Hilarious True Stories!

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1

This thread is to share hilarious true stories. They must be true and they must be hilarious.

I will share two to start.

  1. Hunting season always reminds me of a trip a few years ago. My friend loads his own bullets and made some blanks. We had a guy with us who had never been hunting before. Well he fucked up some really good shots (with the blanks of course) so back at camp we set up some extremely easy targets to hit and gave him a gun loaded with blanks. He was absolutely bewildered. We ribbed him pretty good and as day turned in to night and people got drunk some one aimed a blank loaded pistol at the guy, citing an argument that had flared up. He pulled trigger three times and the poor guy literally shit his pants. Like actual shit in his pants. He never came hunting with us again and doesn’t really hang out anymore but he was just some dudes sisters boyfriend so who cares. It was very funny.

  2. In college a friend and I were invited to a Chi Omega White Rose Ball or Formal or some shit like that. I didn’t really know my date, we had talked some but it turned out she had the hots for me. Anyways she asked me with a bucket full of Butterfingers (My favorite candy) and a bottle of Jim Beam. She picked me up and gave me a blowjob before we left my room. I was in a dorm at the time.

Anyways, my buddy and I got really drunk at the formal, it had an open bar. Our dates wound up being kind of annoying and I had already gotten a blowjob anyways. My friend was in a fraternity and they were having a party too, nothing special, just a party. Well he called them to come pick us up and in the meantime we stole the golf cart from the fat ass security gaurd at the country club and drove it around the parking lot until his buddies showed up.

The fat ass tried to catch us but got tired pretty quickly and just sat down. Bad move because as soon as his friends truck pulled in to the lot we aimed it at the pool and jumped out at the last minute. It sunk. Word has it the Chi Os had to pay for damages. They never could prove we did it though we did go to court.

I never got invited to another Chi Omega party.

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Do you have any “hilarious true stories” that don’t make you out to be a huge cockbite?

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[quote]Brant_Drake wrote:
Do you have any “hilarious true stories” that don’t make you out to be a huge cockbite?[/quote]
One time I saw a little dog chase a big dog off yard. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOL

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[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:
This thread is to share hilarious true stories. They must be true and they must be hilarious.

I will share two to start.

  1. Hunting season always reminds me of a trip a few years ago. My friend loads his own bullets and made some blanks. We had a guy with us who had never been hunting before. Well he fucked up some really good shots (with the blanks of course) so back at camp we set up some extremely easy targets to hit and gave him a gun loaded with blanks. He was absolutely bewildered. We ribbed him pretty good and as day turned in to night and people got drunk some one aimed a blank loaded pistol at the guy, citing an argument that had flared up. He pulled trigger three times and the poor guy literally shit his pants. Like actual shit in his pants. He never came hunting with us again and doesn’t really hang out anymore but he was just some dudes sisters boyfriend so who cares. It was very funny.
    [/quote]

Wow, I can appreciate a sick sense of humor as much as anyone, but pointing a gun at someone is absolutely not funny, blanks or not. Shows a total ignorance of firearm safety and utter negligence.

5

[quote]Ulty wrote:

[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:
This thread is to share hilarious true stories. They must be true and they must be hilarious.

I will share two to start.

  1. Hunting season always reminds me of a trip a few years ago. My friend loads his own bullets and made some blanks. We had a guy with us who had never been hunting before. Well he fucked up some really good shots (with the blanks of course) so back at camp we set up some extremely easy targets to hit and gave him a gun loaded with blanks. He was absolutely bewildered. We ribbed him pretty good and as day turned in to night and people got drunk some one aimed a blank loaded pistol at the guy, citing an argument that had flared up. He pulled trigger three times and the poor guy literally shit his pants. Like actual shit in his pants. He never came hunting with us again and doesn’t really hang out anymore but he was just some dudes sisters boyfriend so who cares. It was very funny.
    [/quote]

Wow, I can appreciate a sick sense of humor as much as anyone, but pointing a gun at someone is absolutely not funny, blanks or not. Shows a total ignorance of firearm safety and utter negligence.[/quote]

Drunk idiots playing with guns is hi-larious.

Don cha know.

6

[quote]Ulty wrote:

[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:
This thread is to share hilarious true stories. They must be true and they must be hilarious.

I will share two to start.

  1. Hunting season always reminds me of a trip a few years ago. My friend loads his own bullets and made some blanks. We had a guy with us who had never been hunting before. Well he fucked up some really good shots (with the blanks of course) so back at camp we set up some extremely easy targets to hit and gave him a gun loaded with blanks. He was absolutely bewildered. We ribbed him pretty good and as day turned in to night and people got drunk some one aimed a blank loaded pistol at the guy, citing an argument that had flared up. He pulled trigger three times and the poor guy literally shit his pants. Like actual shit in his pants. He never came hunting with us again and doesn’t really hang out anymore but he was just some dudes sisters boyfriend so who cares. It was very funny.
    [/quote]

Wow, I can appreciate a sick sense of humor as much as anyone, but pointing a gun at someone is absolutely not funny, blanks or not. Shows a total ignorance of firearm safety and utter negligence.[/quote]
Well shut down Hollywood then.

Blanks are not dangerous at all. That boyscout firearm safety is good to know and practice with live rounds for sure but there was absolutely zero chance anyone would get hurt. Physically impossible.

7

[quote]Ulty wrote:

[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:
This thread is to share hilarious true stories. They must be true and they must be hilarious.

I will share two to start.

  1. Hunting season always reminds me of a trip a few years ago. My friend loads his own bullets and made some blanks. We had a guy with us who had never been hunting before. Well he fucked up some really good shots (with the blanks of course) so back at camp we set up some extremely easy targets to hit and gave him a gun loaded with blanks. He was absolutely bewildered. We ribbed him pretty good and as day turned in to night and people got drunk some one aimed a blank loaded pistol at the guy, citing an argument that had flared up. He pulled trigger three times and the poor guy literally shit his pants. Like actual shit in his pants. He never came hunting with us again and doesn’t really hang out anymore but he was just some dudes sisters boyfriend so who cares. It was very funny.
    [/quote]

Wow, I can appreciate a sick sense of humor as much as anyone, but pointing a gun at someone is absolutely not funny, blanks or not. Shows a total ignorance of firearm safety and utter negligence.[/quote]

+1

This is not funny. It’s actually pretty fucking stupid, and makes you and your friends sound like massive douchebags. No offense.

8

You guys are fucking pussies.

  1. In fifth grade we had a substitute teacher and we all switched seats and pretended to be someone else. She didn’t catch on until, of course, Sean was found out to be Sarah. The lady made lots of threats for the teacher but we all knew she couldn’t actually write anyone up. After threatening with the principal, we all got back in our seats.

At the end of the day she admitted it was funny.

  1. A guy was having a birthday and we convinced him he needed to stop by a buddies house for a favor. When he came in we all jumped out of a hall and yelled “Happy Birthday!” He never saw it coming.

  2. At summer camp we made chocolate pudding with a gummy worm in it and crumbled oreos on top. We called it dirt but really it was a snack. FUNNY!

  3. During shop class a long time ago this guy named Jason got pantsed.

  4. Sometimes I pretend like my thumb sticking between some fingers is my little cousins nose and he giggles every time.

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[quote]MaliMedved wrote:

[quote]Ulty wrote:

[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:
This thread is to share hilarious true stories. They must be true and they must be hilarious.

I will share two to start.

  1. Hunting season always reminds me of a trip a few years ago. My friend loads his own bullets and made some blanks. We had a guy with us who had never been hunting before. Well he fucked up some really good shots (with the blanks of course) so back at camp we set up some extremely easy targets to hit and gave him a gun loaded with blanks. He was absolutely bewildered. We ribbed him pretty good and as day turned in to night and people got drunk some one aimed a blank loaded pistol at the guy, citing an argument that had flared up. He pulled trigger three times and the poor guy literally shit his pants. Like actual shit in his pants. He never came hunting with us again and doesn’t really hang out anymore but he was just some dudes sisters boyfriend so who cares. It was very funny.
    [/quote]

Wow, I can appreciate a sick sense of humor as much as anyone, but pointing a gun at someone is absolutely not funny, blanks or not. Shows a total ignorance of firearm safety and utter negligence.[/quote]

+1

This is not funny. It’s actually pretty fucking stupid, and makes you and your friends sound like massive douchebags. No offense.[/quote]
Yeah but you can bet your ass he never mistreated my buddies sister.

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[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:

[quote]Ulty wrote:

[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:
This thread is to share hilarious true stories. They must be true and they must be hilarious.

I will share two to start.

  1. Hunting season always reminds me of a trip a few years ago. My friend loads his own bullets and made some blanks. We had a guy with us who had never been hunting before. Well he fucked up some really good shots (with the blanks of course) so back at camp we set up some extremely easy targets to hit and gave him a gun loaded with blanks. He was absolutely bewildered. We ribbed him pretty good and as day turned in to night and people got drunk some one aimed a blank loaded pistol at the guy, citing an argument that had flared up. He pulled trigger three times and the poor guy literally shit his pants. Like actual shit in his pants. He never came hunting with us again and doesn’t really hang out anymore but he was just some dudes sisters boyfriend so who cares. It was very funny.
    [/quote]

Wow, I can appreciate a sick sense of humor as much as anyone, but pointing a gun at someone is absolutely not funny, blanks or not. Shows a total ignorance of firearm safety and utter negligence.[/quote]
Well shut down Hollywood then.

Blanks are not dangerous at all. That boyscout firearm safety is good to know and practice with live rounds for sure but there was absolutely zero chance anyone would get hurt. Physically impossible. [/quote]

I think these were Brandon Lee’s last words…

11

This reminds me of another story that HoustonGuy will find hilarious:

A couple years ago in Nebraska, there was a young newlywed couple, madly in love. The man liked to shoot guns and got his new wife involved. They shot at targets, took gun safety courses, and generally had a ball together. They had a blog which discussed their shooting/hunting adventures. The blog included pictures of the couple and their friends jokingly pointing guns at each other and the camera. They were so aware of safety and preparedness that they even practiced “clearing” their apartment in case of intruders, using unloaded guns during this role playing.

Can you guess how this story ends?

Hilarious, eh HG?

12

[quote]Ulty wrote:
This reminds me of another story that HoustonGuy will find hilarious:

A couple years ago in Lincoln, there was a young newlywed couple, madly in love. The man liked to shoot guns and got his new wife involved. They shot at targets, took gun safety courses, and generally had a ball together. They had a blog which discussed their shooting/hunting adventures. The blog included pictures of the couple and their friends jokingly pointing guns at each other and the camera. They were so aware of safety and preparedness that they even practiced “clearing” their apartment in case of intruders, using unloaded guns during this role playing.

Can you guess how this story ends?

Hilarious, eh HG?[/quote]

Totally unrelated story and outcome. A strawman I believe?

Somebody died in a car wreck today. Will you be driving home?

It was fucking hilarious, totally safe and zero injuries. I appreciate your criticism but it’s falling on deaf ears.

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this one time I went to Maui and got up before the sun rose, and got to see some cool sunrise through the palm trees while I sipped my coffee.

it was cool.

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ok but make it funny

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[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:

[quote]Ulty wrote:
This reminds me of another story that HoustonGuy will find hilarious:

A couple years ago in Lincoln, there was a young newlywed couple, madly in love. The man liked to shoot guns and got his new wife involved. They shot at targets, took gun safety courses, and generally had a ball together. They had a blog which discussed their shooting/hunting adventures. The blog included pictures of the couple and their friends jokingly pointing guns at each other and the camera. They were so aware of safety and preparedness that they even practiced “clearing” their apartment in case of intruders, using unloaded guns during this role playing.

Can you guess how this story ends?

Hilarious, eh HG?[/quote]

Totally unrelated story and outcome. A strawman I believe?

Somebody died in a car wreck today. Will you be driving home?

It was fucking hilarious, totally safe and zero injuries. I appreciate your criticism but it’s falling on deaf ears.
[/quote]

Personally, I fully support and encourage HG to continue getting drunk and playing with guns.

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talk about your all time back fires lol

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[quote]Vicomte wrote:

[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:

[quote]Ulty wrote:
This reminds me of another story that HoustonGuy will find hilarious:

A couple years ago in Lincoln, there was a young newlywed couple, madly in love. The man liked to shoot guns and got his new wife involved. They shot at targets, took gun safety courses, and generally had a ball together. They had a blog which discussed their shooting/hunting adventures. The blog included pictures of the couple and their friends jokingly pointing guns at each other and the camera. They were so aware of safety and preparedness that they even practiced “clearing” their apartment in case of intruders, using unloaded guns during this role playing.

Can you guess how this story ends?

Hilarious, eh HG?[/quote]

Totally unrelated story and outcome. A strawman I believe?

Somebody died in a car wreck today. Will you be driving home?

It was fucking hilarious, totally safe and zero injuries. I appreciate your criticism but it’s falling on deaf ears.
[/quote]

Personally, I fully support and encourage HG to continue getting drunk and playing with guns.[/quote]

Aww, thanks! For the record I didn’t do the pistol thing and it wasn’t planned. The blanks in his hunting rifle yes. No one really knew what was going to happen when the dude pulled the pistol but most of knew about the blanks and assumed. It was a tense moment until the trigger pulled and we realized the guy wasn’t bleeding. Then it was fucking hilarious. Especially when we realized the poor soul had shit himself.

Ok, another time we set up a propane tank and the guy down field started dancing like a drunk monkey when we started shooting. We were way, way, way over his head and off to the side and he undoubtedly realized this but he was ghost face white. He was really pissed at first but it was funny later.

As a side note, this guy is missing his left thumb because he caught a rattlesnake and made it a pet as a student at UT. He was feeding a mouse one day when it bit his thumb. He also got arrested for a knife fight once but we were “rich kids” and his dads oil money plus a lawyer for an uncle got him off of charges.

He’s now a senior petroleum engineer running crews all over the world for a huge oil company. Not BP.

Just so you know Vicomte, I will probably die young. I’ve had some close calls and love a good adrenaline rush that only risky activities sans polite society safety restraints can bring.

You guys are still fucking pussies though.

18

[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:

[quote]Vicomte wrote:

[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:

[quote]Ulty wrote:
This reminds me of another story that HoustonGuy will find hilarious:

A couple years ago in Lincoln, there was a young newlywed couple, madly in love. The man liked to shoot guns and got his new wife involved. They shot at targets, took gun safety courses, and generally had a ball together. They had a blog which discussed their shooting/hunting adventures. The blog included pictures of the couple and their friends jokingly pointing guns at each other and the camera. They were so aware of safety and preparedness that they even practiced “clearing” their apartment in case of intruders, using unloaded guns during this role playing.

Can you guess how this story ends?

Hilarious, eh HG?[/quote]

Totally unrelated story and outcome. A strawman I believe?

Somebody died in a car wreck today. Will you be driving home?

It was fucking hilarious, totally safe and zero injuries. I appreciate your criticism but it’s falling on deaf ears.
[/quote]

Personally, I fully support and encourage HG to continue getting drunk and playing with guns.[/quote]

Aww, thanks! For the record I didn’t do the pistol thing and it wasn’t planned. The blanks in his hunting rifle yes. No one really knew what was going to happen when the dude pulled the pistol but most of knew about the blanks and assumed. It was a tense moment until the trigger pulled and we realized the guy wasn’t bleeding. Then it was fucking hilarious. Especially when we realized the poor soul had shit himself.

Ok, another time we set up a propane tank and the guy down field started dancing like a drunk monkey when we started shooting. We were way, way, way over his head and off to the side and he undoubtedly realized this but he was ghost face white. He was really pissed at first but it was funny later.

As a side note, this guy is missing his left thumb because he caught a rattlesnake and made it a pet as a student at UT. He was feeding a mouse one day when it bit his thumb. He also got arrested for a knife fight once but we were “rich kids” and his dads oil money plus a lawyer for an uncle got him off of charges.

He’s now a senior petroleum engineer running crews all over the world for a huge oil company. Not BP.

Just so you know Vicomte, I will probably die young. I’ve had some close calls and love a good adrenaline rush that only risky activities sans polite society safety restraints can bring.

You guys are still fucking pussies though.
[/quote]

The guy who pulled out the pistol is lucky that buddy wasnt’ armed himself. If someone pointed a pistol at me, pulled the trigger and it went “bang” I’d start shooting back. If I wasn’t bleeding my first assumption would be that he’d missed, not that he had blanks. Somehow I’m pretty sure a court would see it my way. . .

19

[quote]Sturat wrote:

[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:

[quote]Vicomte wrote:

[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:

[quote]Ulty wrote:
This reminds me of another story that HoustonGuy will find hilarious:

A couple years ago in Lincoln, there was a young newlywed couple, madly in love. The man liked to shoot guns and got his new wife involved. They shot at targets, took gun safety courses, and generally had a ball together. They had a blog which discussed their shooting/hunting adventures. The blog included pictures of the couple and their friends jokingly pointing guns at each other and the camera. They were so aware of safety and preparedness that they even practiced “clearing” their apartment in case of intruders, using unloaded guns during this role playing.

Can you guess how this story ends?

Hilarious, eh HG?[/quote]

Totally unrelated story and outcome. A strawman I believe?

Somebody died in a car wreck today. Will you be driving home?

It was fucking hilarious, totally safe and zero injuries. I appreciate your criticism but it’s falling on deaf ears.
[/quote]

Personally, I fully support and encourage HG to continue getting drunk and playing with guns.[/quote]

Aww, thanks! For the record I didn’t do the pistol thing and it wasn’t planned. The blanks in his hunting rifle yes. No one really knew what was going to happen when the dude pulled the pistol but most of knew about the blanks and assumed. It was a tense moment until the trigger pulled and we realized the guy wasn’t bleeding. Then it was fucking hilarious. Especially when we realized the poor soul had shit himself.

Ok, another time we set up a propane tank and the guy down field started dancing like a drunk monkey when we started shooting. We were way, way, way over his head and off to the side and he undoubtedly realized this but he was ghost face white. He was really pissed at first but it was funny later.

As a side note, this guy is missing his left thumb because he caught a rattlesnake and made it a pet as a student at UT. He was feeding a mouse one day when it bit his thumb. He also got arrested for a knife fight once but we were “rich kids” and his dads oil money plus a lawyer for an uncle got him off of charges.

He’s now a senior petroleum engineer running crews all over the world for a huge oil company. Not BP.

Just so you know Vicomte, I will probably die young. I’ve had some close calls and love a good adrenaline rush that only risky activities sans polite society safety restraints can bring.

You guys are still fucking pussies though.
[/quote]

The guy who pulled out the pistol is lucky that buddy wasnt’ armed himself. If someone pointed a pistol at me, pulled the trigger and it went “bang” I’d start shooting back. If I wasn’t bleeding my first assumption would be that he’d missed, not that he had blanks. Somehow I’m pretty sure a court would see it my way. . .
[/quote]
Yeah probably.

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[quote]Edgy wrote:
this one time I went to Maui and got up before the sun rose, and got to see some cool sunrise through the palm trees while I sipped my coffee.

it was cool.[/quote]

and then we went to breakfast downstairs and got to meet a few people, then headed to teh beach, and picked up some seashells and then we walked around a little bit, and then we smoked some maui wowee, got totally fucked up and held up a liquer store and the owner was soo pissed that he started swinging a bat at us, and then we got in our prius and then started driving to the bar, then got really drunk and then met some fat hookers and then started having a 4 way, and then while I had my tongue stuck in one of the hookers assholes, she tightened up and squeezed my tongue real hard and then it was funny, and I started laughing, but it was funny cause my tongue was still stuck in her ass, then she farted and it stunk and then it was funny and we rolled off the bed and then I broke my arm, and then while they were driving me to the hospital, two of them gave me head and I came in thier hair, and it was funny cause they used it for hair gel like in that movie, and then while we were in the emergency room there was an earthquake, and then they had multiple casualties so I had to set my arm myself but it was okay cause I was drunk and so it didn’t hurt too much so while we were driving back to the hotel, there was a hurricane, and then the car was tossed around and it was funny cause our buzz was coming off and then my arm started hurting and then once the hurricane was over then we went back to the hotel and started drinking again.