If it’s any worth to you, my whole perspective on relationships and marriage is…somewhat on both sides. Yours and others. I know most of the latter half of this discussion has been on a bit of a different subject, but this is just what I would like to add.
For sake of not generalizing I’ll just use my own marriage as an example. Both of us are 24. Married at 22, been together since we were both 18-19 in highschool (met just as we both graduated).
I really couldn’t agree more with @Beyond_Beyond concerning these traditional ideals that many women and therefor men have been taught from generation to generation. However I’m always aware of the time I’m living in, the generation I come from, and the differences my husband and I have. And so from that, I tailor my thoughts, and actions to blend with the everyday ebb and flow of our marriage.
He works at UPS and I work at Costco Wholesale. Sometimes my checks are bigger than his, sometimes his are more than mine. I don’t care about he dresses, who he knows, how much money he makes, etc. As far as household stuff, we split it down the middle, and rotate weekly. I do laundry, he does dishes. I clean the bathroom, he vacuums, He cooks one week, I cook the other, etc. He doesn’t care about how I dress, who I know, how much money I make, etc. We’re both just after seeing each-other smile from day to day, and supporting eachother in whatever we do.
My husband and I are HELLA young. We’re pretty much still kids to a relative degree, but I can’t even begin to explain the clusterfuck of issues young adults in my generation face concerning relationships. Everything from unrealistic ideals, to gender role issues, to money issues, and everything in between. But what generation doesn’t have its hurdles for couples. I’m my eyes, struggle is struggle.
I think every issue in a marriage is specific and somewhat relative to some degree, but also relatable across the globe to some degree. If that makes any sense. For years my husband and I had a different set of issues to face. Mostly involving the fact that we are of two completely different ethnicities, and it felt like Western society was out to sabotage us, but it was enough for us to really cling to eachother and come out victorious on the other end.
But going back to just marriage in general, I like to call it the Daily Grind. It sounds hectic and exhausting, but it can be something as simple as watching what you say, and when you say it. Or going out of your way to just be positive to one another regardless of how the day is going. A simple hand touch, eye contact, Lowering your tone, speaking with a slight change in the way you speak to one another, reassurance, a smile. Hell, the list is endless. The small things that add up over the years. It’s an everyday thing. Each day in marriage is either a new day to seek out that thing that you just love to see within the person you’re with, or it can be yet another day of feeling the exact opposite. The choices go both ways, and the responsibilities go both ways. Of course there’s also issues of abuse, cheating, issues with children, etc. But I’m just speaking on these things I’ve said here. Not that those issues above aren’t important, or relative.
I think it also depends on where the two individuals come from, background, what they’ve been through, etc. Sometimes I noticed marriages where either individual whose been through hell and back just want to cling to the good they see in eachother. To the point where all the mundane, petty stuff, is like a walk in the park compared to even the thought of not being with one another. Sometimes in other marriages, there just hasn’t been that much of a struggle, but the ideals, the aspirations, the dreams, eventually flicker out, from changes over the years. Be they good or bad, or even then, the Occasional mundaneness, or boredom, or routine that comes with marriage, becomes the default. Enough to jade it to the point where either one just…gives up or settles.
There’s enough struggle we all go Through in our own marriages. They’ll always be there. No one marriage or relationship is perfect. I don’t even think they’re designed to be honestly. But I always tell myself this: Those who wish to stay married will find And and every reason under the sun to be with eachother. Those who don’t, will find any and every reason wrong under the sun to not be with eachother.
I say all this because it really comes down the individuals within the marriage. What you see all the time, what you’ve been told, what you hear, what you’ve been through all play key roles in who you choose to pursue, and how the individuals treat eachother and communicate with eachother within
the marriage. And how those instances either become stepping stones or destructive forces. My marriage isn’t perfect either, but waking up to my husband’s mesmerizing pair of ocean blue eyes, will always be enough for me.
And so I say all this, because I understand the struggles you’ve mentioned @greenboy . I can’t say to just deal with it, or do something else, or that your perspective is wrong, but just know that you’ve always got the option and power to find someone who’s got you and your unique individuality as their top priority.
Sorry for the bombardment of happy-go-lucky stuff.