Just kind of a vent, observation, and putting things down in writing for perspective.
I have 3 best friends from childhood.
Best friend since the 3rd grade. So… 20 years of inseparable friendship. Watched him spiral down into alcoholism. Couldnt stop him. I tried countless times. I quit drinking for the better part of 5 years literally only for him. It got to the point where I shoved him out of my life, still in contact, but at a distance. Found out hes a multiple offender now. 6 months after I broke contact with him. Spousal abuse, insurance fraud, more DUIs than I can count. After 20 years, it took him 6 months to turn into the kind of person that makes me physically ill. Someone that I get irrationally mad about whenever I hear hes managed to keep himself out of jail for another day.
Best friends for 10 years. Someone who’s personality didnt match mine, but synchronized really well with me. Diagnosed sociopath. Lethally intelligent and manipulative. But we had something incredibly special and unique. We were both Rocks to eachother. Steel traps that wouldnt judge the other, but purely confide. He hit a wall, was forcefully removed from all his medication and is officially off the rails. I simply cant be there for him. He put me and my girlfriend in serious danger. Yelling, guns involved, etc. He needs help, but not the help I’m willing to put my small family of 2 in risk of.
Best friends of 11 years. Perfect match personality wise, philosophically, our values are aligned. We’ve just drifted apart. We both only reach out for advice when no one else can provide at this point. Not a bad thing, just sucks when put into persepctive.
Bonus round, my mechanic of the last 9 years. I reached out to get work done on my truck, I’ve been incredibly busy with my break up last year, my new relationship, moving, getting my life together… he had a heart attack and died less than a week after the last time I saw him. I met him during my time at a vape shop, I got him to quit smoking and grew really close the following years. I’d hang out at his shop for hours, he’d hang out at the vape shop for hours and just bullshit. He was 30 years older than me, but cool as fuck, and a great dude. I just found out about this yesterday, and it stings worse than a lot of family death has.
I dont have anything else to say, I just wanted to put it in text to see it and get it out there.It’s all going to be okay, but getting older sucks.
Troof. I haven’t had friends where we hang out/spend time together in years. Really sucks.
Everything hurts more, I’m slowly starting to lose some balance. Find myself is sketchy situations quicker when on two wheels or off road .
A year ago I laughed at people dreading 30, now I see what they were talking about.
I’d kill for a buddy like I used to have back in the day. Especially one who wanted to workout and was on the same page as me lifting wise. Not sure if I’m the problem, they’re the problem, or it’s just hard as adults.
Separating yourself from violent drunks, manipulative gun welding psychopaths and weird co-dependant relationships doesn’t have to be a “Negative” thing.
You may have heard the saying that “You’re the average of the 3 people you spend the most time with.” or maybe " Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future."
Your 30’s will be a great time if you look Forward and think about how great they will be. They will not be so great if you decide they suck because you’re not 17 anymore.
I lost a best friend of 10 years as well. Rocks to each other, kindred spirits. Took on the world together as teens and just grew apart in our mid-20’s. He fell into drugs and got associated with a bad crowd. Haven’t heard from him in years. Fortunate enough to have a childhood friend still keeping in touch with me. Can’t say he’s changed and we still get along like time hasn’t passed.
Losing a bro is a real strange incident. Definitely makes you question your own identity a bit.
Thanks for the replies guys. This wasnt a call for help or anything, I’m at peace with my decisions and I regret nothing honestly. It just all happened in less than a month. Its eye opening how quickly shit like that can happen, and it’s totally out of your control.
Without a doubt, this last year has done a number on me both good and bad, but I feel more alive than ever
For sure dude, I’m not negative about it, I’m in a relationship I thought was a fucking fairytale, my job is going really well, I’m in the best shape of my life, I’m in touch with my family again. Also regarding that last part, I guess that’s my complaint, I wish everyone else could realize the same thing, might have some friends left lol.
I think this is the big one. I went from being the group therapist to just flat out not having the time, energy, patience, or sympathy to be able to do it, so everyone fucked off lol
Yeah, from what I’ve gleaned you seem pretty adaptable.
You’ll do well. For me, late 20’s into 30 was getting sober, losing friends, making new ones and a whole lot of the work done through the mid/late 20’s started coming together and paying off, both personally and professionally.
Hard to thumbnail a decade or so like that, but I’m sure others will reiterate the same.
I’ve tried to connect with childhood friends and it didn’t work out any of the times. One guy was a drug dealer trying to get me to cosign on a loan for him. The others were people who went in a different direction than I went. I’ve learned that you can’t go back. Keep in mind I grew up in the hood. Unless the people I hung out with got out of the hood mentality, they are still trapped in that mindset. So my old friends need to stay old friends.
Your childhood friends were, in the vast majority of cases, friends due to proximity and convenience. Kids are terrible at evaluating character and make decisions on who is going to be their friend based off matching outfits and similar heights. If you’re able to hold onto a childhood friend and grow with them over the years, that’s honestly going to be an exception rather than the norm.
I have 1 friend I’ve known since kindergarten. He was my best friend 30 years ago, but not my best friend for 30 years. He’s still a good dude, we meet whenever we’re in town together, I chat with him on facebook, but we’re really not alike these days. Meanwhile, I’ve made friends in my past 4 years that I have a bond of brotherhood with: people I’d take a bullet for. You should ideally be forging stronger bonds as you get older and become a more discriminating judge of character.
I guess you could. Tom Brady did a great job elevating those goons in Tampa Bay. And he really seemed to help the head space of Rob Gronkowski specifically. But I think elevating others is a great story because it’s exceptional.
It seems like that if you’ve barely got your shit together and are in the midst of “growing up” or “settling down” or “finding yourself” or whatever that you’re not really in a place to set a great example yet. And trouble maker bros could slow down your progress. Or derail it all together if they’re super crazy and destructive.
I turn 30 tommorow. I’m unemployed, crippled (rheumatoid arthritis + tendonitis), mentally ill (severe social anxiety + depression), a kissless virgin, and obese. So at least you aren’t me. And yeah, I feel the same way about turning 30, especially considering the fact I spent all of my 20s as a neurotic cripple. My 30s are going to go the same way if physical therapy doesn’t work for me.
When i was a teenager i had this really close group of friends but in one way or another we all broke away from each other in our early 20’s. Since then, i have only really made one friend who is not related to me. And we still are really good friends, in fact i view him as family. Unfortuantly due to moving etc and covid we dont see eachother much, but we still snapchat and what not.
For the most part, im like Toretto (f&f)…i dont have friends, i have family. My extended family has always been close, my little brother is definitely one of my best friends and certain cousins particularly have been more like siblings to me.
But getting this close to 30 is strange…i dont even totally know how to put it into words…but its cool too. My son is 1.5, my wife and i are thinking about buying a house, we run our own business, two financed vehicles…i have become a full on grown ass man. But i still remember being a teenager and what that was like and who i was then. Honestly, the way life is now makes me really look forward to officially turning 30.
It is a really strange thing to me that many of the serial killers (especially the ones who prey on women) often have a huge female fan base. Some of these guys get married in prison to a fan. They get tons of nude pictures and sex letters sent to them. It is strange to me, but I am also not required to understand it.
For sure dude, I’m having a blast honestly. I’ve never been good at measuring my own success, I prefer to hermit myself up away from the world and do what I need to in order to get by. That usually leads to me going dark from friends and family for months at a time, but lately I’ve been going out every weekend to do… something, financially stable, very grounded in morals and beliefs, for the first time i feel like I have subjects I’m willing to throw my sword in the ground over, and im apparently for the first time truly happy in my relationship. So I guess that’s some measure of success anyways. Kind of figured I’d be dead by 25, then I wasnt, and was like “oh fuck… i gotta figure this shit out” lmao. 4 years later, and I’m in a better place, at least mentally, than my close family and friends.
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