Hilarious True Stories!

Off Topic
61

[quote]Edevus wrote:

[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:

[quote]Edevus wrote:
HG, you certainly never lose a chance to brag about your life…[/quote]
I’ll answer call outs, even if they are troll bait. Don’t get it “twisted” Edevus.

Unfortunately I can’t prove them without uploading tax documents and sensitive shit though so no shoe pics. [/quote]

If you answer to those baits like that, you are the one who looks “bad”. He called you “moron”, you bragged for half page about your life. [/quote]
That’s ok. I’m a pretentious prick in real life too. Kind of. I think real pretention lies in being smuggly blatant, I don’t hide much. Just a prick I guess. Why lie or pretend to be something I’m not, especially a moron?

Explain the upperhand logic there.

62

[quote]Vicomte wrote:

[quote]Edevus wrote:

[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:

[quote]Edevus wrote:
HG, you certainly never lose a chance to brag about your life…[/quote]
I’ll answer call outs, even if they are troll bait. Don’t get it “twisted” Edevus.

Unfortunately I can’t prove them without uploading tax documents and sensitive shit though so no shoe pics. [/quote]

If you answer to those baits like that, you are the one who looks “bad”. He called you “moron”, you bragged for half page about your life. [/quote]

HG has yet to understand that no one has ever ‘called him out’.

But many of us have called him a fucking moron.[/quote]Misguided every time. But what eva. Moron or not I love my life and the gun prank was hilarious.

63

[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:

[quote]Edevus wrote:

[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:

[quote]Edevus wrote:
HG, you certainly never lose a chance to brag about your life…[/quote]
I’ll answer call outs, even if they are troll bait. Don’t get it “twisted” Edevus.

Unfortunately I can’t prove them without uploading tax documents and sensitive shit though so no shoe pics. [/quote]

If you answer to those baits like that, you are the one who looks “bad”. He called you “moron”, you bragged for half page about your life. [/quote]
That’s ok. I’m a pretentious prick in real life too. Kind of. I think real pretention lies in being smuggly blatant, I don’t hide much. Just a prick I guess. Why lie or pretend to be something I’m not, especially a moron?

Explain the upperhand logic there.[/quote]

Then carry on.

64

Sometimes I wish I was really stupid.

Because stupid people are always really happy.

65

Isn’t this where you brag about your E-cock and how much money you make? I take it back, you are a poor imitation of Rainjack and not really needed. Do you think while you where gone anyone started a thread titled- Where’s Texasguy?

66

[quote]Vicomte wrote:
Sometimes I wish I was really stupid.

Because stupid people are always really happy.[/quote]
All you really have to do is lighten up. I could be misguided myself but the read I get from you is “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”, Edgar Alan Poe and some other dark shit.

I feel like you probably enjoy being “down” and love to be a breath of negativity.

Not knocking your jive but you can be happy if you choose to pull the grumpy stick out of your ass.

67

[quote]Testy1 wrote:
Isn’t this where you brag about your E-cock and how much money you make? I take it back, you are a poor imitation of Rainjack and not really needed. Do you think while you where gone anyone started a thread titled- Where’s Texasguy?[/quote]
I don’t know. Don’t really give a fuck. You trashy Michiganer you.

I do know I was welcomed back pretty warmly by some folks I remember and some I don’t.

Then we jumped right in to disagreeing kind of like with you monkeys except they know how to keep it funny and don’t actually get butt hurt.

Just go play with your pussy and calm down.

And, whether he admits it or not, Vicomte is glad I’m back.

I love you Vicomte.

68

[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:

[quote]Vicomte wrote:
Sometimes I wish I was really stupid.

Because stupid people are always really happy.[/quote]
All you really have to do is lighten up. I could be misguided myself but the read I get from you is “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”, Edgar Alan Poe and some other dark shit.

I feel like you probably enjoy being “down” and love to be a breath of negativity.

Not knocking your jive but you can be happy if you choose to pull the grumpy stick out of your ass.[/quote]

OMG MY GRUMPY STICK!!!

I thot i had lost U!

69

[quote]Vicomte wrote:

[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:

[quote]Vicomte wrote:
Sometimes I wish I was really stupid.

Because stupid people are always really happy.[/quote]
All you really have to do is lighten up. I could be misguided myself but the read I get from you is “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”, Edgar Alan Poe and some other dark shit.

I feel like you probably enjoy being “down” and love to be a breath of negativity.

Not knocking your jive but you can be happy if you choose to pull the grumpy stick out of your ass.[/quote]

OMG MY GRUMPY STICK!!!

I thot i had lost U![/quote]Sweet, sweet reunions.

70

[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:

[quote]Testy1 wrote:
Isn’t this where you brag about your E-cock and how much money you make? I take it back, you are a poor imitation of Rainjack and not really needed. Do you think while you where gone anyone started a thread titled- Where’s Texasguy?[/quote]
I don’t know. Don’t really give a fuck. You trashy Michiganer you.

I do know I was welcomed back pretty warmly by some folks I remember and some I don’t.

Then we jumped right in to disagreeing kind of like with you monkeys except they know how to keep it funny and don’t actually get butt hurt.

Just go play with your pussy and calm down.

And, whether he admits it or not, Vicomte is glad I’m back.

I love you Vicomte.[/quote]

See? Too overcomplicated. Just make fun of him because he wrote “where” instead of “were” and all that.

71

[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:

[quote]Testy1 wrote:
Isn’t this where you brag about your E-cock and how much money you make? I take it back, you are a poor imitation of Rainjack and not really needed. Do you think while you where gone anyone started a thread titled- Where’s Texasguy?[/quote]
I don’t know. Don’t really give a fuck. You trashy Michiganer you.

I do know I was welcomed back pretty warmly by some folks I remember and some I don’t.

Then we jumped right in to disagreeing kind of like with you monkeys except they know how to keep it funny and don’t actually get butt hurt.

Just go play with your pussy and calm down.

And, whether he admits it or not, Vicomte is glad I’m back.

I love you Vicomte.[/quote]

I read this entire thread, and i have come to this conclusion…

You are a young lad trying to act as if you are ‘THE MAN’
I think most males have gone through this stage of being proud of their immaturity.

I am positive most men have similar stories to yours on here, the difference being they have grown up ??

72

[quote]Edevus wrote:

[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:

[quote]Testy1 wrote:
Isn’t this where you brag about your E-cock and how much money you make? I take it back, you are a poor imitation of Rainjack and not really needed. Do you think while you where gone anyone started a thread titled- Where’s Texasguy?[/quote]
I don’t know. Don’t really give a fuck. You trashy Michiganer you.

I do know I was welcomed back pretty warmly by some folks I remember and some I don’t.

Then we jumped right in to disagreeing kind of like with you monkeys except they know how to keep it funny and don’t actually get butt hurt.

Just go play with your pussy and calm down.

And, whether he admits it or not, Vicomte is glad I’m back.

I love you Vicomte.[/quote]

See? Too overcomplicated. Just make fun of him because he wrote “where” instead of “were” and all that.
[/quote]Because it’s most likely just a typo, of which I and everyone else is guilty.

73

[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:

[quote]Edevus wrote:

[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:

[quote]Testy1 wrote:
Isn’t this where you brag about your E-cock and how much money you make? I take it back, you are a poor imitation of Rainjack and not really needed. Do you think while you where gone anyone started a thread titled- Where’s Texasguy?[/quote]
I don’t know. Don’t really give a fuck. You trashy Michiganer you.

I do know I was welcomed back pretty warmly by some folks I remember and some I don’t.

Then we jumped right in to disagreeing kind of like with you monkeys except they know how to keep it funny and don’t actually get butt hurt.

Just go play with your pussy and calm down.

And, whether he admits it or not, Vicomte is glad I’m back.

I love you Vicomte.[/quote]

See? Too overcomplicated. Just make fun of him because he wrote “where” instead of “were” and all that.
[/quote]Because it’s most likely just a typo, of which I and everyone else is guilty.
[/quote]

I don’t think he is a monkey either.

Not sure though, I’m not very good with USA geography.

74

[quote]porkpie wrote:

[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:

[quote]Testy1 wrote:
Isn’t this where you brag about your E-cock and how much money you make? I take it back, you are a poor imitation of Rainjack and not really needed. Do you think while you where gone anyone started a thread titled- Where’s Texasguy?[/quote]
I don’t know. Don’t really give a fuck. You trashy Michiganer you.

I do know I was welcomed back pretty warmly by some folks I remember and some I don’t.

Then we jumped right in to disagreeing kind of like with you monkeys except they know how to keep it funny and don’t actually get butt hurt.

Just go play with your pussy and calm down.

And, whether he admits it or not, Vicomte is glad I’m back.

I love you Vicomte.[/quote]

I read this entire thread, and i have come to this conclusion…

You are a young lad trying to act as if you are ‘THE MAN’
I think most males have gone through this stage of being proud of their immaturity.

I am positive most men have similar stories to yours on here, the difference being they have grown up ??
[/quote]I will let you know in 10-15 years. There is no “trying” though, I do like comparing myself to average, I get off on beating benchmarks (always been competitive), and I beat the average on almost all qualifiable fronts.

Some of it is luck like my handsome mug and things like that, the rest took work and perseverence.

I don’t care how douchey it sounds, most people can’t do what I do.

Mostly because they won’t choose to even if they want the desired outcome of being awesome and breaking personal barriers standing in front of whatever accomplishment they “wish” they could have.

Humble is not a quality I own though.

75

[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:

[quote]Testy1 wrote:
Isn’t this where you brag about your E-cock and how much money you make? I take it back, you are a poor imitation of Rainjack and not really needed. Do you think while you where gone anyone started a thread titled- Where’s Texasguy?[/quote]
I don’t know. Don’t really give a fuck. You trashy Michiganer you.

I do know I was welcomed back pretty warmly by some folks I remember and some I don’t.

Then we jumped right in to disagreeing kind of like with you monkeys except they know how to keep it funny and don’t actually get butt hurt.

Just go play with your pussy and calm down.

And, whether he admits it or not, Vicomte is glad I’m back.

I love you Vicomte.[/quote]

You don’t know how much it hurts being called trashy by a Texan. If claiming Detroit is what it takes to keep the likes of you in North Mexico, it is a price I am willing to pay. FWIW I don’t live sixty miles from Detroit, on a chain of lakes, near a trashy city called Ann Arbor.

76

[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:

[quote]porkpie wrote:

[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:

[quote]Testy1 wrote:
Isn’t this where you brag about your E-cock and how much money you make? I take it back, you are a poor imitation of Rainjack and not really needed. Do you think while you where gone anyone started a thread titled- Where’s Texasguy?[/quote]
I don’t know. Don’t really give a fuck. You trashy Michiganer you.

I do know I was welcomed back pretty warmly by some folks I remember and some I don’t.

Then we jumped right in to disagreeing kind of like with you monkeys except they know how to keep it funny and don’t actually get butt hurt.

Just go play with your pussy and calm down.

And, whether he admits it or not, Vicomte is glad I’m back.

I love you Vicomte.[/quote]

I read this entire thread, and i have come to this conclusion…

You are a young lad trying to act as if you are ‘THE MAN’
I think most males have gone through this stage of being proud of their immaturity.

I am positive most men have similar stories to yours on here, the difference being they have grown up ??
[/quote]I will let you know in 10-15 years. There is no “trying” though, I do like comparing myself to average, I get off on beating benchmarks (always been competitive), and I beat the average on almost all qualifiable fronts.

Some of it is luck like my handsome mug and things like that, the rest took work and perseverence.

I don’t care how douchey it sounds, most people can’t do what I do.

Mostly because they won’t choose to even if they want the desired outcome of being awesome and breaking personal barriers standing in front of whatever accomplishment they “wish” they could have.

Humble is not a quality I own though.
[/quote]

Ha ha…
Isn’t it a quality that children posess that they believe the world revolves around them?

And most of the ‘Aren’t I great’…well i hate to tell you, but 90% of men go through that.
And that ‘I am indestructible’…yep that too.

I don’t find you offensive in the slightest, more amused!!
Keep up the good work.

p.s. you’ll probably find in 10-15 years time that you will be saying these same comments to some cocky lad who thinks he is a combination of superman, steven hawkins and john holmes!!!

77

LOL

This thread sucks. Barely a funny story in sight.

That’s OK, though, I’ll throw you candy asses a bone. This is the story of a 12-year old anonym, 15-year old Meaghan, and a long night of missing parental supervision.

So, I was 12 at the time, and my parents had decided to go on their regular Thursday “date” (ie, going to a restaurant and laughing about what they could’ve been if anonym didn’t crush their dreams). I was left at home with the babysitter, Meaghan (the REAL babysitter was HER mom, calling to check in on her every half hour, but we’re not there yet), who was actually my neighbor at the time.

I was hanging out in my bedroom, reading one of the Fear Street books (because Goosebumps were for pansies) and in comes Meaghan wanting to talk about how there was nothing on TV. Not that any man would give a shit, but I didn’t even have the inclination to pretend to, because my little hormones had yet to start greasing the gears, so to speak. Wanting to get back to my reading, I told her she can read some Calvin and Hobbes if she wanted.

But, no. Long story short, we started to play a “game”.

Did I mention Meaghan was one of those Jailbait Gallery-esue girls? The ones who matured so fast and only had the barest, most naive sense of what their young, freshly nubile bodies do to men? Well, I don’t want to spoil too much, but let’s just say she was kind of a smoke show. But, I digress…

So it started out as a typical Truth or Dare game, but, once we sacked up and started choosing more ‘dares’ than ‘truths’, it rapidly snowballed into a game of You Show Me Yours, I’ll Show You Mine.

Now, maybe we were too absorbed in the game to notice, but the phone hadn’t rang in some time… but things were starting to pick up and this shit was a damn site better than Fear Street, in a curious kind of way, so I wasn’t thinking of much else.

We had passed the point of ‘showing’ and were at ‘touching’, now, and Meaghan wanted me to touch her “IN THERE”. I was nervous as fuck, wondering if it was as simple as pushing an elevator button over and over, but I sure as hell didn’t want to be the one to chicken out.

So, I was leaning over, hand trembling, Meaghan had pulled her jeans down to her knees and scooted reaaal close… to this day, I can still smell the scent of her shampoo when I look back on all this. And as I leaned in even closer and began to make my move on her panties, my mom came home, got scared, and said, “You’re movin’ with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air.” I whistled for a cab and when it came near The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror. If anything I could say that this cab was rare, but I thought, “Nah, forget it. Yo, holmes to Bel-Air!” I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8 and I yelled to the cabbie, “Yo homes smell ya later!” Looked at my kingdom I was finally there, to sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-Air.

Shit was soooo cash.

78

[quote]Testy1 wrote:

[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:

[quote]Testy1 wrote:
Isn’t this where you brag about your E-cock and how much money you make? I take it back, you are a poor imitation of Rainjack and not really needed. Do you think while you where gone anyone started a thread titled- Where’s Texasguy?[/quote]
I don’t know. Don’t really give a fuck. You trashy Michiganer you.

I do know I was welcomed back pretty warmly by some folks I remember and some I don’t.

Then we jumped right in to disagreeing kind of like with you monkeys except they know how to keep it funny and don’t actually get butt hurt.

Just go play with your pussy and calm down.

And, whether he admits it or not, Vicomte is glad I’m back.

I love you Vicomte.[/quote]

You don’t know how much it hurts being called trashy by a Texan. If claiming Detroit is what it takes to keep the likes of you in North Mexico, it is a price I am willing to pay. FWIW I don’t live sixty miles from Detroit, on a chain of lakes, near a trashy city called Ann Arbor. [/quote]

Cool! You are still fucking retarded if you think Texas is a trashy state. You’ve either never been here or are just playing dumb. I actually live in one of the most prestigious areas of one of the nations most affluent cities, not just outside of FWIW. And you bragged first though it was a weak brag.

You can go out in the rural areas and find some rednecks for sure, same as Michigan and every other state in the Union.

We do, however, tie California for the most Fortune 500 HQs

We have arguably the best Medical District in the world, right here in Houston

For all intents and purposes, the world’s oil industry is HQ’d here and with it all the best engineers, geophysicists, other scientists, skilled labor and an international populace whose cultures have been welcomed and integrated in to society absolutely.

We have three metropolitan areas in the USA’s top ten largest and still can say that more land is farmed in Texas than any other state.

Texas is home to presidents Dwight D. Eisenhower, Lyndon B. Johnson and the re-located Bush family.

Texas is first in petroleum, natural gas, and French sulfur

Texas is second in salt production

Texas makes more wool than any other state

Texas is home to 4 top tier public universities and a smattering of top private

Spring Break in S. Padre is generally fucking awesome, so much so it is marketed in mainstream party media

The Texas economy is 2nd largest in the nation and 15th largest in the world

Texas leads the US in export revenues (you motherfuckers need us, like it or not)

We are the aeronautics/space exploration kings

Our IT industry is severly underrated

You can go anywhere, I mean anywhere in the world and tell people you are from Texas and they will fucking love you, more than just telling them you are American.

From China Towns, to the Mahatma Ghandi Districts to the general international cultural influences found all over Texas, you cannot honestly bash us as “trashy”.

That is your own ignorance showing through you trashy Michiganer. Texas is fucking awesome. It’s not true that we all live in a desert, ride horses everywhere and think no further than our spitoons.

Texans owns Michigan any day of the week and Gulf Coast > Little Lakes.

EDIT: Your northern Mexico comment makes you pretty douchey, dude. I see the veiled racism and it wasn’t even your friend that said it.

Our mexican cuisine is fucking bomb though.

79

[quote]porkpie wrote:

[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:

[quote]porkpie wrote:

[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:

[quote]Testy1 wrote:
Isn’t this where you brag about your E-cock and how much money you make? I take it back, you are a poor imitation of Rainjack and not really needed. Do you think while you where gone anyone started a thread titled- Where’s Texasguy?[/quote]
I don’t know. Don’t really give a fuck. You trashy Michiganer you.

I do know I was welcomed back pretty warmly by some folks I remember and some I don’t.

Then we jumped right in to disagreeing kind of like with you monkeys except they know how to keep it funny and don’t actually get butt hurt.

Just go play with your pussy and calm down.

And, whether he admits it or not, Vicomte is glad I’m back.

I love you Vicomte.[/quote]

I read this entire thread, and i have come to this conclusion…

You are a young lad trying to act as if you are ‘THE MAN’
I think most males have gone through this stage of being proud of their immaturity.

I am positive most men have similar stories to yours on here, the difference being they have grown up ??
[/quote]I will let you know in 10-15 years. There is no “trying” though, I do like comparing myself to average, I get off on beating benchmarks (always been competitive), and I beat the average on almost all qualifiable fronts.

Some of it is luck like my handsome mug and things like that, the rest took work and perseverence.

I don’t care how douchey it sounds, most people can’t do what I do.

Mostly because they won’t choose to even if they want the desired outcome of being awesome and breaking personal barriers standing in front of whatever accomplishment they “wish” they could have.

Humble is not a quality I own though.
[/quote]

Ha ha…
Isn’t it a quality that children posess that they believe the world revolves around them?

And most of the ‘Aren’t I great’…well i hate to tell you, but 90% of men go through that.
And that ‘I am indestructible’…yep that too.

I don’t find you offensive in the slightest, more amused!!
Keep up the good work.

p.s. you’ll probably find in 10-15 years time that you will be saying these same comments to some cocky lad who thinks he is a combination of superman, steven hawkins and john holmes!!!
[/quote]That’s cool. But qualifiable is qualifiable after all.

80

[quote]anonym wrote:
LOL

This thread sucks. Barely a funny story in sight.

That’s OK, though, I’ll throw you candy asses a bone. This is the story of a 12-year old anonym, 15-year old Meaghan, and a long night of missing parental supervision.

So, I was 12 at the time, and my parents had decided to go on their regular Thursday “date” (ie, going to a restaurant and laughing about what they could’ve been if anonym didn’t crush their dreams). I was left at home with the babysitter, Meaghan (the REAL babysitter was HER mom, calling to check in on her every half hour, but we’re not there yet), who was actually my neighbor at the time.

I was hanging out in my bedroom, reading one of the Fear Street books (because Goosebumps were for pansies) and in comes Meaghan wanting to talk about how there was nothing on TV. Not that any man would give a shit, but I didn’t even have the inclination to pretend to, because my little hormones had yet to start greasing the gears, so to speak. Wanting to get back to my reading, I told her she can read some Calvin and Hobbes if she wanted.

But, no. Long story short, we started to play a “game”.

Did I mention Meaghan was one of those Jailbait Gallery-esue girls? The ones who matured so fast and only had the barest, most naive sense of what their young, freshly nubile bodies do to men? Well, I don’t want to spoil too much, but let’s just say she was kind of a smoke show. But, I digress…

So it started out as a typical Truth or Dare game, but, once we sacked up and started choosing more ‘dares’ than ‘truths’, it rapidly snowballed into a game of You Show Me Yours, I’ll Show You Mine.

Now, maybe we were too absorbed in the game to notice, but the phone hadn’t rang in some time… but things were starting to pick up and this shit was a damn site better than Fear Street, in a curious kind of way, so I wasn’t thinking of much else.

We had passed the point of ‘showing’ and were at ‘touching’, now, and Meaghan wanted me to touch her “IN THERE”. I was nervous as fuck, wondering if it was as simple as pushing an elevator button over and over, but I sure as hell didn’t want to be the one to chicken out.

So, I was leaning over, hand trembling, Meaghan had pulled her jeans down to her knees and scooted reaaal close… to this day, I can still smell the scent of her shampoo when I look back on all this. And as I leaned in even closer and began to make my move on her panties, my mom came home, got scared, and said, “You’re movin’ with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air.” I whistled for a cab and when it came near The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror. If anything I could say that this cab was rare, but I thought, “Nah, forget it. Yo, holmes to Bel-Air!” I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8 and I yelled to the cabbie, “Yo homes smell ya later!” Looked at my kingdom I was finally there, to sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-Air.

Shit was soooo cash.[/quote]

O SHIT WE GOT SMITHROLLED