[quote]SkyzykS wrote:
Well, since it was on the interwebs I figured I’d try it-
I got in a fight on the way home from work this afternoon!
It started out as a regular commute, but I figured that I would create a good opportunity to defend myself. I pulled a high speed merge onto 22/30 inbound, which is hell in the afternoon. This guy wouldn’t let me merge, so I had to hit my brakes to get in behind him(fucker owes me the cost of one brake use and an appology!). I lay on the horn to let him know what a dick I am…er, he is, and the bastard hits his brakes to confirm that he likes violence too. I beam him a couple of times but he’s riding my front bumper like a lexus giving me a lap dance. I don’t think that was very effective, so I nuzzle up close and give a shove just as we’re merging onto 79.
That got his attention. He puts on the blinker and pulls over and I oblige by doing the same. Lo and behold, a freakin tranny, or more likely a very convincing looking woman jumps out of the freakin car. I’m a little blurry on the details cause the laquer thinner I was huffing all day is working its magic, but I’d swear that this thing whipped a cell phone from about 30 feet away like a razor sharp digital boomerang, and split the bridge of my nose like spandex through a fat chicks cammel toe. I know at this point that defending myself is the only option.
I square up with this dude woman, who was kind of hot, and start throwing sharp short jabs. She’s still about 12 feet away, so I just call them polite warning shots and ask her if she’s “Ready for some of this?”. She reaches back- I figure drawing a pistol, but she’s removing a shoe. Using some wicked matrix/mary kay style of defense she buzzez this shoe past my fatal jabs and sticks a heel into my damn cheek.
With my initial defense out of the way I switch up to some over the top haymakers hoping to bring some hell down upon this beasts skull. I shouldn’t have raised my guard so much, cause thats when the other shoe, with a foot attatched hit square where my nuts used to be(I was 2nd place in the BMO, another interweb debacle). I buckle a bit, only to catch a purse full-o-bricks to the back of the head. I see a flash and stumble toward the ground.
When I awake the EMT are checking me for drugs and a concussion. I try to explain that the peeing was a show of dominance to scare my opponent. They assure me that they understand completely.
My wife emerges from the haze of the background being escorted by a cop. Maybe it was a mall gaurd. At any rate she is glowing red with pride in my ability to defend my honor. She hides it with feigned anger, but I know how she really feels. As they walk me to the car the guard explains that I should never return to the mall and I sure as hell better never be caught in the womens department of Macy’s again.
They just don’t understand what drives a high test guy like me. I was in a battle for my life with some road raging lunatic tranny, not tumbling around a department store with some damned plus sizes manequin!
I’d provide more details but the back of my forehead is realy itchy and I’ve lost control of my toenails.
I figured you guys would understand though,
right Bros? If you do, I could sure use some help paying for that endcap display of patent leather flats. The manager said something about “never being able to sell them smelling like that”.
IDK, WTF?
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Bravo !