STAND UP, STAND TALL, PERSIST, DEFEND
Life can be a real bitch.
The moment you feel you finally achieved a state of stability, harmony and tranquillity, more often than not, is the very moment something evil and bad bullies through your life and tears everything into pieces like a hurricane.
I’ve experienced that so many times in my own life, let alone seen it happen to others. That’s just the way it is, the way it goes.
Of course, there are some Fortuna-spoiled, rich-ass, life-long sorrow-free dudes out there, and, man, I am really happy for them. On the other hand, we T-men are T-men partly due to the fact that, in our lives, we had to deal with adversity.
Life is not always easy and the world is not always a cosy place, and some of us literally travelled to hell and back more than once.
It was just the other day I met an old friend I haven’t seen in years. I run into him on my way to work about a week ago, we exchanged our business cards (I hate it, but that’s the way one exchanges numbers nowadays). After a few e-mails we finally made an appointment for last Monday and agreed to have a drink or two after work in our favourite bar in the city.
The first thing that sprung into my eyes when we met was that Patrice must have lost 40 pounds. He resembled more of a skeleton than the well-trained Nordic beau I used to know. I could go into great detail of what he told me on that evening, but I won’t. I’ll just give you a short “executive summary”: his long-time girlfriend left him pregnant from another guy, he found a new girl, fell in love, and got married.
Last December their first daughter was born. She died 30 minutes after birth. This year, after having found a bit of piece in live again, he was diagnosed cancer - a tumour had grown in his belly area. He fist thought that he had gotten fat. When the doctors cut out the tumour which was somehow embedded in a fluid-filled cyst, it had the size of a football and weighted over 7 pounds.
When Patrice told me what he had to go through lately, I felt my eyes filling with tears and couldn’t help to blow my nose a couple of times. But what touched me the most was that he didn’t seem to have lost any of his enthusiasm, optimism and inner piece. This man would have more than enough reasons to be angry with the world, pissed about life, destiny, God; however you want to call it. But he isn’t.
He told me: “Look, in life, it’s always desirable to choose your battles wisely. To choose the ones you can win. This one [he was talking about his cancer], this one has chosen me.”
Patrice is not going to die anytime soon. That’s what I believe and want to believe. The doctors are very optimistic, the chemotherapy went very well. He is back to work, back to training, back to life. He still plans to climb the famous Matterhorn one day, still plans to compete again in at least three different sports, still plans to learn Spanish. His wife and he still plan to have children one day and to be happy and healthy without any setbacks for many, many years to come.
I pray every single day for all that going to happen.
One thing I want to tell you, is, that in life, you just have to expect adversity. Friends will turn their backs on you, beloved-ones will die, you’ll get sick, recover, get sick again, and fall in and later out of love. There will be accidents, financial troubles, a hell of a lot of unforeseen shit you cannot even imagine now, and - eventually and inevitably - you’ll die.
Boom. There it is: the ugly truth.
On the other hand, when you really think of it, it all has its good side. This I wrote so many times before: the fact that our lifespan is limited makes it so, so very much more precious. The fact that there are times of sorrows in our lives makes the interim time golden.
I know, I really do know that all that is said much easier than believed in, or lived by. I had to push through some hefty shit in my life, too, and many times, it was all but easy to keep my optimism, or even my will of life. My approach to this is as simple as brutally hard as powerful: every single morning when I get up I tell myself that the past is past, that every day is a new life and that I will stand tall, persist and defend. Every single day.
Have been doing this for 30 years now and will continue to do so until the last day of my life. Not to chasten myself and not to keep me in a melancholic state of mind. But to plainly show myself that life is fragile and transitory, that our soul is only borrowed and that one day we will have to give it back. This keeps me going. It keeps me wanting to live to the fullest, it keeps my intense desire to live alive.
There is this memorable quote in the latest Rocky movie (Rock is talking to his son here):
"You let people stick a finger in your face and tell you you’re no good. And when things got hard, you started looking for something to blame, like a big shadow. Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place and I don’t care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it.
You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard ya hit. It’s about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done! Now if you know what you’re worth then go out and get what you’re worth. But ya gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody! Cowards do that and that ain’t you! You’re better than that!"
It ain’t about how hard ya hit. It’s about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward. Having realized that is the very essence of being a T-man.
A common reaction to being encountered by adversity is to become a cynic. Don’t. Patrice, my dear friend, would have more reason to disgustfully look at the world as a place filled with irony and bad jokes - most of them on him. But he doesn’t. He still is the humble, yet life-loving man I’ve known for almost two decades. He still tries to get better every single day; be it a better husband, friend, employee or athlete.
A common reaction to getting a terrible stroke of fate is to somehow “pay it back”. Usually that means rage, violence, vandalism. Don’t. This will not make things better, but worse. It will not enrich your life nor will it help you forget. The only thing that can heal that wounded soul is love. And you’ll only get love if you spread it.
That’s what Patrice is doing. He spreads love and good feelings. When we said good night last Monday before we headed back to our beloved wives (fiancée, in my case…), he gave me a hug, told me that I’ll be fine and that I can be very proud of myself. Man, this evening should have been all about him. Not me. But he gave me the feeling of being something special, of being understood and loved. The ability to do that is a blessing, and the most sacred thing on earth.
Now, you know that adversity will strike again. Sooner or later, it will. In the meantime, do me and yourself and the world a favour and live like you really mean it. Find someone to love and fill as many as possible lives with joy and happiness. Laugh, cheer, play more, chase butterflies and dream at both nights and days.
Choose your battles wisely, and accept the fact that some will choose you. No matter what, stand up, stand tall, persist, defend.
Yours,
PA