How does one go about this if they’ve never done it before? Perhaps a group of individuals pointing out where you arent holding yourself accountable would help?
You’re criticizing something you know nothing about.
Would you prefer your daughters to have slept with 5 men or 50 men before marriage and why?
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That’s exactly what I mean. It’s a vapid, shallow existence. No search for deeper meaning or anything.
Just a constant stream of mini dopamine hits from TikTok and instagram.
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For women, sex is better with emotional connection.
How many different dudes do you think a woman can have emotional connections with before those connections (pair bonds) start to diminish?
Do you think there is value in being the best lover a woman’s ever had? Do you think it’s problematic if you aren’t the best lover your wife has ever had?
Food for thought.
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And I think what most secular people fail to understand is it’s not just “be good or be punished by sky daddy.” It gives you perspective and teaches you how to think. How to be self analyzing. There are philosophers who’s work can have a similar effect, but it’s not quite the same.
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In a committed relationshi, not necessarily, and not even likely.
No. A relationship is more than just what happens between the sheets.
What are you going to do when your both seniors and libidos are diminished (or broken)? It’s going to take more than mind-blowing sex to hold that together.
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I think this is why the Buddhists I have met/read about/studied (took a 300 level Buddhism course as an undergrad) are some of (or at least appear to be) the most calm, seemingly put together folks in all of humanity. The entire premise hinges heavily on self reflection and introspection.
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Man, after 20+ years sober I’m pretty damn sure I know a thing or two about self examination and changing behaviors, and believe me (or don’t) it has nothing to do with this pointing the fingers at others crap.
Just because you don’t know what I’m talking about doesn’t mean that I don’t.
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You’re misinterpreting what I’m saying, and I’m halfway convinced it’s intentional.
How am I misinterpreting what you’re saying?
Honestly, I’m not being purposefully contrary or disingenuous at all.
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You have no clue what the community im speaking of does, yet you criticize what they do.
Imagine the response in an AA meeting where someone goes off on a bender, makes excuses as to why, blames others for it, and accepts no responsibility in their actions. Having never been to one, bear with me.
Its not people yelling at them for fucking up. It’s people telling them that they’re not holding themselves accountable, and what they should be doing to fix their perspective on why they dropped the ball.
Definitely not likely if she’s been with 50+ dudes.
Do you think there’s value in your woman/wife thinking you are her actual best option? Why or why not?
Nope. Its people sharing their experience, strength, and hope. There is no advice giving.
The decisions they make are their own.
Believe me, theres nothing more I’d like to do sometimes than grab somebody and shake the shit out of them while telling them exactly what I think they need to do.
But thats also The Worst possible thing to do, because people will literally take it to the grave just because someone told them in the form of “You need to…”
The phrase “To thine own self be true” gets tossed around a lot there, because thats where its most important. To be honest with oneself, with what ever it is thats between them & their higher power.
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Well if she chose me she already thinks that for the most part. But I don’t thinking picking a partner for life is “because it’s the best option”.
Boiling a complex, emotional and physical relationship that has grown over time down to “best option” really cheapens it. It’s not an equation one can optimize because one can’t define the peak. By that thought process everyone optimized to certain local maxima and then gives up.
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Is that how emotional connections work? Like, we each get a limited number of them in our lifetime and you can burn through them by “connecting” with too many people? Seems odd.
Rhetorical question: is it better to be the best out of 5 or the best out of 50? haha
I wouldn’t like to think about it, but I also know that it would have zero impact on how I feel about my wife if she wasn’t the “best I’ve ever had.” I’m not sure why it would matter to her when it wouldn’t matter to me.
I agree.
Do you think she would feel just as fulfilled if she’d had a better option previously, but either undervalued or or couldn’t retain that option? In other words, if she’d had a better option but settled for you… I’m pretty sure both sides would feel pretty hurt in that scenario.
Which brings me back to why body count matters on a numbers game basis, and why you would do best to be her best option.
Using “best option” as a container word.
No, but I’d argue that the passion one carries gets diminished the more times you connect with someone emotionally.
Imagine your first marriage proposal. It’s an intensely emotional situation.
Now do that 7 more times. How intense do you think that emotion is on the 8th run through?
I do believe men and women are different here. Women love opportunistically while men love idealistically (both have they’re own problems).
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That’s an interesting analogy, and I see your point overall. Is there any reason to believe that women feel the same degree of “passion” over a one night stand that men feel over a marriage proposal? I’ve only ever seen (anecdotal) evidence to the contrary.
This is interesting. Have you ever spoken to any of the women in your life about this belief? Also, how do you think it affects your relationship(s) with the woman/ women you love?
I feel your premise here is flawed.
It makes an assumption I don’t think can be applied to truly committed relationships. Comparison to a past relationship (especially if one thinks that previous one is better) is a recipe for disaster and a death rattle for the current relationship.
Anyone who “settled” will either be miserable the rest of their life or end up divorced.
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True. Her behavior would speak for itself, but lying would be disrespectful.
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