Hilarious Trauma (Story Time)

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I figure I’d share my Friday night:

Worked all day, nothing exciting, just another week. I’ve recently changed my “on” days for the gym, which leaves Friday open for the first time in months. I decide to take the time to go run some errands; buy food, take my roommate to get his meds, and clean the house.

So here we are, its proabably 7pm at this point. All the trash is taken out, dishes are done, floors are swept and swiffered, the designated “cat room” (dining room) is spotless, and generally just felt extremely productive.

My girlfriend gets off work; so her, my roommate, and myself are sitting on the couch watching youtube and unwinding.

Next thing I know my cat comes out of the litterbox at mach III, and I can hear the cat litter just sandblasting the entire room (unfortunately not an uncommon occurance) but I catch her doggy-style tricycling across my floor. Were instantly in tears laughing because she has this ridiculous look on her face, and is still just sitting like a person.

Then out of nowhere she takes off out of sight into the hallway (still dragging her ass) so I’m off the couch trying to chase her down, and cant see shit through the tears running down my face. I finally catch her after a solid 30 seconds.

I finally catch her, and see she didn’t… finish her business. And I guess is spooked her (shes super weird about being touched around the base of her tail) and the reality sets in.

She had drug her ass through every single room on the first floor (all hardwood) with a very distinct path of travel. You know, ALL OVER MY CLEAN SWIFFERED FLOORS.

That’s about it. No happy ending. Just my entire house covered in shit. Happy Friday.

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Hilarious and trauma are not the words I would choose to describe this story.

Also very surprised. Male cat owner and girlfriend are not two things I see together in the same story.

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You should take the cat to the vet. When this happens(dragging it’s butt across the floor), it’s usually having a lot of discomfort taking a shit. Could be worms, parasites or something as simple as needing it’s anal glands expressed. If the cat is really as “spooked” as you described, then it looks like it’s trying to “run away” from whatever is causing it quite a bit of pain.

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This is the bane of my existence.

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Oglebee; I grew up with cats and dogs both, for some reason I just enjoyed cats more. Every cat I’ve had has been really attached to me, so that just ended up being my preferred pet.

dt79; dont get me wrong I was concerned after I realized it wasnt just a 2 second event. At the expense of being graphic, we did get ahold of her and figured out it was stuck to her tail. As for the sprinting-out-of-the-litterbox thing, we were worried, but we had them check a bunch of things when we had to take her to the kitty ER (she got a hold of some random wire, lots of money, ugh) a year ago, and the vet said she couldn’t find anything. She pinned it up on just not liking the litter in her toes. Shes got a lot of weird traits and habits.

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I’ve always owned cats, and girls have always found that to be an attractive thing.

Not to mention, if we’re talking manliness, it’s really funny that dogs - the subservient, tail-between-the-legs total pussies of the animal kingdom (used to be a vet tech, Pitbulls are especially big loveable babies) - are seen as manly, and cats - the born fighters, kill-everything-from-birth, hunt things down and murder them (my cat used to tear rabbit heads off and give us the headless bodies), shit in a box at 2 weeks old and clean themselves - are seen as the weak species. Seriously, I have seen my cat wreck a doberman’s world and kill a fox. On top of all that they do whatever the fuck they want and give sick high fives.

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I grew up with 5 cats, 1 of which gave a boxer mental demons, and the other had a tick in her skull prior to us adopting her thus rendering her the feline equivalent of ted bundy

I’ve since moved out and now have a king Charles cavalier
I know what breed I prefer now, and you’re statement completely validates my decision

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This happens with my fucking dog. Somehow he’ll swallow my wife’s hair and when he tries to take a shit, the hair and shit will just hang out of his ass. It’s ridiculous.

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Jeez, yeah, same here but with grass (I think?) or other stringy things. It’s truly horrible for everyone involved. When I open the door to let her in instead of trotting up, she’s scampering up with this squat shuffle thing and tries to power through me once I figure it out and have to wrestle her outside. I think her end goal is the carpet right inside the door but fortunately I’m undefeated in our poop shuffle battles.

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Tinsel. My dog did that with tinsel. Then she tried to run away from it like an insane self propelled bowling ball.

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Yeah, the dangling poop seems to really put the fear of god in them.

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My dog tries to rip the hair out with his teeth. Makes me want to vomit…

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why would someone own a cat?

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Because they don’t smell and they’re way easier to look after, I guess.

I love dogs but I feel like I couldn’t own one if I worked full-time. Cats just get on with their shit and clock in for the odd cuddle. They’re the FWBs of the pet world but a dog is a full-on relationship.

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I’ve owned dogs and other animals but I’ve never owned a cat. They just decided they like to stick around.

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I’ve had some really good cats. One used to walk around with me delivering the morning paper.

Another that I have now is like the most adorable little predator on earth. She’ll cuddle up and lick your ear, then go outside and take out a rabbit then bring it back for the dog. Then back to cuddling. She’s the only cat that the dog will let sleep with her.

I tend to anthropomorphize.

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I’ve had some great cats, and some horrible cats.

I’ve also had some great dogs.

but, i’ve come to the understanding that what i end up doing is cleaning up their shit.

i have an issue with cleaning up the shit of a critter that i am also feeding. it’s a personal thing, i know, but i cant get over wondering who is working for whom here.

anyway, the cats and dogs had died, and i never replaced them. not sure if i ever will - for that very reason.

oh well~

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All my cats have been deranged.

My previous cat had anxiety or something, sent 3 people to the ER, caused hundreds of dollars of damage, and left me sobbing 240lb mound of broken man when he got put down against my best efforts.

My current cat, while she despises everyone else (seriously, untouchable) she loves me, and has a laundry list of weird habits. But shes pretty and hilarious to be around. Just… you know… look… dont touch.

So I’m at 2/2 cats (since adulthood) that hate everything other than me, and are oddly aggressive towards everything else. Which idk why. I’m extremely passive, I dont yell, I dont hit things, i dont fuck with them… whatever that means, idk.