Friends Getting Older Sucks

Off Topic
61

[quote]power_bulker wrote:
Usually when someone tells you they are “busy”, it’s an attempt to make themselves sound important or worthwhile. There are few people I know who are truly busy. Most just fill their schedule with useless or unnecessary obligations.
[/quote]

Right, I take it to mean: “I have horrible time management skills. Please forgive me for using a cliched cop out.” This allows me a mild chuckle or a muted guffaw, depending on the dominant cultural norms I am trying to respect.

[quote]
I noticed this trend mainly with younger women, single or attached. It sounds like they believe being busy is directly proportional to how people percieve your worth. It’s weird. [/quote]

Not to turn this into a gender bashing thread, but I think for SOME girls the subconscious rationale (is that oxymoron?) is that the projection of a more “mature,” more under-the-radar social life will put them at the forefront of eligible bachelorettes in their circle of friends. The whole “not judging as a means of judging” thing.

[quote]
Also, it seems like most people become pussified after age 22. It’s quite depressing. [/quote]

I think pussification is less the issue and it is more that our circle of friends become tighter, so we are more in the spotlight of peer judgment.

When we are younger and in college/high school, there are so many people we socialize and interact with, that we can almost maintain separate identities with each clique. As we get older, we tend to have smaller circles or more intimate circles, or at least these circles are associated by friends having other friends in each circle, so word travels faster and roles/reputations of each person are more quickly established and judged by peers.

Or, I am just talking out of my ass. I should go on Ripley’s.

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[quote]PonceDeLeon wrote:
power_bulker wrote:
Usually when someone tells you they are “busy”, it’s an attempt to make themselves sound important or worthwhile. There are few people I know who are truly busy. Most just fill their schedule with useless or unnecessary obligations.

Right, I take it to mean: “I have horrible time management skills. Please forgive me for using a cliched cop out.” This allows me a mild chuckle or a muted guffaw, depending on the dominant cultural norms I am trying to respect.

[/quote]

I agree with this fully. The people that don’t ‘have time’ to hang out, go do things or even be in shape; typically are slobs with their day-to-day.

Right now, my weekdays are sorta busy. But if there was something else I wanted to do…I could make time for it. I’m going to prove it to myself when I start doing BJJ at night soon. 8-9pm on a “worknight” ohh no!!

The month of November; my girl and I had something fun to do every weekend…and none of these friends did anything noteworthy. Maybe a few met up at a bar for a drink; but the majority of them “didn’t do anything” or “just sat around”.

I scoffed at that. I had the time and money to plan things out 4 weeks in a row; things they all have…but the one keystone ingredient was missing; action.

63

[quote]ouroboro_s wrote:
PonceDeLeon wrote:
ouroboro_s wrote:

I think people have lost the art of good manners. It isn’t acceptable to make everyone around you uncomfortable with that sort of behaviour. Do what you must in private but save it for later.

That was one of the first things I told my ex, that if she ever fought with me in front of others or put me down and made a scene, I’d leave without thinking twice.

Is that why she’s your ex now? You have a lot of rules. I’m writing them all down just so you know. No discourse on canine toe nails, no public put downs, no wet socks. Those are just the most recent.[/quote]

See, I had actually written “No, that is not why she is an ex now” but I thought nobody would make such an obvious crack because who would want credit for something so easy? Canadians have no shame, apparently :slight_smile:

Happy people are an exploitable resource (I am sure Stalin would agree). The more content I am, the better boyfriend I can be. Is that so…wrong?

Help me help you.

64

[quote]B rocK wrote:
In the past few months, I’ve come to realize two things.

1: My friends are getting older
2: I’m still acting the same (awesome)

Recently I’ve started to notice some trends coming from my friends that are becoming such a pattern that it’s annoying and making it pointless to go hang out. I can sum up 90% of the conversations I’ve had with certain people in this one conversation.

Me: “Hey XX, whats happening?”

Them: “Ugh…nothing. Working my ass off. (Then they go into wicked detail about everything they did that week at work, none of which I can relate to) I’ve just been so tired lately.”

Me: “You should probably get some more rest man, you sound beat.”

Them: “Yeah, and I spent all weekend cleaning (300sq ft apartments)and shopping (buying material things in order to be able to say they have a certain item). Whats up with you?”

Me: “Not too much, eating, sleeping, lifting and working…same ol’ shit” (Not getting into too much lifting detail because I’d either loose them or they don’t care so I don’t share)

Them: “Crazy man, your nuts with your lifting. I couldn’t do that, I’m too busy/list-of-other-reasons-they-justify-not-lifting.”

Me: “Oh well, it’s what I do for fun in life.”

Them: “Oh, speaking of fun; have you seen XXX on tv?” (A list of TV shows ‘they’ watch are then listed and briefly described with a sparkle in their eye)

I’ll end it there.

But seriously…I’m getting so bored with people that only care about material items and are so attached to their TV/computer they can’t see the real world revolving around their feet.

It makes me sad to see such a large number of my friends melting into one singular entity. Friggin society.

That’s my rant for today.[/quote]
Maybe they’re happy with their lives and want to do different things. I’m 45 have a business and three kids. I lift, do stuff, but my priorities are different now than then, and it’s no big deal. I would be bored to death doing what I thought fun at 22 in regards to going out.

Yep, believe it or not, some of us old guys actually think young people can be boring. It’s all relative.

65

[quote]B rocK wrote:
but the one keystone ingredient was missing[/quote]

Well, Keystone is a shit beer. I wouldn’t miss it at all.

I feel you on the planning things with the girl and having lame friends. My ex and I would find new places to walk around: downtown areas, anything along the water, places to hike at night, places to hear live music…and we’d have power sex sessions followed by power nap sessions, shower and get going. We’d throw in a comedy DVD and try to make dinner (after improving a grocery list with whatever change we could scrounge up) at the end of the night.

Sometimes, it’d be fun check out some of the bars/restaurants in downtown after all the attorneys got off work. Lots of interesting folks to meet.

Just because your work is structured 8-5 doesn’t mean the rest of your life has to be. Don’t ever get suckered into the mentality that it does.

66

[quote]tom63 wrote:

Maybe they’re happy with their lives and want to do different things. I’m 45 have a business and three kids. I lift, do stuff, but my priorities are different now than then, and it’s no big deal. I would be bored to death doing what I thought fun at 22 in regards to going out.

Yep, believe it or not, some of us old guys actually think young people can be boring. It’s all relative.

[/quote]

Thank you.

If someone says they’re busy, it means they’re really not into the activity you think they should do. It isn’t really up to any one of us to decide what activities constitute busy and what don’t. Some people are busy watching t.v. Sometimes I’m busy reading a book in the bathtub. It isn’t up to me to decide what is busy to someone else.

We are all given the same amount of time in a day and we prioritise accordingly. My sister says she would never have the time to lift and sew like I do. It’s only because she couldn’t give a crap about those activities. It’s like I don’t have time to continually redecorate like she does because I, in turn, don’t give a crap about that. It doesn’t mean my stuff is more important it’s just different.

67

[quote]PonceDeLeon wrote:
ouroboro_s wrote:
PonceDeLeon wrote:
ouroboro_s wrote:

I think people have lost the art of good manners. It isn’t acceptable to make everyone around you uncomfortable with that sort of behaviour. Do what you must in private but save it for later.

That was one of the first things I told my ex, that if she ever fought with me in front of others or put me down and made a scene, I’d leave without thinking twice.

Is that why she’s your ex now? You have a lot of rules. I’m writing them all down just so you know. No discourse on canine toe nails, no public put downs, no wet socks. Those are just the most recent.

See, I had actually written “No, that is not why she is an ex now” but I thought nobody would make such an obvious crack because who would want credit for something so easy? Canadians have no shame, apparently :slight_smile:

Happy people are an exploitable resource (I am sure Stalin would agree). The more content I am, the better boyfriend I can be. Is that so…wrong?

Help me help you.[/quote]

I can’t speak for any other Canadians but I certainly have no shame. I’m not very bright either so I take the easy swings.

Now, in order to avoid being constricted by the 9-5 mentality, I’m going to crack open the bottle of wine I just got from a supplier and drink it at work. I’m trying to live outside the box here. Am I a rebel or a lush?

68

[quote]ouroboro_s wrote:
Am I a rebel or a lush?
[/quote]

I thought the terms were interchangeable where you are from?

69

[quote]PonceDeLeon wrote:
ouroboro_s wrote:
Am I a rebel or a lush?

I thought the terms were interchangeable where you are from?[/quote]

Maybe so. All I know is everyone here seems up for work related body shots.

70

[quote]ouroboro_s wrote:
PonceDeLeon wrote:
ouroboro_s wrote:
Am I a rebel or a lush?

I thought the terms were interchangeable where you are from?

Maybe so. All I know is everyone here seems up for work related body shots.[/quote]

Which I’m sure has nothing to do with working in the same office as you.

Not sure how tempting body shots are on my hairy chest, though. Maybe sprinkle some sea salt and capture the dew of fresh squeezed lime juice? My belly button’s an innie with I believe a 3 mL capacity; yes, the nurse that cut my umbilical was pretty skilled.

71

[quote]ouroboro_s wrote:
tom63 wrote:

Maybe they’re happy with their lives and want to do different things. I’m 45 have a business and three kids. I lift, do stuff, but my priorities are different now than then, and it’s no big deal. I would be bored to death doing what I thought fun at 22 in regards to going out.

Yep, believe it or not, some of us old guys actually think young people can be boring. It’s all relative.

Thank you.

If someone says they’re busy, it means they’re really not into the activity you think they should do. It isn’t really up to any one of us to decide what activities constitute busy and what don’t. Some people are busy watching t.v. Sometimes I’m busy reading a book in the bathtub. It isn’t up to me to decide what is busy to someone else.

We are all given the same amount of time in a day and we prioritise accordingly. My sister says she would never have the time to lift and sew like I do. It’s only because she couldn’t give a crap about those activities. It’s like I don’t have time to continually redecorate like she does because I, in turn, don’t give a crap about that. It doesn’t mean my stuff is more important it’s just different.[/quote]

Yep, I love lifting and have been frustrated with some illness and injury issues. But I also have hunted recently, gone to PSU games, spent time with my wife and kids, family etc.

Going “out” isn’t as high on my list of priorities as it was at one time. Yes, I like beer. I like to socialize with friends and such, but you find after awhile that a bar is just a bar. Drinking to much interferes with life. Sometimes you have a doctor appt., need to meet with the contractor about your leaky roof, or have to run a kid to or from work or an activity.

The one weekend before Thanksgiving I had to run down to Cabelas to get hunting stuff for my 14 year old twin boy and girl. It’s not better or worse, just different. I can argue why "my activities"e subjectively better than someone else’s, but it’s only my opinion.

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[quote]PonceDeLeon wrote:
I remember going to JC and grabbing a Wild Turkey on rocks with my burger, just before my afternoon class. That was fun.

My point about all that, though, is that we buy into the idea of ‘phases.’ You are x years old? Why aren’t you: married, paying a mortgage, etc?

It’s what time of year? You should be doing xyz.

Life is not a goddamn assembly line. I am the one responsible for putting a smile on my face, not you. [/quote]

I can’t say I know anyone who views life as an assembly line myself.

Most people I know do what they want, which includes working and attempting to make more and more money to afford an increasingly better quality of life as defined by financial security and all the perks that come with it.

Some of them met a girl they fell in love with and want to go home to relax with them on the couch, patio, restaurant or whatever. As they experience more in life, their priorities shift.

Jobs, in the professional category, are often very demanding and require quite a bit of energy, even if not physically.

You need sleep and rest to function properly. The work week is m-f. So get some sleep and rest during the week. Exercise too of course. Or go to athletic events, comedy shows, play video games or what ever you are in to that doesn’t drain you.

The trade off of a mediocre job you can half ass your way through and have more free time may float some boats but not mine or the people I choose to spend time with.

It has nothing to do with fitting a phase and everything to do with accomplishing your goals and consistently realizing and learning new things that lead to new priorities and new goals.

and having more money to do more shit with on the weekends/holidays/future hopefully young retirement.

Most people naturally want to be involved in certain things at certain stages of life that translate to marriage, mortgage and what have you. They aren’t doing it to fit an image. That would be super gay and I would imagine the national suicide rate would be much higher if this were the case.

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[quote]PonceDeLeon wrote:
I remember going to JC and grabbing a Wild Turkey on rocks with my burger [/quote]

drooling in puddles

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It happens…i think it’s a lot to do with the normal model of living our lives for adults. In college and high school you had stuff in common with everyone else - you all had classes, went to parties, and it was a tight-knit social environment.

But it’s hard to relate to someone’s job, especially if you don’t work in the same industry and don’t really know what they do. I could talk to people forever about my job and very few people would care since it’s so domain specific…I just tend to give people a general idea.

75

I’m 31 and latelly I’m going out with ppl who are a lot yonguer tha me, most of the guys are in their early 20s.
I also have a few older friends of my age but they are (very) boring, they never want to go out clubbing etc etc

76

This thread kind of surprises me - in terms of the number of people that have removed themselves from their friends. It seems a little alien to me - I mean, you DID choose your friends. Even if their goals physically and career ambitions are different than mine, I’m still going to try and at least communicate with them, whatever I can.

Maybe I have a different view because I’m relatively young, but I just can’t imagine ever abandoning my friends because of a few obstacles in each other’s lives.

77

I stay in touch with my ‘real’ friends as much as I can. Still, with my oldest, and dearest buds from childhood no longer living in the same state,… each of them being married, and having kids,… it’s not always easy with our different schedules (and time zones). Still, when we do catch up, no one ever gives each other crap about not calling more or anything,… I guess this is just part of life.

Hmnn of course I do feel like maybe I’m doing something wrong, being 35 and still living like a college student -lol

S

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[quote]PonceDeLeon wrote:
B rocK wrote:
but the one keystone ingredient was missing

Well, Keystone is a shit beer. I wouldn’t miss it at all.

[/quote]

I hope that was sarcasm/you being a wiseass lol.

(i didn’t mean keystone the beer)

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[quote]B rocK wrote:
PonceDeLeon wrote:
B rocK wrote:
but the one keystone ingredient was missing

Well, Keystone is a shit beer. I wouldn’t miss it at all.

I hope that was sarcasm/you being a wiseass lol.

(i didn’t mean keystone the beer)

[/quote]

Yep.

80

I hear you man. It doesn’t mean you should drop your current friends, but It does mean you should find new friends who share the same lifestyle as you do. I’m 31 years old and my group of friends right now are all 22-24 years old, before you start imagining some old guy hanging out with college kids, actually I don’t even notice the age difference and people never see it as that (helps I look young for my age as well).

My highschool friends are pretty much all married and don’t go out anymore. Of course, I still go around and hang out, play with their kids, go to their birthday parties and on the rare nights they want to go out, I’m there. It sucks not being able to have fun with the same crew, but find a new crew and you will mesh with them in no time.

Beh, I’m starting to sound like an afterschool special but I’ve lived in 4 different countries over the past 10 years so I’ve had to change friends a lot.