I basically have no friends and my girlfriend thinks I should get some but I don’t really know how to go about it.
I talk to people at work quite a bit when I’m there and I did the same when I was doing my undergrad but once I leave work that is it. I also oddly talk to people at the gym on a regular basis, even if we don’t know each others names.
On the odd occasion that I have gone out I haven’t really enjoy it, mostly because I don’t know what to do with myself at a bar since I don’t drink or dance and that seems to be about all anyone under 30 does these days.
Another problem I seem to have is a general dislike of people my age, (twenties), and society’s current morals, I have the opinion that most people my age are either stupid from a lack of education or if they are educated they lack the drive of a blue collar worker and are self absorped and uppity.
If you can’t tell I was raised in a small blue collar town, which brings me to another point, while I perfer to be around such people I really can’t carry on a conversation with any of them regarding my work.
Is my thought process here normal? or should I become a hermit? Just looking for some opinions on the subject.
you could start by stop thinking that you’re better than everybody, because you’re not. Also, if you’re so god damn smart and educated you should be able to spell “absorbed” correctly. P is nowhere near B on the keyboard so don’t try to pass it off as a typo.
Maybe you should try drinking and dancing, doesn’t sound like you’re having too much fun doing what you’re doing or else you wouldn’t be making a lame ass post like this.
I’ve got a bit of the same problem going on myself these days. I have friends but not the kind I want. We share very few interests besides the typical getting together to play football or basketball then we seem to part our ways.
I can completely relate to you about the people my age(early 20’s) being lazy or just plain dumb and sometimes a combo of both. I wish cloning was a reality so I could make 5 copies of myself and never have to make another friend again.
You don’t like going out, cannot handle yourself in a social situation out of your norm and your comments make it sound like you think other people your age are inferior to you.
I can understand why you have no friends. I am in your age group and you do not sound like the kind of person that I would want to be friends with.
You are going to have to find some other insular and negative people to associate with. It is either that or stop your complaining, start to develop, or at least fake a positive outlook on life and your opinion of others, and then you may find that people want to associate with you.
look for friends that have the same hobbies as you. I don’t drink or enjoy the club/bar scene either but still have friends to hang out with. you play any sports or just lift? I alternate between climbing & mma so most my friends do one of those activities.
[quote]StevenF wrote:
you could start by stop thinking that you’re better than everybody, because you’re not. Also, if you’re so god damn smart and educated you should be able to spell “absorbed” correctly. P is nowhere near B on the keyboard so don’t try to pass it off as a typo.
Maybe you should try drinking and dancing, doesn’t sound like you’re having too much fun doing what you’re doing or else you wouldn’t be making a lame ass post like this. [/quote]
Wow, you picked up a spelling error, big fucking deal.
Also, I wasn’t trying to say I am better than everyone else, perhaps I should have said immature instead of stupid to describe young people; either way the majority seem to live their life around the weekend, which involves little more than drinking and that is pretty stupid in my opinion.
[quote]Jerome wrote:
Another problem I seem to have is a general dislike of people my age, (twenties), and society’s current morals, I have the opinion that most people my age are either stupid from a lack of education or if they are educated they lack the drive of a blue collar worker and are self absorped and uppity. [/quote]
You asked, so, here’s your answer. No, your thought process isn’t normal. You need a good look at yourself – not a casual once over – the time has come for introspection.
You mention having gone to college – roughly speaking, that makes you educated.
You then go on to say that young people with college educations are uppity and self centered. This is wrong – you with a college education are uppity (see above quote) and self centered. You’re projecting!
I have similar problems – I don’t like alcohol and I feel like an ass-hat when I dance, after having tried plenty. But I take responsibility for my social shortcomings. I have a ways to go. I’m not trying to get up your ass with judgment, I’m merely trying to tell you what you seem to need to hear. Happy hunting!
[quote]E-man wrote:
I can completely relate to you about the people my age(early 20’s) being lazy or just plain dumb and sometimes a combo of both. I wish cloning was a reality so I could make 5 copies of myself and never have to make another friend again.[/quote]
The results wouldn’t be much better than if you cloned five of yourself and bred your own race. Diversity is good for humans no matter how much we may resist.
After college I moved to a completely foriegn town, 400 miles from friends or family. (Lafayette, La. Coonasses are a completely different species of mankind.) And I’ve had past girlfriends complain about me not having friends over to my apartment, but there’s a reason.
Now I got all kinds of different friends. I got the workout partners I train with at Red Lerille’s. I got sparring partners I box with, and we’ll all head over to a sports bar if there are any good PPV events going on. I got friends I climb with at the local rock wall, we’ll go camping and climbing every couple of months.
Hell, there are even a few friends among the hippies I do Yoga with, before we head out for sushi. Add to that the folks I work with, the group of ancient women I play swim coach for, most of the waitresses at Hooter’s, and that’s alot of folks to hang out with during a day.
That’s 5-10 hours a day stuck spent ‘interacting’ with other people, and that fool girl thinks I want MORE people to come over to my apartment?!? HELL NOOO!!!
I need time to myself, to unwind, to cleanse myself of their contamination…THE INFIDELS they dare approach me with their…oh wait what was this thread about?
Oh yeah, ‘friends’
If you want friends go out and find those that have similar interests as you. Set up play dates. Share your toys, and make nice. I thought this was all covered in elementary school?
[quote]Helga wrote:
You don’t like going out, cannot handle yourself in a social situation out of your norm and your comments make it sound like you think other people your age are inferior to you.
I can understand why you have no friends. I am in your age group and you do not sound like the kind of person that I would want to be friends with.
You are going to have to find some other insular and negative people to associate with. It is either that or stop your complaining, start to develop, or at least fake a positive outlook on life and your opinion of others, and then you may find that people want to associate with you.[/quote]
Maybe I’m coming off like a social retard, but I’m not. I give presentations often, run a lab with 50 students, am quite social at work, and when I do go out to a bar no one would know if I feel uncomfortable or not. I also get invited to parties and outings from people I know but I typically decline.
And as for my views on people my age, all I am basing it on is observations, and while I am making generalizations I am aware that there are exceptions. However, most people in our generation (and younger) have little respect for anything or anyone, and have a self entitlment atitude about life.
[quote]Puny@138 wrote:
You then go on to say that young people with college educations are uppity and self centered. This is wrong – you with a college education are uppity (see above quote) and self centered. You’re projecting!
[/quote]
Perhaps, but coming from a lower middle class family and putting myself through University while seeing other kids piss their parents money away and thumb their noses at blue collar jobs doesn’t help to sway my opinion much.
Dude, I will go in a different direction than other posters. I sense that you may not be comfortable in your own skin, whether that means shyness or low self esteem.
You mention giving presentations and running a lab with 50 people. These are situations in which you have total control, or at least a leadership presence. Many shy or low self esteem people can deal with these situations while being a bit more reserved in their personal life, where the control is not there. Just a thought.
Not to spout cliches on you, but maybe you should step back and see if you need to get a better fit in your skin, work on being your own best bud. If you can get there, friends will see a difference and come to you.
Well I think you’ve handled the criticism in this thread pretty well, which does show that you are not without decent social skills. ( no small feat on T-Nation; Ghandi once logged in here and was spitting blood in five minutes. True story.)
I would highly recommend reading (or getting the audio books for) “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie. Its an old book, but I think the lessons are pretty timeless. I’m not fond of the title, it sounds manipulative, but the book is very practical and full of great anecdotes (it’s not an touchy-feely self help book).
I’m not coming at you from any tower of superiority here- its just something I read recently that had a lot of insights for me. Personally it opened my eyes to how I think and talk about myself a lot of the time- instead of trying to learn enough about other people that I had a reason to like them.
I think its worth the trip to the library, can’t hurt I figure.
I don’t really have any friends either. I had a few in high school, but they all moved away or we lost touch and I really haven’t spent any real time hanging out since then with anyone but my girlfriend (I’m 26).
I sympathize with some of your plight. You can’t really make statements along the lines of “Everybody else is too stupid for me” without offending everyone, but… a lot of people are really stupid. And I have never for one second understood the appeal of drinking or of parties in general or whatever other stupid things young people do in their spare time.
Thing is… I’m perfectly content this way. I see people during the day. I see my family regularly. I see my girlfriend a lot. I don’t feel lacking in socialization. What would friends do for me that I don’t have now?
Maybe I’m coming off like a social retard, but I’m not. I give presentations often, run a lab with 50 students, am quite social at work, and when I do go out to a bar no one would know if I feel uncomfortable or not. I also get invited to parties and outings from people I know but I typically decline.
[/quote]
I’m not a rocket scientist but how do you plan on making more friends if you decline invites to parties and social outings. That looks like the problem! Even if its at a bar you don’t have to drink or dance. Play darts or a game of pool. I wouldn’t dance though, that usually requires a girl and since you have a girlfriend that might not be the wises thing in the world.
If you find it tough in your 20’s to make friends, it gets exponentially harder when you’re in your 30’s and up.
All I could suggest is know the type of lifestyle you want to lead and start living it. Eventually you will meet people with these same interests because, “birds of a feather flock together.”
On the other hand if you lead a dull life the expression still holds true and you’ll never be surrounded by the type of people you want to be surrounded by.