Here’s something that’s been bothering me for a little while now. I’ve been in a committed relationship now for about 2 years, and have never cheated (on her or anyone else). I recently saw one of Chris Rock’s standup specials on HBO and he said, “Man has 2 needs in life: pussy, and NEW pussy.” And the further I go in this relationship, MAN does that feel like the truth to me! Maybe it’s biological, i.e. guys wanting to “spread their seed” – I don’t know. But I miss, so so SOOOO much the idea of being with (MANY) other women – as many hot women as physically possible. A new and different one every two hours, if possible. Is this normal? I’m incredible attracted to my girlfriend, always have been, but I think the fact that you’re with the SAME person ALL the time is just MUCH less exciting – at least for me. A friend of mine once likened it to jerking off to the same picture ripped out of a Playboy magazine for years on end (i.e., not possible). It astonishes me that someone could be married for DECADES and still not be bored by sex with that SAME person, no matter how attractive they are. Am I the only one? GUYS? Help me out here. It’s driving me nuts more and more as time goes on. Sorry for ranting.
I just have to laugh when I hear the middle aged guys say that chicks dig them because they are more mature, worldly, better in bed (I wonder how a man measures improvement). I am 24 yrs old and my girlfriend is 38. She says that men her age are not any more mature ,wordly or better in bed than me. (Granted I am exceptional).Young girls just assume that maturity comes with age and I guess to a certain degree it does, but it really depends where you started off in the first place. I guess if you spent your 20’s getting shitted faced and puking every night and now in your 30’s you’ve seen how lame that was, I guess thats maturing. I dont think people change too much as a rule, however, its a great angle to play up though and trust me as I get older, I will convince the young chicks that I have magical powers that come from being a dirty old man.
The world is full of temptations. Now 34, I would like to think that I have acquired some wisdom in this department.
The bottom line for me is TRUE happiness. I didn’t know what that was ten years ago when my hormones spoke first and I dealt with the consequences afterwords.
As a trainer (practice what I preach), I have had many opportunities to be with women. And in my youth, I guess you could say I used that to my advantage at times.
But it never really amounted to anything more than instant gratification for me.
Years later, I have found someone who has filled my quest for a partner and value it more than anything else (religion and family excluded).
Just be sure to take a good look at the WHOLE picture.
Enough said as this is the freakin’ training/nutriton column…
I have to laugh when older women tell transparent lies to young guys in order to protect their tender young egos. (Kind of a mothering response, I guess.) Keep on believing it, bud!
I am married to her!
Let me add one more thing to this thread, and then I’m done with it…and yeah, this should be in “Off Topic”. Anywhoos, I think char is an exeption to most guys around 40. He’s intelligent, successful, physically active, has his head screwed on right, and is attractive. I think, Phil, the dude I dated WAAAAAY back when, is the norm. As I had said before - it ain’t the age, it’s the person. And for some reason this line comes up in my head: “it ain’t the years…it’s the mileage…” (ha! movie trivia folks! name the movie THAT line is from!). 
Ok commitment is all fine and well, but what if it just flat kills your sex drive and your significant other is real pissed off about it?
My thoughts exactly!
There is a school of thought that having an occasional affair helps keep a marriage together. In order for this to work, you need to be able to keep it truly a secret, and not feel guilt about it.
I've got some "experience" in this area, and if anyone would like to talk privately about it with someone who's definitely been there, let me know.
I’ve been psychoanalyzing myself a bit. I’m 28, and am wondering if this “itch” of mine to shag as many different hot women as possible might stem from the fact that I didn’t play around as much as I should have (or would have liked to) when I was younger (i.e. college age, or early 20’s). I think I have an overwhelmingly strong feeling of having a whole lot of wild oats left to sew. Thoughts? Suggestions? Thanks.
In your last post you “question my assumption … get something better just because his physique is better”. For clarification sake, and without being too exhibitionist, there is no assumption, I know how I am recieved now verses in the past. It may be more the result of increased self confidence, maturation in general, or being in a profession where I am perceived to make a lot of money, as opposed to my look, although I have some fairly explicit reasons to believe this is a factor. The point was not “dam I’m hot now” but simply to note that for me personally it was easy for years to resist offers that were not made, and for whatever reason the situation is definitely changed. I wasn’t trying to piss you off with the initial inquiry, only asking for some insight from others who may have dealt with what in now problematic for me. I feel a little like Oscar Wilde, “I can resist anything but temptation”.
My wife has put up with my shit for 10 yrs now, which includes my insane desire for bbuilding, my supp purchases, my contest crap and everything that goes on with it. She has always supported me and backed me up. I’ve had numerous come ons from younger women as many others have. My wife is beautiful, loving and caring and shares my interests. She also lets me have my space and to go share a beer with the guys, during my beloved Auburn Tiger football games. I aint about to mess up the best thing that ever happened to me for some quickie that won’t meen a damn to me the next day. Plus that’s not the way to traet a lady and my wife is definantly that. I enjoy the compliments and all but thats as far as it should go. I have no desire to fuck up my life. The fact that my wife would dislodge my member has nothing to do with the way I feel, either.
Hey Tinman, you didn’t piss me off. I have actually had the experience of being the flat bellied hottie, he just neglected to tell me he was married with four kids! Anyway, apologies if I was unduly harsh.
I think it is normal to fantasize and ponder the what ifs and men are not the only ones who get a hankering for variety. Monogamy is in direct conflict with our biology. The problem with fantasies is they rarely translate to reality smoothly.
I’m not quite 25, and have the same feeling you do. I believe it was Larry Flynt who said, “I need to experience a wide variety of vaginas.”
The old saying goes that you always regret what you don't do.
Well, first, let me says a (blushing) “thank you!” to Patricia. (Char-dawg stubs his toe into the ground a couple of times and looks up shyly through his bangs … no wait, his hairline’s receding, so he just looks up shyly and hopes the sun-glare off his forehead doesn’t blind everyone.)
Second, to Damici: Dude, every guy feels the same way. I actually have some science on this. My graduation thesis was a genre comparison of pornography and soap operas, and what I found was that no matter how much sex guys get, they always feel like it isn’t “enough” - which is why porn sells. (And women, for their part, no matter how close they may get emotionally to someone, they very rarely feel like they’re close enough - thus the popularity of soaps.) But like the song says, “How much is enough?” It’s a perception problem, not a reality problem. Once you realize that, it becomes easier to deal with.
Finally, back to Patricia: Yeah, I agree that it’s the person rather than the age. But at the same time, I know that I’m a better boyfriend now than I was 20 years ago. And I think the improvement has come with maturity, not a higher income or anything else.
Heres a thought: Why not take that ‘approachability’ and maybe channel it into something useful? I’m currently 500 miles away from my girlfriend, and of course opportunity can and will present itself in any number of ways - but sometimes that can be a good thing - demonstrate some control to yourself, heck realize that these people are coming on to you and FORCE them into intelligent conversation… come to think of it, maybe you’ll make a few more friends than you otherwise would have. I wouldn’t recommend sleeping with them. like someone else said, why be with someone who won’t mean a damn to you in a day or two?
Money doesn’t necessarily make a guy a better boyfriend. Neither does age. A hot bod helps, but it’s not everything.
The saddest thing is when a guy spends a lot of money, trying to impress me. I'm around guys (friends) who spend $400-1,000/weekend on excursions and drinks at least once a month, so it's a lil hard to impress me by spending a lot of money.
What'd impress me the most would be: personality, looks (I'm not going to lie and say that I'll date ugly men), good taste, genuine interest in me as a person, respect, and sense of humor. I used to know a guy (much older than me btw) who'd take me to expensive dinners all the time, but he didn't realize that instead of spending $200+/dinner, he could've spent $15-20 on a Pollini CD and impressed me more. (He'd have earned a ton of bonus pts by taking me to a Yo Yo Ma concert or get me some hard-to-find books I want, but that's another matter entirely...) The reason why he never knew I wanted a Pollini CD is becuase he never asked and I never mentioned. He was more interested in talking about himself -- how successful he is, what kind of car he drives (a sleek Mercedes btw which also failed to impress me since he had the most atrocious taste in music and I had to endure it while he drove the car), what kind of condo he owns, blah blah blah. Yawn.
Oh, BTW -- no matter how cute you are, decent and/or smart girls won't date you if you're married or taken. That's just not right. The girls who go for MARRIED/TAKEN men are just sluts who won't mean anything at the end. JMHO.
You’re probably right, but it has manifested itself as a real problem, as my girlfriend has noticed a marked decrease in my desire for sex (she just doesn’t know that it’s as strong as ever – only for other women). I realize you’re right about the fact that every guy feels this way to an EXTENT (and I myself have in the past without it being so strong and problematic). However, it now seems that it’s becoming a real problem, and THAT’S something that I think is unusual, and new to me. I seem to be desiring every physical trait on women that my girlfriend doesn’t have, and they’re NOT traits that I’ve necessarily historically been attracted too – quite the opposite in some cases. My girlfriend is slender and not too busty (B-cup), so I lust after really busty girls. My girlfriend is totally shaven, so I lust after girls who leave it “natural.” My girlfriend is a brunette, so all of a sudden I have a thing for blonds and redheads – just anything DIFFERENT. Am I the only one noticing a problem here? Will my life ALWAYS be like this, in ANY long-term relationship I’m ever in?
We’ve been married over 8 years, and we agree it’s ok to look at the opposite sex, as it gives us the chance to admire them, because we’re not dead, we’re human!! And when we get looked at, it makes us feel good!! I have guys that come into my work, look at my chest and arms; they’re not gay (maybe some of em), they see I work out and know they don’t! That makes me feel good that it shows I’m in shape, etc. And when the girls/women look at me, at work, the mall, etc; I get an even bigger boost, as I’m 49, gray around my temples (not much yet), am married and NOT available for ANY reason~~but to have a young woman at the Hallmark counter, as I buy my wife a romantic card; check me out and look my body up and down for a quick second, is not only natural, but is vital, especially to us who are adamant in our devotion to our spouces! My wife and I talk openly and she is my best friend, and she loves it when she and/or I are admired. Sure, it doesn’t happen every day. Monogamy can be practiced with eyes on otheres, as long as it IS just the eyes!!