I scrolled past some of this, so maybe people mentioned this, but there’s a lot of talk about finding the right one, and unless I missed a lot of replies, not enough talk about no matter how smitten you are with each other at first, no marriage lasts without concerted effort on both parts to compromise, work with each other, do nice things for each other, and at least one of you needs to be able to walk away in the middle of a fight in which you know you’re right, and either drop it or outright apologize for the good of the relationship. Not to the point of abuse, but usually one partner is better at holding grudges than the other.
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I kinda started down that road via ability to build lasting relationships, but dude absolutely doesn’t want to address that, so shit posting it shall be.
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How do you suppose full on Yoda speak would go over in a sausage slinging session?
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Check out Menashe. It deals with this a bit. It’s also a great film in general.
Every other line in the attack run scene has a weird double meaning.
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if a girl likes you because you’re nice, it’s not something to spit at. Asking a bunch of gym bros advice on how to remedy that situation isn’t what I would consider conducive to finding your soulmate, either.
The best women I’ve known have dealt with enough shitty and fake men to know instantly when someone isn’t being real, and the ones who would spend a lifetime with someone pretending to be who they’re not without knowing the truth aren’t worth spending a lifetime with.
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I agree. This whole philosophy of nice guys finish last, treat girls like crap and they’ll love you is completely mangled with fallacies and misperceptions. I personally believe it’s absolute poison for the people who take it in.
Doesn’t speak well for his opinion of us gym Bro’s either if he believes we’re able to give him pointers. It means he thinks we’re a bunch of dicks. 
That is the overarching theme here- “The girls at the gym friend zoned me. I’ll ask these dick heads how to be more like them!”
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To use two analogies that oversimplify things, but get the point across:
- Girls want to marry a prince.
- Girls want to be treated like a princess.
In that order.
Obviously, there aren’t very many actual princes around and women understand that, but the point stands. The priority is that women want a man of value. They also want that man of value to treat them well. Being treated well by a man they don’t judge to be of high value is convenient, but not attractive. Just pushing to treat her better and better won’t increase attraction if she thinks you are low value.
It is sometimes true that treating other people, including girls and women, badly, will be perceived to convey higher value. However, this is generally not a long term strategy nor does it even work in the short term when dealing with people who themselves understand the world and their own value.
The takeaway here is that if you think you are a nice guy finishing last, you probably don’t need to be nicer and you certainly don’t need to be meaner. Increase your own value. That might mean improving your physical condition, hygiene, and grooming. Maybe it means improving your social skills and confidence. It could mean improving your financial situation and prospects.
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Solid advice here. I remember arranged marriage was bashed some time ago on here when I brought it up. I consider modern dating a waste of time and resources, an enormous burden for many good guys, and it has lead to some serious consequences for many.
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I think it can work out really well. There is some data on relationships comparing arranged to standard. It seems those who pick their partner themselves start out happier, but years down the road it evens out.
I think arranged is fine as long as both parties are okay with it (I am assuming this is something most would agree to).
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This. I go for the throat immediately via dick pics. They claim they hate them but not so in my experience. Watch what they do… NOT what they say. They’re rarely consistent.
Don’t try searching for it/her. Live life, do and get into new and varried hobbies/stuff to learn different talents and new experiences. It’ll happen when it’s meant too.
Everyone wants to see the resume.
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Hehe… They say otherwise but…
These are the exact things I talk to clients about who have a history of making poor choices in relationships (typically divorced people coming out of adulterous or abusive relationships). I call these things red flags, boundaries, and “what you want and need,” but they’re mate-selection criteria.
We focus on not worrying about what the prospect wants (“that’s their watch”) and making sure all boxes that should be checked are (treats family well, strong values, not in debt, expresses an ability to introspection, etc), and that the boxes that should not be checked are not (makes statements that suggest moral/intellectual inconsistency, startling/inappropriate temper displays, financial issues, lack of punctuality, etc).
Basically, I’m working with really solid people who need help focusing on finding someone they can like and respect as well as they like and respect themselves, but have not been given the tools (usually poor family modeling, as I had) needed for discernment.
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If you are resourceful and wealthy, why are you going back to college?
I’m well aware that many people view The modernized and twisted form of Christianity as a hippy, feel-good, feminine religion (when in actuality it is not that), but as a Christian man, or even as a secular man, why would you not want a woman who appreciates your kindness and friendliness? Why wouldn’t you want your future in-laws or her friends to feel the same way? This emphasis on alphadom comes across as infantile and its one of the cringiest elements of the manosphere/PUA “community”.
You got burned by having casual sex. That goes with the territory. Unless you’re insensitive, don’t do it. If you actually are Christian, you’d steer clear of it anyway, or at least try to.
You want a woman with good genes so there can be a eugenic effect on your future children. I don’t think this is strange at all and many people practice this while hypocritically cringing at the mention of eugenics. This takes meeting a woman’s parents and siblings and spending time with them to see their health, inclinations, health status, and talents. That’s what I did. But this cannot be done by casual “pumping and dumping” women. And it’s not only a matter of a woman’s or her relatives’ looks.
You say you want a talented boy so he has the shot at doing things you couldn’t. Well, I actually have a boy and have the same exact sentiment. My wife and I plan on and already are doing things to set him up for that, emotionally and intellectually. However I’m aware that no matter how much training and steering him we do, I cannot force him to be a mathematician, engineer, physicist, any other scientist, and so on, or a skilled tradesman. He might not be interested, or have the ability and circumstance. Whatever way he earns a living I’ll be alright with so long as it allows him a satisfying life is fine by me so long as it’s ethical. There are fields I’ll encourage him to stay away from though.
We have a girl too, who I have some similar but also different concerns for.
You say you want a son but are not looking for marriage. How do you plan for high-investment parenting (I’m not referring solely to money), to have this son who will accomplish things you can’t or couldn’t outside of a healthy household with two committed married parents?
I don’t think your post is trollish, nor do you deserve to be insulted. However I think you should think over all that you’ve written. I would like to write more, but as usual, I don’t have time for lengthy posting now. I might be back later.
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It’s a contract. You gotta have something to trade to get what you want.
The more boxes you check on your side, the more boxes you get (pun unavoidable) on the other.
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Haha. Guy thinks he’s an “alpha” but doesn’t have many “alpha” attributes other than an inflated ego and what sounds like manic bravado. Typical of guys who commonly use the term “alpha”.
I think OP would benefit from some real introspection and self inventory as to what he actually has to offer.
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What I have been thinking. Just didn’t want to say it.