Nice lifting man
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Well, I can’t really eat anymore, or keep down water. I’m vomiting pretty frequently, and I’ve been doing this for a number of weeks now. I also have a wicked fucking smoker’s cough, and I haven’t brushed my teeth or showered in a long while. I’m decaying, but I’m okay with that. It just seems like the natural order of things progressing as it should.
Its not natural order. It’s you being slack and not taking care of yourself bro
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That too.
@liftangryordie500 forgive me if I’m mistaken but I recall you had some sort of parasite before. Is that what’s still causing this issue or is this something else entirely?
Also why have you stopped cleaning yourself?
When it seems like everything is out of your control and there’s nothing you can do, focus on what you can control. It may not be much but it’s something. You can control personal care. You can not control a parasite trying to kill you.
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I would say it’s him being sick and not adequately treated.
But still, yes, first comes a shower and tooth-brushing. Do that each day and I promise you’ll feel better in other ways, too.
Did you quit your job?
No parasite. Just got checked three days ago.
And I just don’t care enough about myself to do that.
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Nope, I’m still working and getting good grades. I’ve just let myself slide. I’m still showing up and doing everything I need to do, but man do I feel empty.
My physical presence makes people uncomfortable (even when I am hygienic). It’s why I just got kicked out of another youth group. Apparently, I made a variety of girls (and boys) there very uncomfortable simply by being physically present and interacting with them during group activities. This was told to me by the leader of the group. So, yeah. I’m not really worth caring for. Am I really that repulsive to interact with?
I got expelled from my small, Christian, private high school towards the end of 11th grade. I was going through a lot, most of which I can safely assume none of the people there would ever understand. I didn’t do any big bad thing that was deserving of being expelled, but I had an attitude and I bothered people with my blunt honesty (which was mostly just rude).
People would complain about being in a sport and having homework, and I’d be in a bad enough mood most of the time to let them know that my 3am-6am job, full time school, sports practice afterwards, homework, chores, and waking up to the cops bursting in looking for various family members was maybe a little bit harder. I hate it when people complain who (I feel) have no reason to. (That’s not aimed at you.)
Stuff like that. I got expelled, really for no reason. There was no explanation. Rumors spread. Parents of my few friends were convinced I’d sexually assaulted a teacher. People though I got in a fist fight with the principal. No one would make eye contact with me in public. Most of my “friends” wouldn’t hang out with me anymore. I just wasn’t “good enough” for them. The same thing happened to another girl the next year. She’d been severely physically and sexually abused as a child, had really bad issues - depression, anger, PTSD, etc. She was actually really nice, and had a really sweet side, but she was broken and they couldn’t understand that. She got kicked out and last I heard, was a homeless heroin addict in Nebraska with her loser boyfriend.
Me and her had similar stories. Similar backgrounds (though her’s was worse) and we had the same punishment. Our lives took two completely different paths. She took it as one last blow and just fell apart. I fully expect her to be dead within a year, and that’s incredibly saddening to me. I spent two years being depressed and moping around. I didn’t think I’d finish high school. I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to go to college. I lost all my friends. I felt like I disappointed my family. My parents split up shortly afterwards and I left home just to spend a few months being pretty much homeless. Then somehow this summer I (kinda) got my act together. I’d continued to be depressed, gained weight, was getting lazy and dumb, with no real plan for my life. I had goals, or things I wanted, but I didn’t want to work for them. I enrolled in college, got some scholarships, found a few adults who helped guide me, etc. Started counseling a month or so ago, started working out, and I still have plenty of days where I feel like shit but I’m sorta making things happen.
Point is, people suck. At least most of them, haha. They will let you down. They will disappoint you. But I think you’ve already shown yourself to be stronger than most people. You’ve made it this far. It’s been said plenty of times already but just one day at a time. Whether or not you make it is up to you, but it’s already been like 5 or 6 weeks since you last said you were ready to end it all and you’re still here. I consider that a win.
You got this man.
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I also got expelled from my prestigious, Catholic high school this year because of the new vaccine laws they passed in New York. My parents wouldn’t let me receive vaccinations. I lost a $64,000 scholarship and my shot at getting into a prestigious school. I had a 34 ACT, 4.0 Cumulative GPA, and a list of extracurriculars so long I could barely fit them on my resume. I got sick halfway through my sophomore year and I’m still sick as a fucking dog, 24/7. And yet, I still pushed through. But for what? It was pointless, because now I’m forced to take bullshit classes at my current school, and I’ll be graduating with 30 non-transferable “college” credits and the equivalent of a GED. The college I’m currently attending can be described as any decent community college’s slightly retarded brother because of how much reputation it doesn’t have. Nobody even knows it exists. I take bullshit classes because that’s all that’s offered to me there, and I hate it.
dude…I’m ruined. I could have had so much, and now, it got ripped out of my hands. I’ll be lucky if Loyola University accepts my application. I could have gone to NYU with a full fucking scholarship.
As a fellow trauma victim, I agree with you wholeheartedly.
Ok that’s really bad. That hurts my soul.
You can still make something of yourself even if you don’t get into a school like NYU. I unfortunately got stuck in one place for a few years and had to go to a crappy university. I made the most of it though and took every opportunity made available to me and now I have a job lined up for me at a prestigious defense company making great money as a systems engineer. All this upon my graduation next spring. You just have to learn to make the most of what you do have and work hard. Trust me.
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My high school encouraged me to drop out. Me! I look back now and am astonished. Could I be any more like a kid you’d want in your school if you were an administrator? But they didn’t.
You’re not alone, @liftangryordie500.
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I was kicked out a few times ( 5th, 7th, and 12th grades), also spent a year in alternative school and told I’d never be anything. Grew up poor with an abusive father. Left home the day I turned 17.
Now, I have an amazing wife, 2 kids, nice brick home (with built in gym in basement!), make double the median income for my state and plenty more good things. My physical and mental status is years above where it was 10 years ago. It’s also at a place I’d never thought existed in my deck of cards that life delt me.
Don’t give up man. Even when it looks like there is zero future for you, things can always change. I’m 27 now, and it’s only getting better the older I get.
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Mine too.
I got kicked out of ms for stabbing a boy with a pencil after he beat me on a math test. At least you aren’t as fucked up as I was
#youknowyoureasianwhen
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My first degree was in Mathematical physics, so I have taken a lot of math classes and I have got to say I have never seen sosomeone go that far over a test lol.