvert!)
Before the family, I was happy doing things by myself. It may be a control thing. I could do what I wanted to do on my own schedule. However, I refused to go to the movies or bars by myself. That’s just sad.
I was beginning to worry that I might become REALLY weird by being alone all the time so I started going to church (you can insert your organized social group here) to meet some folks and get a little more involved in other people’s lives and vice versa.
Relationships are important, not always easy or convenient, but important.
[quote]bushidobadboy wrote:
I’m quite introverted, but because I’m very confident with strangers and at ease public speaking, people assume I’m an extrovert, so they get upset and offended when I don’t want to socialise with them. I actually like socialising, but only in small doses, and the most annoying thing is that I can be out enjoying myself with friends, when suddenly, I really feel like being alone, and the whole group thing just bores me stupid. This leads me to feel very isolated, even when in a crowd.
Unfortunatly, I’m not good at hiding my feelings, so my friends see my boredom and assume it is something to do with them. Even worse, they try and ‘cheer me up’, which just makes me grind my teeth (metaphorically). Perhaps thats why I don’t get invited out that often, lmao!
Do I care? Not really, but it would be nice to enjoy the odd complete evening in the company of friends, without getting bored and showing it!
bushy[/quote]
I am like you.
I don’t consider myself introverted, though.
My ego is set up to be autonomous. Unfortunately most group relationships and personal ones have attachment/dependency as a requirement and I’m quite a “live and let live” carefree type of person. Both in my life and in my love you are free to stay or go.
I can relate 100% to bushy’s description above.
I also have noticed that when I dissapear, “the group mind” whichever social group that may be, becomes “insecure” about me because I’m secure enough not to need the sense of security the group offers. I love people and want to be with them but not at the expence of my autonomy. I know I don’t depend on them for my existence.
I don’t feel lonely. I know I exist alone.
It’s different. When you experience that truth all loneliness ceases to exist.
I make my self socialize more than I want to because my wife enjoys socializing and I want to be fair to her and not just do things my way only.
I prefer not to be around a lot of people, but I have increased my tolerance by making myself do it.
As long as I get some alone time and or quiet time I’m cool.
[quote]Alpha F wrote:
I love people and want to be with them but not at the expence of my autonomy. I know I don’t depend on them for my existence.
[/quote]
Very well said and I think it may describe me better than introvert.
I prefer hanging out with one friend at a time, and after hanging out with people for a couple of hours I need some time alone. I’d say I am introverted in the way I think, never comforming to what the group thinks which makes me unpopular with some people and good friends with others. I look at people in terms of what I can get out of them, and usually disregard anyone not benefitting to my own good.
[quote]KombatAthlete wrote:
I am by nature pretty introverted. I am comfortable being alone for extended periods of time provided I am not bored, and usually I am not bored. However, if I don’t go out for a while (a while meaning a good part of a day or a day) I feel like I am being a recluse and family starts to harp on me and offer me opportunities to go out for the sake of going out.
How do the other true introverts on the board here cope with the pressure from mainstream extroverted to go out and be social?[/quote]
I think its all about finding balance. If I spent all my time alone I know I would want to start going out a bit more, and vice versa. While I really do enjoy being by myself, and reading, relaxing, gaming, whatever I feel like doing alone, I always make sure I get some social activity every 2-3 days. If you approach like the worst damn task on earth, then its gonna feel like it is. Just tell yuorself that twice a week you are gonna go out with your friends and enjoy yourself, it helps if you do something different too, gives you more of a reason to go out (different bar, restaurant, that kinda thing).
I was very introverted mainly due to bullying as a kid,im way less introverted now, but i have more fun on solo persuits like reading or listening to music, playing video games etc than i would going out to bars most nights after work like many of my friends do.
My girlfriend thought is a twin and this means that she has been with someone almost all the time for most of her life, she hates! being alone. Now we are living together im having to strike that balance. Or i could be like most older guys and live in the garage/shed working on “hobbies”
[quote]bushidobadboy wrote:
I’m quite introverted, but because I’m very confident with strangers and at ease public speaking, people assume I’m an extrovert, so they get upset and offended when I don’t want to socialise with them. I actually like socialising, but only in small doses, and the most annoying thing is that I can be out enjoying myself with friends, when suddenly, I really feel like being alone, and the whole group thing just bores me stupid. This leads me to feel very isolated, even when in a crowd.
Unfortunatly, I’m not good at hiding my feelings, so my friends see my boredom and assume it is something to do with them. Even worse, they try and ‘cheer me up’, which just makes me grind my teeth (metaphorically). Perhaps thats why I don’t get invited out that often, lmao!
Do I care? Not really, but it would be nice to enjoy the odd complete evening in the company of friends, without getting bored and showing it!
bushy[/quote]
I’m similar to that, but I leave group things before I get anybody too angry. People can’t tell I am introvert because when I am usually pretty outgoing and want to socialize maybe 3-4x a week but not for long stints at at a time. The main thing that sets me apart from my extrovert friends is that they are dependent on other people for a good time while I am not.
[quote]Alpha F wrote:
bushidobadboy wrote:
I’m quite introverted, but because I’m very confident with strangers and at ease public speaking, people assume I’m an extrovert, so they get upset and offended when I don’t want to socialise with them. I actually like socialising, but only in small doses, and the most annoying thing is that I can be out enjoying myself with friends, when suddenly, I really feel like being alone, and the whole group thing just bores me stupid. This leads me to feel very isolated, even when in a crowd.
Unfortunatly, I’m not good at hiding my feelings, so my friends see my boredom and assume it is something to do with them. Even worse, they try and ‘cheer me up’, which just makes me grind my teeth (metaphorically). Perhaps thats why I don’t get invited out that often, lmao!
Do I care? Not really, but it would be nice to enjoy the odd complete evening in the company of friends, without getting bored and showing it!
bushy
I am like you.
I don’t consider myself introverted, though.
My ego is set up to be autonomous. Unfortunately most group relationships and personal ones have attachment/dependency as a requirement and I’m quite a “live and let live” carefree type of person. Both in my life and in my love you are free to stay or go.
I can relate 100% to bushy’s description above.
I also have noticed that when I dissapear, “the group mind” whichever social group that may be, becomes “insecure” about me because I’m secure enough not to need the sense of security the group offers. I love people and want to be with them but not at the expence of my autonomy. I know I don’t depend on them for my existence.
I don’t feel lonely. I know I exist alone.
It’s different. When you experience that truth all loneliness ceases to exist.
[/quote]
Good post Alpha, most people I just don’t care to be with. There are a few that I do and it’s because we usually relate on a humorous level and we share a similar interest like lifting or the outdoors.
D
Call me ludicrous but I hate referring to myself or believing in introversion or extroversion.
I don’t want to limit myself by believing that I can either be really introspective, or really outwardly social. I believe both are equally possible at the same time, and you can be in the middle, and capable of doing both effectively.
I guess I’m lucky. My family and friends don’t really bother me about hanging out. When I do, they just enjoy it. I go to the gym 6 days a week so that gets me out of the house. I also like to go to cafes and drink a coffee and read. Otherwise, if I don’t get out of the house, I go stir crazy and feel like I’ve wasted my day. It also helps that my wife is also mostly an introvert. Long hikes by myself or with my wife are also nice, as long as their aren’t a lot of people around.
Great post and pertinent to my current situation - self imposed exile (of sorts).
My wife and 2year old are away for 2 days with other female friends and their babies so i took 2 days off work to stay at home and be alone - workmates think i’m mental or something. On the whole i think that people pretty much suck lol and get into a group mentality where there is no room for being an individual.
I go out with work sometimes but only on the condition that theres less than 10 going.#
Its health just to get your head together at times and for me thats best done alone - having time for hobbies that i normally don’t have space for.
In fact thats a big reason for going to the gym for me - in those few hours a week i truly have responsibility for myself and no-one else.
I succeed/fail/progress and its all down to me and my efforts.
I do like to spend time with close friends because its not work - you know each other so well that theres no big deal if you’re quiet.
Anyhoo back to dvd’s,reading,surfing,pork fillet,and painting wargames figures.
I love this day (and tomorrow too!)
[quote]Shoebolt wrote:
Call me ludicrous but I hate referring to myself or believing in introversion or extroversion.
I don’t want to limit myself by believing that I can either be really introspective, or really outwardly social. I believe both are equally possible at the same time, and you can be in the middle, and capable of doing both effectively.[/quote]
I think you are referring to an ambivert.
meet an introverted woman
I feel your pain. Here’s what I tell people: “Imagine you’re sitting at home alone. The TV and radio are turned off. All you have with you are a book, or maybe a pen and pad of paper. Would that be fun for you?” I continue: “However hard that might seem for you… That is how it feels for me to socialize with large groups of people.”
Oh, and check out “The Introvert Advantage.” A lot of it is feel-good fluff. (“Yay introverts!”) But it’s full of practical information, too. There are chapters dealing with many of the challenges introverts face.