Been off my groove with songs lately.
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LOG # 222
Jump rope. 10mins, 1min on, 1 min off
Morning weight at the high end of 191. So much yay lol.
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Just walked around the neighborhood. Doesn’t really deserve a log of its own.
Morning weight, well afternoon weight technically, is 188.
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LOG # 223
Deadlift
275lbs
5x2
Volume set: 225 2x10, 185lbs snatch grip conventional 1x10
Assistance:
Compound rows: 125lbs 5x5
Back extensions: 130lbs 3x10
Hamstring curls: 75lbs 5x6
Hanging leg raises: 4x12
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Did another weigh in, scale reads 186. Another big jump.
Starting to catch the pattern a bit better.
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Nice work on the weight loss must be looking fine
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Heh. thanks. But, I’m also trying to not look in the mirror a shit ton, because i tend to get obsessed and discouraged the longer I do that. I haven’t really looked the mirror much yet.
I also think I can get away with being in the mid to high 170s. Kind of debating whether I wanna go there or not.
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I used to hit the panic button if I drifted below 220. I was getting skinny. After some serious reflection and self assessment, I’ve realized I’m actually fatter than I thought. I figured I was around 15% based on the mirror. I did the math and that gives me 195lbs lean body mass. I reversed the math and figured I can be 217 at 10%. So now I’m cutting to 215 and might even go to 210 to make sure I’m good and lean. Once I hit that then I can get back to my bulking plan. My goal is still to add mass but I was starting too fat.
Don’t panic. Take your time and do a true assessment. Our minds tend to play tricks and we always view the negatives.
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4 mile walk. Give or take.
I have no idea what it is about losing fat, but there are times where I swear I look worse than when I started. Idk.
Since I’ve reached the 20lb mark, I’m going to increase calories just enough to support me training maybe 1-2 extra days, and doing fasted cardio in the morning. Which means adding another meal, and possible shake somewhere in the mix.
I have a feeling it’ll help prompt my body to start letting go of the stubborn areas, because I’m about ready to get irritated.
Once again it’s Thanksgiving, and I really don’t want a repeat of last year. Which is why I’m just going to eat beforehand, and not care for giving anyone an explanation. If I say I’m not hungry, that means no. Nothing personal.
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I wouldn’t bother bringing it up with general people. An eating disorder isn’t anything I’ve suffered with but my daughter has. As the person on the other side of the conversation, it is difficult. We can sympathize but can’t empathize. If you’ve never lived that situation you really don’t know what it’s like. Anyone who thinks otherwise is kidding themselves. This applies not just to eating disorders but a wide variety of life experiences, many of which are traumatic.
All you’ll do is frustrate yourself if it comes up with someone who isn’t close to you or has no vested interest in your life and well being.
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My favorite holiday. All food and no gifts. I’ve already accepted that today is going to be a loss during my cutting phase. I always fail at moderation. That’s the problem with avoiding several things that I like and then having them all available at the same time.
Cheesecake, pumpkin pie, peach cobbler, cookies, I’m doomed. I think I’m actually a 350 lb fat guy inside but I manage to keep him caged up most of the time.
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I can understand. I do my best to still have fun, but after a bunch of years of having an eating disorder, what is fun and exciting for most, turns into a very hard battle for me.
I did good this year though. Brought a few shakes, and a scoop like thing to gauge how much I eat. Didn’t really restrict anything, just ate small bits so I was able to taste everything I wanted to.
Yea pretty much.
Although I wouldn’t say that about everyone.
Most people can empathize, I think it’s the other way around, but it probably doesn’t matter. Some people can sympathize, but show you no understanding even if they have gone through what you have.
I don’t even really want a pat on the back, or a “omg that must be terrible”, or some other third thing, I would just like for someone to stare at me while I have their undivided attention, and try their best to understand.
They don’t even have to warrant me a response, just hush up and listen, that’s all I ask of people. But I digress
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LOG # 224
Morning cardio. Fasted. 20 min jump rope.
Full body:
Assisted pull ups: 5x2
Dips: 5x5
Rack pulls: 135lbs AMRAP
OHP: just the bar, AMRAP
hanging leg raises: AMRAP
hack squat: 2x20 200lbs
Hip thrusts: 135lbs 2x20
Calf raises: 90lbs 2x10
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Wasn’t really emotionally invested in anything I did today. Most of the problems arose because of all the food around.
As mentioned before I brought a few shakes, and used this circular, hamster ball looking scoop thing my mom has as a means for portion control. Wasn’t full at all, but that’s what I wanted. Cut off time for eating was 7-7:30ish.
Hubbys mom made us stand in line for two hours over this Black Friday crap, which isn’t even until tomorrow. I WILL never do that again.
Hubby noticed I wasn’t exactly comfortable today, so he accompanied me to the gym. Didn’t really do anything just followed me around. Which I’m fine with, I’m just glad he came.
Sorry to dampen the mood with this. I’m hella thankful this is technically my first Thanksgiving where I haven’t indulged in any of my past habits, so I’d say that’s a win.
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LOG # 225
Bench:
Warm up: just the bar x10
155 6x2
Volume set: 135x15
Triceps pushdown: 40 3x10
OHP: just the bar AMRAP
DB rows: 35s x20 each arm
Hanging leg raises: 2x20
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I had those moments dropping back down from 160 lb to ~150 lb. (and 207 lb to 160). I’d look at myself at ~150 and sometimes i’d look worse, like i’d regressed instead of making progress. Some of that is mental, some of it has to do with fluctuations in muscle tone/bloating/hydration etc, I imagine. But once I hit ~145 or so, those thoughts stopped occurring. Now at ~137-138, they are laughable to even think about. Pretty much every time I look in the mirror, I look lean, even when bloated. When not bloated, I look “shredded”. So I guess my point is, at some point, if similar to my experience, those thoughts should disappear.
I actually have a photo which demonstrates it, i’ll post it in my journal.
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Update:
I’m feeling a lot better. Like in general.
I’m not very vocal when I get bothered, but sometimes you can see it in my posts.
Last night my mom and I had a few beers, and I cried like a wuss once again.
Woke up today, and examined myself in direct sunlight, which is painfully honest compared to artificial lighting, and I’m rather pleased with my progress.
I realized I was rather aggressive with this cut, and I’m in need of a slight refeed a bit more often now, and massive amounts of water. Way more than I’ve been drinking.
My upper body is the most responsive to weight loss, followed by the midsection, and my lower seems to be the last part that gets it together. Most of the cellulite is leaving from the backs of my legs and my butt. However I am prone to stretch marks, despite being a person who moisturizes all the time. Have a few new one on the backs of my arms, and my hips, but They blend in with the dark canvass anyways.
Weight has gone all the way back up to 194-195ish. I really don’t think I’m able to recomp anymore, but I wouldn’t chalk this up to fat gain, nor is it water weight. It could be water weight, but I don’t think it is, because I’m getting definition in places I’ve never had it at before. Namingly my entire upper back and my chest.
Brought out the lacrosse ball and foam roller again, and I don’t like it. It feels like I’m rolling across concrete, but when I go to bed at night I feel a lot better. Still don’t like it though.
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LOG # 226
Stair master
25 mins
Fasted