Omg, we speak the same! I love brutal honesty! 
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Itās called read, read, read, watch videos, watch more videos. I until now, and the years I didnāt do shit, always been given a routine and had a trainer but that was for athletics. Now Iām exploring what I want. So, I feel like āOctavariumā by DT
I think a trial and error approach while prioritizing your bodyās health is the best way to do it.
Film yourself when you train, work with a knowledgeable coach and research what he/she tells you, work out with other serious people and find out what works for them.