I do not read this as ‘unjust’. I can tell you that a) my divorce was justified, b) I allowed her to be the one who filed, even though I was the one who initiated the separation, and c) she filed it as no fault.
I could have filed an at fault divorce, but several things mattered more to me. I didn’t feel it was the governments business why we were getting divorced, so absolutely no reason to tell them those reasons in a filing. I didn’t want the process to get drawn out. I didn’t want to hire a lawyer and spend tens of thousands of dollars to prove my case. And I didn’t want anything but a 50 50 split of assets and access to our son. Sexual relations had nothing to do with any of this process.
The origins of the no fault divorce may very well stem from the sexual revolution, but that doesn’t make it a bad process for a lot of people.
Hey, I’m just popping in here so you don’t think I’m ignoring your post. I’ll try to respond during the week. The mind is in holiday weekend fun/party mode right now, if you know what I mean.
Usually these are the threads I start and then regret, heh.
I wake up in the middle of the night in a severe panic attack because I’m 37 and have never been in a relationship.
But I decided to stop trying.
I thought that would make me stop waking up in the middle of the night from a severe panic attack about dying alone.
It hasn’t.
I can never go on a dating app ever again.
A few months ago I matched with someone who was a military officer and had a bunch of pictures from roping at the rodeo.
We started talking and he said he hardly leaves his home because has to chronically play with himself and he can’t control his bladder.
I didn’t judge that. I told him to get P-well, LOL. I literally sent a link like oh no, you poor thing, let me help.
Then he said he would be nervous about having sex and told me he would figure it out. I could just lie on my tummy and he’d wiggle around and try to put it in.
I decided I have to quit trying this forever because that was the least attractive thing anyone has ever said to me.
I’d say that was a win for online dating, since that interaction happened online and not in real life while you were at his house. Keep trying. I met my wife 8 years ago online, now we have two kids. Of course I had to message quite a few other women before I found her. The old saying that it is a numbers game is still true.
And people say I’m old fashioned for favoring family, particularly fatherly involvement, in vetting of suitors. I’m also supposedly misogynistic because I want to protect my daughter and female cousins from the increasing numbers of creeps in this country who think they are owed sex and can talk to stranger women as you’ve described.
Online dating works though.
A rundown of people I know who met husbands and wives from it, not hookups:
Because they watch too much YouTube and tik tok not realizing that most of what they see is fake. It’s like watching reality tv and thinking you can behave like that in the real world.
That, and:
Porn.
Music with sexual lyrics in which women are described as “hoes” and sex slaves.
Parents and family members not giving a damn about who talks to their female family members.
I was watching Bill Maher and he rhetorically asked what was up with all of the choking and other violent acts that accompany the sex in porn these days. I never considered choking a woman during sex, I don’t know how that is a turn on for either party, but young guys see this and think that women are degenerates with mental issues and low self esteem since they are into it. Surprise, surprise when these guys have issues meeting women since women tend to not like weirdos. Assholes maybe. Weirdos with serial killer vibes, no.
Blah, blah, patriarchy, blah, blah. The funny thing is that it used to be both the mother and father who cared about not only who their daughters talked to, but their sons as well. I know guys who chose the women they married based on their mothers’ approval.
My friends second wife was single for years, partly because some of the men she went on dates with from online dating turned out to be lunatics who attempted to choke her during kissing on dates, not during sex.
There has also been an increase in young men acting out sexually violently.
Many men, including myself, have been asked for sexual rough play. I’m not into it and I consider consensual rough housing different than weirdos attempting to act out on women they barely know.
My 24-year-old cousin was asked for sex on FIVE first dates with different men from online dating. That’s strangers asking for sex. There were no second dates. Unreal…
Ok, maybe dating apps DID work. Do they still?
Are there people you know that recently found the love of their life?
I dunno guys, this stuff isn’t like it used to be. And it didn’t used to even be all that good, lol.
Innocent bio, guy likes hiking, looking for someone active. We match, he says “you have a nice smile”
Well, thank ya sir!
“But do you have a nice ass?” He goes on to say immediately.
We just matched.
That’s what it’s like. That’s how everything goes.
If someone talks to you they say something pervy.
If nothing pervy happens, then they ghost you.
There’s nothing else.
I don’t want to think this is real life. Seeing things from an online perspective HAS to be far different than real life, but what do I know? My real life encounters have been horrible as well.
I don’t have the heart to try anymore.
People don’t respect each other.
Not just men don’t respect women.
People don’t respect people.
If I stay away from stuff online (dating apps, Instagram, tik tok, etc), then I never have to see or read about really discouraging things.
I found my wife on eHarmony. The horror stories she and her friends have of online dating are amazing. There is a REALLY low bar for guys. Just don’t be a creepy dickhead, and you pretty much have your pick of women.
Online makes it seem like it’s 99 percent of people that act this way or think this way.
The online pool is altering my perception that everyone is only looking for a hook up, very disrespectful towards women, shares all the same interests and uses all the same taglines with the same jokes.
I like to think these types of people are flocking more to the online world and that people who are single but not on dating apps may not be this way. Or that the percentage who are is more balanced out.
.