Went to compete in a grappling tournament in Minneapolis. Specifically, paid money to compete in this tournament. Get there, it’s in an elementary school gym. Ok, whatever. No mats in sight. Organizer gets there late, ‘hey, can you guys help me get the mats out of my truck?’ Full size wrestling mats (as in 4’ thick, rolled up and 10-12 feet long, multiple rolls). Um, ok. I guess.
‘Oh, here’s a roll of tape, can you guys set them up and tape them in place? And there’s some folding mat section in XXXX’s truck, that way we can have XX matches running at the same time.’ So while the organizer and his (very) small crew are setting up tables and taking money from us (the competitors) and the small audience showing up, you have all the competitors setting up mats and shit. Then he starts asking for volunteers out of the crowd to keep time for the different matches…using the stopwatch function on digital wristwatches.
Hokiest event I’ve ever been apart of. We all essentially paid someone so we could do manual labor and then wrestle in a round robin ‘tournament’ because he couldn’t figure out brackets. He was apparently kind of close friends with my coach, who was almost livid at the lack of organization. Not sure who pulled tape and rolled mats, but we were on the road back to Chicago as soon as the last of our guys was done.
High point was I got to wrestle Sean Sherk (he was wrestling up two weight classes to make it more interesting for himself). I think I lasted about 20 seconds from the start until I was on my back tapping to a head and arm choke. Whole different level, that guy.
I have muscle and a full sized pick up. I’ve moved people all over this town (one buddy 3 times), ha. “Hey D, you around this weekend? Just wanted to see if you could help move a few things to my new place, yeah there should be 3-4 people there, should be pretty easy.” I’ll have you know, this is rarely the case haha multiple times it’s been myself and the individual being moved. I don’t mind, but it definitely happens, or I’ll get asked to help move and it’s actually a friend of a friend, “Oh yeah, it’ll only be a little bit, couple big things is all.”
No, not different for women. I’ve done that sort of thing like 700 million times, and I’m not jacked. I also just start pitching in if I’m around and the stuff needs to be done, either putting it up or taking it down, assuming I’ve some connection to the event or the people hosting it. If I don’t have a connection, I don’t arrive early. If I do have a connection, I’m happy to help. If I’m there to participate in something or to watch a something-or-other, I say something along the lines of “oh, it’s starting!” and go take my seat or place or whatever. I’m comfortable with both “yes” and “no,” and feel able to say either cheerfully. @girlgotguns, setting limits is a good skill to learn, though difficult for a lot of women. As they say in the Bible, “let your yea be yea and your nay be nay.”
We get asked to help with stuff a lot because my husband is strong and has a large enclosed trailer and every kind of helpful tool and large machine (e.g. backhoe) but I like doing stuff, too. I’m not your man to move a treadmill, but I’m happy to schlepp boxes or move pavers or rocks around. I like being in motion and I like my friends, and there is always food and drink involved.
However, a helpful friends situation gone wrong: our friend group was looking to drum up a party one summer day a couple of years ago. One of the friends declined because “I want to try to get the deck painted before J comes home” from out of town. The deck is huge so the five of us decided to just show up and help - a big, happy surprise for our beloved friends, who are really awesomely nice and deserve happy surprises, and also they’re lesbians and we’re all very protective of them. So it’s a sunny summer day and the grateful at-the-time girlfriend, now fiancé, whose house it was NOT, mixes up a big pitcher of yummy drinks, the first of several, and we get going. Upon her return home J, the homeowner, was … surprised. We got paint everywhere. Not IN the house, luckily, but the cutting in was not good at all, and it dripped through the deck boards to below, where the paint still remains on the walkway. I also got green paint in my Jeep, which at the time was not even a year old. We did a terrible job - it was hot and we probably started at 3 or so, so with no food on our stomachs, and we all got drunk pretty much immediately, then did drunk-people work for several hours. Best of all, she doesn’t like the color. “It’s just not what I expected. I thought it would be a lot darker.” : /
Luckily, she’s a good sport and was able to appreciate both the effort and good intentions, so we all laugh about it. But beware your friends!
You’re hanging out with the wrong women, or else you’re making assumptions about what they’re talking about. I mean, kids, yeah, probably. I guess that’s universal. But you can always throw out a topic that interests you. Was it @SkyzykS who said to remember that you’re 50% of every interaction you have? He was right. I used to sort of dread hanging out with my in-laws because they didn’t seem to talk about anything interesting. “Sooo, how’s little Joey doing in daycare?” Then I realized that I was politely waiting for something interesting to happen, while they’re probably also hoping to talk about something more interesting than Joey’s daycare. So I’ve gotten better about it. I have to be careful because I get crazy-inflamed over politics right now, and I’m not aligned with the family as far as I know, but still. Waving my arms and shouting that Trump didn’t pay his workers or having one of them accuse me of being a Communist is probably more interesting for all of us than me sitting there politely saying nothing more than “Mmm, what did you put in these meatballs? They’re delicious.”
Being strong is like being a pick-up truck. Everybody wants you to help them move…
I was requested to move an absurdly heavy playground set. So I helped move it. Did not need to train that day… I laid on the ground heaving for 15 minutes after.
Wow, thought you were more open minded. I believe in good works, helping and respecting people being a good person. There are many controversial subjects in that book. I’m a fact believer. Sadly, I cannot put a like on this. There is no need for a long drawn out response which I’m sure you are doing. Let it lie. I believe in voalition. So, witnessing will go in one ear and out the other. If I’m a sinner, so be it edit
Edit @girlgotguns It’s not particularly a book I spend time with or have read through, but the idea of standing up for what you want, need, or believe, as that line suggests to me, is good from whatever source.
Not sure what’s not open about my mind, but it’s okay if you can’t like it. Follow your heart. That was my point, actually.
Written before you edited to inform me that I shouldn’t write back. I honestly don’t know what you’re talking about, so am happy to let it lie.
I totally get what you’re saying. Don’t we all want to be considered an asset? For our anniversary my husband wrote me a list of reasons he loves me and on it, along with the more standard mushy things, were “having many words” and “fast runner.” I was ridiculously pleased, especially by the latter. He didn’t call me “big guy,” but … close. : )
You men should all do that list for your wives and girlfriends, btw.
If my hubby wrote a list of why he loved me, I’d laug my ass off. I think he’d rather go through Chinese water torture he is not wired that way. But when I do receive compliments I really appreciate them because it is nearly impossible for him to give a compliment unless he really means it. He is a brutally honest person. He also hates crying…views as manipulation.
Um, ok, now you’re going to have to post the list. I’m not absolutely sure my husband included everything on his list for me, though he skimmed the areas I assume he would go more into depth with if he thought it would be appropriate. Which it would be, I’ve been posting here about this stuff for how long? But he doesn’t necessarily know that. He’s honestly more genteel than I am, though you would never ever in a million years guess it looking at us.
My husband is similar - he doesn’t say stuff like that, only I do. One day, out of the blue, he said, “you’re pretty.” Just…all of a sudden, just that. We both froze, blinking at each other. And then we laughed our asses off. It happened again when he announced “you’re a very good lover” in this awkward, weird tone as we were snuggling after sex. My head popped up, we blinked at each other, and then we both started laughing. I guess maybe he’s decided to work on saying nice things?
The list was a first. I liked it very much. Especially because he called me a fast runner.
As long as it’s a friend asking for help, I’m fairly ok with it. But even then, I prefer them to offer something nominal, like $100, for busting my ass helping them move. If someone wants a completely free ride, or insults me with a case of beer or something ridiculous, I get a little pissed and won’t help.
And at work I’ve been asked to move stuff and was told “oh, you love it”… as though I give two shits about impressing white collar slack-asses who can’t even do a pull-up.
It’s all about the delivery, there’s genuinely needing help, and then there’s taking advantage of somebody.
he is not wired that way. But when I do receive compliments I really appreciate them because it is nearly impossible for him to give a compliment unless he really means it. He is a brutally honest person. He also hates crying…views as manipulation.