Here on this forum, we’ve read many stories of crumbled relationships. What we haven’t heard is stories of successful relationships. Some of you are involved in them One of you? A lurker at least? No, seriously, if you’re happily married, engaged, or in a long-term relationship, let us know what makes your relationship work so well. The answers may seem obvious, but then it would seem to be just as obvious that more people would be able to stay together. Ah, the paradoxes of our lives.
Well, I’ve only been married for 8 years now so it’s not that long. Long enough to have to deal with a bit of crap and not only have the good stuff though.
t-man’s answer: Sex sex and more sex. Plus some sex.
t-man answer plus some real life: Sex, plenty of communication, true caring, willingness to adapt to each other’s needs at times. Also need humor, devotion, and solid trust. Make sure you start talking about what bothers you before you start with the "this will show him/her ‘spite’ " routine.
Over the years we have found a happy medium on time together. We have gone from spending about 15 hours a day together (initially married/no kids/jobs) to spending 22 hours/day (work at home/few outside friends) to now with about 18 hours (work at home and outside friends).
Really need some by yourself time, or with buddies time. Of course having 3 kids is part of that deal, especially for me as the guy I just cant handle being with kids 24/7.
Those of you with no kids will never understand how nice it is to have a healthclub with childcare on site.
Spouses also need something in common, or at least some common goals. And similar beliefs in many issues would help a bit, especially if kids are going to be part of your lives.
Money is always an issue (unless you are ultra rich or love the poorhouse). You just have to learn how each other works with it and set it up well.
Lots of beer.
…and Sex
“Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good”
~ Woody Allen
…Dirty, Dirty Sex.
“How did sex come to be thought of as dirty in the first place? God must have been a Republican”
~ Will Durst
I’ve been married to my wonderful wife for 12 years and we have 2 beautiful children …the only thing we EVER fight about is money …funny huh??
My relationship to my wife began with a promise nearly 14 years ago. It was a promise neither of us ever intended to break, and now, years later, with a house, two beautiful kids and one on the way, and a business on it last verge of truly breaking through we are a happy, healthy family who plans to all grow old together. We argue like any couple, but that is just small stuff. We made a vow to eachother that no matter what, we would stay together, even when it was really hard and seemed impossible.
Frankly, I could never be more in love with a woman than I am with my wife right now. She is gorgeous, with long blond hair, bright green/yellow eyes, naturally built well, and beaming and glowing with little “Ethan” kicking around in her tummy like there is no tomorrow. She sure helped me to produce a couple of beautiful children! Can’t wait to meet number three!
Okay, I gotta keep this short, as the subject of this post is patiently waiting for me upstairs…
I have been with this beautiful lady for thirteen and one-half years, and she has stuck by my side through thick and thin.
Best Mom in the entire world.
Best Wife in the entire world.
Patience, giving, sharing, forgiveness, understanding, caring, and of course love. And, well, lots and lots of incredible sex that (see Cupcake, I was gettin’ to it!) for some very strange reason has never declined, but only gotten better. Honest!
I know, sappy, and “what a fucking liar”, but trust me, true! 
Lets try an interesting spin on this. I would suggest that not all relationships that don’t work out have failed. I know, I know, but hear me out. When a relationship ends, there’s the normal gamut of negative emotions, mostly dashed hopes, or feelings of betrayal. But if you managed to take a lot of positives out of that relationship, how was it a negative thing? I’m still good friends with a few of my ex’s. At the time, it hurt like hell, but once the pain subsided, I was able to look at things more objectively, and I realized that each one of those girls had contributed to my growth as an individual. (Corny, I know, but true.)
I’m engaged, getting married September 04. When we get married, it will be 2 months short of 6 years together. The secret to a good relationship is care. Make him/her feel special and feel like you really care. I don’t understand a lick of what she does at work, and she doesn’t understand what I do, but we talk about it, and just listening helps. Know when to listen, and when to talk. Have together time - at least a “date” a week - just time for yourselves. You also must have away time - time to reflect on your relationship and how much he/she truly means to you. Example - my dad and I went and saw the Braves/Diamondbacks NLCS 2 years ago in Atlanta. Just a weekend trip for the boys. It makes you realize how much you NEED that special person in your life to feel complete.
I love my fiancee with all my heart, and I’m always thinking about her, what she’s doing, how her day is going, etc. (we live 5 hours apart right now).
Communication is also key. If you are mad, tell when the time is appropriate, but don’t yell. Yelling on makes her cry or get even more pissed. Calmly tell her that you’re mad and just get it off of your chest. Then talk about it. It honestly helps.
Oh, and as 'Cake says, good sex always sparks those pheromones, and is not necessarily a must, but definitely a bonus.
OK, so here’s a question for you happy guys: Did you date a lot, meet a WHOLE lot of women before finding Miss Right? Or did it just sort of happen without any conscious effort on your part?
Met my wife when I was a senior in HS. Went to GE without her came back and got married when I was twenty and had my son by the time I was twenty one. HE just graduated HS this year and this July marks nineteen years together! What a woman to put up with my ugly ass for 19 years!
Communication is definitely the key. I’ve been with my guy for a number of years. We were even married at one time, but the communication between us broke down and we got divorced. When we started communicating again we figured out we’d made a really big mistake and have been back together ever since. 12 years this past April and counting. Add two beautiful kids to the mix and a grandmother that loves to babysit so we can still spend time alone together. It doesn’t get much better then this. Wishing everyone out there the best of luck with their special someones.
Put it this way, Nephorm, I had to go through two other marriages before I finally found the right one!
After I found my first wife of seven years sleeping (oh, that’s right, they weren’t sleeping!) with our mutual “friend”, I dated absolutely anyone and everyone crazy enough to go out with me for about a year, and then was stupid enough to get married to the witch from hell. That one lasted a whole year and a half.
So no, it didn’t really happen “automatically” with me…
I only wanted to do the marriage thing once, so it was important to get it right the first time. I waited till I was 27 and had done plenty of comparison shopping and test drives, and I finally met one I figured would work for the long run.
We did a “trial” for about 18 months, and celebrated our 18th anniversary two weeks ago on June 29.
Two real keys are mutual respect and communication.
And dirty sex.
I may not be a stellar example, as I have a failed marriage in my past. However, my wife and I just celebrated our 6th anniversary last May, and we have a 2-1/2 year old daughter. The key? Communication is one key. Working on the marriage is THE key. That includes communication.
- Continue to do the things that attracted you to each other after the wedding.
- Treat your spouse better than (or at least as good as) your best friends. (Phone conversations are a great indicator of how well this is going.)
- Be going in the same direction.
And there’s a whole lot of talk about having a third party involved in a marriage as being detrimental. I believe differently – God needs to be the third party involved in the marriage.
Married four years this past April. We got married after spending a total of 6 days together over a 4 month period of time (although we did talk everynight on the phone for about 9 months). We have two kids (my nine year old step-daughter and a three year old boy). I had to quit law school and support us by telemarketing credit cards for a year. We lived day to day, not even paycheck to paycheck, while she was pregnant and for the first 6 months after our son was born. If we got through that period of time, I’m confident we can get through anything.
Now I’m going into my 4th year teaching and she’s finishing nursing school this coming May–that means our income will more than double. The few fights we have had were because I was being a dumbass, almost looking to fight because I was afraid things were going too good.
I love every minute that we spend together. I know how lucky I am to have her, and I try to show her everyday.
Lots of great stuff on this thread. I won’t jerk around when I find the right vixen. Even though I’m only 20, I’d settle down in an instant.
First find a woman thats not a lesbian. This may sound like a no brainer, but you may be surprised.
Second, nothin says “I love you” like a blow job in the morning.
This is off subject but jpfitness is that picture of you and your 2 children at the top of Pinnacle Mountain?