Hilarious True Stories!

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41

[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:

[quote]Ulty wrote:

[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:
This thread is to share hilarious true stories. They must be true and they must be hilarious.

I will share two to start.

  1. Hunting season always reminds me of a trip a few years ago. My friend loads his own bullets and made some blanks. We had a guy with us who had never been hunting before. Well he fucked up some really good shots (with the blanks of course) so back at camp we set up some extremely easy targets to hit and gave him a gun loaded with blanks. He was absolutely bewildered. We ribbed him pretty good and as day turned in to night and people got drunk some one aimed a blank loaded pistol at the guy, citing an argument that had flared up. He pulled trigger three times and the poor guy literally shit his pants. Like actual shit in his pants. He never came hunting with us again and doesn’t really hang out anymore but he was just some dudes sisters boyfriend so who cares. It was very funny.
    [/quote]

Wow, I can appreciate a sick sense of humor as much as anyone, but pointing a gun at someone is absolutely not funny, blanks or not. Shows a total ignorance of firearm safety and utter negligence.[/quote]
Well shut down Hollywood then.

Blanks are not dangerous at all. That boyscout firearm safety is good to know and practice with live rounds for sure but there was absolutely zero chance anyone would get hurt. Physically impossible. [/quote]

That’s what Brandon Lee said. Right before he died.

  • Damn, I guess I will never learn to read the whole thread before posting.
42

Hey, easy guys, he’s kind of a big deal around here. We need a new resident Texan douche since Rainjack left. sigh I miss Rainjack.

43

The gun story was pretty hilarious until the guy pointed a weapon at someone. If he would have pointed it at me and pulled the trigger I would have probably shit my pants too… And after every one had a good laugh I woulda fucked that guy up beyond belief. He woulda caught a piece of fire wood upside the head.

44

I miss rainjack too. The poodle nuts that he was.

You guys are still pussies. I’m willing to bet only a handful of you have even held a gun, zero have ever been around blanks though you can cite a freak accident like an uber knowledgable boss (freak accidents which happen in cars, airplanes, with fireworks, cooking on the stove, walking not withstanding obviously…)

Your best gun knowledge is what you have seen on TV most likely and the demonization some regions certainly put on firearms. That said, gun afficionados who take issue, I do understand the concern, really. Again, the pistol aspect was not planned but I’ve already commented to this and it would up being fucking hilarious so take it for what you will.

Guns are absolutely deadly, dangerous and should be handled with care. The propane tank was actually more “douchey” as live rounds were being fired, though way off the mark. I will admit that one was pretty stupid though funny as well.

Blanks, on the other hand, are safe, minus a freak accident. Toyota break pedals are statistically more dangerous so you can all fuck yourselves with your high handed ignorance.

If you are a gun enthusiest I do respect your opinion, be mad if you want (I know even completely empty guns should be treated as if loaded for habits sake…)

If your best knowledge of guns is what you’ve heard, seen or that one time at summer camp, eat your own ass. You would be ideal for the prank frankly.

45

[quote]gregron wrote:
The gun story was pretty hilarious until the guy pointed a weapon at someone. If he would have pointed it at me and pulled the trigger I would have probably shit my pants too… And after every one had a good laugh I woulda fucked that guy up beyond belief. He woulda caught a piece of fire wood upside the head.

[/quote]
Which would have been totally understandable and acceptable. I think the poor guy felt legitimately terrorized though. He was dating one of the guys sister and kind of tagging along, I don’t think he had the balls to pick a fight after that but he would have the full support of everyone had he nutted up.

Again, the pre-planned prank was the hunting and target shooting. It was hilarious. The guy who grabbed the pistol did it on his own and we were all a little on edge. We assumed he loaded blanks but it was tense. Then fucking hilarious.

Sue me fellas. It was funny. Maybe part of the relief was that we didn’t have a murder on our hands and we had a catharsis of a laugh but looking back it was still funny.

And an ass whipping would have totally permissable, assuming whomever places themselves in that category was up to the challenge but it would have been a fair, unbiased fight for sure, tag along or not.

46

[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:
I’m willing to bet that zero have ever been around blanks though
[/quote]

Wrong.

Blanks are not completely harmless. Load some blanks. Put the barrel of your weapon against a gallon jug filled with water and see what happens when you pull the trigger.

Most blanks have a paper (or sometimes wood) wad that seals the case (keeping the powder in) That wad can become a projectile and cal do serious damage (and possibly cause death) at close range.

So yeah… Again, blanks aren’t completely safe.

47

[quote]gregron wrote:

[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:
I’m willing to bet that zero have ever been around blanks though
[/quote]

Wrong.

Blanks are not completely harmless. Load some blanks. Put the barrel of your weapon against a gallon jug filled with water and see what happens when you pull the trigger.

Most blanks have a paper (or sometimes wood) wad that seals the case (keeping the powder in) That wad can become a projectile and cal do serious damage (and possibly cause death) at close range.

So yeah… Again, blanks aren’t completely safe.[/quote]

This is true. Wads can be dangerous up close. And the air pressure itself can kill at point blank on the head. Fortunately, the guy who loads the bullets knows this and was a good ways back.

Blanks, when understood and used properly, are harmless. Freak accidents aside.

I’m not saying he was right in his actions, they certainly were not pre-planned or arranged but, when it was all said and done, it was really funny.

No harm no foul.

48

[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:
I miss rainjack too. The poodle nuts that he was.

You guys are still pussies. I’m willing to bet only a handful of you have even held a gun, zero have ever been around blanks though you can cite a freak accident like an uber knowledgable boss (freak accidents which happen in cars, airplanes, with fireworks, cooking on the stove, walking not withstanding obviously…)

Your best gun knowledge is what you have seen on TV most likely and the demonization some regions certainly put on firearms. That said, gun afficionados who take issue, I do understand the concern, really. Again, the pistol aspect was not planned but I’ve already commented to this and it would up being fucking hilarious so take it for what you will.

Guns are absolutely deadly, dangerous and should be handled with care. The propane tank was actually more “douchey” as live rounds were being fired, though way off the mark. I will admit that one was pretty stupid though funny as well.

Blanks, on the other hand, are safe, minus a freak accident. Toyota break pedals are statistically more dangerous so you can all fuck yourselves with your high handed ignorance.

If you are a gun enthusiest I do respect your opinion, be mad if you want (I know even completely empty guns should be treated as if loaded for habits sake…)

If your best knowledge of guns is what you’ve heard, seen or that one time at summer camp, eat your own ass. You would be ideal for the prank frankly. [/quote]

I’ve “shot” with a bow. That same bow model was used in the Yugoslavian wars by night snipers, since it’s totally silent and it can be deadly under 300 feet. I’ve also shot with an air rifle (I think that’s the English word). I didn’t feel comfortable at all using that.

Then I had the chance to grab the gun of my cousin, who’s in the elite forces of the police. I can’t name the model or even describe it, but even unloaded, I felt terribly at unease while holding it.

I really don’t want to hold a gun again.

49

You are wrong, I have been around guns my whole life and the first thing you are taught is treat every gun like it is loaded. Do most of your memories begin with that famous redneck axiom “hey guys watch this”? If so you may be a famous youtuber some day.

One of my best friends jokingly pointed an empty Rugger 44 mag at me. He also knew he didn’t have grounds to be pissed that I broke his nose with the glass ashtray I then flung in his face.

50

[quote]Testy1 wrote:
You are wrong, I have been around guns my whole life and the first thing you are taught is treat every gun like it is loaded. Do most of your memories begin with that famous redneck axiom “hey guys watch this”? If so you may be a famous youtuber some day.

One of my best friends jokingly pointed an empty Rugger 44 mag at me. He also knew he didn’t have grounds to be pissed that I broke his nose with the glass ashtray I then flung in his face.[/quote]
Throwing a tray was your right. Any time you pull a prank you risk the lashback.

And fuck it, I will serve proxy for my friend.

Many of our memories do start with “hey guys, watch this”, absolutely. It’s pretty amazing the whole group of us are still alive frankly.

It doesn’t come from a redneck place though. We all grew up in a city, the suburbs of a city, that is larger, more diverse and metropolitan than anything in Michigan. Every one of us has at least a bachelors degree and the most “underemployed” is a financial analyst who promotion to district contoller was temporarily iced given the economy.

Make your Texas cracks if you want but we are better than Michigan and we know it. Frankly, outside of W. Virginia, Michigan, specifically Detroit, is one of the trashiest, dumbest, ugliest places I’ve ever seen. I mean I’m sure years ago it was booming and cool but you are pretty fucking weak to be making redneck jokes, as if the midwest country side isn’t full of them.

Luckily, these days, more than a handful of guys are engineers, including mechanical, thermodynamic, metallurgical and chemical. Still live in the fourth largest, fastest growing most economically sound large city in the US.

You should see some of the shit we say “watch this” about these days but you can bet your ass risk has been calculated and accounted for, just like the blanks. I’m not too worried I’ll end up on youtube or Darwin.

I guess we could sit inside and play video games all day but that is pretty fucking boring.

I’m fully aware of gun “rules” but, truth be told, an unloaded gun is a benign piece of wood and metal, most dangerous when used as a club.

51

[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:

I’m fully aware of gun “rules” but, truth be told, an unloaded gun is a benign piece of wood and metal, most dangerous when used as a club.

[/quote]

True, but the idea is that you’re a fucking moron, so the gun might actually be loaded.

52

[quote]Vicomte wrote:

[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:

I’m fully aware of gun “rules” but, truth be told, an unloaded gun is a benign piece of wood and metal, most dangerous when used as a club.

[/quote]

True, but the idea is that you’re a fucking moron, so the gun might actually be loaded.[/quote]

I’ll take your bait again. What, in your grand authority of opinion, makes me a fucking moron?

Truth be told I breezed through grade school, undergrad at a top tier university and had to study for my MBA but aced the program.

If common sense is your angle you may have a point but it’s intentional most times and little details like whether or not a gun is loaded would be in check. The only thing I’m mad about is the Jackass crew figured out how to market themselves in show biz and we didn’t.

I appreciate your concern and I know an e-argument can go back and forth all but I also know what I do, have done and am capable of intellectually so you can make blind accusations all day but they really don’t mean shit.

I fucking awesome Vicomte.

I played on a state champion football team in high school

Qualified for the state wrestling tournament though an injury at regionals kept me out :frowning:

Made fantastic grades and test scores with out real effort

Went to a top tier college

Completed a top tier MBA program

Graduated to a fucking awesome job

Left to form my own company and make more money than most ever will and I’m 28 and still building.

I am so fucking handsome it hurts.

I don’t have a porno dick but it is bigger than average.

I’ve never really been knocked down by life but If I ever am I’m pretty sure I’ll get right back up. The thing is I don’t know how to lose, Charlie Sheen jokes aside.

Hate if you want to bros but I really will run circles around most of you for realz, even while performing dangerous stunts and laughing at marginally dangerous pranks I witness.

If your personal opinion of not liking me = moron so be it, but you are falsely applying the moron accusation for sure and you know it :slight_smile:

53

Is this the new attention whore thread?

54

HG, you certainly never lose a chance to brag about your life…

55

[quote]gregron wrote:
Is this the new attention whore thread?[/quote]
I suppose it is now. It was intended to provide funny stories to read but I can have fun this way too.

I actually enjoy trolls and flamers. It’s better than an office putting set.

56

[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:

[quote]Vicomte wrote:

[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:

I’m fully aware of gun “rules” but, truth be told, an unloaded gun is a benign piece of wood and metal, most dangerous when used as a club.

[/quote]

True, but the idea is that you’re a fucking moron, so the gun might actually be loaded.[/quote]

I’ll take your bait again. What, in your grand authority of opinion, makes me a fucking moron?

Truth be told I breezed through grade school, undergrad at a top tier university and had to study for my MBA but aced the program.

If common sense is your angle you may have a point but it’s intentional most times and little details like whether or not a gun is loaded would be in check. The only thing I’m mad about is the Jackass crew figured out how to market themselves in show biz and we didn’t.

I appreciate your concern and I know an e-argument can go back and forth all but I also know what I do, have done and am capable of intellectually so you can make blind accusations all day but they really don’t mean shit.

I fucking awesome Vicomte.

I played on a state champion football team in high school

Qualified for the state wrestling tournament though an injury at regionals kept me out :frowning:

Made fantastic grades and test scores with out real effort

Went to a top tier college

Completed a top tier MBA program

Graduated to a fucking awesome job

Left to form my own company and make more money than most ever will and I’m 28 and still building.

I am so fucking handsome it hurts.

I don’t have a porno dick but it is bigger than average.

I’ve never really been knocked down by life but If I ever am I’m pretty sure I’ll get right back up. The thing is I don’t know how to lose, Charlie Sheen jokes aside.

Hate if you want to bros but I really will run circles around most of you for realz, even while performing dangerous stunts and laughing at marginally dangerous pranks I witness.

If your personal opinion of not liking me = moron so be it, but you are falsely applying the moron accusation for sure and you know it :slight_smile:

[/quote]

I’d like to introduce you to my friends, Dunning and Kruger.

You always seem to think I’m baiting you, but I actually just enjoy calling you a fucking moron. It just feels good.

57

[quote]Edevus wrote:
HG, you certainly never lose a chance to brag about your life…[/quote]
I’ll answer call outs, even if they are troll bait. Don’t get it “twisted” Edevus.

Unfortunately I can’t prove them without uploading tax documents and sensitive shit though so no shoe pics.

58

[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:

[quote]Edevus wrote:
HG, you certainly never lose a chance to brag about your life…[/quote]
I’ll answer call outs, even if they are troll bait. Don’t get it “twisted” Edevus.

Unfortunately I can’t prove them without uploading tax documents and sensitive shit though so no shoe pics. [/quote]

If you answer to those baits like that, you are the one who looks “bad”. He called you “moron”, you bragged for half page about your life.

59

[quote]Vicomte wrote:

[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:

[quote]Vicomte wrote:

[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:

I’m fully aware of gun “rules” but, truth be told, an unloaded gun is a benign piece of wood and metal, most dangerous when used as a club.

[/quote]

True, but the idea is that you’re a fucking moron, so the gun might actually be loaded.[/quote]

I’ll take your bait again. What, in your grand authority of opinion, makes me a fucking moron?

Truth be told I breezed through grade school, undergrad at a top tier university and had to study for my MBA but aced the program.

If common sense is your angle you may have a point but it’s intentional most times and little details like whether or not a gun is loaded would be in check. The only thing I’m mad about is the Jackass crew figured out how to market themselves in show biz and we didn’t.

I appreciate your concern and I know an e-argument can go back and forth all but I also know what I do, have done and am capable of intellectually so you can make blind accusations all day but they really don’t mean shit.

I fucking awesome Vicomte.

I played on a state champion football team in high school

Qualified for the state wrestling tournament though an injury at regionals kept me out :frowning:

Made fantastic grades and test scores with out real effort

Went to a top tier college

Completed a top tier MBA program

Graduated to a fucking awesome job

Left to form my own company and make more money than most ever will and I’m 28 and still building.

I am so fucking handsome it hurts.

I don’t have a porno dick but it is bigger than average.

I’ve never really been knocked down by life but If I ever am I’m pretty sure I’ll get right back up. The thing is I don’t know how to lose, Charlie Sheen jokes aside.

Hate if you want to bros but I really will run circles around most of you for realz, even while performing dangerous stunts and laughing at marginally dangerous pranks I witness.

If your personal opinion of not liking me = moron so be it, but you are falsely applying the moron accusation for sure and you know it :slight_smile:

[/quote]

I’d like to introduce you to my friends, Dunning and Kruger.

You always seem to think I’m baiting you, but I actually just enjoy calling you a fucking moron. It just feels good.[/quote]Dunning - Kruger does not apply. Sawwy.

I’m glad I can make you feel good even if it is a misguided feeling.

PS. I love you.

60

[quote]Edevus wrote:

[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:

[quote]Edevus wrote:
HG, you certainly never lose a chance to brag about your life…[/quote]
I’ll answer call outs, even if they are troll bait. Don’t get it “twisted” Edevus.

Unfortunately I can’t prove them without uploading tax documents and sensitive shit though so no shoe pics. [/quote]

If you answer to those baits like that, you are the one who looks “bad”. He called you “moron”, you bragged for half page about your life. [/quote]

HG has yet to understand that no one has ever ‘called him out’.

But many of us have called him a fucking moron.