Amen!
The math is not really .5^8. After three girls, the odds of a fourth is like 60%, and it goes up each time. Some guys just product more X chromosome sperm. You could ask Henry VIII’s wives about that, but he cut the head of that issue.
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Well played…
Hello,
He has challenged me to a game of monopoly.
Yours truly ,
Spock81
Somewhere on the other side of this wide night
and the distance between us, I am thinking of you.
The room is turning slowly away from the moon.
This is pleasurable. Or shall I cross that out and say
it is sad? In one of the tenses I singing
an impossible song of desire that you cannot hear.
La lala la. See? I close my eyes and imagine the dark hills I would have to cross
to reach you. For I am in love with you
and this is what it is like or what it is like in words.
Or shall we play Monopoly?
Words, Wide Night - Poem by Carol Ann Duffy
(excluding the last line obv 
)
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For when?
I continue to think that the people being all “what a fucking dick!” are overreacting, either because they want to make you feel better or because they’ve had shitty experiences and are protecting them onto him.
If you’ve decided you don’t like HIM anymore, end it. I have a lesbian friend who used to get a lot of “looking for friends” stuff when she was doing online dating, and she was very clear in response that “I have friends. I’m looking for a relationship.” It’s polite, it’s honest, it’s direct. If you wanted to you could ask where he’s looking to go during Monopoly and if “friends, I’m not ready blah blah blah” and you don’t want that you can give him her line.
If you’ve been feeling negatively toward him because you’re hurt that he’s not seeming as into it as you, you need to suck that shit back in and learn to manage it, because it will hamper your chances of getting someone worth having until you deal with it.
From what I can see over now years of occasional interaction and observation (that sounds creepy…I just mean reading your posts) you’ve got all of these awesome traits - sensitive, caring, enthusiastic, puppy-dog affectionate - but don’t have a handle on them once the stakes feel high. You don’t need to change the traits, you just need to harness them.
Sensitive becomes defensiveness.
Caring becomes anger.
Enthusiastic becomes manic.
Affectionate becomes overly available.
I say all of this acknowledging that your boy may be a complete dickhead, but because you’re so reactive, I can’t tell. I also can’t tell if he backed off because he was overwhelmed by your enthusiasm.
I seem to be alone in going in this direction. Maybe everyone else is right, but I know from long experience (my own and others’) that we can only change ourselves, and have come to feel that experiences like you’re having now offer opportunities for experimentation. You have nothing to lose that you don’t already NOT have, so trying out different attitudes and behaviors offers the chance to see what happens. If we focus on the guy - gay? dick? manipulative? - rather than you we lose the opportunity to see what happens if… Maybe you can take cool and sexy out to play and see what happens. Maybe his lack of initiative will let you finally relax and see what you think of him without the blinding infatuation.
I may be projecting myself onto you. As I’ve said before, I think we have similarities in terms of the energy thing. My husband and I joke about his “terror eyes.” When I go in for an impulsive hug or to straddle him or whatever (and I’m not huge and he’s not tiny) he gets this look of terror. It’s not as romantic as you might imagine, lol. It’s because I get excited and also because I’m a little clumsy. He’s taken some knees and elbows. My sense is that you may be that way a little, though not necessarily in the physical sense. I’m also that way a little not in the physical sense. I have these weird episodes where I dork out and everyone around me is face-palming…like, I got lost at my graduation when I got my master’s degree. I came off the stage and didn’t know where to go because I hadn’t been paying attention, so went through the middle, but everyone else had gone to the left and was filing neatly into their seats. I was pushing through the standing-room-only crowd, trying to hold onto my giant hat thing, repeating “excuse me, sorry, excuse me, sorry” and climbing over shit to get back to my seat, where my friends were like omg, wtf? Maybe because I was the smartest one in the class. And yet I got lost. In a motherfucking room. All I had to do was to follow the person in front of me! We were a line!
I love my energy, and am comfortable with the elements of ADHD and anxiety that come with it. It brings so much good to me. Mostly I’m cool, I’ve got myself harnessed or managed or whatever. If I open a door right into my face and people laugh, it’s okay. 90% of people like being around me and I am almost always in control of the energy/awkwardness. I’m good with myself.
I want that for you. For you to feel awesome and in control even if a little awkward. So do what you want with this guy, but if you’re still interacting with him work on figuring out the awkward thing. Again, it’s the same process as in lifting. Learning yourself and what works for you and tweaking things for peak performance. You don’t throw your hands up after two weeks and declare weightlifting bullshit because you pulled something. You learn proper form.
Although again, it may be that he IS an asshole or selfish or a weird, non-move-making player of some sort. Regardless, awkwardness isn’t different from being out of shape. You can work on it and it WILL change. Not completely - you’ll still be you - but you can be an emotionally fitter you. An emotionally shredded you.
I am SO pulling for you!
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I like this. Reading through, I do get an impression that he might be a dickhead, but I can also see 100 ways in which it just seems like that from one perspective and, with no offense intended Spock, its easy to misunderstand and/or misread someones actions or intentions when you are so emotionally invested in what they do or say.
Good post Emily.
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Yes, loved your post @EmilyQ.
Very valid points all around .
I am obviously highly sensitive, but in most cases its not so far fetched. For example sensing a friend is upset through a very simple Facebook message. I have a good feel for most things.
I know I am guarded, however, and I’m probably scared to death because of all my bad experiences and just generally not ever wanting to feel that bad again.
I don’t think he is an asshole. I think inviting me out after 9 and telling me it was because he other friend couldn’t was rude.
I think talking to another chick while I stood around feeling stupid was rude.
I don’t think him being nice now is a manipulation in any way. I dont think he’s playing mind games. I’ve gone through that a lot, and I’m not as naive as some may think.
I think he’s not really used to this or sure what’s going on himself .
I think he might be a little messed up too, he has been through a divorce.
I think maybe at one point he was on the fence, but now judging by his messages he seems interested.
His invitation for monopoly seemed as “plz reassure me we are going to hang again” as my messages were last week.
I dont think he’s a shit , i think he sucks as this just as much as I do.
With that said, I’m still not going out of my way for anything until I feel more sure of these conclusions.
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This. I’m not sure what this guy has done to qualify as a dick. He sounds kind of like a guy who is average and may be mortified to see his actions discussed and dissected like this. I’d hate to think of some of the dick like things I’ve done unintentionally scrutinized so thoroughly.
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Yeah I don’t really get why everyone’s sayin he’s a dick either.
And let’s not lose sight of the fact this has only been going on for 2 weeks…
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He took Spock to meet his hot female friend, then completely ignored her while he chatted up the hot friend. He’s either a dick or a major social retard.
But she says he’s divorced so he probably hasn’t dated in a long time and is just fucking things up, makes sense.
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Think we all agree this was either dickish, immature, or awkward.
Big fan of the benefit of doubt.
I figure let Spock figure this out - she’s smart. She’ll follow good advice (Emily Q), she’ll rock this.
BTW, If I highlighted all of @EmilyQ’s advice that was awesome, I would just highlight her whole post. I learned a lot about myself in there as well.
I say just harness your emotions (talking to myself here) and see what happens.
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Sure, for as much as my $.02 is worth I think she should give him another chance. I think Spock cooling off a bit, and letting him chase her a little would also be good.
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This!
And has already criticized her gym pants, diet, and the way she lives her life.
Oh and the ever popular romantic date of a Monopoly challenge. 
What could possibly go wrong?
Many things, but a hell of a lot more could go right…
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Exactly! But even that doesn’t matter, really.
My whole point is that you can’t invest in the outcome in a situation like this, you have to invest in the process. The thread became focused on assessing his intentions and character as soon as Spock achieved interaction. So what if he’s a dick? So what if she has a bad date or no date at all?
I was thinking on the way to work yesterday that this crowd would never act this way about any other question involving a desired outcome. Never! How about the kid who wanted to be an NBA player but wasn’t on his high school team because of issues with the coach? No one was saying “yeah, he’s probably a dick, fuck that guy, you’re a better basketball player than that!” People talked about improving his chances by improving himself. NO ONE IN THIS THREAD would make “give up” recommendations if this were about early experiences lifting. No one. Never. And this desired outcome is, I think, far more important than body composition. This is about acquiring a mate; someone to love.
I also think you’re not as breakable as people may think. Go out and fuck it right up, that’s how you learn! If he’s a sure-and-certain dud you’ll know soon enough. Why sit around gazing at tea leaves and guessing? From my perspective that isn’t really the point. Getting comfortable with yourself is.
Personally, I’ll take failure over crippling insecurity. Michael Jordan will, too!
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What a nice compliment! Thank you. Some of you are aware and some of you are not, but this board hand-held me through my own ridiculous tragi-comedy of dating after my divorce.
And for the record, I married a man some of the posters called gay. He’s not! You have to sift through the advice, considering the source, because TNation draws a really diverse personality set, though pretty much everyone has in common that they’re driven.
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For the record, I think a lot less could go wrong playing monopoly than going to a club , lol. Its definitely more my speed.
I’ve never been a person that needed romantic things or lavish dates, if anything, those things would make me feel uncomfortable .
The monopoly suggestion could be because he can clearly see my lifestyle doesnt frequently involve outings to loud, happening places .
You’ve never played monopoly with me…Every game I’ve ever played as either ended in tears, or blood. Sometimes both…One guy ended up with a broken femur sooo…
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