Thank you for the idea!! I stole it just now. I was starting to panic on what to get my parents, and a meat + cheese box was the perfect call.
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Resolution Results: 20 Lessons From 2025
I wrote about my 2025 resolution (to be a people displeaser) here. So this is the follow-up. In 2024, I’d already begun saying “no” but it was always tangled up with guilt and self-doubt.
So, the purpose of this resolution was to fix that. It wasn’t to just go out and be spiteful, but to start treating my needs and preferences as valid. Sounds weird, right? Because obviously they are. But when you’ve been chasing approval and sacrificing your well-being to prevent hurting other people’s feelings, you forget that obvious truth.
Rumination was also a problem. I’d lay awake at night re-living conversations, feeling anxious, and fixating on the thoughts and opinions of other people, which I had elevated above my own. It actually makes me a little mad thinking about it.
I’m at fault. I’m responsible for letting that happen, and finally got sick of it. So, I spent 2025 practicing… a little wobbly at first, mistakes galore, but gradually becoming more certain.
And in doing so, what I learned is that when people are expecting you to be accommodating and open, not all of them will welcome the shift. Hence, the “people displeaser” moniker.
So, here are the lessons:
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Say “no thanks” with as few words as possible. Over-explaining invites negotiation. Brevity is your friend.
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You don’t owe anyone an itinerary of your life. If they ask what you’re doing tomorrow default to asking, “Why?” If someone wants you to commit to something say, “let me get back to you.” Don’t panic and slip into automatic-agreeability-mode.
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Repeated pressure after you say “no” is manipulation. Feel the discomfort of their disapproval, stick to your answer, and pay attention to how they respond.
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You’re not responsible for another adult’s emotions. Pity is often a leverage tactic. Don’t reward it.
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You can ghost anyone disrespectful, argumentative, or verbally abusive. Even siblings.
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Approval is mental junk food. Pleasurable, but addictive and corrosive… especially if you crave it from people who don’t respect you and never will.
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When you commit to anything voluntary, be prepared for a bait and switch. The bait (to be helpful and generous with your time) will be lovely at first. Then once you’re committed, you’ll become aware of other expectations that conveniently weren’t mentioned before you said yes.
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Some people will welcome your boundaries and allow you to be of service in a way you can manage. Others will be offended when you opt out of a bait and switch. That discomfort is theirs to resolve.
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Get comfortable being gossiped about, misunderstood, or potentially considered selfish, crazy, or flaky. If it’s going to happen anyway, might as well enjoy it. You’ll sleep better and have more fun.
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Even kindhearted people may try to obligate you to things that aren’t in your best interest. Their compromises don’t have to become yours.
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Squishy, undefined boundaries breed resentment – toward yourself or others. Keep them firm.
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Popularity attracts quiet critics waiting for you to make a mistake. And when you do, they’ll broadcast it either behind your back, or repeatedly to your face to take you down a peg. Own it. But take note of who is rooting for your failure.
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The more reassurance you seek, the less you trust your God-given discernment.
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Caving in to someone’s pressure to do little things you previously said no to – like a food, drink, or activity – will make you believe other people know what’s best for you. Don’t infantilize yourself. Stick to your no. Change your mind on your own terms.
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Just because you’re bending yourself into origami to please and accommodate other people, it doesn’t mean they’ll respect you. In fact, it almost guarantees they won’t.
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Oversharing doesn’t usually increase connection, admiration, or certainty. But it does do a good job elevating anxiety.
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Check your motives. Conforming to something that doesn’t make sense to you is performative. And it can get downright Pharisaical if you’re doing it at church.
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Be careful pointing out your flaws to make other people feel better. Constant self deprecation can turn into insecurity, and playing small makes opportunists think you are theirs to control. Make friends with highly confident women for an iron-sharpening-iron effect.
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Some women want an audience, not a conversation. And if you’re an active listener, they’ll expect you to be available for them to talk at you. Don’t get trapped in a parking lot listening to someone’s labor stories. Actually, new personal boundary: don’t listen to labor stories. At all. Ever.
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If you want to belong to a group but their actions conflict with your values, don’t silence the voice that tells you to question it. Listen to it.
How the List Was Made
I have more than one real life example for each of these lessons because I didn’t learn the first time around. Certain books and podcasts shed light on the underlying mindset that causes a lot of problems. And prayer lead to some difficult realizations.
So, it wasn’t like I’d experience an uncomfortable situation and then know immediately what to do going forward.
With a lot of these lessons, it was more like sensing something was wrong without knowing why, needing permission and reassurance to set boundaries, feeling guilty regardless of how it unfolded, then (sometimes months) later hearing an expert describe a similar dynamic and realizing I wasn’t crazy. Then eventually, I started addressing the underlying thinking instead of endlessly ruminating over individual events.
That last part was key.
I’m convinced though, that God has been correcting me. The occurrence of weirdly sticky situations seemed like it was too frequent to have been purely coincidence. When you’re addicted to approval, you may idolize people’s opinions and positive feedback. You may even place them on pedestals where they don’t belong. I made approval my golden calf and paid for it.
The good news is that I do have genuine friends and healthy acquaintances; people who respect boundaries, encourage agency, and root for the success of others. And it’s mutual.
Honestly, that’s also how I feel overall about the T Nation community too. Even when I’m not very active here, I appreciate what you all bring to the table. You’ve been a delight.
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I love this all SO much!! The God Lessons are the good lessons. 
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It takes a lot of time and effort to be awesome, so I just figure you must be busy. 
.
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Thank you sweet friend! I hope 2026 is packed with adventure and good memories for you. 
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It is always great to chat with you!
December was pretty busy, but also, my hamstring and shoulder injuries got a lot worse even though I was hardly working out, so I’m doing a hard reset and taking 4-6 weeks off. And that means, there’s nothing to really log, except maybe appointments with the chiropractor. 
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That’s a really great list and your growth is inspiring. Of course, you sometimes still need to dance like no one is watching and it is still very important to trust (but verify).
May your 2026 be pleasant and prosperous, and a happy new year to all.
Since I cannot match the erudition of your list, instead I will offer a few quotes mostly from Mark Wolynn that I found resonated.
“Brain scans demonstrate that many of the same neurons and regions of the brain become activated whether we’re imagining an event or actually living it.”
“The emotions, traits, and behaviors we reject in our parents will likely live on in us. It’s our unconscious way of loving them, a way to bring them back into our lives.”
“What I failed to realize at the time is that when we try to resist feeling something painful, we often protract the very pain we’re trying to avoid.”
“In many ways, healing from trauma is akin to creating a poem. Both require the right timing, the right words, and the right image. When these elements align, something meaningful is set into motion that can be felt in the body. To heal, our pacing must be in tune. If we arrive too quickly at an image, it might not take root. If the words that comfort us arrive too early, we might not be ready to take them in. If the words aren’t precise, we might not hear them or resonate with them at all… As Yeats said “Truth first reveals itself through image.” Find the exact right image, and let that inspire you.
“Sometimes, the heart must break in order to open.”
“If you look deeply into the palm of your hand, you will see your parents and all generations of your ancestors. All of them are alive in this moment. Each is present in your body. You are the continuation of each of these people. —Thich Nhat Hanh, A Lifetime of Peace”
“A guru first sells you himself, and then he sells you his system. Great teachers are different. The great teachers know. The truly great ones don’t care whether you believe in their teachings or not. They present a truth, then leave you with yourself to discover your own truth. - Adam Gopnik
“Everything that happens to us has merit, whether we recognize the surface significance of it or not.”
“Perhaps your mother carried a wound from her mother and was unable to give you what she didn’t get. Her parenting skills would be limited by what she did not receive from her parents. The greater truth would be that the love you longed for was not available for your mother to give… Think of your parents and partners as having given you the best love that they had available to them at that time, even if this does not always perfectly match with the love you needed.”
“Cutting off can make you feel free at first, but it’s the false freedom of a childhood defense. Ultimately, it will limit your life experience.”
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Thanks!
Why wait till no one is watching?
I tend to be just as uninhibited when they are. I broke out in dance in the middle of a class yesterday in front of a bunch of dudes at a shooting range. They were amused but not surprised.
Back atcha.
My list wasn’t created for anyone to match it. But discussion is welcome.
I’ve even thought about sharing certain stories that lead to those realizations. One in particular was so bizarrely hilarious it almost became a stand-up bit.
Just to clarify, are your quotes a response to my list, or simply ideas that are significant in your life?
Maybe you can tell me more about their context, what they mean to you, or any personal stories that demonstrate their importance.
My list includes both quotes I simply liked, some things going on in my life or in the past, and some things going on in the lives of people I know. I wouldn’t presume to comment on your personal experiences and no one else can tell your stories. These are yours to tell, and no one else really has that right or ability, but if one is particularly funny I might enjoy hearing it.
Maybe I will tell a story later.
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There is value in taking a systemic approach to people disrespectful of your boundaries.
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HAHA!! That’s so good!!
No workouts to log. Just chiropractic appointments and social time.
I might be losing my gains but I will never lose this yellow dog.
LOVE HER.
LOVE THEM.
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A guy had the flu in one of my shooting classes and then I caught it, so all of my plans went out the window… including chiropractic appointments.
There’s nothing like having the momentum to be disciplined and then not getting to because your immune system won’t hurry up and do its thing.
Roxy’s latest vet visit
She’s now on hypothyroid meds and allergy meds and she’s losing her fur in patches and we’re constantly getting her bloodwork done because she’s always got something weird happening, but she’s still pretty happy when she gets to sit in the people-chairs at the vet’s office.
Roxy says hi again.
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Sending you a big get well hug and lots of prayers!! I hope you’re feeling better!
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Thank you for the prayers! Not quite 100% yet but way better than this weekend. 
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A week ago, my shooting instructor looked red and I said, “looks like you got too much sun!” And he said, “nope, I had the plague.” And then we chuckled and I was glad he didn’t have the plague any longer.
EXCEPT HE DID.
And I caught it. And it is the weirdest thing I’ve ever had. So I’m logging the evolving symptoms of this “plague” since I have no workouts to log.
Day 1-3
Sore throat. I had enough energy to do all my normal work from home, but stayed out of the office and canceled everything: chiro appointments, a shooting competition, a Bible study, and a women’s shooting class.
I thought, “well, I must be beating this thing because the symptoms aren’t getting worse and I have energy!”
Day 4
WRONG. Day four felt like knives in the throat even without swallowing. Did a little work from home until fatigue hit. Napped with a heating pad wrapped around the neck. Developed some itchy lumps on my hand and arm.
Day 5
Sore throat replaced with sinus pressure, severe headache, dry cough, runny nose, aching in the gums/teeth, night sweats, dizziness, and fatigue. Got out of breath walking to another room. Took naps all day. More itchy lumps. Hives?
Day 6
Sinus pressure replaced by intense body aches. Throbbing pain that rotated to different areas. Fatigue when standing or walking. Headache on and off. Itchy lumps still itchy.
Day 7
Energy is coming back. I can walk around the house without needing to pass out. Headache isn’t as bad, and the body aches mainly just feel like joint stiffness and muscle cramps. Taking potassium helped this morning.
But I got out of the shower with a red itchy rash on my neck, chest, and face… which looks just like I “got too much sun.” What a coincidence. So my instructor might’ve been on day 7 of the plague which, if true, means I’m still contagious. So I’m canceling more stuff.
Chris made this using ChatGPT but it should be reversed because this thing kicked my butt. Day 5 was the worst, so at least it’s trending in the right direction.
This has been my mood all weekend:
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haha maybe if she had a rash, an enormous hoodie, jeans, chapped lips, zero makeup, and a red nose from a weekend of Kleenex friction, it’d be more believable.
The huge anthropormized germ is fine though.
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Sorry to hear you are germ ridden, hope you get well soon.
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haha thank you!
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