Okay, so let’s say that you’re consuming between 2-4 scoops of low carb Grow everyday, along with plenty of healthy fats, carbs and proteins. Then WHAMMO! You let loose the most foul-smelling, air-polluting fart that you could possibly imagine.
I do that about, oh, 25 times per day now!
What the bird is that about? Jeez, why isn’t there a warning label on this fart-powder? Is it just me?
I have to warn my co-workers not to go into the bathroom after me for at least 10 minutes or so, as I don’t want them to suffocate. I’d hate to have to explain to some kid that their dad’s dead because I have toxic turd.
Anyone know some tricks to, err…reduce the volume or stench of my rectal thunder? And no, shoving potpourri up there isn’t a viable answer.
For me, it’s not the protein POWDER, it is protein in general. I’ve noticed beef is especially bad. Lean meats don’t stink up the room as much as something like steak.
My rectal abominations are much less frequent now that I’m cutting (as opposed to bulking), probably b/c of the reduced protein, but it might also be that my digestive system is adjusting to the protein intake.
So… not to divert the thread… any suggestions guys? Cheap ones especially?
You’re not digesting the protein properly and so it’s being fermented by your colonic bacteria.
Try Wobenzyme animal enzymes (check your health food store or it can be purchased on the net). These enzymes have been tested by well respected physicians and are shown to have excellent activity factors.
In the meantime, cut out the protein powder. It’s most likely your biggest problem. Since you seem to rely on protein powders heavily, then go out and buy Rice Protein and give your gut a break from the whey. After a few weeks try re-introducing the whey and if it gives you these problems again, then you know that’s what you need to AVOID… unless you like smelling like crap.
I had the same problem ever since I started drinking protein shakes 6 years ago. I tried multiple brands of protein shakes and it didn?t make a difference. Then, I remember reading a T-Mag interview with a scientist who said our body release digesting enzymes when we chew on food. And he recommended people chew their protein shakes to get better digestion.
At the time, I thought it was the silliest thing I ever heard, so I pay no attention to it. Well, my girl friend started complaining about my little problem was waking her up at nighttime! So I figure I better fix the problem before she?ll never sleep with me again.
About 4 month ago, I started chewing a sugar-free gum right after I drink a protein shake. To my surprise, my problem went away. I still get the occasional ones here and there, but it?s maybe once or twice a day now. So give it a try and see if it works for you.
“And no, shoving potpourri up there isn’t a viable answer”
Ummm…Little Christmas tree air freshners hanging off your rear beltloop?
Bring your dog to work and blame him?
Make gagging noises before you close the door, this will have everyone thinking “it was like that when you got here”
Stand at the Receptionists desk and complain loudly about the “Burrito-Eating Bastard who insists on doing “that” at work. Do people have no class anymore?” Act indignant. Try not to appear too helpful to assist in moving the bodies as it might incriminate you. Practice this at home in front of your mirror “Oh my God it’s Bill from accounting! Oh the humanity, THE HUMANITY!”
Or kick the low-carb and try the regular (I prefer the low-carb myself but I don’t have register myself as a deadly weapon like you…)
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HALLE BERRY, Oscar winner, L’Oreal model and one of the sexiest women in the world, admits that her new film role makes her fart. The stunning actress, who is currently trying to look even leaner than usual to fit into a skintight PVC bodysuit to play the lead in Catwoman, says the diet is giving her terrible wind. “I’m on these protein drinks and the methane gas is shooting out of my butt,” she told The Sun. “I’m trying to get really feline and slim but still lean. And the protein supplements just give you wicked gas.” (November 5 2003, AM)
A skin tight suit and gas? Doesn’t sound like a good combination. By the way, after reading that I’ll never be able to masturbate to the thought of Halle Berry again.
dude i would encourage my coworkers to go in the bathroom if i dropped a bomb like that! and then once there in there sitting down and everything, shut the light off on them.
BWAaaHAaaahaaaaa!! LMAO! Shut the light off. I can just picture it, some dude just getting comfy then, “Blink” in the dark with poo. I’m still laughing.
Doax: no shit, eh? Kinda spoils the image. But I might still go see the movie just to see her looking “really feline and slim but still lean” in a skin-tight cat suit.
But then I’ll probably still bust out laughing when I think of that “methane gas shooting out of my butt” line.
I have always had that problem, sometimes i even fart at night and wake myself up. My girlfriend was videotapping me naked and i was on my stomach one time and ripped a big one she laughed so hard she about died. She has hide the tape from me and threatens to post it on the internet everytime she gets mad. Mine are just usually loud and sound like a damn elephant in my shorts. I just usually cough to cover it up
Would the quality of the protein have anything to do with it? I’ve noticed since they stopped making Grow Bars, most protein bars give me the worst farts, the paint’s peeled from my living room.
I have not laughed this in for ever!!!
man I didnt realize everyone has this problem.So how do you t vixens deal with this?have you ever ran your boyfriend or spouse off?
Try using Whey isolate which is usually free of lactose so you’ll have less gas. Also try micing your protein witha fiber product like Konsyl. This will slow the digestion of the protein a bit, but also help get it out of the intestines without as much fermentation. You could also add some acidophilus and digestive enzymes.
I’ve tried a bunch of the remedies mentioned here:
pro-biotics (acidopholous)
enzymes (not Wobenzyme, though)
chewing better (and on gum post meals)
pysillium husks
colon cleanse programs (no, not enemas)
and some other non-invasive remedies.
Ahh, but I still fart like it’s my job. Sob…
I’ll give the Wobenzyme and ginger root a try. I know I’m lactose intolerant, but even when I abstain, it’s basically the same, except when I consume fresh lactose products (whole milk, ice cream) they give me painful cramps in addittion.
Oh well, if anyone finds the cure then patent it and get rich. Till then…
“Don’t nobody use the bathroom for 35…45 minutes!”
-John Witherspoon, from the movie Friday
