At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally , the guys’ side of the story.
( I must admit, it’s pretty good.)
We always hear " the rules"
From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note… these are all numbered “1”
ON PURPOSE!
Men are NOT mind readers.
Learn to work the toilet seat.
You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
Sunday sports It’s like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
Crying is blackmail.
Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.
See a doctor.
Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
If you won’t dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, don’t Expect us to act like soap opera guys.
If you think you’re fat, you probably are.
Don’t ask us.
If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
ALL m en see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.We have no idea what mauve is.
If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.
If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” We will act like nothing is wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, Expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
When we have to go somewhere, absolutely any thing you wear is fine… Really.
Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,
or golf.
You have enough clothes.
You have too many shoes.
I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.
That about sums it up. I don’t know why it is so hard for women to get this. I would also add – if you ask me to do something, don’t ask me to immediately do three other things. I’ve probably just started doing the first thing you asked and now you are piling on.
[quote]deputydawg wrote:
That about sums it up. I don’t know why it is so hard for women to get this. I would also add – if you ask me to do something, don’t ask me to immediately do three other things. I’ve probably just started doing the first thing you asked and now you are piling on.
Every 14th of February you get the chance to display your fondness for your wife or girlfriend by showering her with gifts, flowers, dinner, shows and any other baubles that women find romantic.
Secret…guys feel left out. That’s right…left out. There’s no special holiday for the ladies to show their appreciation for the men in their life. Men as a whole are either too proud or just too embarrassed to admit it. Which is why a new holiday has been created.
March 20th is now officially “Steak & Blowjob Day.”
Simple, effective and self-explanatory…this holiday has been created so your ladies can have a day to show your man just how much you love him. No cards, no flowers, no special nights on the town-the name of the holiday explains it all…just a steak and a BJ.
That’s it. This twin pairing of Valentine’s Day and Steak & BJ Day will usher in a new age of love as men everywhere will try THAT much harder in February to ensure a more memorable March! It’s like a perpetual love machine.
The word is already spreading, but as with any new idea, it needs a little push to start the ball rolling. So spread the word, and help bring love and peace to this crazy world!!
While the author of this list was writing this, his wife was probably out banging the pizza deliver man. Notice I said man, that’s because women like men, not list-writing she-men.
I bet there’s alot of happy pizzamen out there right now.
[quote]Roy wrote:
While the author of this list was writing this, his wife was probably out banging the pizza deliver man. Notice I said man, that’s because women like men, not list-writing she-men.
I bet there’s alot of happy pizzamen out there right now.[/quote]
I don't know who generally delivers pizza in your town but where i live it either some pimply assed teenager or if it is a "man" he might as well have a giant "L" pinned to his little Dominoes baseball hat.
Every 14th of February you get the chance to display your fondness for your wife or girlfriend by showering her with gifts, flowers, dinner, shows and any other baubles that women find romantic.
Secret…guys feel left out. That’s right…left out. There’s no special holiday for the ladies to show their appreciation for the men in their life. Men as a whole are either too proud or just too embarrassed to admit it. Which is why a new holiday has been created.
March 20th is now officially “Steak & Blowjob Day.”
Simple, effective and self-explanatory…this holiday has been created so your ladies can have a day to show your man just how much you love him. No cards, no flowers, no special nights on the town-the name of the holiday explains it all…just a steak and a BJ.
That’s it. This twin pairing of Valentine’s Day and Steak & BJ Day will usher in a new age of love as men everywhere will try THAT much harder in February to ensure a more memorable March! It’s like a perpetual love machine.
The word is already spreading, but as with any new idea, it needs a little push to start the ball rolling. So spread the word, and help bring love and peace to this crazy world!![/quote]
That shit cracks me up. Steak and a BJ day? That’s called Friday where I come from. If this only happens once a year for you, you are doing mostly everything wrong.
