[quote]Nominal Prospect wrote:
You’re faced with a very intricate and difficult situation.
Essentially, there’s a power structure involving you and your parents, and you’re currently sitting at the bottom of it.
What needs to happen in order for you to realize your goals is a promotion up the hierarchy ladder, but this will necessarily entail a clash of some sort. You will need to work (and fight, if need be) for the promotion.
Considering the behavior which you have described, it is highly unlikely that your parents will back off or change their minds. Far more likely is the possibility that they will try to impose some new mandate on you in the form of a “compromise.” This is the path which has been recommended to you by several people on this thread, and it is nothing but a trap.
Understand this:
A genuine compromise can only be made when two parties approach one another on equal terms. If the terms are unequal, then there is no need for compromise; the stronger side will devour the weaker. This is a basic law of nature; it is by no means quaint. It applies to all human interactions.
A compromise will result in a net loss on your part, because you are currently the weakest side in this power equation. You will have everything to lose. Your parents, nothing. If, for example, you take the advice of “doing well in school” in order to make a show of your academic devotion, you will find yourself in a constant struggle to keep up the new image while still pursuing your real interests. Your parents will immediately seize on any new mistakes you make and the penalties for these transgressions will increase in severity. The higher they climb, the farther they fall…
Yet, this doesn’t have to be the case. Not if you follow the advice which I’m about to give you. First of all, everything I’ve stated here is under the assumption that your parents are an active obstruction to your goals, rather than a mere nuisance. If this is not the case – if your parents are giving you crap about your habits, but show no signs of forcibly preventing you from achieving them – then learn the art agreeing with the master, then doing as you please.
So this finally brings us to the issue of the necessary clash between you and your parents, the “power restructuring”, if you will. First, you need to ensure that you are psychologically capable of withstanding such a restructuring. If you are weak-willed, then it won’t work work: you need to be in a position of inferiority. If, on the other hand, you can truly understand and accept within yourself the need for a shift in the hierarchy, then it will practically occur of it’s own right. Nature will carry out it’s course; you need only have patience throughout and remain steadfast in your convictions at the moment of greatest danger (this will occur precisely before the power restructuring).
The way to do it is by subtly, yet firmly asserting yourself, your own will, in matters in which both you and your parents currently have a stake (or, at least, in which they percieve they have a stake). During this phase, it will be crucial for you to speak in terms of actions rather than words. Your results and subsequent position on the power hierarchy will be directly tied to the extent that you are able to accomplish this.
The greatest mistake you could make at this time would be an attempt to “argue” your way to victory, to somehow reasonably persuade your parents to yield to your ambitions. A debate is always held on equal terms; one participant never enters it with an edge on his opponent. For this reason, a philosophical debate does not reflect the power structure between you and your parents, and it will be useless for accomplishing your goals. Avoid it at all costs.
Remain aloof and self-assured at all times, yet never outwardly defiant. A strong show of defiance will provoke an equally strong retaliation, a crushing rebuke. This is not what you are aiming for. Your goal is to slowly chip away at the foundation of your parents’ power, so that they won’t notice their diminished position until it’s too late.
I’m addressing this issue from the perspective of social dynamics. It may seem a bit theatrical, but it’s completely legitimate and I’m ready to formally defend my views.[/quote]
That works. It’s exactly why I’m going to be playing junior hockey next year. It does help that my parents are divorced.