Stealing the term “gymcel.”
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A pet peeve of mine is a guy with next to no idea what he is doing in the gym offering help to a woman. He is definitely flirting or lacks all self awareness. I’d like it better if he just flirted, and left off giving advice on lifting weights.
I like to feel that I can offer assistance to a woman and it not be considered flirting. It is easier to do at 74 years old.
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You didn’t hear it yet? Lol.
It’s millennials too
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Instagram poll results. Of course, these simple polls can’t differentiate between those who TRY and those that never say a word to anyone else.
Even though I’m not 74, I still feel this so much. There were a couple of young girls trying to do some assisted pullups with bands and jumping up all awkwardly not being able to reach the bar or get their legs properly in there. I said, “hey sorry to intrude but you can grab that box over there or there’s a step-up thing by there to make it a bit easier - I see people use them for these all the time”. They were okay “Oh thanks”, and I replied “No worries”. I then actively acted somewhat passive, discreetly moved my dumbells a bit further away from where I was, and then didn’t look at them again due to the paranoia in my head saying I might be labeled some sort of creep.
This kind of stuff is not just a gym thing. Maybe a societal thing. Or maybe i’m talking crap and it’s just a me thing. I walk through a supermarket car park on my way to the gym and sometimes see middle-aged women stopping and starting getting their bags to their car or whatever. 10 years ago I’d offer help and have no quarrels in my head for doing that. Now I’m worried I’m gonna offend them in some way.
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I have never been this way. I am more of a social butterfly in the gym and definitely (at least in the past) have been one of the bigger and stronger ones in just about every gym I have been in.
A few of my closest friends I have met there as well.
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I have females routinely ask for me to spot them (not because they are hitting on me).
I am friendly, larger than most, and well known in my gym. I talk to females there, but only on friend terms. Everyone knows I am happily married and I don’t accept crossing that line. I will shut it down quickly, so the females that genuinely need help don’t hesitate to ask because they know I am not trying to creep on them or hit on them.
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Pretty sure same for me. Although I don’t think I understand women very well (not that they are all the same).
It has been a goal of mine to not end up in the creep category.
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What constitutes flirting these days? If it means smiling while talking to someone energetically, then everyone probably thinks I’m a hussy. Also, my biggest fan in the gym is a tiny little firecracker of a 75-year old named Debbie. She encourages me to show more skin. (I’M KEEPING HER.)
So whatever the heck flirting is, with the right people it can be pretty innocuous… and better than being snooty.
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I feel like in most settings women that do that are looking for attention from other women. Like a dominance thing. “I’m hotter than you. I’m the most desirable female.” They’ve got subconscious primitive shit going on just like we do.
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I’m stealing this line.
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Ah yes. It’s the female version of tank toos and loud grunting during reps. Makes sense actually.
Most flirtatious behavior, according to the experts in such things, have deep roots in our biologies. Here’s a summary of an article by Ronald E. Riggio Ph.D:
Flirtatious Body Language in Women
Coy Smile. This consists of two somewhat conflicting signals — a lowered head of “shyness" and a bold stare of confidence (Eibl-Eibesfeldt, 1971; Morris, 1977). The head is turned to the side and tilted down. There is a slight smile on the lips and eyes gazing forward to make eye contact. This sends a message of “I am vulnerable but open to you.”
Head Tossing. An upward or sideways jerk of the head as if one is throwing aside long hair. It signals a sort of “grooming behavior” that suggests “I am arranging myself for you.” The seductive appeal is threefold: The movement grabs the other’s attention; it displays tossed hair showing off this attractive feature, and the movement allows pheromones to emanate from the hair.
Self-Touching and Massaging the Skin. Another “inviting” body language cue that suggests a woman’s availability is when softly rubs her own neck, thighs, or face. It suggests the desire to be touched and the unconscious message of: “See how smooth my skin is.”
Rotating the Wrists Outward. Exposing the inner part of the wrist is a signal of interest and invitation, directed toward the person which sends the unspoken message “I approve of you and you may approach.”
Flirtatious Body Language in Men
Open and Relaxed Posture. Being relaxed and open (i.e., not crossing the arms in front of the body) sends a message of self-confidence and invitation. A study of speed dating found that males with open postures received more offers from women than did men with closed postures.
Space Maximization. Research shows that men who take up more space with their postures and gestures are perceived as more attractive. It suggests dominance and makes the man more visible.
Assertive and “Smooth” Demeanor. Men appearing “in control” with a minimum of anxiety cues is a turn-on. Movements, gestures, and posture shifts should flow smoothly — almost as if the man is moving underwater.
Signs of Flirting in Both Women and Men
Tone of Voice. In general, a higher tone in women, and a lower tone in men is more of a turn-on. During courtship behavior, women may have a tone of voice that seems almost childlike — which can trigger a sense of “protectiveness” in men. Deeper voices, for men, signal more masculinity.
Positivity. Our own research on “seductive” nonverbal behavior suggests that people use different nonverbal cues to try to attract others, but one commonality is that the other person has to perceive those as “positive/pleasant” emotional messages. Both men and women who do not do well at appearing seductive tend to have their emotional messages judged as “negative/unpleasant.”
Of course, the ability to read signals is crucial, both to notice flirting and to not make false assumptions about it. Men are more likely to ASSUME a woman is flirting if he finds her attractive:
Hot woman: “Are finished using this machine?”
Clueless guy: “OMG, she’s so into me!”
And what’s that old joke about women? Something like: If he’s hot he’s flirting. If he’s ugly he’s a creeper.
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When you see a female do this in front of another straight female it can mean something totally different though, a snobby affectation. And when you see a girl with short hair do this with her imaginary mane of hair, she’s actually just mocking people with long hair.
There’s some ambiguity with body language like this too. Self-soothing can look very similar. When a woman feels socially threatened, she’ll touch her neck and face a lot. I experienced this last fall in a crazy-uncomfortable situation where someone was intentionally being a manipulative turd. And the thought that kept popping into mind was, why can’t I stop touching myself!?
All the instances of male body language just seem like the natural behavior of a confident man, OR a woman who’s feeling good about herself in the gym that day.
I kinda don’t buy the body language stuff because it’s too easy to read into it really far and then mistake it for something else.
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I think comparing behavior with you vs others is a useful trick here. Does this person act like this with everybody or just around you.
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA guess you know what ya gotta do tonight.
Oh good point!! 
I knew man-spreading was a term used curtail normal male behavior…
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