my mom has one, she likes the dog better than she likes me. and has told me so on numerous occasions. she likes to rub it in. also, she enjoys making me look like a drug addict. it’s gotten to the point where my parents won’t allow me to fill my scripts for antidepressants. so, i don’t want help. i want death! unless somebody has been in the trenches, they wouldn’t know how satisfying it would be and how tempting it is to put a bullet right through their skull at any given moment. personally, i’m going to overdose on cheap fentanyl/heroin mix because there’s an almost immediate lethality associated with it, and the time from injection till death is somewhere around 4 minutes. only costs about $100 too. just waiting on my paycheck as of right now.
sweet affordable death. there is so much shit going on in the world i don’t blame you for wanting to end it. but it will be final, or you may survive and find yourself in an even worse position than you are right now. if you dwell on it one more day you can always do it later.
the plan is to make it 100% lethal. this can be accomplished by using a fentanyl/heroin mix and injecting enough to kill even the most experienced user. i’ll be dead in 5 minutes, nobody will be able to administer narcan to me in that time period, and there is no chance of survival.
Or maybe you just end up in a vegetative state where you cant speak or move but are fully aware of everything going on around you, literally stuck in your own head. Is that a better alternative to live the rest of your life like that? You’re not the first person to be at this point in your life, you’re not a snowflake. There are help groups filled with people that were at exactly the same place you are, overcame the adversity and persevered in life. You can do the same. I would strongly suggest seeking those groups out, only a google search away.
You were doing awesome two weeks ago. I don’t understand how you’re failing to see that you can do whatever you want when you turn 18 (that means you can get your prescriptions if you want). It’s not as fsr away as you think.
Why not hit the pause button on this fentanyl idea for a bit?
People here on this site have shared that with you.
[…]
We can also talk about it if you want. E-mail me and we can grab coffee or you can have my number to just text.
And/or, you can talk to these people:
These guys were also helpful: Kids, Teens and Young Adults | NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness
I obviously can’t and wouldn’t presume to diagnose you as an online stranger, but you really seem to cycle, so again I’ll ask if anyone has ever talked about bipolar disorder with you. If this accounts for some of what you’re feeling and experiencing, identifying and treating it would make everything better. Life would become manageable and enjoyable. Talk to someone about what’s going on with you right now.
People having a manic episode may:
- Feel very “up,” “high,” or elated
- Have a lot of energy
- Have increased activity levels
- Feel “jumpy” or “wired”
- Have trouble sleeping
- Become more active than usual
- Talk really fast about a lot of different things
- Be agitated, irritable, or “touchy”
- Feel like their thoughts are going very fast
- Think they can do a lot of things at once
- Do risky things, like spend a lot of money or have reckless sex
People having a depressive episode may:
- Feel very sad, down, empty, or hopeless
- Have very little energy
- Have decreased activity levels
- Have trouble sleeping, they may sleep too little or too much
- Feel like they can’t enjoy anything
- Feel worried and empty
- Have trouble concentrating
- Forget things a lot
- Eat too much or too little
- Feel tired or “slowed down”
- Think about death or suicide
From Bipolar Disorder - National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH)
to the psych hospital i go
This is for the best right now. Good luck.
Back from hell. Medicine was too high, I was manic because of it. I was started on 100 mg Zoloft and stayed on it for 5 weeks, was admitted to the hospital and gained 10 pounds in a week after they adjusted my meds and I got my appetite back. No longer suicidal, seeing a different psych and I have a counselor now. Shit still sucks, but anything is better than being in jail. Also, I trained today. Seems foreign.
Mat Pulls (week 5)
135 x 2 x 5
185 x 3
225 x 3
275 x 3
315 x 3
350 x 9
315 x 10
30” Box Jump 3 x 5
1 x 50 KB Swing w/ 52 pound bell
I saw some horrible shit in that ward! I was treated like a prisoner.
Hospital is a prison.
I’m pretty sure you can sue them for that?
I’m glad you’re home and feeling better!
Probably not. Messing with brain chemicals isn’t an exact science. It’s trial error and it takes a while to see the effects.
I’m pretty sure I need a mood stabilizer, but I don’t want to kill myself anymore. So that’s good.
Good news man
family still sucks, i don’t know why i was expecting change. it won’t ever happen but i’ve accepted that. just have to get out of here so i can make a life for myself. that includes being a successful weightlifter (in my own right, which just means consistently getting stronger).
note: anyone who tells you blood is thicker than water is lying to you. 12 and 13 year old kids who’ve been raped by their brother and father don’t use the word “family” when they describe them. they use the phrase “oh yeah. i ended up in the psych ward because i pulled a knife on him after he put a gun to my head and said he’d kill me if i told anyone he raped me, and the cops didn’t believe me when i told them what happened to me.” it all depends on character. friends can easily be family. “family” doesn’t describe blood relation, it describes love and unconditional decency. those are two things both myself and many, many other people i know have never had the pleasure of experiencing.
and then the psych wonders why kids refuse to talk to him and curse him out after he keeps upping the medicine that puts them on their ass so the ward doesn’t have to deal with their behaviors and the fact that they’re only acting out for attention and recognizance. i gave every single kid in that ward my cell phone number and made it clear to them that they were to call me if they needed someone to talk to, because i’m pretty sure i was the only person in their lives lacking an ulterior motive for being there for them. they all loved me because i did the little stuff that made their lives a little better and showed them that someone cared. once they adjusted my medicine and i felt okay, i focused my energy on helping them in any way i could because i felt horrible about their circumstances. i read stories to my roommate because his (now drug addicted) mother used to read to him before bed before he got whisked into the foster system. i stole snacks from the dining hall to give to all of them because the hospital food was disgusting (and vomit-inducing) and they didn’t want to eat it. unfortunately, none of them have used the front desk’s phone to call me. i hope they do…they’re stuck in a cycle that they cannot get out of because they lack the strength and incentive to do so. and why wouldn’t they? they’re children. they don’t understand what’s happening to them or how to break the cycle of hopping from hospital to hospital and from medicine to medicine.
people are overwhelmingly evil.
hopefully this all makes sense.
That’s awesome stuff, man!
Family isn’t a choice so those relationships can turn out to be crap. You get to choose the people in your life. If people suck then cut them out.
i suck at benching. my right hand is permanently damaged from punching walls (pain in my middle finger, can’t squeeze hand into a tight fist because my joints won’t cooperate, pain running down my wrist, etc.) so it’s my own fault. i’m strong enough to bench more, but i cannot.
Bench
45 x 2 x 5
95 x 5
115, 135 x 3
155 x 10, 8, 7
Close-Grip
125 x 10, 2 x (7 + 3)
Incline
95 x 7 + 3
85 x (7 + 3)
85 x (8 + 2)
Dips (hand doesn’t support me here either)
10, 7, 7
oh well. i still deadlift a lot and i can eat again.
Deadlift is all that really matters.