Im flad you’re feeling better! I dont have any current physique pictures, but I look pretty much the same from of my past photos. But I find im just too heavy. Ive never done a more accurate body fat/lean tissue scan, and most doctors I’ve visited say I need to be between 115-120lbs. That’s usually the weight that causes my menstrual cycle to vanish, and I’ve had one doctor that actually took a look at me and said “Yeah, no. Everyone’s body and frame is different.”
I think I’ll try some more magnesium options as well. I like the spray form for muscle cramps which has been nice.
If you look at my BMI it says I should be like 120#. I look like I’m starving to death if I get down that low. Not a good look on me. Plus I feel like I’m starving to death. Feeling good and being comfortable is what I prefer. I hope you get your sleep figured out.
I don’t like this. It’s a recipe for a crushed metabolism. Is the 2600-2700 maint?
Ideally you would set macros and start with a 250cal/day deficit. Keep going there until you stall and then another 250cal drop.
Your going to require cal drops and starting at 1700 does not give you very much runway to work with.
Anything that happens fast is not good in this game. Once you start adding food back you will have a rebound and your weight will skyrocket quickly.
Right at this point I had an extremely heavy bout of depression just completely cover me. I dont fight through it in the gym because I just end up crying. So i packed up and left.
Thanks to everyone for helping with the insomnia. Sleeping much better now. Ive been mixing magnesium glycinate with vitamin D and it definitely has helped. I also threw in 400 calories, and one refeed. Slept like a baby the first night. I just always thought refeeds were more spaced out.
Been doing better trying to wade through the depression bouts. Nothing helps those. Just prayer and endurance.
Lastly is conditioning. I enjoy kind of feeling my way around because theres a lot of freedoms. Also…why have I slept so long on weighted vests? Oh well lol. I mentioned earlier that the goal was moving heavier stuff with higher volume, but in glad I put 1 and 2 together with the bodyweight and conditioning because missing lifts because im dying to breathe is….un autobot-like lol
Im not sure how im going to feel or react for this upcoming counseling session. I appreciate my church elders understanding that I struggle with self harm/harmful ideation.
My mom once said: “Every single one of us is sick. By God’s grace we all arent as sick as we could be.” I think @TriednTrue you could probably attest to that. Not that others couldn’t lend a reasonable ear to that, but biblically speaking it goes against a lot of secular/post modern schools of thought.
What angers me a lot though, is this inner back and forth fight. Per Romans 7:24-25. Always this toiling in the dirt. Always some nasty whisper in the back of my head. Or the grief. Sometimes it has no name. No reason. Its just….there. Other times its there for refinement, and unfortunately I cant decipher which is which most days.
Those are wise and, I believe, accurate words. The Bible takes it a step further -
"1 Once you were dead because of your disobedience and your many sins. 2You used to live in sin, just like the rest of the world, obeying the devil—the commander of the powers in the unseen world. He is the spirit at work in the hearts of those who refuse to obey God. 3All of us used to live that way, following the passionate desires and inclinations of our sinful nature. By our very nature we were subject to God’s anger, just like everyone else.
4 But God is so rich in mercy, and he loved us so much, 5 that even though we were dead because of our sins, he gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead. (It is only by God’s grace that you have been saved!) 6For he raised us from the dead along with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ Jesus. 7So God can point to us in all future ages as examples of the incredible wealth of his grace and kindness toward us, as shown in all he has done for us who are united with Christ Jesus." - Ephesians 2:1-7
I was only going to quote the first verse, but the whole passage seems on point. As for the continually internal battle, I think it can have a few sources. Definitely our sinful self/evil inclination (in Hebrew terms) is at war with God’s Holy Spirit. However, we can also be plagued by demonic attacks, which are miserable. Thank God, Jesus can and does free us from demonic misery.
Thanks for the encouragement brother. I had a long bout of having to understand that no Christian is promised this glittery, easy life. For a lot of people its quite the opposite. And then now its taking me a lot to understand that THIS is indeed where the fight is. Sadly brother my discernment isn’t strong enough to tell which is demonic interference, and which is the struggle to kill sin. So I just say all of it.
I like this hymn from Joseph Hart called “Come ye Sinners, poor and needy”. I come from a lot of Prosperity and Word of Faith/Legalistic beliefs. Everything I do i have to earn to be justified. Meanwhile the truth is, im being carried through everything. In a loving gentle way by God’s hand. And when I fall or stumble Jesus doesnt look at me with disgust. He looks at me with a willingness to take me back in.
Yeah. Some days more than others. I dont think that’s a bad thing, I think its a characteristic of the Christian. But I struggle a lot with not running away from Jesus and his love.
Thank you for the recommendation. And I do apologize, but i dont dabble in the Apocryphal literature. Ive read it in bits and pieces for school work, but thats about. I dont mean to come off as rude though.
Oh for sure brother. I didnt take it that way at all. Im thankful you came in and talked to me anyways, and im thankful for your sympathy. That’s like…currency to me lol
Cups shouldn’t be filled with just anything. Fill a cup with H2O (water) and drink it - good. Fill a cup with H2O2 (hydrogen peroxide) and drink it - potentially toxic.
But his ordinary means of Providence and preservation gets overlooked so easily. Many eyes and hands have looked over what should and shouldn’t be considered canon. Theres been councils, meetings, etc.
A lot of which I side for when it comes to the earlier centuries Reformation. Eras concerning the Council of Nicea, Hippo, Carthage.
Not just one person or committee, but groups of people being led by the Spirit to discern and know what is consistent concerning the truth of Christ. They all did their diligence in adhering to Old Testament scripture that was already there, and keeping as close to the eye witness testimony of the Synoptic Gospels and John.
For instance, that book you suggested has inconsistencies. The Gospel of Thomas says Peter describes the Lord Jesus as “like a just messenger/Or an angel”. Gospel of Matthew says Peter calls Jesus “The Christ, Son of the Living God.” That difference matters one heck of a lot.
Angels did not offer themselves a propitiation for our sins. A mere just messenger still does not measure up to be a perfect sacrifice for sinners. Neither of the two are the marvelous Hypostatic Union.
But these are ordinary means, using ordinary men, by the extraordinary God. But to answer you brother, God decides. The audacity of Him to work through us? Well I think its wonderful.
With all due respect, I still cant regard that literature as anything more than inconsistent. With that though, any Christian already carries a message thats offensive brother. We already carry something loaded that we believe in, what I regard as un-inspired doesnt mean your words have no effect. I still appreciate you popping in even if we disagree. I dont mean to add any unnecessary offense.
Thoughts 
Thoughts Pt.2