We all know that a zombie epidemic is inevitable. So, in the hopes of saving a few lives, let’s put some thought into what we think the most effective zombie killing weapons would be. And try to stay realistic, we want this to be practical advice.
I for one would never underestimate the efficiency of a good crowbar. Its silent, never runs out of ammo, and can couple as a handy tool. You don’t have the cocky, self-assuredness that comes with a gun, which will keep you moving and on your toes.
Personally, I’d go for a chainsaw. You can hit a zombie with a crowbar and knock him down, sure, but you can saw him in HALF with a chainsaw.
Are we talking about the slow moving dumb zombies or the fast frenzied ones? And are we talking about stuff we having available in our home or military equipment? I’ll assume it’s the stuff we have on hand at home…
Slow Zombies-
Primary Weapon: Chainsaw. Plenty of gas.
Secondary Weapon: 12-gauge shotgun.
Fast Zombies-
Primary Weapon: My SUV with barbed razor wire, garden implements, and miscellaneous blades attached to the front grill. Plenty of gas.
Secondary Weapon: 12-gauge shotgun.
Good times.
So, are we talking voodoo zombies, the original Romero style walking dead who can take a licking and keep on ticking, or the more modern flesh eaters that can be taken out with brain damage? And whats the chance of infection?
For all three, I’d vote for a good solid aluminum baseball bat. It can either make pulp of their skulls (leaving them without sight or a mouth to bite with if they keep going) or at least knock them the hell out of the way so you can run. Plus, its light, easy to carry, easy to clean, and won’t kill any of your living amigos. At least, not by accident.
Next best option, a serious katana. Because a several foot long, lightweight, strong bodied razor blade can solve your reanimated corpse issues in a flash. The drawbacks are that if you don’t know what you’re doing, you’re just as likely to cut yourself or your friends, as the rotters chasing you (and that could mean infection). Plus, if you stab, you run the risk of getting the blade stuck during a confined situation.
Third best option, a good solid heavy-duty truck with a full gas tank to drive right through them, leaving a gorey trail of rotting remains in your wake.
EDIT: If they’re runners, can move faster than you, and have that whole wild mauling animal attack quality, I’d say it’d need to be a combination of items including: anti-bite body armor you can still move in, a good close range weapon like the bat or a good baton, a heavy vehicle with small windows (like an armored car), and of course some long-range weapons like a hunting rifle and a multi-round shotgun. Plus a good place to hide of course. Because you’re very likely screwed in that scenario unless you live in the middle of nowhere.
2nd flashback of the day, first the resume video thread then this. I am pretty sure we had a wicked awesome discussion on merits of zombie slaying several months ago.
A melon-baller blessed by a priest.
[quote]Ren wrote:
2nd flashback of the day, first the resume video thread then this. I am pretty sure we had a wicked awesome discussion on merits of zombie slaying several months ago. [/quote]
But really, what’s the harm in getting people thinking about how to save themselves and loved ones from a horde of flesh eating zombies.
If you knew how, you could always use a helicopter. I mean talking best bang for your buck. Considering you lived long enough to get to one.
I dont think I’d have to mention the mobility, plus you drop explosives out and kill them En mass.
[quote]Plisskin wrote:
So, are we talking voodoo zombies, the original Romero style walking dead who can take a licking and keep on ticking, or the more modern flesh eaters that can be taken out with brain damage? And whats the chance of infection?
…
Next best option, a serious katana.
[/quote]
I think it’s safe to say that with any zombie your only sure-fire way to kill it is by some serious brain damage. And, naturally, chances of infection are 100% with an exchange of bodily fluids.
I agree that a katana is probably your best be (if you can use it), but let’s try to keep this applicable to everyone - we don’t want people running around trying to find a katana when a hatchet will save you in a pinch.
I like a bat as well; it’s simple, effective, and easy to use. However, the crow bar does have a nice little additional use - if you find yourself with a zombie on top of you, a thrust through the bottom of the jaw with the pointed end will pretty much take care of that f’er for you.
To the proponents of the chainsaw:
Have you thought about the massive amount of splatter-back that thing is going to cause, not to mention the horrible ramifications a mishandle can have?
I have a plan set already. Since the scientists created ‘rat zombies’ I’ve set one into motion.
1st off, I am about to get my hands on a 2 high powered sniper rifles, coupled with tons of ammo, and there is a katana ready also.
2nd. a relative of mine lives in the countryside (no zombies there) which can be easily fortified with wire fencing/land mines etc.
Zombies also have vision that is worse than the average person, but compensate with better smell/hearing.
The smell, I will just need to make sure i shower regularly and don’t use shower gel.
A nice finely tuned mountain bike, quiet, doesn’t run out of gas, and stealthy.
Some rubber under-armor that is used for football equipment, on top of that I can wear one of those tight nike tops, tight clothing is best!
you will, of course, need a warhammer such as a bec de corbin in the event of zombie uprising. once the ammo runs out, you’ll be glad you have it.
Old Painless from Predator, shown here mounted to a chopper.
Can we start making serious, useful, thought out threads, people, please?
You know, like, “Favorite obese people killing weapons.”
[quote]rrjc5488 wrote:
Can we start making serious, useful, thought out threads, people, please?
You know, like, “Favorite obese people killing weapons.”[/quote]
My answer stays the same.
[quote]rrjc5488 wrote:
Can we start making serious, useful, thought out threads, people, please?
You know, like, “Favorite obese people killing weapons.”[/quote]
Can we compromise and say fat zombies?
[quote]rrjc5488 wrote:
Can we start making serious, useful, thought out threads, people, please?
You know, like, “Favorite obese people killing weapons.”[/quote]
Flamethrower. Fat burns good.
Just to add a little levity to the thread (because it’s been so somber up til now…)
http://brainlitter.blogspot.com/2005/10/what-will-you-do-when-zombies-come.html
Chainsaw, no question. In the event of dealing with large crowds of them, the BFG from Doom. If it worked for residents of Hell, it’ll work here.
Lets be rational guys , a .22 mag is all you really need. After it penetrates the skull it will bounce around and assure a drop. What we really need to focus on is what type of fortifications would be best and the amount of supplies we stock up . And for all of you who doubt that the zombie menance isnt real just remember that the giant squid was once just fantasy to.