You might do well, in all seriousness.
I find it profoundly depressing that this is true… @BrickHead
1 Like
I just found this thread and wow…
The consensus seems to be that close friends made in adulthood are the ones that stick for life.
My question is: how do you go about forming these relationships? I find that I make “friends” in class, but as soon as the class is over, we lose connection.
I’m pretty close with a couple of guys from the Econ research club, but our conversations are exclusively about academics (classes, research, Soviet history) the fact that they’re guys is a coincidence.
I also joined a sorority, and the girls are extremely welcoming, but I don’t feel close to any of them
1 Like
This really hit home recently.
My “best friend” from ES and MS was the daughter of my mum’s best friend.
We went to the same schools- her mum even transferred her to my MS after my mum convinced her- spent every weekend together for literally a decade
We lost touch after I moved to Shanghai. Last month, I found her on Facebook and realized just how little I knew about her.
This is the big question right? I make plenty of acquaintances. I tend to get along with just about everyone, especially in a work environment, but the second one of us leaves for other opportunities, boom. Never talk again. Which is just as much my fault as theirs.
My girlfriend and I are actually in a weird spot. She moved from about 800m away 8 years ago with her ex. All of her friends from there just stopped staying in touch, and any friends shes made since then have been pretty fairweather.
All my friends either moved and lost contact or we’ve just had to mentally go our own ways.
So here we are totally reliant on eachother and neither one of us have any “good” friends aside from maybe 1.
And I just dont have an interest in making any. I think covid really trained me to isolate myself.
1 Like
exactly
Probably. I’m working with my therapist on this.
I also think there are inherent personality differences. My little bro goes to a summer camp, makes friends, and 2 year later, are still in regular contact with them. He had the same upbringing as me
This is all of it for me. While I’m fairly social, I dont like feeling obligated to people.
This is(was) a huge personality flaw of mine, but as I got older and got out of my “scorched earth” mentality where i just assumed I would either die or everything would work out; a lot of people I know didnt. And i developed this really weird “everyone is an idiot except for me” mentality, and made me super calloused to like… everyone.
I’ve gotten out of that mentality recently due to being… idk. Fucked for lack of a better term, through several close together bad events that I didnt have any real control over, which caused me to lash out in a way i previously would have deemed… stupid.
But like, I guess the damage is done? I just like devoting my time and energy into one person. A conversation with a friend once in a while is nice, but after about an hour I’m mentally taxed and want to go back to my (very short lived) free time.
2 Likes
You don’t need friends.
1 Like
oh no! Have things improved?
I concur.
Oh yeah, life is peachy. I’ve definitely developed some pretty severe anxiety. Another one of those things I was super judgy about until I actually had it, but that aside, much better. Thanks!
1 Like
Really? It would be a relief if that were true.
I feel like part of the reason I want friends is because of FOMO, a similar logic applies to “craving carbs” or wanting junk food. THe other part is because of the other benefits (ie professional connections0
Connections and friends are different things.
You should be friendly with everyone you meet; especially never make enemies.
You don’t need people to hang out with or to cry with if you’re feeling sad.
2 Likes
agreed. I’ve never had trouble getting help and help others when I can
That’s good then!
I personally think this is due to different personality types.
I have zero problem going out to eat at a restaurant that I’m curious about or watch movies at a theater by myself if I want to. Both of these are typically activities people do as groups. As a result, people seem to think it’s weird to do these alone.
Well, I have zero friends and I want to go see a movie at the theaters, so I’ll go.
Again, personality types I guess.
1 Like
I’ve found for new relationships, the gym is a great spot. At least we have one common interest. Some will be interested in stuff outside the gym, and some won’t be. I’m probably more friendly than most though. One tip is to put effort into stuff like remembering names, greeting those you have met.
I’m still close with childhood friends. A text here and there guess a long way to say you are still interested in being friends. It isn’t easy getting older and having more obligations though.
1 Like
I’m inclined to believe for some it’s FOMO because for some or many it will be actually missing out.
Generally speaking people want friends because we’re designed for human connection, and for some, particularly men I believe, life can be very difficult without them, even shorter than expected in some cases.
2 Likes
There are a couple of studies showing this, but correlation for obvious reasons.
I wouldn’t be surprised there was an actual physical benefit though. The psych studies on human connection, hormones and immune function are very fascinating. With that said, the data is messy to say the least.
I read one where the r^2 was legit <.3
It isn’t correlation. Please see “deaths of despair.”
2 Likes
Btw, I guess I’m in a self-indulgent “just saying moment”. With that said, lone-wolves, log-cabin libertarians, nihilists, radical individualists, solipsists, globetrotters, boots-strappers,and no-government proponents are all products of the Anglosphere’s technology and comfort and their world views are alien to much of this world.
2 Likes
I’ve found extreme situations breed extreme friendships.
When I was living in very northern North Dakota, with winters that got to -60 with windchill and mornings where I went to bed with no snow and woke up and couldn’t go out my front door because the snow had covered the entire floor to ceiling space, I forged my strongest friendships. if we didn’t help each other out, we’d die (and I’m only being MINORLY hyperbolic there. Actually had an acquaintance that tried to walk home from a party one day, got lost, fell asleep in a soccer field and never woke up). We’ve all since left that location, but we can call on each other for ANYTHING and there’s no question that it’ll be there. I’ve helped those people move SO many times without a second thought or gripe.
During my time there, my basement kept flooding with sewage (the snow would melt too fast and overload the system), our house was deemed “uninhabitable by humans”, and I was working a job where I stayed overnight frequently. I’d actually call up my wife on the way home to find out WHERE I was coming home to, because my wife’s friends let us live with them in the interim, and we bounced from house to house.
Again, no questions asked, no gripes: it’s just what you did.
I’ve lived in nicer places since then…and made no friends.
8 Likes