It’s like this:
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The best advice I can give to get a girlfriend to do you first. What do I mean about this? Get your own shit together first. Get your career, life and finances together. Women can smell success from miles away and love guys with confidence.
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This sounds incredibly legit. Thanks.
Yes, honestly. It’s hard for me to imagine successful people remaining single forever. lol
First of all, this is incredibly insulting.
Second of all, you don’t know what I’ve been through. Stop making assumptions without knowing the facts first.
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That was his very obvious intent.
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I don’t know many people in their 20s and early 30s who think they should settle down.
I also don’t know many people in their late 30s and above who wouldn’t have stuffed around so much. Despite the advertising, there is little you lose and you waste so much time for pretty little benefit. Given my time again, I’d definitely have had kids earlier too but that’s another topic.
So what I would say is don’t rush to be in a relationship and don’t hang around in a relationship you know is not great but if you find yourself in one and it maximizes your happiness (this doesn’t mean you are happy all the time) then don’t throw that away because you happened to be a particular age when it happened.
Also, I would say it is never a bad thing to continue to make yourself a better option as a mate as you get older. Whether you are 20 and single or 70 and married for decades.
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Wow this thread was weird for a guy who has had two arranged marriages.
The first, I was a teenager, was told “you two are perfect together” by various family members who arranged it. And I believed them. We weren’t perfect, but we were quite good.
They kept doing this for a long while when I was a widower, but I wasn’t ready (because my first wife was quite good) and didn’t look until my daughters were almost (not quite) out of the house.
Then I went back to the matchmaker (same lady). She took some time. Had several matches. Two widows. Three or four kids that were way too young and pretty, but super eager – I think largely due to poverty and issues of being new immigrants. And one misfit medical student who had spurned efforts to be married off. (Worse, she was American and sometimes wore pants.) I talked with the matchmaker extensively, and after a couple of very tame interviews called “dates” (in a public place), went with the pants-wearer. And she went with me.
Be married for quite a while.
The process was formal and obviously foreign to everyone here (unless there is a Victorian throwback amongst you, or perhaps a Hindu), but here is some of what was involved, both times:
A physical, including checking for venereal diseases, and full cardio workup
Some sort of psychological test for comparability and skills. Minnesota something. And another one.
Many interviews with the matchmaker and her helper, who is a social worker
Head shots and body shot photos (dressed, thank you)
Interviews with family members
credit check
criminal check
A discussion with a Rabbi regarding theological beliefs and practices
Interviews with my daughters
In short, it was a way we were making sure the other person was not a loon, stable, and compatable.
The second time around, I scored poorly as a match because of my age, but made up for it with income, physical fitness, family, and candidly doing a splendid job raising my daughters.
So: here is my advice:
Pretend you are going to a matchmaker who is going to: (1) check your finances and ability to support a family; (2) see that you are a decent person and not violent or crazy; (3) will satisfy your spouse emotionally and sexually; and (4) be a good parent.
Make a chart. Work on making that resume as impressive as it can be.
In the process, a woman will appear out of nowhere.
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That’s hard to do when you’re full of shit.
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That’s not considered a mental illness.
It’s going to be rare that someone has that low an IQ and does not have Intellectual Disability.
What are the things you’re saying are BS?
Not everyone is going to like you dude, you need to be ok with that.
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This is really interesting. Happened in Israel? Were the potential candidates also Jewish (I would assume so). Is the a societal thing or a Jewish thing or both?
Disability is not the same as illness.
Everything. You’re either a troll or institutionalized.
As a liberal snowflake who’s a non-church going Catholic and, if you recall from our previous exchange, also admires and thinks the guy who started Protestantism did one of the greatest troll jobs in history by cutting out the Pope and his minions as the middlemen between the masses and God, I’ve gotta second this.
The idea of a partner is finding one who complements you. You’ve met the crazy ones. So have I. Can you imagine spending 30+ years living with them? Raising a kid while working with them? Coming home to crazy everyday?
Of course, you could find some girl somewhere else who’s interested in converting and shit but you have the best chances in terms of probability going the aforementioned route. And, seriously, just be yourself.
My wife almost completely complements my character or I wouldn’t have married her. I consider myself extremely lucky to have met her early. If I hadn’t, I would probably still be single and fucking around today. I wouldn’t have “settled” for someone else just for the sake of marriage.
You can “settle” when it comes to looks, but not when it comes to the dynamics of relationship. Too many friends, both male and female, have spent too much time whining to me about shit like this for me to not state this. I’ve been married for 15 years btw.
This isn’t like planning out a workout program with a targeted 1RM in mind. We’re talking about complex human relationships here.
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Well said, @dt79.
@bapoleon, you may find this informative. Researchers have found that the strongest marriages/long-term relationships hinge on both people reporting happiness with the relationship. In fact, satisfaction with the relationship is even more important than satisfaction with the other person. The researchers were surprised by this info. I’ll look around and see if I can find the article again.
The takeaway points are - be your authentic self, whatever that is. You’ll then naturally attract someone who likes YOU. Be honest with yourself if you like them AND the relational dynamics. If you don’t like the relationship you build with that person, no amount of attraction or love will make things satisfying.
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That process sounds amazing!
I’d honestly love it if my parents set me up like that 
They even test physical fitness- and no nudes!
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High functioning autism?
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If you were responding to me, yes, I’m on the spectrum. Didn’t get any cool math skills though 
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