I am curious, my wife is over 300 pounds and has no ambition to change. Even failed with lap band surgery. Ugh
Do you have a mistress yet or are you contemplating having one?
Do you love her still? If no, get a divorce. If yes, work it out.
Edit: to answer your question, no. But then again I’m not married. I’ve also never cheated when I did have a girlfriend. Such a cowardly act IMO.
Cheating is not the solution to the questions you have. You need to address the real issue of you being unhappy in your relationship and determine what the best solution for both of you is.
[quote]DarkNinjaa wrote:
Do you have a mistress yet or are you contemplating having one?[/quote]
I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that anything he has or is available to him is a complete train wreck, either physically or emotionally.
I mean, what sort of quality woman do you think this guy is going to get if he either A) married a chick who is 300 lbs, or B) married a chick who then ballooned up to 300 lbs while he sat there and watched that nightmare unfold in front of him? Sure, it’s possible, but when was the last time you heard of a really good-looking woman getting up to 300 lbs? Anna Nicole Smith? That’s all I can think of.
[quote]Navin Johnson wrote:
I am curious, my wife is over 300 pounds and has no ambition to change. Even failed with lap band surgery. Ugh[/quote]
Were are you on the weight scale?
And why not just get a divorce.
[quote]Navin Johnson wrote:
I am curious, my wife is over 300 pounds and has no ambition to change. Even failed with lap band surgery. Ugh[/quote]
How much did she weight when you met her? How much when you tied the knot? Just curious about how you and her got to this point.
[quote]optheta wrote:
[quote]Navin Johnson wrote:
I am curious, my wife is over 300 pounds and has no ambition to change. Even failed with lap band surgery. Ugh[/quote]
Were are you on the weight scale?
And why not just get a divorce.[/quote]
Divorce is expensive.
CS
[quote]CSEagles1694 wrote:
[quote]optheta wrote:
[quote]Navin Johnson wrote:
I am curious, my wife is over 300 pounds and has no ambition to change. Even failed with lap band surgery. Ugh[/quote]
Were are you on the weight scale?
And why not just get a divorce.[/quote]
Divorce is expensive.[/quote]
So is marriage. So is even having a girlfriend. Women are expensive.
[quote]Rico Suave wrote:
Do you love her still? If no, get a divorce. If yes, work it out.
Edit: to answer your question, no. But then again I’m not married. I’ve also never cheated when I did have a girlfriend. Such a cowardly act IMO.[/quote]
Funny. My experience w/gf’s is the polar opposite of yours and yet I also conclude the exact same thing. (towards non-cheaters)
[quote]DBCooper wrote:
I mean, what sort of quality woman do you think this guy is going to get if he either A) married a chick who is 300 lbs, or B) married a chick who then ballooned up to 300 lbs while he sat there and watched that nightmare unfold in front of him? Sure, it’s possible, but when was the last time you heard of a really good-looking woman getting up to 300 lbs? Anna Nicole Smith? That’s all I can think of.[/quote]
Sorry to say, but these are very fair questions.
[quote]DBCooper wrote:
[quote]DarkNinjaa wrote:
Do you have a mistress yet or are you contemplating having one?[/quote]
I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that anything he has or is available to him is a complete train wreck, either physically or emotionally.
I mean, what sort of quality woman do you think this guy is going to get if he either A) married a chick who is 300 lbs, or B) married a chick who then ballooned up to 300 lbs while he sat there and watched that nightmare unfold in front of him? Sure, it’s possible, but when was the last time you heard of a really good-looking woman getting up to 300 lbs? Anna Nicole Smith? That’s all I can think of.[/quote]
You would be surprised at how quickly a woman’s weight can get out of hand. I don’t think it necessarily reflects on OPs character or what he can get. My wife ballooned up in grad school due to the stress and hectic schedule. Not to 300 or anything like that but it was probably in the 190-200 range. I remember thinking to myself “I DID NOT SIGN ON FOR THIS”. She also ballooned up for each of our children and losing it was of absolutely no priority for her in the following two years for each.
Women and their appearance can be so frustrating for those of us who operate at such a primal level. My wife & I, our youngest child is a little over 3 and my wife started getting serious about fitness again a little over a year ago. She made great progress on a diet/fitness approach that I thought was rather extreme but she was getting great results so I had no complaints. Then she switched to some other whack job diet that doesn’t work nearly as well for her but she can’t see it because she believe whole heartedly in the bullshit she reads. I know from years of experience it’s pointless for me to say anything, but knowing that if she just followed a diet plan that I would put her on she would be rocking the world in 6 weeks makes it very frustrating for me.
I really can’t complain though because at 48 and without a spec of makeup she looks better than 90% of twenty year olds with makeup.
OP, your wife at 300 pounds and from the sounds of it, having no interest or intention of changing that has got to be TERRIBLE for you. I think if she won’t budge from her intention not to do anything about it, you should tell her you want to be free to pursue a sex partner on the side. If she says no to that, then she has no choice but to change her ways and continually lose weight until she’s cut her weight in half. I think that’s reasonable. When our women are overweight it’s embarrassing for us as men. Do women understand this??? We also have no sexual desire for them when they are fat. To me it’s disrespectful of them to simply decide they don’t care anymore and we are just going to have to live with it.
Asking questions like this shows maybe you two have no business being together… obviously there is something more going on but no need to get into it, you should just talk to her and be straight up…
I have never cheated nor plain too, its massively insecure, either fix whatever situation is going on or just leave… But either way be an adult and express whats up clearly and directly… No need to tip toe you’re way around shit, just asking for someone to get hurt.
[quote]cstratton2 wrote:
Asking questions like this shows maybe you two have no business being together… obviously there is something more going on but no need to get into it, you should just talk to her and be straight up…
I have never cheated nor plain too, its massively insecure, either fix whatever situation is going on or just leave… But either way be an adult and express whats up clearly and directly… No need to tip toe you’re way around shit, just asking for someone to get hurt. [/quote]
As always, cstratton gives excellent advice.
I have refrained from posting until now because so far, at the very least, there are WAY too many unknown factors here for us to even be speculating as to what’s going on. First and foremost, OP, did you know she had an eating problem before you married her? What kind of lifestyle do you lead? You obviously don’t have to answer this one but, does she have a history of physical or sexual abuse? (see link for why I ask this)
Either you aren’t telling us enough or you are not telling us everything.
I, for one, will not cavelierly suggest you should just divorce your wife. We don’t even know if you all have kids. People nowadays seem to think divorce is no big deal, which by extension implies that marriage is no big deal, either. But the fact is that the both of you entered into a pact. You swore an oath, likely before God, and made promises to each other to remain together for better or worse. If you meant those words when you said them, then you are bound to honor them.
Cheat, divorce, stay married to someone you are repulsed by or ashamed of. It’s a bad deal all around, and I seriously feel for you. As on edge says above, men’s pride and sense of self-worth is inextricably tied to the woman he chooses as his partner. It is just as important for men that their women look healthy, youthful and beautiful as it is for women that their men be successful, productive, and protective. I can only imagine how it must feel. I think you could get a better idea how to deal with this sitation if you let us know more about what the situation actually is.
Or, better yet, find a professional of some sort to help you and get the hell off of a message board full of dudes, 95% of whom are going to give you the same advice, which may not be what you and your wife actually need.
[quote]DarkNinjaa wrote:
Do you have a mistress yet or are you contemplating having one?[/quote]
Considering it. She was 210 @ 5-11, big tits. No love to her, we have kids and I need the health insurance bad. Divorce is out of the question. I have given up on her. I am numb to the situation. Sadly.
[quote]Navin Johnson wrote:
[quote]DarkNinjaa wrote:
Do you have a mistress yet or are you contemplating having one?[/quote]
Considering it. She was 210 @ 5-11, big tits. No love to her, we have kids and I need the health insurance bad. Divorce is out of the question. I have given up on her. I am numb to the situation. Sadly.[/quote]
Thats sad. I feel for you bro.
Im not sure what you should do, but I suppose an affair/mistress may be the way to go. Although If I was you I would be planning a solution for the long term.
tweet
[quote]Navin Johnson wrote:
[quote]DarkNinjaa wrote:
Do you have a mistress yet or are you contemplating having one?[/quote]
Considering it. She was 210 @ 5-11, big tits. No love to her, we have kids and I need the health insurance bad. Divorce is out of the question. I have given up on her. I am numb to the situation. Sadly.[/quote]
Sounds like you just need somewhere to watch porn.
don’t have an affair. No good can come of it. It’ll devastate your kids.
I feel for you though man, if my missus gets up to 300lbs I’ll handcuff her ass to a treadmill or stick her in a cage with a squat rack.
[quote]Navin Johnson wrote:
[quote]DarkNinjaa wrote:
Do you have a mistress yet or are you contemplating having one?[/quote]
Considering it. She was 210 @ 5-11, big tits. No love to her, we have kids and I need the health insurance bad. Divorce is out of the question. I have given up on her. I am numb to the situation. Sadly.[/quote]
Why is Divorce out of the question, w/o any love for one another its a cold family life. Divorce may be the best option for the kids. I would rather a harmonious and loving 2 homes for my kids rather than 1 home full of nothing but numbness.
I am married with children, and have had my bumps in the road with my wife and at a few points considered divorce, most because of mistakes on my part. However the one thing we had and have is love and like for each other, and love for our children…even with turmoil there was love and admiration…it always shined through.
If all you have is a numb feeling towards each other and are only living together for circumstance, the numb will turn into disdain and resentment.
[quote]Navin Johnson wrote:
I need the health insurance bad. [/quote]
If it were me, I would fix this^^^^ so that I had the option of leaving.
If she refuses to hold up her end of the marriage by not even attempting to be someone that you’d be sexually attracted to, then I would seriously consider throwing her an ultimatum and being prepared to walk.
ME ME ME ME ME ME ME.
There’s a desperate hurting women over there who probably hates to open her eyes in the morning and all anybody (just about) cares about is whether this guy is happy. Yeah, she’s probably angry and nasty and impossible to get along with on top of being obese too. That’s how hurting people are. None of that is the point. Marriage (on the human level), including sex, is ALL about GIVING every bit of yourself on every level and in every way to another and ESPECIALLY when they least deserve it and are most difficult to live with. That’s when they need you most.
Marriage was designed by God, one man and one woman, for life, as an earthly illustration of the covenant relationship of Christ with His church bride. He GAVE Himself in a gruesome bloody death to redeem His people, his bride, from death themselves. He commands husbands to love their wives this way. (see the 5th chapter of the apostle Paul’s letter to the church at Ephesus) No matter what else may happen, children are equipped for life by watching their fathers love their mothers. Of course, we won’t do that on our own. How well I know, having learned this lesson the very hard way by almost destroying the wife of my youth with my own self serving childishness. Even after I should have known better.
Nevermind. Whatever on earth could I have been thinking? This guy needs to get laid and save money. Carry on.