Chest press
Single arm row
Arnold press
Chest flies
Pullover
Lateral raise
Momentum lateral raise (finisher)
I realized today that one of the reasons I love this program so much is that it solves the problem of my distractibility and tracking reps/sets. There’s a beep when it’s time to change, so I’m free to just sort of be with my body, the way I am when I’m running. I don’t think I’ll ever go back to self-directed workouts. I mean, maybe. But this just rings all the bells for me for now. She’s silent during Iron and I’ll be able to put my own music in, so I think it’ll be quality reflection time for me, which lifting never has been before. Currently there’s a lot of talk, but I’m learning, which I also like. Awesome.
I mean, the goal is to keep the goal the goal. Clearly work interferes with the goal. What else can we do?
I’m at express care because I woke up with some sort of new hip fuckery after the second night of deflating air mattress camping, and now intermittently I can’t put weight on my right leg.
I’d do a wait-n-see, except my ex is going home to voluntarily stop eating and drinking under hospice care either today or tomorrow and I talked to 3/4 of my kids yesterday, which was horrifying, and we have a follow up appointment for the dog today and she’s not doing well. So I’m here (at express) because I NEED to work out. I need to run this off or lift it off or something. I feel like I’m going to have either a stroke or a panic attack.
And then I argued with my husband this morning about politics, so now he’s testy and I’m about to start blubbering to whoever walks into this exam room about a pinched nerve. Ugh.
Hang in there!! I get needing to work out - maybe do some arms and grow those guns even more?? I know it’s not the same as a real workout, but it’s more than nothing and it might take the edge off.
Sorry to see it all unraveling like this and that the thing you turn to is kinda off the table at this point.
I’m usually in a different state when it hits the fan like this. Crisis mode, I guess. Emotions shut down, and focus becomes very narrow. And its hard to breathe.
Ha! It didn’t consciously occur to me, but I did check to see if the cousin that sometimes comes to our August camping thing was going to be there last weekend - she smokes. But no.
I took the morning off to see about the hip and go to the vet, and had time between, so went into the office to get ready for the intake I had at 1:00; a woman who took 75 of her antidepressants 2-3 weeks ago and was discharged from inpatient psych last week. Still in her teens. Which was fine, that’s what I do for work, but I started crying talking to my supervisor about Buttons and the ex and the kids and got sent home. So now the house is clean and camping-crap-free again and I’ve watched the 2nd Tom Cruise Jack Reacher movie, which sucked completely but that’s okay, and now I’m feeling much more together. I’m getting ready to walk gently on the treadmill and build my gunz, as suggested by @QuadQueen.
Hip is actually feeling much better. Still hurts off and on, depending how I step, but I didn’t have any issue putting weight on it yesterday. I jumped the gun on going to the doctor, but I’m glad I did because she confirmed the IT band syndrome I’ve been in PT for, but have questioned, and also confirmed that this was a different issue, though she wasn’t sure specifically what. Glute…nerve…sciatica maybe…let’s just medicate everything.
Ex-husband arrives home today for his voluntary starvation process. Had probably six phone calls with various kids yesterday. They’re killing me. Getting up in the night with them wasn’t as bad as I thought at the time, as it turns out.
Numbers One and Three are talking again, and even joking a bit, and Number One is pleased that Three seems to be forgiving him for getting drunk and saying terrible things (“torturing our father”). I said “oh, good,” but I know that Three will resume the DTM as soon as this is over and One returns to Pittsburgh (“fucks back off to Pittsburgh and his completely self-centered existence”). So. My daughter, Number Two, made alfredo to take over today “and it looks delicious” but she’s allergic to both wheat and whey, so who TF knows how it tastes, and also she is known as the worst cook in the family, though she doesn’t know that we’re all afraid of her cooking.
The vet said that we should view Buttons as having “bonus time” because we didn’t think she’d make it through the last health crisis, but I think “we” included only her, maybe, and not the family. She doesn’t have regular old people cloudy eyes, apparently, they’re lesions on the surface of the eye. We drive up to the big city on Friday to see the canine ophthalmologist for it. She’s still very beautiful, so here is a picture from Saturday. First aid kit…a child got poison oak or sumac playing flashlight hide-n-seek Friday night, and had huge, terrifying blisters. First time for this, and now we’re all afraid of the woods.
Thank you. Not directed at you - I appreciate your support - but your post brought this to mind.
In this case, though, it’s not me, but mostly my kids. I don’t want them to take hits, or have to be tougher. I want them to have sunshine and fun. Hard work, of course, but satisfying hard work. Not the hard work of moving furniture preparatory to watching their father starve on purpose. What good is that strength? So they’ll be ready for more unbearable stuff?
Like, they were kind of obnoxious in their utter unawareness of the ease and joy with which they were raised and were able to flow into adulthood, but isn’t it better to consider a really hard day one in which you have to suck it up and go to work even though you have a headache?
I complained when I was the most oppressive thing they could imagine, but today I’d like to go back to being life’s greatest buzzkill.
Edit: although they have me, I guess, for the meme’s “softness, ease, and kin.” Which a lot of us didn’t have going through our tough stuff. Still.
Here’s a weird thing about parenting: you think it will get easier as the kids grow up and become independent, but it actually gets more challenging.
You can generally easily solve any problem a five year old brings you, but it’s a lot harder to help with the problems a 20 or 30 year old may bring to you!
I hear you on the wishing that they never need to be tough…
