Hilarious True Stories!

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81

[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:

[quote]Testy1 wrote:

[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:

[quote]Testy1 wrote:
Isn’t this where you brag about your E-cock and how much money you make? I take it back, you are a poor imitation of Rainjack and not really needed. Do you think while you where gone anyone started a thread titled- Where’s Texasguy?[/quote]
I don’t know. Don’t really give a fuck. You trashy Michiganer you.

I do know I was welcomed back pretty warmly by some folks I remember and some I don’t.

Then we jumped right in to disagreeing kind of like with you monkeys except they know how to keep it funny and don’t actually get butt hurt.

Just go play with your pussy and calm down.

And, whether he admits it or not, Vicomte is glad I’m back.

I love you Vicomte.[/quote]

You don’t know how much it hurts being called trashy by a Texan. If claiming Detroit is what it takes to keep the likes of you in North Mexico, it is a price I am willing to pay. FWIW I don’t live sixty miles from Detroit, on a chain of lakes, near a trashy city called Ann Arbor. [/quote]

Cool! You are still fucking retarded if you think Texas is a trashy state. You’ve either never been here or are just playing dumb. I actually live in one of the most prestigious areas of one of the nations most affluent cities, not just outside of FWIW. And you bragged first though it was a weak brag.

You can go out in the rural areas and find some rednecks for sure, same as Michigan and every other state in the Union.

We do, however, tie California for the most Fortune 500 HQs

We have arguably the best Medical District in the world, right here in Houston

For all intents and purposes, the world’s oil industry is HQ’d here and with it all the best engineers, geophysicists, other scientists, skilled labor and an international populace whose cultures have been welcomed and integrated in to society absolutely.

We have three metropolitan areas in the USA’s top ten largest and still can say that more land is farmed in Texas than any other state.

Texas is home to presidents Dwight D. Eisenhower, Lyndon B. Johnson and the re-located Bush family.

Texas is first in petroleum, natural gas, and French sulfur

Texas is second in salt production

Texas makes more wool than any other state

Texas is home to 4 top tier public universities and a smattering of top private

Spring Break in S. Padre is generally fucking awesome, so much so it is marketed in mainstream party media

The Texas economy is 2nd largest in the nation and 15th largest in the world

Texas leads the US in export revenues (you motherfuckers need us, like it or not)

We are the aeronautics/space exploration kings

Our IT industry is severly underrated

You can go anywhere, I mean anywhere in the world and tell people you are from Texas and they will fucking love you, more than just telling them you are American.

From China Towns, to the Mahatma Ghandi Districts to the general international cultural influences found all over Texas, you cannot honestly bash us as “trashy”.

That is your own ignorance showing through you trashy Michiganer. Texas is fucking awesome. It’s not true that we all live in a desert, ride horses everywhere and think no further than our spitoons.

Texans owns Michigan any day of the week and Gulf Coast > Little Lakes.

EDIT: Your northern Mexico comment makes you pretty douchey, dude. I see the veiled racism and it wasn’t even your friend that said it.

Our mexican cuisine is fucking bomb though. [/quote]

Who’s butt hurt?

1/5 of the worlds fresh water > saltwater.

How is it racism to say you resemble a nearby third world country?

82

[quote]Vicomte wrote:
O SHIT WE GOT SMITHROLLED[/quote]

No, man, that really happened.

I swear.

If there’s one thing you should’ve learned by now, Vic, it’s that no one on the Internet ever lies about how awesome or unbelievable their life is.

Ever.

83

[quote]anonym wrote:

[quote]Vicomte wrote:
O SHIT WE GOT SMITHROLLED[/quote]

No, man, that really happened.

I swear.

If there’s one thing you should’ve learned by now, Vic, it’s that no one on the Internet ever lies about how awesome or unbelievable their life is.

Ever.[/quote]I can’t prove it but you don’t have to believe. It makes no diff. and if it saves your ego so be it.

84

[quote]Testy1 wrote:

[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:

[quote]Testy1 wrote:

[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:

[quote]Testy1 wrote:
Isn’t this where you brag about your E-cock and how much money you make? I take it back, you are a poor imitation of Rainjack and not really needed. Do you think while you where gone anyone started a thread titled- Where’s Texasguy?[/quote]
I don’t know. Don’t really give a fuck. You trashy Michiganer you.

I do know I was welcomed back pretty warmly by some folks I remember and some I don’t.

Then we jumped right in to disagreeing kind of like with you monkeys except they know how to keep it funny and don’t actually get butt hurt.

Just go play with your pussy and calm down.

And, whether he admits it or not, Vicomte is glad I’m back.

I love you Vicomte.[/quote]

You don’t know how much it hurts being called trashy by a Texan. If claiming Detroit is what it takes to keep the likes of you in North Mexico, it is a price I am willing to pay. FWIW I don’t live sixty miles from Detroit, on a chain of lakes, near a trashy city called Ann Arbor. [/quote]

Cool! You are still fucking retarded if you think Texas is a trashy state. You’ve either never been here or are just playing dumb. I actually live in one of the most prestigious areas of one of the nations most affluent cities, not just outside of FWIW. And you bragged first though it was a weak brag.

You can go out in the rural areas and find some rednecks for sure, same as Michigan and every other state in the Union.

We do, however, tie California for the most Fortune 500 HQs

We have arguably the best Medical District in the world, right here in Houston

For all intents and purposes, the world’s oil industry is HQ’d here and with it all the best engineers, geophysicists, other scientists, skilled labor and an international populace whose cultures have been welcomed and integrated in to society absolutely.

We have three metropolitan areas in the USA’s top ten largest and still can say that more land is farmed in Texas than any other state.

Texas is home to presidents Dwight D. Eisenhower, Lyndon B. Johnson and the re-located Bush family.

Texas is first in petroleum, natural gas, and French sulfur

Texas is second in salt production

Texas makes more wool than any other state

Texas is home to 4 top tier public universities and a smattering of top private

Spring Break in S. Padre is generally fucking awesome, so much so it is marketed in mainstream party media

The Texas economy is 2nd largest in the nation and 15th largest in the world

Texas leads the US in export revenues (you motherfuckers need us, like it or not)

We are the aeronautics/space exploration kings

Our IT industry is severly underrated

You can go anywhere, I mean anywhere in the world and tell people you are from Texas and they will fucking love you, more than just telling them you are American.

From China Towns, to the Mahatma Ghandi Districts to the general international cultural influences found all over Texas, you cannot honestly bash us as “trashy”.

That is your own ignorance showing through you trashy Michiganer. Texas is fucking awesome. It’s not true that we all live in a desert, ride horses everywhere and think no further than our spitoons.

Texans owns Michigan any day of the week and Gulf Coast > Little Lakes.

EDIT: Your northern Mexico comment makes you pretty douchey, dude. I see the veiled racism and it wasn’t even your friend that said it.

Our mexican cuisine is fucking bomb though. [/quote]

Who’s butt hurt?

1/5 of the worlds fresh water > saltwater.

How is it racism to say you resemble a nearby third world country?[/quote]

You are. I’m just stating the facts, ma’m.

85

Back OT . . .

So I went to the off-topic area of a supplement company’s bodybuilding forum, and guess what I saw:

HG - “So I did some taint-munchin shenanigans and that shot WAS SO LOL-WORHTY!”

Everyone Else: “You are a too-open vagina.”

HG - “Fuck you pussies are so weak I got mad cash and live in an expensive neighborhood and am so happy and self-satisfied and not seeking approval on the Internet shut up shut up shut up HERE ARE MORE FUNNIE THAT ARE ALSO ME BEING A TREMENDOUS DOUCHE!”

It was so awesome.

86

[quote]Vash wrote:
Back OT . . .

So I went to the off-topic area of a supplement company’s bodybuilding forum, and guess what I saw:

HG - “So I did some taint-munchin shenanigans and that shot WAS SO LOL-WORHTY!”

Everyone Else: “You are a too-open vagina.”

HG - “Fuck you pussies are so weak I got mad cash and live in an expensive neighborhood and am so happy and self-satisfied and not seeking approval on the Internet shut up shut up shut up HERE ARE MORE FUNNIE THAT ARE ALSO ME BEING A TREMENDOUS DOUCHE!”

It was so awesome.[/quote]

Sounds hilarious! Link?

87

[quote]anonym wrote:

[quote]Vicomte wrote:
O SHIT WE GOT SMITHROLLED[/quote]

No, man, that really happened.

I swear.

If there’s one thing you should’ve learned by now, Vic, it’s that no one on the Internet ever lies about how awesome or unbelievable their life is.

Ever.[/quote]

FUCK YOU I’M PRE-MED

88

I should have guessed you unhappies would not have had anything funny to add. I suppose some people have more fun booing on the sidelines. Fucking losers.

89

[quote]debraD wrote:

[quote]anonym wrote:

[quote]Vicomte wrote:
O SHIT WE GOT SMITHROLLED[/quote]

No, man, that really happened.

I swear.

If there’s one thing you should’ve learned by now, Vic, it’s that no one on the Internet ever lies about how awesome or unbelievable their life is.

Ever.[/quote]

FUCK YOU I’M PRE-MED
[/quote]
For real? I thought you were in marketing for some reason.

90

[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:

[quote]debraD wrote:

[quote]anonym wrote:

[quote]Vicomte wrote:
O SHIT WE GOT SMITHROLLED[/quote]

No, man, that really happened.

I swear.

If there’s one thing you should’ve learned by now, Vic, it’s that no one on the Internet ever lies about how awesome or unbelievable their life is.

Ever.[/quote]

FUCK YOU I’M PRE-MED
[/quote]
For real? I thought you were in marketing for some reason.[/quote]

No I was being a smart ass :wink:

I’m a programmer. I fucking hate the marketing dept grinds teeth

91

[quote]debraD wrote:

[quote]anonym wrote:

[quote]Vicomte wrote:
O SHIT WE GOT SMITHROLLED[/quote]

No, man, that really happened.

I swear.

If there’s one thing you should’ve learned by now, Vic, it’s that no one on the Internet ever lies about how awesome or unbelievable their life is.

Ever.[/quote]

FUCK YOU I’M PRE-MED[/quote]

Pre-med, huh? Sounds smart.

Might have to look into that. I’m tired of people seeing my 9" cock and thinking I’m nothing more than a slab of meat.

Plus, I need something to do while my supermodel girlfriend is away at her photo shoot. I’d join her for moral support, but I need to stay local while waiting on my billion dollar inheritance to clear all that legal red tape.

92

[quote]debraD wrote:

[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:

[quote]debraD wrote:

[quote]anonym wrote:

[quote]Vicomte wrote:
O SHIT WE GOT SMITHROLLED[/quote]

No, man, that really happened.

I swear.

If there’s one thing you should’ve learned by now, Vic, it’s that no one on the Internet ever lies about how awesome or unbelievable their life is.

Ever.[/quote]

FUCK YOU I’M PRE-MED
[/quote]
For real? I thought you were in marketing for some reason.[/quote]

No I was being a smart ass :wink:

I’m a programmer. I fucking hate the marketing dept grinds teeth[/quote]Haha, they can be divas for sure.

IT is not my forte but I understand you have to be quite the smarty pants for some of those roles. Just curious but where on the spectrum between helpdesk and architect is programming?

How is that ass of yours doing?

93

This one time, I was sitting in the corner of my apartment laundry room, eating Malto-Meal and being a pimp all day, and then this mega-breasted muffin-topping whore walks in and starts chatting memup and is all “Yeah I totes divorced my husband that cheating asshole cuz he hlcheated on me and I suck dick like it’s the best job in the world.”

I still have a load of towels over there.

94

[quote]anonym wrote:

[quote]debraD wrote:

[quote]anonym wrote:

[quote]Vicomte wrote:
O SHIT WE GOT SMITHROLLED[/quote]

No, man, that really happened.

I swear.

If there’s one thing you should’ve learned by now, Vic, it’s that no one on the Internet ever lies about how awesome or unbelievable their life is.

Ever.[/quote]

FUCK YOU I’M PRE-MED[/quote]

Pre-med, huh? Sounds smart.

Might have to look into that. I’m tired of people seeing my 9" cock and thinking I’m nothing more than a slab of meat.

Plus, I need something to do while my supermodel girlfriend is away at her photo shoot. I’d join her for moral support, but I need to stay local while waiting on my billion dollar inheritance to clear all that legal red tape.[/quote]
I don’t have a nine inch penis but I will get a sweet inheritance. Not that I need it. i will only give enough to charity to lessen my tax burden though. No girlfriend either and I will admittedly fuck fatties and hotties alike.

I know you are swimming in water neither of us can prove but at the end of the day I am all the things you want to deny, your blind accusations notwithstanding. (:

don’t be jelly, it doesn’t suit you. i bet delivering pizzas was fun though, unfortunately I never had to know what that or bagging groceries means to a kid.

I do tip well fwiw… you are welcome.

95

820×615 289 KB

[quote]Vash wrote:
This one time, I was sitting in the corner of my apartment laundry room, eating Malto-Meal and being a pimp all day, and then this mega-breasted muffin-topping whore walks in and starts chatting memup and is all “Yeah I totes divorced my husband that cheating asshole cuz he hlcheated on me and I suck dick like it’s the best job in the world.”

I still have a load of towels over there.[/quote]

96

Several years ago at a karaoke bar, late in the evening when everyone was too drunk to care. This nasty skank who had been flirting with me all night finally got bold enough to sit on my lap, and while my friend/wingman was singing on the karaoke stage, she started to give me a lapdance. I was too drunk to get rid of her, and my wingman, who was supposed to help protect me from making bad decisions, was too busy belting out Bon Jovi or some shit to pay attention.

So while the skank is giving the lapdance, the best bit of dialogue ever comes out:
For some reason, while she is grinding on my pelvis, we start talking about work, and it turns out that she is a manager at a local grocery store, in charge of the meat department. So I look down at our gyrating crotches and say: “It looks like you’re managing the meat department right now!”

97

HG, you’re a true powercunt. You do not lift weights, have never known the touch of a woman, and you’re clearly compensating for something.

And I’m killing time between clients, helping stroke your attention ego.

Full homo, brudda. FULL.

[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:

[quote]anonym wrote:

[quote]debraD wrote:

[quote]anonym wrote:

[quote]Vicomte wrote:
O SHIT WE GOT SMITHROLLED[/quote]

No, man, that really happened.

I swear.

If there’s one thing you should’ve learned by now, Vic, it’s that no one on the Internet ever lies about how awesome or unbelievable their life is.

Ever.[/quote]

FUCK YOU I’M PRE-MED[/quote]

Pre-med, huh? Sounds smart.

Might have to look into that. I’m tired of people seeing my 9" cock and thinking I’m nothing more than a slab of meat.

Plus, I need something to do while my supermodel girlfriend is away at her photo shoot. I’d join her for moral support, but I need to stay local while waiting on my billion dollar inheritance to clear all that legal red tape.[/quote]
I don’t have a nine inch penis but I will get a sweet inheritance. Not that I need it. i will only give enough to charity to lessen my tax burden though. No girlfriend either and I will admittedly fuck fatties and hotties alike.

I know you are swimming in water neither of us can prove but at the end of the day I am all the things you want to deny, your blind accusations notwithstanding. (:

don’t be jelly, it doesn’t suit you. i bet delivering pizzas was fun though, unfortunately I never had to know what that or bagging groceries means to a kid.

I do tip well fwiw… you are welcome.[/quote]

98

[quote]Ulty wrote:
Several years ago at a karaoke bar, late in the evening when everyone was too drunk to care. This nasty skank who had been flirting with me all night finally got bold enough to sit on my lap, and while my friend/wingman was singing on the karaoke stage, she started to give me a lapdance. I was too drunk to get rid of her, and my wingman, who was supposed to help protect me from making bad decisions, was too busy belting out Bon Jovi or some shit to pay attention.

So while the skank is giving the lapdance, the best bit of dialogue ever comes out:
For some reason, while she is grinding on my pelvis, we start talking about work, and it turns out that she is a manager at a local grocery store, in charge of the meat department. So I look down at our gyrating crotches and say: “It looks like you’re managing the meat department right now!”[/quote]

Nice.

Speaking of delis, I was standing behind HoustonGuy in line at one the other day. He asks the clerk for 3lbs of pepperoni. The guy asks how thin he would want that sliced.

HoustonGuy replies, “what do you think my ass is? A slot machine?”

Again, everything you read on the Internet is truth.

99

[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:

[quote]debraD wrote:

[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:

[quote]debraD wrote:

[quote]anonym wrote:

[quote]Vicomte wrote:
O SHIT WE GOT SMITHROLLED[/quote]

No, man, that really happened.

I swear.

If there’s one thing you should’ve learned by now, Vic, it’s that no one on the Internet ever lies about how awesome or unbelievable their life is.

Ever.[/quote]

FUCK YOU I’M PRE-MED
[/quote]
For real? I thought you were in marketing for some reason.[/quote]

No I was being a smart ass :wink:

I’m a programmer. I fucking hate the marketing dept grinds teeth[/quote]Haha, they can be divas for sure.

IT is not my forte but I understand you have to be quite the smarty pants for some of those roles. Just curious but where on the spectrum between helpdesk and architect is programming?

How is that ass of yours doing?
[/quote]

My ass is doing it’s job well as a cushion :slight_smile:

I’m closer to architect but more of a designer/developer. Architects generally don’t do any development. About a third of my time is spent designing, maybe a third actually writing code and the rest is integration and support. My software isn’t used by the general public so there isn’t really a help desk tier (there sort of is but it’s kind of weird compared to other places)

100

[quote]Vash wrote:
HG, you’re a true powercunt. You do not lift weights, have never known the touch of a woman, and you’re clearly compensating for something.

And I’m killing time between clients, helping stroke your attention ego.

Full homo, brudda. FULL.

[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:

[quote]anonym wrote:

[quote]debraD wrote:

[quote]anonym wrote:

[quote]Vicomte wrote:
O SHIT WE GOT SMITHROLLED[/quote]

No, man, that really happened.

I swear.

If there’s one thing you should’ve learned by now, Vic, it’s that no one on the Internet ever lies about how awesome or unbelievable their life is.

Ever.[/quote]

FUCK YOU I’M PRE-MED[/quote]

Pre-med, huh? Sounds smart.

Might have to look into that. I’m tired of people seeing my 9" cock and thinking I’m nothing more than a slab of meat.

Plus, I need something to do while my supermodel girlfriend is away at her photo shoot. I’d join her for moral support, but I need to stay local while waiting on my billion dollar inheritance to clear all that legal red tape.[/quote]
I don’t have a nine inch penis but I will get a sweet inheritance. Not that I need it. i will only give enough to charity to lessen my tax burden though. No girlfriend either and I will admittedly fuck fatties and hotties alike.

I know you are swimming in water neither of us can prove but at the end of the day I am all the things you want to deny, your blind accusations notwithstanding. (:

don’t be jelly, it doesn’t suit you. i bet delivering pizzas was fun though, unfortunately I never had to know what that or bagging groceries means to a kid.

I do tip well fwiw… you are welcome.[/quote]
[/quote]Uh… ok. i have some sales people on staff, if you ever need a job let me know. i will forgive you.