Half of Men Wish They Were Dead

Off Topic
41

I have my own thoughts on the lack of identity issue and I think a lot of it comes down to the internet making the World smaller in many ways. This may sound silly but I think of all the little towns around where I live, there are quite literally dozens within 15 miles, all of which when I was a kid, the people from different places all had slightly different things about them based on where they grew up. It’s hard to really extrapolate what these things were as they are all so individual and unique, it’s something you’d just feel somehow.

With the internet it seems to me that these people have kind of all blended into one of the same. The individuality has literally disappeared. You still feel it in the older folk, but the young guys from that town are exactly the same as the guys from this town. They all absorb the same content, they all live the same lives as each other. Perhaps generalizing, but the child of a farmer 30 years ago would be completely different to the child of a farmer today. The child of a farmer today is in very many ways no different from the child from the city.

The internet now raises people which leads to everyone kind of just meeting in the middle. No real identity, no real individuality, and most importantly, no real satisfaction in “I”.

4 Likes
42

No. Since, in this context, suicide is seen as a negative outcome, the wrong choice, then it’s the result of a preexisting weakness. The court took my kids away so I kill myself? That makes sense if the father is weak. Why not keep fighting? Why give the court and an ex wife the satisfaction? And most likely, if a parent’s rights are terminated, there was a good reason.

43

A Big Mac should taste the same in every McDonalds.

44

I wish life was that simple, like if every drug or food addict could “just quit” or every depressed or traumatized person could just “snap out of it”. Are there any posters who have struggled willing to comment on this?

Why not keep fighting? Most men are not powerful and rich enough to do so. Being mad and “staying strong” does not give a man or woman of modest or meager means legs up in family courts. Generally the wealthier person or the woman wins.

3 Likes
45

Going into law school I thought I wanted to do family law - I found out real quick I wanted NO part of that shit show. People calling you after hours, on weekends, MASSIVE DRAMA.

I have never practiced family law and will never practice family law. I took all the courses because I was interested in it, but I will be honest I have not seen the gloom and doom cases against men that people cite regularly.

I know they have happened, but 2 of my close personal friends practice it exclusively. There is still imbalance in favor of the female, but it has gotten far more equitable depending on the jurisdiction.

Now, if you have a long marriage, children involved, one spouse that has never worked, and a spouse that makes good money - yeah the spouse making good money is going to get fucked. That goes for either sex, but more often it is the male.

From what I have seen and heard time with children has gone more to 50/50 when both spouses are capable.

Take this with a grain of salt thought. The people I am talking about all have means and are not poor.

5 Likes
46

I’ll give it a shot.

My mantra in recovery is “Change or die.”. It became that after seeing lots and lots of people make the decision either way. Some people say “Yep. I’m going to do what ever it takes, I hate who I am and I’ve had enough.”.
Others go “Yeah, but… I think I got this/etc.” and launch a defense against the onslaught of reality. It’s really strange to see.
You can even ask them. “Do you think you’re an alcoholic/addict?”. “Yeah, but I’m… [richer, smarter, stronger, morally superior etc] and I can [insert action analogous to virtue here] out of this.”.

“Do you think you’re going to die from this?”
“Yeah, but…[same as above]”

Its pretty amazing. Once people figure out what they need to believe, they just ride it out until its over, or way past the point of no return (organ damage/failure). Then its “Well, everybody dies. I’m just choosing my method” to maintain the illusion of control.

I don’t think it has nearly as much to do with wealth and power as it does with not wanting to suffer the indignity or humiliation of having your life splayed out before a bunch of strangers and picked through for evaluation of soundness.

Some people would rather die. And they do.

I’ve been told I have a strong will to live. The will to power if I understand it correctly.

If a doctor says “I need you to take off your all of your clothes, put on this smock thingy. We’re going to connect a bunch of wires to you and you’re gonna run your ass off. Then we’re going to smear you with jelly and see whats going on inside.”.
I’m there. Im a naked ass sprinting motherfucker with wires and jelly and half of the nurses in the office in a tiny dark room. Not because Im a freak​:smiley:, but because I don’t want to die.

Some men would rather die though, and they do, by the thousands every year.

You want to know what the death rattle of every man who ever backed down from the challenges life throws at us sounds like?

It sounds like this “Fuck this. This is bullshit.” And then off they go into ignominy.

5 Likes
47

Agreed. To me, the key takeaway is that men are not depressed because life is hard or because people expect them to sacrifice. Men get depressed when they don’t think that they are needed. Depressed men don’t want to be helped. They want to be needed.

4 Likes
48

the two fellas that i knew were not considered weak men in my book, they were hit with extreme life issues that they could not or would not overcome

i can definitley put myself in their position and decide to end it

49

I don’t see it as weakness either. It’s hard to see a way forward when your perception is skewed by depression or circumstance that seem beyond your control.

3 Likes
50

Do you think there’s a fair share of men who’d want to attend a men-only gym? If not, why? (If you or anyone has input on this.)

I wish we had them.

1 Like
51

I think a lot of men would prefer it.

4 Likes
52

The problem is, no one needs a depressed man. Well, maybe psychiatrists and big pharma.

53

I am in the same boat as you and only because I have a duty to my children as a father.

I am not scared of death and definitely had a fuck it attitude running quite a bit of gear and abusing my body for years.

I know it is cliche, but I would literally do anything for my children. And that includes doing my best to stay here until my job of raising them is complete. Anything after that is just extra as far as I am concerned.

And I am very happy with my marriage, life, circumstances, etc.

3 Likes
54

Yes, I would.

Even the younger me would have said yes.

I go to the gym because I love it. I have never lifted or gone to the gym wanting to pick up women or interact with women.

3 Likes
55

In the old says yes…today, no

56

Why not now?

57

Because i see quite a few ladies train harder than most guys

1 Like
58

What does that have to do with men only gyms?

1 Like
59

Me too.

I think this speaks to raison d’etre. If you don’t have some axiomatic reason for being, then what is anything, any effort for?

I’ve always had a deep desire to be part of something greater than myself. Initially it was to serve in the military, because that is what I was directed toward. There was no limit to what I would do. Thousands of pushups per week. Countless miles of running and swimming. When it was determined that I was unfit for service, I was devastated. Went on a multi year drug and alcohol bender. I really didn’t see a way forward nor did I care to find one.

Then in sobriety I realized I could be part of something greater by starting a family, and set out to do just that.

Having done that, along came heart disease. This precipitated a major depression. At that point I realized that I had become the biggest threat to everything I loved. Thanks to some pleading from the wife, and the realization of where I truly was, I chose to find a therapist, and shortly after some meds that suit me pretty well.

Now life is pretty good. Not without its ups & downs, but I have tremendous gratitude for what it is.

3 Likes
60

The conversation about divorce and male suicide caught my attention, as my brother in law recently committed suicide during a separation with my sister – leaving two children under 6 years old fatherless and without their primary financial provider.

The narrative that these are all good men driven to a sad and desperate final act by evil, manipulative women who are tearing their families apart does not at all square with my experience. The reality is that my brother in law was a shitty partner and father when he was alive, and his suicide was simply the last in a long line of selfish, vengeful behaviors that he inflicted on the people who cared about him the most.

Nobody was taking his kids away from him, stealing his money, or otherwise “emasculating” him. The suicide wasn’t about that – it was about his ego being bruised and his perception that his failures were being put on display.

Maybe this is an outlier case, and in most cases women and society at large are the villain. I don’t know. Just wanted to share an anecdote that reveals a different perspective.

5 Likes