Here we go again...

Why me?

Why?

Yes, I know you are saying “What’s up with the lamentation Cake?, I mean you are good-looking, just got a big fat promotion, have a beautiful family, pretty wife, new car and of course did I mention that you are Good-Looking?, what more could you want and really what could you have to complain about?”

My kid is a magnet.

A loser magnet.

Actually if the truth be known, I would be O.K if it was just Losers she attracted but these are Dorks too. Card-carrying, Gold-member, Urkel-flavoured DORKS. Bona-fide right down to the tape on the glasses and lack of social grace dorks.

Now, before the dorks unite or one of you who “used to be a dork but you turned it around” folks jump all over me, let me clarify one very important fact.

I like dorks.

As a matter of fact when I was in school I was nice to, and friends with just about every dork in school, hell, I would seek out dorks outside of my school so I could be nice to them (O.K, that’s not true) But the fact remains that I am a supporter of the nation of Dorkage and am not an enemy.

Until now.

My oldest Girl is 10. She just got dragged half way across Canada to a new city, new house, new neighbourhood and most importantly (and disturbingly noisily if you are me) school.

This means new friends too. Respecting that Sam was going to miss her “old” friends my wife and I kept our celebrating over leaving Sam’s friend Sonja (AKA “Freakshow”) behind. This kid was a piece of work but before I pick on her too much, it does need to be pointed out that she was autistic. Not “real” autistic (Wappner, gotta watch Wappner…Wappner’s on!) but mildly so. Of course when we meet Sonja for the first time both my wife and I are taken aback at her bold declaration of whatever seemed to be on her mind at the time, “You know Sam, I don’t really like your sisters, I just being nice to them because of you”…as she SITS RIGHT BESIDE SAID SISTERS!..ergo the “Freakshow” handle. Of course, her “request” for snacks was charming too “You got snacks, right?..oh, never mind I got 'em”, then she continues on to scarf an ENTIRE BOX OF FRUIT ROLL-UPS!

SCARF, SCARF, SCARF!

So, anyway my wife and I have our little high-five celebration knowing that we will never again have to listen to this strange little kid announce her full name to us on the phone again (yes, including the middle AND hyphenated last name) even though we know who we are talking to and she knows that we know who we are talking to and every one else who could know does know but she still had to say “please tell Sam that…Sonia Louise Falkanberg-Anderson called”

Even though we were proud of our little girl not getting sucked into the inherent “mean-ness” of being in the in-crowd, a small, petty, insecure piece of me really, really wanted her to spend more time with her “cool” friends and less time with “freakshow”. Now, I could understand Sam’s choice here because her “cool” friends treated Sonja just like the other cool kids treated the losers I knew in school, which is to say they were mean and nasty. I know that having Sam as a friend helped her to avoid some of the troubles that come with being different, that in some small way Sam’s coolness afforded her some sort of schoolyard version of Big Tony’s “Protection” But damnitt, this is my little girl here and sure if this was an after school special I might be taking the high road but it isn’t and I have to put up with these kids, I am not saying that I just want my kid to hang with the cool kids just the normal ones.

Un-cool = O.K

Freakshow = Not O.K

So here we are, new house, new town, blah, blah blah. I am on the couch watching my Bombers well, BOMB and “Ding Dong”, who could that be? Why it’s Sam’s new friend Kelsey “Is Sam home?” she asks, “No, she is at the Library” I reply “Please tell her that Kelsey was here” she says as she skips merrily off down the sidewalk. “Great” I think to myself, “she seemed pretty nice”, as a small shudder snakes it’s way down between my shoulder blades.

Do-do-Do-do

Do-do-Do-do

Do-do-Do-do

Turns out that the young Miss Kelsey bumps into the female side of the Makeiff clan returning from the Library and accompanies them back to the newest Casa Del Cake.

As she enters the Garage ~

“Sniff, Sniff…what do you store in here, Horse Poop?” (No, my garage has no odour other than 10-w30)

As she “officially” meets me ~

“Can I stay for dinner?”

As my youngest brings out a bag of Marshmallows for roasting ~

“Gimmie that!” (as she snatches them like Timmy P trying to pick up the double D batteries that mysteriously rolled out of his pant-leg in the elevator last Thursday)

“Seems like Sam has found a replacement for Sonja” my wife whispers to me as the kids fling flaming gobs of sugar to and fro. “Yes” I agree and it dawns on me that if the worst thing that my kid turns out to be is a Loser/Dork magnet but she herself stays cool, I could live with that.

Maybe.

…we have an opinion from inside the Casa…Mrs. Jones just came down and peeking over my shoulder at this she said “What, you couldn’t find any kids in wheelchairs to pick on?”

Ouch.

I mean sure I am making fun of a 10 year old on the Internet, picking on a little girl. What, this makes me some kind of Bully or something?

Look, if my kid ends up by choice or circumstance to be the shield for those that need it, then O.K but is a man wrong to prefer different?

Is he?

“It seems like once people grow up, they have no idea what’s cool”

~ Bill Watterson

dont worry about it bro, your daughter hanging with “geeks” is the least of your worries. if she was hanging with the “cool” kids you would have to worry about sex and dope, since those things seem to signify coolness.

hell, when my daughter grows up i hope she hangs with “dorks.” i was a “cool” kid, and ill be damned if i let my daughter go out with someone like me.

I never talk about a person’s child. I offend people because I tell them how stupid their kids are, and how they are afraid to take some damn control over them. Cake, your kids aren’t stupid. When that little weiner comes back, tell her to be nice.

Eh?

I attended about 12 schools in my day. My daughter is in fourth grade and in her 5th school. I’ve taught her to be comfortable being alone.

The first people who try to latch on when you move to a new school are always fucked up in some way. Some are friendless (almost always for good reason) and desperate. Some are little punks who know that there is strength in numbers and try to recruit everyone new. Some are the cruel bitches who need followers that they can shit on. You’re completely better off being alone for a few weeks and weeding out the fuckups before you attatch yourself to anyone.

I hear you on the staying away from “kids like me” thing but what I really just want is to have my kids friends be nice, polite, NORMAL kids. Like mine, nothing more, nothing less. No mental gifts or mental deficiencies, no personality quirks that I would classify as “Freaky” and some small amount of social acumen. Sure, some parents might be thrilled if their kids playmates don’t pick their nose and eat it when they are over playing with Billy but is a guy wrong to want more? I am not talking about knowing what fork to use on what course or when a situation calls for a curtsy (I always get those situations confused, I hate it when I curtsy and don’t need to) I just want my kids to be around average kids, yes I know it could be worse but again, it could be better, right?

Although I appreciate what it says about Sam’s character that she doesn’t hold ones “Dorkness” against them, I really wouldn’t mind if this Kelsey kid just dropped off Sam’s radar and never made another appearance…shallow? Yes but but if you remember the beginning of this thread, much was said “Good looking, job, house, family…” but “Deep” was not one of them…:slight_smile:

Damn Freaky Kid.

“When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?”

~ Steven Wright


Cake, theres greater reason for fear of dorks than you know! Witness the following:

ROCKVILLE, MD?In a historic show of wad solidarity, delegates representing gaywads and dorkwads signed the first-ever Wad Alliance Treaty Monday in the cafeteria of Adlai Stevenson Memorial High School.

The landmark accord, whose signing was presided over by President Clinton, is considered the most significant step ever taken toward wad unification.

“For too long, wad factionalism has divided the wad community, senselessly pitting wad against wad in bitter inter-wad disputes,” dorkwad representative Tad Patrick Reems, 15, told reporters. “Now is the time for us to set aside our differences and join together in opposition of our common enemy?the mean, popular kids who have mercilessly inflicted locker-room wedgies upon us since time immemorial.”

Gaywad Jeff Brunner, 14, agreed. “From this day forward,” he said, “we will no longer see each other as dorkwads and gaywads, but instead, simply as wads, brothers united in our collective struggle against wad persecution.”

Many of those present at the signing ceremony were overcome with emotion, necessitating the emergency use of a number of asthma inhalers. At least one attendee shot milk out of his nose.

“The road to wad healing has begun,” said Clinton, who, working closely with Secretary of State Madeleine Albright and the ASHS Key Club, was instrumental in the delicate after-school negotiations that led to Monday’s signing. “Thanks to the efforts of those on both sides, we can look forward to the day when the wads of this great nation can all sit down together and play Magic: The Gathering at the table of brotherhood.”

Cake, stop feeling sorry for yourself. Face up to it man…your an asshole, just like me. Hey, what can I say? But, guess what, our kids, despite their poor “genes”, seem to make out. Now, Dr. Roids says to go have a beer, go to bed and stop worrying.

By the way, praise the lord, it is a very good thing, as Martha Stewart would say, that the young vixen looks like her mother. :slight_smile:

Enjoy this little “era of the dorks” period in your daughter’s life while you can, Cake.

Pretty soon she’ll be 15 and be attracted to gangbangers and gangsta wannabees.

At least that’s what the little bastards look like to me…

P-Dog is absolutely right. Also, consider this simple syllogism:

Bill Gates is quite rich.

Bill Gates was, and is, a geek.

Ergo…

I dont know that much about brats, but if they cant treat others houses and occupants (i.e. yours) with a certain minimum respect, theyre quickly warned about the 2-strikes-yer-out policy in force here.

Only thing I can say of the freaks she hangs out is that they`re a little bit too honest, but at least your children always know what they really think.

But there comes a point where YOU dont have to pay the price for Brats lack of, ahem, education.

But then again, if your kids dont like that their friends cant come because they dont behave civilly, that could open the door to them resorting to all kinds of stratagems to go see them unbeknownst to youorhave the friends creep up at your house`. In short, possible dishonest, fuck-you-pops behavior risk.

Are the kids involved all female? Reminds me a bad version of maternal instinct (pity) gone bad, or the earlier version of lets try to change that frog to a prince` you see so often.

No offense meant. You know the terrain. Just curious.

i think you have to wait until after puberty to see how things pan out…that it to say, it can get much worse.

i mean, if your daughter has a penchant now for befriending freaks and outsiders, after puberty it could be a whole other deal where instead of just socially awkward, over confident ten year olds commandeering snacks and lurking oddly around your house, it becomes MALE socially awkward, super affected high school dropouts/troubled artiste types wallowing in their cliched yet Deeply Felt nihilism and angst whilst smoking their pilfered cigarettes and tying up your phone line…

although that could have just been my experience, i have a sneaking suspicion that i was one of the freak show kids rather than the nice well adjusted type. maybe you might wonder why your daughter identifies more with them than with the in crowd?
and really when you think about it would you rather your daughter associated with people that seem slightly off…or the kind that in 6-8 years will be herded like sheep to meccas of idiocy like cancun and new orleans where they act like the brainless monkeys they are?

Wedgies don’t count as molestation in Canada, do they?

Dude should could bring home half the horny bastards on this site. I think I would feel happy with geeks. You know girls date boys who remind them of their fathers. So we all know now that you are a big GEEK.lol

I have to say one thing,

Why the hell do people give their kid a hyphenated last name!?!?

What did a kid ever do by birth to deserve a mouthful of punishment like that??

Ok, back to topic.

I agree with others. Dorks at that age are expected, and since it’s still early in the newness cycle what else can you expect? “Cool” kids could be the ones in your schools doing the bad stuff for their age, or maybe it’s the dorks.

Now, if she starts coming home with shaved head guys who wear goats… Now then you will have a problem.

Whoa!..hey lets not jump into dating already, one crisis at a time please.

Yeah, the dating thing is on the horizon but the puberty thing is here and yes, it looks like it’s going to be a rough ride on a monthly basis for a while. Turns out that she has no natural hormone defence system and is going to be one of those lunatics with PMS, although she has yet to…um…you know, the increased hormones responsible for all the other fun things that puberty did to us are making her nuts.

Sigh.

Maybe it comes down to the fact that I want to “Like” my kids friends, you know, the kind of kids that you don’t mind having around the house, staying for dinner, joining us for movies shared sleep overs etc…don’t get me started on the parents, Hoo boy, finding nice kids is tough but try finding ones with nice parents that don’t make you want to fake an aneurysm just to avoid speaking to them. Good luck.

But it’s early right? I mean we just got here and Sam has 3 other friends that I have yet to meet and they don’t seem to be a “pack” but 4 individuals, so I have a chance, right?

But when you see that Kelsey kid walking up the front walk, don’t answer the door, O.K?

Thanks.

“I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me”

~ Rodney Dangerfield

I’ve loaded up both barrels on this topic a couple of times now, but I keep not pulling the trigger. The more I read, the more reluctant I am to say anything.

Let’s leave it at this: You obviously shouldn’t have to put up with other peoples’ kids behaving badly in your house, but you know, dorky kids need friends, too. As you’ve already seen, some kids have legitimate reasons for not being able to act exactly the way you’d expect them to. I understand wanting to like your kid’s friends, but your liking them isn’t the most important thing. It’s whether your kid likes them that’s important – especially at this age. Think about the whys of your dislike and ponder the possibility that your kid is just a more accepting person than you are.

Suffice it to say I know what I’m talking about. I’ve seen first hand that parents can behave worse than children over this issue, and as a parent it makes me sick to my stomach.

No flame intended, Cake. I realize that you’re just lamenting, but this is a well-worn road for me.

Let your daughter pick her own friends. Those friends must pass certian criteria set down by you - such as being polite and behaving well in your house, but that’s about it. If your daughter keeps befriending the same types of kids then she is finding them for a reason. Let her be. She could be with the popular crowd and be out smoking behind school. Many of the ‘dorks’ are nicer people

That said, you must insist that ground rules be followed. My father maintained that my friends must be polite in his home, and I had one friend who ignored him every time she came over - so he told her to go stand on the porch until she could say hello to him. (I’m not kidding) Five minutes later, she came in the house and said “Hello Mr. P” and that was the end of it. Like my sisters and I, all of our friends were required to say please and thank you and clear our places after dinner. You would be surprised how many kids don’t have BASIC manners!!!

Simple courtesy you can demand if they are in your house, but past that, you will end up with a rebellous daughter if you forbid her certian friends based on if they are ‘cool’ or not.

I think I see what has happened here.

Upon moving to a new city Cake is discovering that not all places are as tolerant of his scanty attire and public flatulance as Calgary was. As a result the poor bald behemoth has found himself lonely and friendless.

In her innocence one of his lovely daughters has done and made friends before her daddy managed to do so. As a result he’s jealous and put out and feels that

“It’s not fair! It’s not! It’s not! It’s not! Why does she get to be the first one to make friends?! I’m older!!!”

Of course the nasal whine doesn’t come across in type nearly as well as it did over the telephone but I think you get the picture.

Don’t worry Cake, we still love you. Not enough to remember your name or anything, and in a strictly “get that hand out of my pants or I’ll clench and then you’ll never get it back” type of way but it’s love none the less.

STU

“Maybe it comes down to the fact that I want to “Like” my kids friends, you know, the kind of kids that you don’t mind having around the house, staying for dinner, joining us for movies shared sleep overs etc…”

Any one else get worried over this sort of stuff? :^)

I have an 18-year-old son and a 20 year-old-daughter, and I’ve had more weird kids through my house than I can count…in fact, I don’t remember meeting any that were normal from normal family situations. (My understanding of normal anyway…you know two hetrosexual parents that were married and still living together indoors).

I worried about my kids and their involvement with “friends” for years, and it turned out to be “my” problem and not theirs.

My kids tended to adopt avery down-and-out, or unhappy child in the neighborhood. I was worried about them using all their energy to try to control or fix a situation that wasn’t their responsibility or would cause them heartache.

They learned some tough lessons, and not without being hurt, but in the long run they turned out to be kind, considerate, decent human beings (towards everyone but their parents); and along the way they offered compassion, non-judgmental understanding, and in some cases maybe a lifeline to some very troubled kids.

In retrospect, I should be proud that they brought their less-than-cool friends home. In my view, it signified that they were happy, proud of their home, and thought the relative security and sanity of our home had something to offer their friends.

Good luck on the puberty thing…my daughter was a psycho bitch from 14 until 19…my husband was afraid to even look her in the eye for fear of setting her off. My son was pretty easy until 16, when the jerk chromosone kicked in…and at 18, I’m not sure about him yet, although he is showing signs that me might have a brain somehwere above his waist.