Introverts

Off Topic
21

[quote]KombatAthlete wrote:
I am by nature pretty introverted. I am comfortable being alone for extended periods of time provided I am not bored, and usually I am not bored. However, if I don’t go out for a while (a while meaning a good part of a day or a day) I feel like I am being a recluse and family starts to harp on me and offer me opportunities to go out for the sake of going out.

How do the other true introverts on the board here cope with the pressure from mainstream extroverted to go out and be social?[/quote]

My parents are both extroverts and my wife is a true wild-woman. I’m the exact opposite. I’m pretty stoic and unsociable. I don’t talk a lot and I’m not into networking. Small-talk is a foreign language. I counter this by trying to be the nicest person I can be when I do get into social situations. I also coach a lot. I love kids. Coaching will help you become a little more extroverted, but I still don’t like dealing with parents.

My advice for other introverts…just don’t be a jerk. Go out of your way to be nice and try to avoid confrontation as much as possible (many extroverts thrive on confrontation). Always be willing to help. When people finally get to know you, your friends will be true friends for life.

22

Until I get a few beers in me. Then I’m the exact opposite. I’m a very happy drunk. I’ve actually met a lot of people when I was hammered who thought I was a serious party animal, then stopped wanting to hang out when they got to know the sober me who is very nice, quiet and reserved (lost a few girlfriends in college because of this). A lot of people tell me I’m the funniest MF when I’m drunk…and ask “why aren’t you like that all the time?”

23

[quote]bushidobadboy wrote:
I’m quite introverted, but because I’m very confident with strangers and at ease public speaking, people assume I’m an extrovert, so they get upset and offended when I don’t want to socialise with them. I actually like socialising, but only in small doses, and the most annoying thing is that I can be out enjoying myself with friends, when suddenly, I really feel like being alone, and the whole group thing just bores me stupid. This leads me to feel very isolated, even when in a crowd.[/quote]

Wow. That describes the way I get at groups events to a tee. I miss my family or friends when I haven’t seen them in a while, but it only takes a couple or few hours sometimes and it’s like someone flicks a switch and I’ve had my fill.

Fortunately that’s only sometimes.

I hate it when someone who should know you better says: “Sooooo, you’re awefully quiet.”

[quote]Do I care? Not really, but it would be nice to enjoy the odd complete evening in the company of friends, without getting bored and showing it!

bushy[/quote]

The times when they don’t push it too hard, are the sometimes when I can enjoy the whole evening.

It’s hard to find a way to tell people not to fret over me.

24

When I go out with the intention of socializing I am generally an outgoing, nice person and I enjoy meeting people and making friends. When I am drunk this is even more exemplified. However, although I enjoy doing this for a minority of my time, it takes a good deal of energy and effort for me to do so. If I get out of my ‘socializing’ mode when I am socializing for too long or too frequently, I am not as friendly.

People that I have known for a while say that I appear very laid back at first but I really am one of the most ‘intense’ people they meet. However, if I go out to the bookstore to read or something like that and am not in mood to socialize, I am not as nice unless I am just talking to a random guy, as I am very curious to meet new people and don’t treat it as ‘socializing’. Is anybody else like this?

25

Hey

I’m pretty reluctant to label myself either or. I guess by default I am pretty introverted, I have no qualms about working or being by myself but at the same time I’m often in situations where I have to be the extrovert of the group so its pretty schitzo - by choice I’ll go out and ‘socialise’ if i want to have fun, so going out with a group to watch the rugby or visit some place etc - i dont have any problems with that but going out for the sake of going out - it reeks of desperation. Anyways, introverts rule.

26

[quote]KombatAthlete wrote:
When I go out with the intention of socializing I am generally an outgoing, nice person and I enjoy meeting people and making friends. When I am drunk this is even more exemplified. However, although I enjoy doing this for a minority of my time, it takes a good deal of energy and effort for me to do so. If I get out of my ‘socializing’ mode when I am socializing for too long or too frequently, I am not as friendly.

People that I have known for a while say that I appear very laid back at first but I really am one of the most ‘intense’ people they meet. However, if I go out to the bookstore to read or something like that and am not in mood to socialize, I am not as nice unless I am just talking to a random guy, as I am very curious to meet new people and don’t treat it as ‘socializing’. Is anybody else like this?[/quote]

Yes, I am.

On the curiosity of meeting the random person I’d say I like for the “no strings attached” element of it. I love “no strings attached”. Otherwise I feel like a puppet, having to dance to somebody else’s tune; a no no, right?

On the being “laid back” then “the most intense”, I’d say being “high impact” which I am, overwhelms most people so maybe if I’m being introverted is because I feel a certain group can’t handle my intensity anyway, so I accomodate them by being “horizontal” (laid back) - When I’m “vertical” I show up with a lot of presence (most intense) and that frightens some people and I end up isolated anyway…can’t win, can you?

On the socializing “mode” yes, definately takes a good deal of energy and effort but mostly because I know most people won’t be able to match my level of intensity and I have to accomodate the group by being laid back when what I realy want is to be able to be myself fully (high impact - I don’t see myself as intense, I just feel life fully and I want it no other way). Having to control my own intense energy to match the group is what takes energy out of me because I’m holding back to suit others.

Once in the group I am nice and friendly unless I have to do this too often, then I know I need out. Once out I am not as friendly - I really don’t want to give or receive attention, nor do I need to feel secure…I just want my space. My “unfriendly” “anti-social” mode is just me saying: Give me my space back again.

On being drunk. Only three times. I laugh and giggle uncontrolably. I am ecstatic!!.. and I want to love everybody…
I tell people how beautiful they are, I want to hug them, I get all mellow and my joy is so complete.

Needless to say this frightens people also…so I’m staying introverted because really I am extreme!

27

[quote]steelicarus wrote:

but going out for the sake of going out - it reeks of desperation.[/quote]

You nailed it!

28

I’m an extrovert and loud mouth and the center of attention and I never shut the fuck up… but when I’m drunk I tend to just chill and spin around in my own little world and hide in a corner somewhere.

Now MY BROTHER, huge introvert. He doesn’t even have a friend. He has a wife and a job, that’s it. He never says more than 2 words to you when you talk to him. BUT, give this man a beer… he will go on for days, starts getting naked in front of everyone.

I THINK there is a little introvert or extrovert in everyone, it just may take some alcohol to bring it all out though.

As I get older I tend to be more introverted though. Maybe its because I have less friends as I get older, I don’t know.

30

@Ryu & PGJ -

I’d be interested in finding out what your wives think of your introvertedness (is that a word?). Do you get stick from being unsociable or do they accept it?

31

[quote]Neebone wrote:
@Ryu & PGJ -

I’d be interested in finding out what your wives think of your introvertedness (is that a word?). Do you get stick from being unsociable or do they accept it?[/quote]

I think she realizes that part of her job is to get me “out there”. She understands I’m no social butterfly, but she also knows I’m not unfriendly. The people who do get to know me know I’m genuine, honest and willing to help (my wive volunteers me for a lot of things). I think we both keep each other centered.

32

[quote]bushidobadboy wrote:
Yeah, I was thinking about this some more last night and actually, I’m not introverted as such, more just a loner. I enjoy my own company. I enjoy the company of others too, but on my own terms. If I’m ‘expected’ to be out somewhere, you can guarantee I’ll fight it to a certain extent. Not to be childish, but to keep an amount of control over the situation.

Like Alpha F said, I too am pretty intense and full on, especially when the group is doing an activity that I really enjoy and can get involved in.

As an example, I recently went on a stag weekend to Warsaw (Poland). There were about 13 of us and I was a little apprehensive as the other guys have a rep for hardcore drinking (which I don’t do), and beind insensitive to the locals, rude and yobbish (which I also don’t do). Anyway, during the drinking parts I was quietly enjoying myself with the occasional wince at some comment or other that the lads made about locals, girls or whatever. Not that I’m a prude, I just don’t see the need for that kind of behaviour. Respect, basically. ANYWAY, lol, we went out to a range to shoot handguns and Kalashnikovs. I was in heaven! Finally something I could get my teeth into… But I think it freaked some of the guys out, like I was trying to be ‘rambo’ or some such.

Basically, when something ‘flicks my switch’, then GAME ON! but most social ‘activities’ (ie the ones that centre around drinking or meeting people you have nothing in common with), turn me right off, and I can’t help but show it.

bushy[/quote]

Amen! Amen! ; )

Spot on!

…Specially the “switch” part! The switch is deadly - or I should say life!!

I love it!!!

33

[quote]Neebone wrote:
@Ryu & PGJ -

I’d be interested in finding out what your wives think of your introvertedness (is that a word?). Do you get stick from being unsociable or do they accept it?[/quote]

Being introverted and being unsociable are certainly not the same thing. An introvert is someone who is drained by and has to expend energy to socialize. There is nothing about being an introvert that necessarily entails being unsociable.

34

[quote]CaliforniaLaw wrote:
I feel your pain. Here’s what I tell people: “Imagine you’re sitting at home alone. The TV and radio are turned off. All you have with you are a book, or maybe a pen and pad of paper. Would that be fun for you?” I continue: “However hard that might seem for you… That is how it feels for me to socialize with large groups of people.”[/quote]

Wow! That is the perfect description!

My wife is one of the most outgoing and social people I’ve ever met. To her there is no such thing as a stranger. When we’re out I tend to be her shadow because she understands how I am and how to gracefully get me into and out of those situations.

I’ve gotten better but there have been times in the past when I had to go sit in the car to calm down because of the stress of trying to make small talk at large functions where I didn’t have a support group of close friends to surround myself with.